FH involvement with planning ????

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Posted by karabara

heehee! you are too too funny!! i am going to channel you next time i'm frustrated

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ill be here!!!

FH has 'sorta' helped with the whole planning. And when I say sorta, thats cause I didn't even give him the choice to see vendors with me. HE HAD TO COME. Except for the flowers, which he refused. BUT he definatly has his imput where money is concerned!!! I have also heard many times 'why do we need that'??? and 'isn't that a waste of money' LOL
He did however pick out out invites!!!! AND he actually had a ball registering!!!!

I love my FH with all my heart, but he is not involved in the details of the wedding at all. He helped pick out the band, and negotiated with the hall but that's about all. He actually told me that he wasn't going to go to our RH again until our wedding day. He claims that when I ask for his opinion and don't like what he says, I badger him until I get him to agree with my view (I suppose that's the lawyer in me--I can't help it). So it might be better that he lets me do what I want.

Anyway, when push comes to shove -- he ultimately comes through... but right now he's supposed to be handling the honeymoon (not booked yet) limos (not done) and cake (a friend of his is supposed to be making are cake) -also not done. I'll start making my the arrangements if its not done by mid Sept.

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Posted by iwannabmrsD

hey.. i'm sorry u'r having difficulty.. but i wanna just off u a look at the other side of the table.. u know the sayin be careful what you wish for....

my fh.. is SUPER involved.. can u say GROOMZILLA??? we have gone to 7.. YES 7 limo companies.. and haven't booked one yet.. he initially planed on spending about 4k on limos.. yes 4k.. how many limos was he renting do u ask? 2

we went to 8 videographers,and photographers. and after we settled on 12th night ... LOVED 12th night. signed a contract with 12th night for x amount of dollars... i sent him alone to go pick out a photographer, and e came back with a new add on for another 350 dollars.

he wants a costume change in the middle of the reception so we can do a dance routine a la dancing with the stars.

he wants a VIP section for the reception complete with velvet ropes and a bouncer..

he has over 100 people on his list ALONE.. with another 50 for his folks (who haven't contributed a dime)

he tried to get a friend of a friend to hire funk master flex as our dj.

when i told him NO.. he the budged 3500 for a dj that would have strobe light, smoke machines, roaming lights, a monogram on the floor,a television screen for live video feed, and sunglasses, hats, and beaded necklaces like mardi gras

he wanted top hats and tails on the tuxedos.

he wanted the dj to spontaneously re-announce over and over during the night.. 'and once again ladies and gentleman.. introducing... MR. D...... (notice it wasn't mr. and mrs.. it was just MR!)



now.. i know it's nice for fh to be involved.. i wouldn't say don't let him be..and def wouldn't say don't want him to be... but i gotta warn ya... from someone living on the other side... it ain't all that pretty..

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That might be the funniest post I have EVER read on here...you are hilarious!

I can totally empathize with you. I am so exasperated with FH right now. He's the same way as your FH. How about the fact I asked him to get all his addresses together so we could ship our envelopes to the calligrapher...I told him they are being mailed on August 30th so I need them by then. There we are last night and we are missing quite a number of his friends/families addresses. I was FURIOUS. Sorry to hijack your post and vent.

But, no, you are so not alone.

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Posted by lmt245

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Posted by iwannabmrsD

hey.. i'm sorry u'r having difficulty.. but i wanna just off u a look at the other side of the table.. u know the sayin be careful what you wish for....

my fh.. is SUPER involved.. can u say GROOMZILLA??? we have gone to 7.. YES 7 limo companies.. and haven't booked one yet.. he initially planed on spending about 4k on limos.. yes 4k.. how many limos was he renting do u ask? 2

we went to 8 videographers,and photographers. and after we settled on 12th night ... LOVED 12th night. signed a contract with 12th night for x amount of dollars... i sent him alone to go pick out a photographer, and e came back with a new add on for another 350 dollars.

he wants a costume change in the middle of the reception so we can do a dance routine a la dancing with the stars.

he wants a VIP section for the reception complete with velvet ropes and a bouncer..

he has over 100 people on his list ALONE.. with another 50 for his folks (who haven't contributed a dime)

he tried to get a friend of a friend to hire funk master flex as our dj.

