Feeling sick to my stomach - MORE UPDATES w/ Mom's email to the BP!

I just read through this thread....you poor thing! What an awful thing to have to go through right before your wedding. I really hope that you can get through it and not let it ruin your day....as it sounds like its ruining the time leading up to it.

Marisa, it sounds like your mom is really helping you out here, as moms always do. Good for her and you. I hope and pray that this whole issue just fades away soon.

Marissa,
I just read the entire thread and updates....I haven't had a chance to read it until now.. Im so sorry this is all happening to you.
My feeling is that your MOH is being extremely self centered at this point. Is she very young? Is she married? Im 31 and all my BM MOH are around the same age and have been in a million wedding parties...we/they all know that the bride should never be put in between petty arguments. They all know that it's the brides party/day and that it has nothing to do with their hurt feelings and nonsense!!! You MOH is truely Immature!!!

However...your FSIL should have let this go as well. Knowing that this $40 was upsetting YOU....she should have just said..'the money and the principle of this isnt worth me getting my FSIL upset during the most special time of her life' and she should have dropped it.

Immaturity is the name of their game on both sides!!!!
This really s*cks, I want to take both your MOH and FSIL and bang their heads together and explain what true friendship and family is about!!!!

Stay strong and on the day of your wedding..you'll be sooo busy dancing and loving your DH that u wont even notice if they are bickering in the corner!!!!! Lots of

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Posted by wifetobe

Marissa,
I just read the entire thread and updates....I haven't had a chance to read it until now.. Im so sorry this is all happening to you.
My feeling is that your MOH is being extremely self centered at this point. Is she very young? Is she married? Im 31 and all my BM MOH are around the same age and have been in a million wedding parties...we/they all know that the bride should never be put in between petty arguments. They all know that it's the brides party/day and that it has nothing to do with their hurt feelings and nonsense!!! You MOH is truely Immature!!!

However...your FSIL should have let this go as well. Knowing that this $40 was upsetting YOU....she should have just said..'the money and the principle of this isnt worth me getting my FSIL upset during the most special time of her life' and she should have dropped it.

Immaturity is the name of their game on both sides!!!!
This really s*cks, I want to take both your MOH and FSIL and bang their heads together and explain what true friendship and family is about!!!!

Stay strong and on the day of your wedding..you'll be sooo busy dancing and loving your DH that u wont even notice if they are bickering in the corner!!!!! Lots of

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Thanks, sweetie!!! I agree with you 100%. I can't wait to go home from work today and help my mom write this lovely email LOL! Mom-Zilla is about to be unleashed - look out, world LOL!

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Posted by RisiLeigh

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Posted by wifetobe

Marissa,
I just read the entire thread and updates....I haven't had a chance to read it until now.. Im so sorry this is all happening to you.
My feeling is that your MOH is being extremely self centered at this point. Is she very young? Is she married? Im 31 and all my BM MOH are around the same age and have been in a million wedding parties...we/they all know that the bride should never be put in between petty arguments. They all know that it's the brides party/day and that it has nothing to do with their hurt feelings and nonsense!!! You MOH is truely Immature!!!

However...your FSIL should have let this go as well. Knowing that this $40 was upsetting YOU....she should have just said..'the money and the principle of this isnt worth me getting my FSIL upset during the most special time of her life' and she should have dropped it.

Immaturity is the name of their game on both sides!!!!
This really s*cks, I want to take both your MOH and FSIL and bang their heads together and explain what true friendship and family is about!!!!

Stay strong and on the day of your wedding..you'll be sooo busy dancing and loving your DH that u wont even notice if they are bickering in the corner!!!!! Lots of

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Thanks, sweetie!!! I agree with you 100%. I can't wait to go home from work today and help my mom write this lovely email LOL! Mom-Zilla is about to be unleashed - look out, world LOL!

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Good luck!! keep us posted!!!

how awful so sorry hun- i think everyone is being selfish and should really settle their differences without involving you- try to isolate yourself for a while

your mom is amazing! sending you lots of hang in there!

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Posted by futuremrsfab

your mom is amazing! sending you lots of hang in there!

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Aww thanks! Yeah, she's pretty great! I love her more than anything else for helping me get thru all this!

My rockin' mother's email to the BP:

OK, boys and girls, I'm going have to clue you all in on something, and hope that no one gets offended. But I have to think of Marisa right now, and she's all I care about.

