FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

Original post by Jsquared279

Sep 19, 2008 09:51 AM

Ok girls this may be long so thanks in advance to those who take the time to read it! FH has many Aunts and Uncles but only one he is extremely close with. Originally when we got engaged this particular Uncle was sooo excited for us and was already speaking of reserving a room and looking forward to our wedding day. Well in June FH sent this Uncle an email confirming that he was definitely attending because we wanted him to do a reading during the ceremony. Well we know he received the email since he spoke to his sister (FH's Mom) about the email. HE HAS YET TO RESPOND! Three months later....

So fast forward to last night. FH sent another email to his Uncle asking him why he never responded and felt we were being disrespected and ignored after honoring him by asking him to be part of our wedding ceremony. Jordan(FH) explained that we were both very hurt that he couldn't even email us back and say 'I don't know' or 'no' or 'yes' or 'can I think about it?' WE GOT NOTHING.

So at the end of email FH said we love you very much and pray you will be able to be a part of our ceremony. So this Uncle writes back about 20 mins later and this is what he says:

' I was not ignoring you. I didn't reply because frankly, I don't know what to say. I understand you have to start planning your ceremony and printing your programs. I decline to do a reading and I decline to attend.'
Then he signed his name. No I'm sorry. No I love you. No explanation...nothing.

I felt so bad FH immediately started crying. FH doesn't have his biological father in his life so this Uncle was very much like a father to him. Why would he do this? We are so hurt and so confused. I felt awful for FH last night. He keeps saying none of my family is going to be there....what should we do???? Any advice would be appreciated.

PoppedInASnap Posted: Sep 22, 2008 12:00 PM

Call the uncle

If he is older sometimes emails are taken impersonally. Have fh call his uncle and just ask why the sudden change in attitude? I find it to be strange and fishy and I surely would have been crying myself. I felt terrible reading what you wrote!

Good luck darling. I know family can be the hardest around weddings...

PoppedInASnap Posted: Sep 22, 2008 12:01 PM

confusing

Posted by Jsquared279

Posted by Jsquared279

Posted by Future Mulligan

thats terrible

this uncle better have a good explanation - if he doesnt i'd cut my ties with him - i wouldnt even bother sending him an invitation - but thats just how i am, id cut my nose to spite my face and i know it....

i dont really have any good advice i just feel horrible for your FH, that was rude and uncalled for and it was mean - i dont get it

Hey actually FH said the same thing. Now he doesn't even want to send an invite out. But I told him we aren't sending the invites out till the end of November, so we still have some time to think about it. I don't want FH to make a snap decision now when he is upset while there is still time to work it out. FH did write him an email back and it said 'Wow...I don't really know what to say. Have I done something? Why would you respond in that way?' Of course this email has gone unanswered! Thanks for your response hun!

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So FH got another email from his Uncle in response to the one I mention here. It is one sentence it says:

'No you have not done anything'

FH doesn't want to call him...we are still so confused

Just wante

Huh? Thats still rather odd?

evewedsjc Posted: Sep 22, 2008 12:03 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

Posted by Jsquared279

Posted by Jsquared279

Posted by Future Mulligan

thats terrible

this uncle better have a good explanation - if he doesnt i'd cut my ties with him - i wouldnt even bother sending him an invitation - but thats just how i am, id cut my nose to spite my face and i know it....

i dont really have any good advice i just feel horrible for your FH, that was rude and uncalled for and it was mean - i dont get it

Hey actually FH said the same thing. Now he doesn't even want to send an invite out. But I told him we aren't sending the invites out till the end of November, so we still have some time to think about it. I don't want FH to make a snap decision now when he is upset while there is still time to work it out. FH did write him an email back and it said 'Wow...I don't really know what to say. Have I done something? Why would you respond in that way?' Of course this email has gone unanswered! Thanks for your response hun!

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So FH got another email from his Uncle in response to the one I mention here. It is one sentence it says:

'No you have not done anything'

FH doesn't want to call him...we are still so confused

Just wante

so crazy!!
people just are weird sometimes!!!

squeekietoy Posted: Sep 22, 2008 12:07 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

Maybe, and this is just a thought, him and the partner broke up and him being at a wedding and participating at a wedding would be too painful? IDK, even if that IS true, he would owe you the explanation.

JennyAPH Posted: Sep 22, 2008 12:09 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

If your FH did nothing wrong then why is his uncle taking it out on him!? Something must have happened recently with his partner or another family member.

Did your FMIL ever talk to him to see if anything was wrong?

BarbieGrl10 Posted: Sep 22, 2008 12:33 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

Wow.... still no answers with that email.

Even though he said FH did nothing wrong I think your FH has the right to call and ask his uncle
what the heck is going on!

jennaandguy09 Posted: Sep 22, 2008 12:42 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

so sorry to hear that nothing has been resolved, i think for the sake of your sanity, FH should just bit ethe bullet and call him to see whats really going on. still sending big hugs to you ad FH

Christaly Posted: Sep 22, 2008 12:54 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

WOW! I've been following this post pretty closely... I really don't have anything to say - it just seems soooo weird!

I'm so sorry for you guys to have to be going through all this before your wedding.

Please keep us updated

You're both in my thoughts. I sure hope your FH Uncle comes around... really.

Jsquared279 Posted: Sep 22, 2008 01:00 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

Posted by gporka23

If your FH did nothing wrong then why is his uncle taking it out on him!? Something must have happened recently with his partner or another family member.

