Feeling sick to my stomach - MORE UPDATES w/ Mom's email to the BP!

Original post by RisiLeigh

Jul 12, 2008 11:41 AM

So I know I've posted about what a nightmare my shower was due to drama between my MOH and my FSIL (BM). Essentially, FSIL took over and did everything. My MOH and other BM did nothing except hand over $200... well let me rephrase... my MOH handed over the money. FSIL is still waiting on most of the money from my BM.

Because I didn't want to know anything that was going on, everyone has all these pent up feelings and emotions. Well, last night, FH pretty much exploded on me. He told me that it's not right what my MOH and BM are doing. That if FSIL had let them plan the shower it would've been a misery and I wouldn't have been happy at all. He kept saying, 'What goes around, comes around,' which means what?? When it's their turn, he's going to limit what I do for them and how much I spend??? I could not even speak... I sat there at the table shaking like a leaf - I couldn't even look at him. He knew how upset I was and he's like, 'Now I'm getting annoyed so I'm going out for a cig.' Well good for you! What about how I feel now that you let it all out into my lap????? So he called FSIL and told her he told me. She is SO angry with him and she kept trying to tell me 'what really happened' but I also know 'what really happened' from my MOH and BM. So what am I sposed to do now???

I am PETRIFIED that this drama will come out at the RD and then the wedding day (the next time they are all together) even though they're all swearing to me that it won't. Yes well, they swore that about my shower too, and it happened.

I feel absolutely sick to my stomach! I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday. I took a Xanax but it's not doing a whole lot. I'm not really mad at FH for telling me, but what DOES bother me is how he feels about my 2 best friends b/c of all this. They are such a big part of my life, whether he and his family hate them or not! I just feel sick and I don't even know what to do anymore. And, I am alone all weekend b/c my parents are away and FH has some other things going on. So that isn't exactly keeping my mind occupied! Thank goodness I am going to my therapist Monday night. I think I am going to ask her if I can extend my session for like 5 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, ladies. I know this is long but I just really needed to get it out.

Celest Posted: Jul 14, 2008 04:05 PM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

I will be sending you my best wishes. It ***** that you are in the middle of that. Hopefully It will be get better soon!

RisiLeigh Posted: Jul 15, 2008 11:07 AM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

IT NEVER ENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOW, my MOH's mom came up with what they think is a brilliant plan!!! MOH will write FSIL an email telling her that she will get her $40 AFTER August 22 (our wedding date) ONLY if she stops emailing her, doesn't talk to her nasty, doesn't LOOK at her nasty, doesn't spill champagne on her dress (yes, MOH REALLY thinks she'd do this to her), etc. Her logic is that if FSIL only wants the money, then none of this should be a problem. Oh yeah, and MOH doesn't want to go to the RD, either.

OMG... I cannot even handle this. And now, MOH is just sick to HER stomach and crying b/c she feels like no one is standing in her corner (including me) and no one is supporting or defending her. My parents are LIVID! I am NEVER EVER a selfish person but in this ONE time in my life, I am going to be selfish. If MOH can't tell me that she can go to the rehearsal and the wedding w/ a smile on her face, she needs to take herself out of my bridal party. It is KILLING me to even type that, but I just can't do this!!!!

My therapist last night agrees that MOH needs to give FSIL to just end this (of course, that was before MOH told me about this LOVELY plan). I am so sick...

DeeluvsVinny Posted: Jul 15, 2008 11:10 AM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

OMG...why is everyone being so selfish? This is YOUR wedding..the ONE time of your life you shouldn't have to deal with this BS!! Can one of your other BMs talk to the MOH to make her see what this is doing to you?? I feel terrible for you!!

Gigi08 Posted: Jul 15, 2008 11:14 AM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

At this point, I would take the $40 out of my own pocket and tell the MOH and FSIL to cut the BS, get over it and suck it up for two freakin' days...and end it already! Tell both of them you don't want to hear another word about it. I kind of understand your MOH's anxiety about the situation if your FSIL is really that type of person. But it needs to just stop now. Sorry, if that sounds harsh, but this should NOT be what your are stressing about at this point.

