FH involvement with planning ????

I wanted to ask you guys how involved our FH's are in the wedding planning process. I have assigned two things to my FH thusfar, and have ended up doing both of them myself in the end b/c he procrastinates, and then tells me he doesn't have time. But then gets annoyed with me when I do it. I do it b/c I don't want to wait another two weeks to a month before he 'manages' to do it. AHHHH!!!!

He isn't making things simpler and less stressful. he is making them more complicated, time consuming and way more stressful. I love him don't get me wrong but this is a major major thing to me b/c I feel that he should be making things *easier*, not *harder*.

Once he ensured that he got all the guests on the list he wanted (and a wedding 100 ppl larger than I ever wanted), and was happy with the venue, he lost all interest and desire to be helpful. I'm feeling that he is being very selfish and am definitely getting resentful that I'm going to do everything or else I will spend the rest of the time frustrated and angry and he just doesn't get it.

I asked him to look into the music, and he claimed he had no time this week. Yet, somehow he managed to update his sirius radio, talk to his friend about fantasy baseball draft, watch tv, play online video games, and read the news online. When he did finally call the dj get from his co-worker who just got married (after i reminded him for the third time over the past month to get the info), all he did was find out what days we could check them out. No times, no potential appts, just that. Then, he told me he had no time today to call them back to book the appt.

Am I being unreasonoable? Am I blowing things out of proprotion? Now I know you girls arent' therapists (or, maybe some of you are) but I just need an external opionion and to see if this is typical. not that it makes it okay but at least its not a bad sign, perhaps....????

My FH helps out a lot and I love it. He is so involved in our wedding planning it is great.

nah he wasnt
and whenever i tried to get him involved he turned it into a stressful experience SO i decided to do all my planning with my cousin and sister and we had a great time with it

choose your battles!

I will say that most men like to wait until the last minute to do everything.

My brother says they do this because if they do things right away then they know you are just going to ask them to do more things. Makes sense but still annoying.

I used to get so upset with my FH about this but then I realized that I need to set a deadline. If he does it two minutes before the deadline I am happy because at least he did it and I try not to remind him because then he feels like I don't trust him.

I hope that you don't let this add stress to your planning.

sorry you are going thru that. that stinks

for me it was very very very important that DH was involved---and luckily for me he felt the same way. he didn't choose the dress---otherwise he was involved in just about every single decision. (he even took me to hair / MU trials!)

perhaps you should let your FH know that this is hurting your feelings and adding more stress to the situation

MY FH hasn't done a thing. And honestly, it may sound harsh, but it's really best that way, in my case anyway. When it comes to planning events and organizing, I do my best work on my own.

Now did I ask him his opinion on major things just to make sure he agreed, of course. But I didn't wait for him to do anything or look for anything. It helps though that we very much have the same taste. He trusts me with my decisions.

But, if you ask him to do things and he says he will, I'd be upset. Do you really need him to do them though, or do you just want him to be involved? Because if it's the latter, as much as you might dislike it, you may just have to suck it up and do it yourself so it gets done.

hey.. i'm sorry u'r having difficulty.. but i wanna just off u a look at the other side of the table.. u know the sayin be careful what you wish for....

my fh.. is SUPER involved.. can u say GROOMZILLA??? we have gone to 7.. YES 7 limo companies.. and haven't booked one yet.. he initially planed on spending about 4k on limos.. yes 4k.. how many limos was he renting do u ask? 2

we went to 8 videographers,and photographers. and after we settled on 12th night ... LOVED 12th night. signed a contract with 12th night for x amount of dollars... i sent him alone to go pick out a photographer, and e came back with a new add on for another 350 dollars.

he wants a costume change in the middle of the reception so we can do a dance routine a la dancing with the stars.

he wants a VIP section for the reception complete with velvet ropes and a bouncer..

he has over 100 people on his list ALONE.. with another 50 for his folks (who haven't contributed a dime)

he tried to get a friend of a friend to hire funk master flex as our dj.

when i told him NO.. he the budged 3500 for a dj that would have strobe light, smoke machines, roaming lights, a monogram on the floor,a television screen for live video feed, and sunglasses, hats, and beaded necklaces like mardi gras

he wanted top hats and tails on the tuxedos.

he wanted the dj to spontaneously re-announce over and over during the night.. 'and once again ladies and gentleman.. introducing... MR. D...... (notice it wasn't mr. and mrs.. it was just MR!)



now.. i know it's nice for fh to be involved.. i wouldn't say don't let him be..and def wouldn't say don't want him to be... but i gotta warn ya... from someone living on the other side... it ain't all that pretty..