Did your FMIL ever talk to him to see if anything was wrong?

Not yet...I think she is procrastinating lol

Utterhappiness Posted: Sep 22, 2008 01:01 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

Posted by Christaly

WOW! I've been following this post pretty closely... I really don't have anything to say - it just seems soooo weird!

I'm so sorry for you guys to have to be going through all this before your wedding.

Please keep us updated

You're both in my thoughts. I sure hope your FH Uncle comes around... really.

I was seriously going to write the exact same thing!! Let us know whats up!! xoxo

Im so sorry this is happening!

Jsquared279 Posted: Sep 22, 2008 01:06 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

Posted by BarbieGrl10

Wow.... still no answers with that email.

Even though he said FH did nothing wrong I think your FH has the right to call and ask his uncle
what the heck is going on!

Yeah I know that is what I thought too...I think FH really needs to call or his mom or someone

Jsquared279 Posted: Sep 22, 2008 01:08 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

Posted by Christaly

WOW! I've been following this post pretty closely... I really don't have anything to say - it just seems soooo weird!

I'm so sorry for you guys to have to be going through all this before your wedding.

Please keep us updated

You're both in my thoughts. I sure hope your FH Uncle comes around... really.

Thanks girls!!

TheLadyJ Posted: Sep 22, 2008 01:59 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

it all sounds so weird, but I definitely think there is something going on with the Uncle that perhaps you and FH are not aware of.

perhaps someone did tell his uncle that the comment was inappropriate, or said he cannot bring his partner. Or maybe someone is sick and he doesn't want to go into details.

I think the best thing to do is to reply to the uncle saying 'we will be sending out formal invitations in a few weeks. We will send one to you in hopes you reconsider.'

Let his uncle cool off a bit and think about attending.

meara Posted: Sep 22, 2008 02:01 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

Sorry to hear the uncle has not 'stepped up' yet. I keep checking back wanting a quick, ahppy, ending. I still say that either FMIL or FH call him. I know it's hard when feelings are hurt but I think long term, you will never regret reaching out one more time, at least then they will know that youdid everything you could. though my sense of 'fairness' and pride would make me want to never talk to the uncle again, it's always better to try one more time. Maybe in a week or so.

littlepixie12 Posted: Sep 22, 2008 02:06 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

okay that is even more weird than the first one! Did your FMIL talk with unlce yet?

flairforfashion Posted: Sep 22, 2008 02:11 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

Hey girl. I have been reading this and reading the updates and this is what I think - sounds like something is wrong. Whether someone in the family is fighting with him, or someone said something to him, or maybe he and his Partner broke up - whatever it is I hope it comes out before the wedding for FH to find some closure or peace. It makes no sense. I would drop by the house and see what is going on. I am kind of pushy when it comes to people I love so that is what I would do. I hope this works out and I hope FH feels better.

Jsquared279 Posted: Sep 22, 2008 04:52 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

Posted by flairforfashion

Hey girl. I have been reading this and reading the updates and this is what I think - sounds like something is wrong. Whether someone in the family is fighting with him, or someone said something to him, or maybe he and his Partner broke up - whatever it is I hope it comes out before the wedding for FH to find some closure or peace. It makes no sense. I would drop by the house and see what is going on. I am kind of pushy when it comes to people I love so that is what I would do. I hope this works out and I hope FH feels better.

Thanks sweetie! FMIL hasn't spoken to the Uncle yet but She and FH are planning too. I think sometime this week! I will keep everyone posted! Thanks again so much!! I would love to knock on the door and just talk, but the Uncle isn't really like that and I fear I may make things worse...but then at least I would have known I tried. FH and I will get to the bottom of this! I sent FH this myspace comment after it all happened. He said this made him feel a lot better, but still:

'Honey, I just wanted to tell you that I love you more than life and I am sorry about what happened last night. I know you were very hurt and it was so hard for me to see you in pain.
Please know that we will have a beautiful wedding day and it will be the best day of my life, even if it is just you and I there and no one else! You are my heart, my world! I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you!'

CMBove Posted: Sep 22, 2008 06:13 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

I am praying it all works out for you both!

flairforfashion Posted: Sep 22, 2008 06:13 PM

Re: FH is very sad and hurt...UPDATED

Posted by Jsquared279

Posted by flairforfashion

Hey girl. I have been reading this and reading the updates and this is what I think - sounds like something is wrong. Whether someone in the family is fighting with him, or someone said something to him, or maybe he and his Partner broke up - whatever it is I hope it comes out before the wedding for FH to find some closure or peace. It makes no sense. I would drop by the house and see what is going on. I am kind of pushy when it comes to people I love so that is what I would do. I hope this works out and I hope FH feels better.

Thanks sweetie! FMIL hasn't spoken to the Uncle yet but She and FH are planning too. I think sometime this week! I will keep everyone posted! Thanks again so much!! I would love to knock on the door and just talk, but the Uncle isn't really like that and I fear I may make things worse...but then at least I would have known I tried. FH and I will get to the bottom of this! I sent FH this myspace comment after it all happened. He said this made him feel a lot better, but still:

'Honey, I just wanted to tell you that I love you more than life and I am sorry about what happened last night. I know you were very hurt and it was so hard for me to see you in pain.
Please know that we will have a beautiful wedding day and it will be the best day of my life, even if it is just you and I there and no one else! You are my heart, my world! I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you!'

Aww that was such a nice message- I am sure it will cheer him up. Def keep us posted- I want to know the outcome.