RisiLeigh Posted: Jul 15, 2008 11:16 AM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

Posted by DeeluvsVinny

OMG...why is everyone being so selfish? This is YOUR wedding..the ONE time of your life you shouldn't have to deal with this BS!! Can one of your other BMs talk to the MOH to make her see what this is doing to you?? I feel terrible for you!!

Well, there are 3 other BMs, 2 of whom are FSILs so they won't talk to her (or rather, they would but she'd never want to hear it from them). Our mutual friend is the other BM and MOH is sort of annoyed at her, too, for not sticking up for her. I may have my mother call her or write her an email but I don't know yet.

RisiLeigh Posted: Jul 15, 2008 11:17 AM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

Posted by Gigi08

At this point, I would take the $40 out of my own pocket and tell the MOH and FSIL to cut the BS, get over it and suck it up for two freakin' days...and end it already! Tell both of them you don't want to hear another word about it. I kind of understand your MOH's anxiety about the situation if your FSIL is really that type of person. But it needs to just stop now. Sorry, if that sounds harsh, but this should NOT be what your are stressing about at this point.

I WANT to do that!!! But my MOH does NOT want her getting the money purely b/c of the crap she put her thru during the shower planning. But of course FSIL will tell you she did nothing wrong and MOH was the problem during the planning. I seriously want to elope... I hate them all right now!
And I can't even tell FH any of this b/c he'd FLIP out on my MOH.

DeeluvsVinny Posted: Jul 15, 2008 11:20 AM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

I think your MOH is being really childish. It's $40 dollars! And your sanity and happiness of your freakin wedding day! Is she your BFF? I would seriously tell her that you can't deal with this..either give the money and get over it, or get out of the wedding!

RisiLeigh Posted: Jul 15, 2008 11:24 AM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

Posted by DeeluvsVinny

I think your MOH is being really childish. It's $40 dollars! And your sanity and happiness of your freakin wedding day! Is she your BFF? I would seriously tell her that you can't deal with this..either give the money and get over it, or get out of the wedding!

Yes, she's my BFF. She claims to love me so much yet she's acting like this. I haven't eaten in days and I am living on Xanax which isn't even helping! I just cannot believe that my wedding might be what comes between our 10-year friendship.

Gigi08 Posted: Jul 15, 2008 11:27 AM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

That's why I say I would just give her the $40...even though she shouldn't have to. After the wedding, decide how you will deal with your MOH/friend. Keep in mind, this is your FSIL and will be family, so that is a little more of a delicate situation. Maybe tell your MOH you understand her feelings, but as your friend you are asking her to put it aside to get through the wedding. Give your FH the money and ask him to give it to his sister and have a talk with her. Or maybe like you mentioned, since your FH is really being too supportive, ask your mom to talk with her...maybe she can appeal to her.

Gigi08 Posted: Jul 15, 2008 11:29 AM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

Posted by RisiLeigh

Posted by DeeluvsVinny

I think your MOH is being really childish. It's $40 dollars! And your sanity and happiness of your freakin wedding day! Is she your BFF? I would seriously tell her that you can't deal with this..either give the money and get over it, or get out of the wedding!

Yes, she's my BFF. She claims to love me so much yet she's acting like this. I haven't eaten in days and I am living on Xanax which isn't even helping! I just cannot believe that my wedding might be what comes between our 10-year friendship.

Try not to let this ruin your friendship. Even though she may be behaving selfishly, it sounds like your FSIL definitely set the tone for this whole thing.

catsgirl Posted: Jul 15, 2008 11:29 AM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

RisiLeigh Posted: Jul 15, 2008 11:47 AM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

Posted by Gigi08

Posted by RisiLeigh

Yes, she's my BFF. She claims to love me so much yet she's acting like this. I haven't eaten in days and I am living on Xanax which isn't even helping! I just cannot believe that my wedding might be what comes between our 10-year friendship.

Try not to let this ruin your friendship. Even though she may be behaving selfishly, it sounds like your FSIL definitely set the tone for this whole thing.

FSIL definitely did set the tone but no one seems to understand that and I am NOT gonna be the one to tell her that and have her be mad at ME. That is part of MOH's problem - that no one other than her will say a word to FSIL.