when i told him NO.. he the budged 3500 for a dj that would have strobe light, smoke machines, roaming lights, a monogram on the floor,a television screen for live video feed, and sunglasses, hats, and beaded necklaces like mardi gras

he wanted top hats and tails on the tuxedos.

he wanted the dj to spontaneously re-announce over and over during the night.. 'and once again ladies and gentleman.. introducing... MR. D...... (notice it wasn't mr. and mrs.. it was just MR!)



now.. i know it's nice for fh to be involved.. i wouldn't say don't let him be..and def wouldn't say don't want him to be... but i gotta warn ya... from someone living on the other side... it ain't all that pretty..

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That might be the funniest post I have EVER read on here...you are hilarious!

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i'd be laughing to.. ... if it wasn't 100% true..
my mom thinks its funny, my brother thought it was hilarious.. my girlfriends keep asking me if i'm giving out bracelets to identify their 'VIP' status..
my heart skips a beat out of nervousness everytime he says 'hey babe.. i was thinking about the wedding.'.

oh and last night he posted a disclaimer to me that he can not be held accountable for anything he does on the wedding day because he will be so happy to be married to me....
but whatta ya gonna do.. i love him!

Oh I'm sorry

My FH is actually very involved in everything - it's cute
butttttt all guys are different
If it's not 1 thing, it's another

I would sit FH down and explain to him that you are upset and give him a chance to do another project. This is typical-it is not a bad sign. I bet in his mind he doesn't see the urgency in things and doesn't understand why you expect things done

Lucky for me, FH has been a gem! However, we had this issue when I wanted vendors booked by a certain date-he thought we had time. I calmly explained why we don't and when you are calm and tell him what is on your mind, I am sure he will listen!

And I'm thrilled that the only involvement my FH wanted was checking out a few bands, and I narrowed down the search to the two I liked best before he saw any of them.

If he was involved I would go bonkers! He didn't even see the RH until about 2 months after it was booked, I had taken my FMIL with me because of his work schedule and since we both liked it he was happy.

And I didn't even want a big wedding, I want a destination wedding on a beach with a few of our family and friends!

So I think a bunch of the girls have spoken wisely, choose your battles and have fun planning your perfect day!

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Posted by DeannaNDave07

oooh im sorry you arent getting help. i think its just a guy thing. some want to be very involved, and some think its a girl thing. its alot of work to do all alone.. get on his butt about it

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I couldn't agree more - some guys aren't into details... My FH on the other hand, says 'it doesn't matter' for things that I ask him for his opinion on, but when things are put into action - then he gives his opinion. So now I tell him what's going to happen and when and if he's not going to be involved at the moment that I mention it - he has no opinion later on... it's like those who don't vote, can't b*tch about politics... same applies here (JMHO)
I would mention to him that you need his help and that you can't do it alone - and you want him to help you, that you want to do this together... see how he reacts. Some guys like the idea of needing to be needed...
I'm sorry you have to deal with guys being guys... any time he gives you cr@p... come here and vent away!!! It's helped me a LOT!!!

Fh claims that he doesn't want to be involved he'll 'just write the checks' but then when I tell him what we are doing he has an opinion, and that's when we discuss it.
You just need to learn how to play his game.
Maybe you should ask him, ask him, when he doesn't do start doing yourself, then when he gets mad at you for 'taking over' let him take back over.
It may be frustratiing but it's good to learn now how he works, and you work, and how you work together.

Good Luck!

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Posted by klanghan

i'm so sorry this is causing you stress, have you talked to for fh about this??

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Yes, I did talk to him about this. But he insists he is being helpful, but I told him that offering to do something and then not actually doing it is not considered help in my book!

SO......in light of my wise LIW brides' advice, I told him tonight that I am doing everything and I get to pick everything and Ha ha! It was fun. Suddenly, he was like 'WHAT?? I don't get to do anything? ' I told him, nope! you had your chance. you decided not to take it seriously so I cannot trust you with these important decisions. I told him he can deal with the tuxes b/c if he fails on that one, he will be wearing nothing! I also said he better not walk down the aisle in courderoy or a napoleon dynamite tux with a ruffled shirt.