Ever since the shower, Marisa has been dealing with issues that should never have concerned her. She's been putting on a pretty good act for some of you, but the truth of the matter is that she hasn't been able to eat or sleep, and is living on Xanax. Just today we had to visit her doctor to get the meds increased, because they weren't helping her at all. She cannot go on like this or she's going to end up in the hospital, instead of walking down the aisle on what should be the most perfect, beautiful day of her life.

Now that all the monies have been paid, or will be shortly, I'm hoping that the word 'money' never gets mentioned again, to Marisa or to anyone else. Nor the word 'shower' since that has some unpleasant memories for some people. Not that it wasn't a beautiful shower, but there was some drama and we don't need to re-hash it.

I know that you don't all get along, and at this point, I really don't care. I need everyone to practice their acting skills over the next few weeks so you can all put on a big smile and hopefully we all will be able to enjoy the day. You also need to curtail any snide comments, dirty looks, rolling of the eyes, or any other facial expression that would give Marisa a clue as to the way you are really feeling. I am going to be watching (along with some enlisted help from various family members) for any signs of trouble brewing and hopefully will be able to nip anything in the bud. Everyone involved has to remember that this day is about Marisa and Jimmy and NO ONE ELSE!!!!!

I know some of you would like to try to work things out, but at this point I believe it's best to just leave it alone! No emails, no phone calls, no further communication between any of the bridal party. There really is no need to correspond until the rehearsal and dinner, and even then, it should be kept to the barest minimum. Of course, S, L, L and J are allowed to speak to each other! LOL! You will notice that Marisa's name is not on the list of recipients of this email. That is because she has no idea that I'm writing this. At this point, she doesn't want to know about anything else that might go on and for her own sanity, I totally agree with her decision. Her health and well-being is the most important thing and it's been killing me to see her go through this. I've felt like my hands were tied and I couldn't help her. But then I came up with this plan to contact all of you, so please honor her wishes and mine and let it go. Do not mention any of this to Marisa!!! If you feel the need to reply to this email, reply to me ONLY, and not to each other, because I don't want things getting stirred up again.

I'm sorry if I have offended anyone, but I needed you all to know what's really been going on. If I have said it once, I've said it 10 times: Marisa is all I care about, and if you guys cannot manage to come together for her and Jimmy's sakes, then maybe you should take this time between now and August 21 to do some soul-searching so you can do what we all know, deep in our hearts, is right.

Love,
J (or Mom)

Your mom rocks very powerful email. Well said mom I truly hope this settles everything now. Aren't moms the greatest

Great email from mom -- I hope this is the end of the nonsense.

Try to forget all about it and enjoy your day.

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Posted by RisiLeigh

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Posted by JBoothIn2008

Can YOU just give FSIL the $40 and end it??? Tell FSIL your MOH is upset about this and you don't want anything interfering with your friendship with her, and you also don't want any hard feelings at the RH or the wedding, so you're giving it to her. End. of. story.

OR -- if you think FSIL won't take it if she knows it's from you - say it's from the MOH.

Regardless of how the money is moved, I think you need to speak to them ALL and let them know that it's causing you a LOT of stress and you do not want any of them saying one bad word about the others at your RH or at the wedding. Or anywhere, really. They need to be told this is selfish and it's YOUR day and that it needs to end. You can do it nicely but firmly, I think. Let them know you love them but that they need to understand it's your wedding day and you need things to go smoothly so that it can be the day you have always dreamed of.

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Thanks, Jen. I actually WANT to give FSIL the money and say it's from MOH, and then tell MOH that FSIL said to forget about it. She swears that she'll find out if I do that, and she'll be even more hurt and be unable to forgive me. As of when we hung up last night, MOH was crying and said for me to just give her the money but that she isn't coming to the RD. That REALLY doesn't work for me, either, but if I HAD to, I could get her out of the dinner. Her mom is actually having major surgery that day, so it wouldn't even be a lie to tell them that she can only come to the rehearsal and not the dinner part. But, if she plans to be miserable at the rehearsal itself and then the next day at the wedding, there is just no point in her even being in the party. Giving the money is what will make her miserable - but not giving it will just keep this going and it will never end - AND I NEED IT TO END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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WOW what is wrong with your FSIL, she needs to just stop seriously. This isn't about her and is acting very childish. If she decided to add extra things at the shower thats her problem and should just suck it up.