TrueLoveIn2008 Posted: Jul 15, 2008 11:59 AM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

Posted by RisiLeigh

Posted by DeeluvsVinny

I think your MOH is being really childish. It's $40 dollars! And your sanity and happiness of your freakin wedding day! Is she your BFF? I would seriously tell her that you can't deal with this..either give the money and get over it, or get out of the wedding!

Yes, she's my BFF. She claims to love me so much yet she's acting like this. I haven't eaten in days and I am living on Xanax which isn't even helping! I just cannot believe that my wedding might be what comes between our 10-year friendship.

Can YOU just give FSIL the $40 and end it??? Tell FSIL your MOH is upset about this and you don't want anything interfering with your friendship with her, and you also don't want any hard feelings at the RH or the wedding, so you're giving it to her. End. of. story.

OR -- if you think FSIL won't take it if she knows it's from you - say it's from the MOH.

Regardless of how the money is moved, I think you need to speak to them ALL and let them know that it's causing you a LOT of stress and you do not want any of them saying one bad word about the others at your RH or at the wedding. Or anywhere, really. They need to be told this is selfish and it's YOUR day and that it needs to end. You can do it nicely but firmly, I think. Let them know you love them but that they need to understand it's your wedding day and you need things to go smoothly so that it can be the day you have always dreamed of.

RisiLeigh Posted: Jul 15, 2008 12:11 PM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

Posted by JBoothIn2008

Can YOU just give FSIL the $40 and end it??? Tell FSIL your MOH is upset about this and you don't want anything interfering with your friendship with her, and you also don't want any hard feelings at the RH or the wedding, so you're giving it to her. End. of. story.

OR -- if you think FSIL won't take it if she knows it's from you - say it's from the MOH.

Regardless of how the money is moved, I think you need to speak to them ALL and let them know that it's causing you a LOT of stress and you do not want any of them saying one bad word about the others at your RH or at the wedding. Or anywhere, really. They need to be told this is selfish and it's YOUR day and that it needs to end. You can do it nicely but firmly, I think. Let them know you love them but that they need to understand it's your wedding day and you need things to go smoothly so that it can be the day you have always dreamed of.

Thanks, Jen. I actually WANT to give FSIL the money and say it's from MOH, and then tell MOH that FSIL said to forget about it. She swears that she'll find out if I do that, and she'll be even more hurt and be unable to forgive me. As of when we hung up last night, MOH was crying and said for me to just give her the money but that she isn't coming to the RD. That REALLY doesn't work for me, either, but if I HAD to, I could get her out of the dinner. Her mom is actually having major surgery that day, so it wouldn't even be a lie to tell them that she can only come to the rehearsal and not the dinner part. But, if she plans to be miserable at the rehearsal itself and then the next day at the wedding, there is just no point in her even being in the party. Giving the money is what will make her miserable - but not giving it will just keep this going and it will never end - AND I NEED IT TO END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gigi08 Posted: Jul 15, 2008 12:49 PM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

Posted by JBoothIn2008

Posted by RisiLeigh

Posted by DeeluvsVinny

I think your MOH is being really childish. It's $40 dollars! And your sanity and happiness of your freakin wedding day! Is she your BFF? I would seriously tell her that you can't deal with this..either give the money and get over it, or get out of the wedding!

Yes, she's my BFF. She claims to love me so much yet she's acting like this. I haven't eaten in days and I am living on Xanax which isn't even helping! I just cannot believe that my wedding might be what comes between our 10-year friendship.

Can YOU just give FSIL the $40 and end it??? Tell FSIL your MOH is upset about this and you don't want anything interfering with your friendship with her, and you also don't want any hard feelings at the RH or the wedding, so you're giving it to her. End. of. story.

OR -- if you think FSIL won't take it if she knows it's from you - say it's from the MOH.

Regardless of how the money is moved, I think you need to speak to them ALL and let them know that it's causing you a LOT of stress and you do not want any of them saying one bad word about the others at your RH or at the wedding. Or anywhere, really. They need to be told this is selfish and it's YOUR day and that it needs to end. You can do it nicely but firmly, I think. Let them know you love them but that they need to understand it's your wedding day and you need things to go smoothly so that it can be the day you have always dreamed of.