I felt a little mean, but it felt good! What a relief! now i know things will get done. In fact, i stuffed all my save the dates tonite, and now just need to make labels.

we aren't getting married till aug next yr so it's good that things change now or else who knows...we can't fight the whole year thru!

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Posted by thelastresort

I can totally empathize with you. I am so exasperated with FH right now. He's the same way as your FH. How about the fact I asked him to get all his addresses together so we could ship our envelopes to the calligrapher...I told him they are being mailed on August 30th so I need them by then. There we are last night and we are missing quite a number of his friends/families addresses. I was FURIOUS. Sorry to hijack your post and vent.

But, no, you are so not alone.

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You didn't hijack anything, No apologies necessary!!! I would be flipping out on my FH big time and can totally understand how frustrated you are!! it's good to know you're not alone b/c that means you're not crazy! or if you are crazy, at least you have company! UGG!

'Oh, don't worry honey! why are you stressing? It will work itself out!' RAHHHH!!!!!!

Let us know how it goes with getting the addresses....!! I hope you were able to get them today!

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Posted by iwannabmrsD

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Posted by lmt245

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Posted by iwannabmrsD

hey.. i'm sorry u'r having difficulty.. but i wanna just off u a look at the other side of the table.. u know the sayin be careful what you wish for....

my fh.. is SUPER involved.. can u say GROOMZILLA??? we have gone to 7.. YES 7 limo companies.. and haven't booked one yet.. he initially planed on spending about 4k on limos.. yes 4k.. how many limos was he renting do u ask? 2

we went to 8 videographers,and photographers. and after we settled on 12th night ... LOVED 12th night. signed a contract with 12th night for x amount of dollars... i sent him alone to go pick out a photographer, and e came back with a new add on for another 350 dollars.

he wants a costume change in the middle of the reception so we can do a dance routine a la dancing with the stars.

he wants a VIP section for the reception complete with velvet ropes and a bouncer..

he has over 100 people on his list ALONE.. with another 50 for his folks (who haven't contributed a dime)

he tried to get a friend of a friend to hire funk master flex as our dj.

when i told him NO.. he the budged 3500 for a dj that would have strobe light, smoke machines, roaming lights, a monogram on the floor,a television screen for live video feed, and sunglasses, hats, and beaded necklaces like mardi gras

he wanted top hats and tails on the tuxedos.

he wanted the dj to spontaneously re-announce over and over during the night.. 'and once again ladies and gentleman.. introducing... MR. D...... (notice it wasn't mr. and mrs.. it was just MR!)



now.. i know it's nice for fh to be involved.. i wouldn't say don't let him be..and def wouldn't say don't want him to be... but i gotta warn ya... from someone living on the other side... it ain't all that pretty..

---

That might be the funniest post I have EVER read on here...you are hilarious!

---

i'd be laughing to.. ... if it wasn't 100% true..
my mom thinks its funny, my brother thought it was hilarious.. my girlfriends keep asking me if i'm giving out bracelets to identify their 'VIP' status..
my heart skips a beat out of nervousness everytime he says 'hey babe.. i was thinking about the wedding.'.

oh and last night he posted a disclaimer to me that he can not be held accountable for anything he does on the wedding day because he will be so happy to be married to me....
but whatta ya gonna do.. i love him!

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OMG, he sounds so cute! And I only say that b/c he isn't my FH asking me to set up a VIP lounge!! That is so funny!!! Does he know how funny that is? I don't want to sound unsympathetic b/c Iknow if I were in your shoes I'd be ready to run off and elope all by myself.....holy cow. you must be so patient!! Well, no one can accuse him of being apathetic! Your FH ----->

Since FH is paying for almost everything (except my dress, hair, make up, veil etc.) He feels is has to be involved. I'm happy b/c hes the best negotiator EVER! He's bargained down the prices on everything we booked so far. He even was making deals with the priest of our church on doing some side work in the church (just like a few handyman type things) so the priest took down his number so we could possibly work it into the fee we owe haha...sometimes we bicker back and forth on certain things but in the end, even though hes paying for it, it comes down to what is going to make me happy..
That's all I need