What i would do is go to FSIL hand her $40 and say here you go, i am giving you the $40 to end all this non-sense and BS going on bc of my wedding. So here are the $40 that have caused me so much anxiety, hurt and disappointment and again all this for just $40. Make her feel ridiculous for doing all this for $40. Ask if now that she has her $40 if you can go on with planning and finally be excited for your wedding again instead of being miserable. Then leave saying glad that now she is happy she has what she wanted, because what really matters with your wedding is that she is happy

wow....your mothers email brought tears to my eyes. I am so so sorry this has all happened to you.
Good luck you are such a pretty girl and will be a lovely bride.

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Posted by RisiLeigh

Well, my mother wrote MOH back and said that we're giving FH the money today (FH had already given it to FSIL). MOH is VERY hurt and angry that my mother is doing that but it is what it is. She told my mom that she would NEVER back down as my MOH, it's just that she doesn't feel like one (thanks to FSIL taking over the shower planning).

I went to my primary care doc this morning w/ my mom and asked her about changing the dosages on my meds. She doesn't like the idea of me taking MORE meds for the next 5 weeks; she'd rather me see my therapist more often instead, but she reluctantly changed the dosages for me. I am going to see my therapist once a week until our wedding day though, too, just to keep me somewhat sane (I hope).

My mom is also going to write an email tonight to all 4 girls in the BP, plus FMIL & FH. She is going to write as 'Mom-Zilla' LOL and basically tell everyone that they can hate each other all they want but they damn well better put on Oscar-winning performances at the RD and day-of. She is going to suggest that they don't even talk to or go near each other (except for pics of course). And she is going to tell them to stop talking to me about all of this b/c it's making me sick, etc.

Keep your fingers crossed that it works and that I can have a normal life again!!!

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can i just ask a question...why is your FSIL taking over everything. If i were the MOH i would be upset about this. Even as a bm it can be hard to deal with the MOH taking over everything and not involving bm's. if somebody does want to take over whether its the MOH or whomever, then they need to involve everybody...not take over just to take all the credit for doing the work, plan everything themselves and just turn to the bp and ask only for the money. If they ask for the money then they should at least be involved.

I don't know i might be wrong but seems like your FSIL is very controlling. If your MOH has been friends with you for so long then this is something she has been looking forward to. Seems like maybe the FSIL needs to be reminded she is NOT the MOH.

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by RisiLeigh

Well, my mother wrote MOH back and said that we're giving FH the money today (FH had already given it to FSIL). MOH is VERY hurt and angry that my mother is doing that but it is what it is. She told my mom that she would NEVER back down as my MOH, it's just that she doesn't feel like one (thanks to FSIL taking over the shower planning).

I went to my primary care doc this morning w/ my mom and asked her about changing the dosages on my meds. She doesn't like the idea of me taking MORE meds for the next 5 weeks; she'd rather me see my therapist more often instead, but she reluctantly changed the dosages for me. I am going to see my therapist once a week until our wedding day though, too, just to keep me somewhat sane (I hope).

My mom is also going to write an email tonight to all 4 girls in the BP, plus FMIL & FH. She is going to write as 'Mom-Zilla' LOL and basically tell everyone that they can hate each other all they want but they damn well better put on Oscar-winning performances at the RD and day-of. She is going to suggest that they don't even talk to or go near each other (except for pics of course). And she is going to tell them to stop talking to me about all of this b/c it's making me sick, etc.

Keep your fingers crossed that it works and that I can have a normal life again!!!

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can i just ask a question...why is your FSIL taking over everything. If i were the MOH i would be upset about this. Even as a bm it can be hard to deal with the MOH taking over everything and not involving bm's. if somebody does want to take over whether its the MOH or whomever, then they need to involve everybody...not take over just to take all the credit for doing the work, plan everything themselves and just turn to the bp and ask only for the money. If they ask for the money then they should at least be involved.

I don't know i might be wrong but seems like your FSIL is very controlling. If your MOH has been friends with you for so long then this is something she has been looking forward to. Seems like maybe the FSIL needs to be reminded she is NOT the MOH.

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This has been my thinking...I completely agree with everything you said here and the previous response. You said it better than I have. Well, hopefully the e-mail will get the message across to everyone.

I hope this help you. Your mom is an angel & I am glad someone is being level headed 7 looking out for you. & hopefully the rest of the group will STOP being passive aggressive & put on their big girl pant*es & just take the bull by the horn & do things right.

ooo boy I am edgy tonight.. should go to bed.

but seriously I am sorry they are affecting you & truly hope this is the end of it!