Well said! At this point, it shouldn't matter where it comes from. It's probably best if MOH isn't at the rehearsal dinner, and it's certainly understandable if her mother is having surgery that day. Good luck and I hope you feel better about everything.

RisiLeigh Posted: Jul 16, 2008 11:46 AM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - UPDATE

SO! My mother wrote an email to MOH last night. I helped her write it, but she told MOH that I didn't know about it. She basically told MOH that she needs to fix this, and this is MY day and if she cannot be the bigger person and smile at the RD and wedding, than maybe she should step down as MOH. She also told her that part of the MOH's duties are to make the bride's life easier, not more difficult.

Well, MOH wrote back late last night and essentially the entire email was about her and how SHE feels abused and why should SHE have to fix this when FSIL started everything, etc. And no one is saying a thing to FSIL, blah blah blah. Her email to my mom didn't resolve a thing, all she did was vent about what we already know.

My mom is going to write her back again later tonight and tell her that FSIL needs to be given the money, end of story. We will pay it so she doesn't have to, but it needs to be done. If she REALLY does not want to come to the RD then I can get her out of it, since her mom is having surgery that day anyway. I am telling my mother to tell MOH that, since this whole thing is affecting HER (MOH's) health (she's been crying and throwing up too), that she needs to do what's best for her at this point, even if it means bowing out of the BP altogether!!! I am trying to do everything I can here, with the exception of telling off FSIL, which is really what I think my MOH wants! Even if I were not the bride, I am NOT and never will be a confrontational person! Plus, yes, as much as it ***** what FSIL did to MOH during the planning of the shower, she still threw me a very nice shower! I cannot forget that part, either! Please just shoot me now.

RisiLeigh Posted: Jul 17, 2008 01:39 PM

Re: Vent - feeling sick to my stomach - long - MORE UPDATES

Well, my mother wrote MOH back and said that we're giving FH the money today (FH had already given it to FSIL). MOH is VERY hurt and angry that my mother is doing that but it is what it is. She told my mom that she would NEVER back down as my MOH, it's just that she doesn't feel like one (thanks to FSIL taking over the shower planning).

I went to my primary care doc this morning w/ my mom and asked her about changing the dosages on my meds. She doesn't like the idea of me taking MORE meds for the next 5 weeks; she'd rather me see my therapist more often instead, but she reluctantly changed the dosages for me. I am going to see my therapist once a week until our wedding day though, too, just to keep me somewhat sane (I hope).

My mom is also going to write an email tonight to all 4 girls in the BP, plus FMIL & FH. She is going to write as 'Mom-Zilla' LOL and basically tell everyone that they can hate each other all they want but they damn well better put on Oscar-winning performances at the RD and day-of. She is going to suggest that they don't even talk to or go near each other (except for pics of course). And she is going to tell them to stop talking to me about all of this b/c it's making me sick, etc.

Keep your fingers crossed that it works and that I can have a normal life again!!!

Mici n KC Posted: Jul 17, 2008 01:41 PM

Re: Feeling sick to my stomach - MORE UPDATES

Posted by Gigi08

At this point, I would take the $40 out of my own pocket and tell the MOH and FSIL to cut the BS, get over it and suck it up for two freakin' days...and end it already! Tell both of them you don't want to hear another word about it. I kind of understand your MOH's anxiety about the situation if your FSIL is really that type of person. But it needs to just stop now. Sorry, if that sounds harsh, but this should NOT be what your are stressing about at this point.

I agree.

MrsJ08 Posted: Jul 17, 2008 01:43 PM

Re: Feeling sick to my stomach - MORE UPDATES

Go Mom!! Hope it all works out !!

Snick n Nick Posted: Jul 17, 2008 01:44 PM

Re: Feeling sick to my stomach - MORE UPDATES

Marissa I hope it all starts to work out! Sounds like you Mom is stepping up to the plate and really trying to iron this out for you--good for Mom! Someone had to be the bad guy and it shouldn't be you, she's the MOB, what can they really say about her! Go MOB! And I know it's hard but try to let your Mom deal with it and you walk away....hopefully they will heed your mom's email and STOP talking to you about it!!!