Yes, I do believe it's a guy. When I'm on the internet browsing for some things and ask him for his opinion, it's like talking to the wall especially if he's playing his Xbox Live. It was annoying and frustrating at the beginning but hey, I got use to it and now it's ALL my decision. I'll order samples of things and then I'll show him but other than that I explore on my own.

Men....u can't live with them and u can't live without them.... unreal

u know what is good about the whole thing though???? if he doesnt want to get involved, that means that you get to pick everything out that YOU want!! no bickering,differences of opinions. its all you girl!!!

That's right Deanna. Yay to the Brides....

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Posted by Bride2Be824

That's right Deanna. Yay to the Brides....

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YAY!!!! its all about the brides

That's hysterical

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Posted by iwannabmrsD

my fh.. is SUPER involved.. can u say GROOMZILLA???

he wants a costume change in the middle of the reception so we can do a dance routine a la dancing with the stars.

he wants a VIP section for the reception complete with velvet ropes and a bouncer..

he has over 100 people on his list ALONE.. with another 50 for his folks (who haven't contributed a dime)

he tried to get a friend of a friend to hire funk master flex as our dj.

he wanted top hats and tails on the tuxedos.

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O! M! G!

That is toooooo crazy! Yes, I guess it could be a much different experience! You must be an absolute saint!

I think the thing that bothers me the most is how he keeps saying that he wants to be involved, he wants to be a part of it, so I give him an 'assignment' because I feel I am fulfilling his wish to be involved and have a part of the planning, but then when he doesn't do it or thinks it's okay to wait until the last minute to do something.

I am just going to tell him that I will do everything and to stop saying he wants to be involved b/c he doesn't want to and he's proven that by the way he's done nothing I've given him to do. I'll ask for his opinion, but save myself the aggravation of thinking he's going to help. I will have to change my expectations (albeit, expectiations HE set in my mind)

Kellybean, they are like children indeed. grown men who supposedly rule the world (or at least the corporate world) and yet they are absolute children at home. it's nuts.

Very wise, ant n tilde......pick my battles

Hmmm........I really should change my perception of the situation. You are so right Deanna n Dave!!! I get to have it all my way ! It is so nice when i think of it that way.....

Thanks girls!!!! You guys are awesome, I totally feel better about this. It's not a disaster! Yippee!

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Posted by karabara

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Posted by iwannabmrsD

my fh.. is SUPER involved.. can u say GROOMZILLA???

he wants a costume change in the middle of the reception so we can do a dance routine a la dancing with the stars.

he wants a VIP section for the reception complete with velvet ropes and a bouncer..

he has over 100 people on his list ALONE.. with another 50 for his folks (who haven't contributed a dime)

he tried to get a friend of a friend to hire funk master flex as our dj.

he wanted top hats and tails on the tuxedos.

---

O! M! G!

That is toooooo crazy! Yes, I guess it could be a much different experience! You must be an absolute saint!

I think the thing that bothers me the most is how he keeps saying that he wants to be involved, he wants to be a part of it, so I give him an 'assignment' because I feel I am fulfilling his wish to be involved and have a part of the planning, but then when he doesn't do it or thinks it's okay to wait until the last minute to do something.

I am just going to tell him that I will do everything and to stop saying he wants to be involved b/c he doesn't want to and he's proven that by the way he's done nothing I've given him to do. I'll ask for his opinion, but save myself the aggravation of thinking he's going to help. I will have to change my expectations (albeit, expectiations HE set in my mind)

Kellybean, they are like children indeed. grown men who supposedly rule the world (or at least the corporate world) and yet they are absolute children at home. it's nuts.

Very wise, ant n tilde......pick my battles

Hmmm........I really should change my perception of the situation. You are so right Deanna n Dave!!! I get to have it all my way ! It is so nice when i think of it that way.....

Thanks girls!!!! You guys are awesome, I totally feel better about this. It's not a disaster! Yippee!

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glad you are feeling better!! i just think of it that way, and if FH complains about something that he doesnt like then........ 'too bad, you dont want to help me'

heehee! you are too too funny!! i am going to channel you next time i'm frustrated