So don't flame. I know it's not about the gifts, but I am seriously shaking my head at some people.
A couple, coming to the wedding, friend of both of us for 15 years ...sent us a $50 registry gift.
A couple, FH's first cousin, coming to the wedding, several years older, well-established, wealthy, gave us a honeyfund gift of over $100 LESS than we gave them when we got married and we were still in college. Their wedding was OOT and we had to stay 2 nights at a Hyatt and travel. They don't have to even travel for ours.
A couple coming to the wedding, we just went to their wedding 2 months ago and wrote a generous check, bought us registry gifts, NOT off our regitstry but from a different store (I guess to use a 20% off coupon), totaling like $150 LESS than we just gave them for their way downscale OOS wedding. REALLY....really? I mean, you could say they can't afford it, but if I were in that position, I'd seriously save the money from the gift I got and send it right back.
Jennielee15
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
Posted by HSsweethearts
Posted by cait625
Posted by quirkybride
Yeah, it's lame. Unless they CANNOT afford it, there's no reason you should be paying for their seat. I know it's harsh, but it's true. If everyone did that you'd be f***d.
agreed!
I know it's criticized a lot, but in my family I was taught to cover your plate if you can afford it. If someone has their wedding at the Plaza, I don't feel I should take out a loan, but I feel like in NYC/LI if you give a certain minimum to anyone you at least know you're not totally cheaping out. FH's family and our friends are like totally going the other way. So far the largest gifts we've gotten from couples have been $240, $170 and $120. All are less than I would give for just about any wedding I'd go to.
I'm so confused! Why are you getting wedding gifts before the wedding?
BigDsGirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
UGHHH I know Im going to have to deal with cheap people, and I am NOT looking forward to it. Ofcoarse a wedding is not about the gifts but still, when ur generous to others and they dont reciprocate the same kindness, it can be frustrating.
HSsweethearts
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
Posted by Jennielee15
Posted by HSsweethearts
Posted by cait625
Posted by quirkybride
Yeah, it's lame. Unless they CANNOT afford it, there's no reason you should be paying for their seat. I know it's harsh, but it's true. If everyone did that you'd be f***d.
agreed!
I know it's criticized a lot, but in my family I was taught to cover your plate if you can afford it. If someone has their wedding at the Plaza, I don't feel I should take out a loan, but I feel like in NYC/LI if you give a certain minimum to anyone you at least know you're not totally cheaping out. FH's family and our friends are like totally going the other way. So far the largest gifts we've gotten from couples have been $240, $170 and $120. All are less than I would give for just about any wedding I'd go to.
I'm so confused! Why are you getting wedding gifts before the wedding?
People are sending me gifts off the registry.
I was surprised by this too!
Yankeeelove
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
I had the SAME conversation with my fh about this. For our e-party couples gave us significantly less than what we gave to them. I was honestly offended when I saw. Honestly, I wouldn't feel right about accepting generous gifts from others and not give back. It's so rude IMO.
HSsweethearts
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
Posted by cait625
Posted by quirkybride
Yeah, it's lame. Unless they CANNOT afford it, there's no reason you should be paying for their seat. I know it's harsh, but it's true. If everyone did that you'd be f***d.
agreed!
I think I *am* F**d
Then again I think MY family will be very generous..or so I hope. I'd like to have some money to set up our apartment and set aside for a house fund.
quirkybride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
are these people attending your wedding?
Jennielee15
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
Posted by HSsweethearts
Posted by Jennielee15
Posted by HSsweethearts
Posted by cait625
Posted by quirkybride
Yeah, it's lame. Unless they CANNOT afford it, there's no reason you should be paying for their seat. I know it's harsh, but it's true. If everyone did that you'd be f***d.
agreed!
I know it's criticized a lot, but in my family I was taught to cover your plate if you can afford it. If someone has their wedding at the Plaza, I don't feel I should take out a loan, but I feel like in NYC/LI if you give a certain minimum to anyone you at least know you're not totally cheaping out. FH's family and our friends are like totally going the other way. So far the largest gifts we've gotten from couples have been $240, $170 and $120. All are less than I would give for just about any wedding I'd go to.
I'm so confused! Why are you getting wedding gifts before the wedding?
People are sending me gifts off the registry.
I was surprised by this too!
I would assume those are shower gifts. Wait till the wedding and then if you don't get other gifts then you can be upset. Don't count your chickens before they hatch.
HSsweethearts
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
Posted by Jennielee15
Posted by HSsweethearts
Posted by Jennielee15
Posted by HSsweethearts
Posted by cait625
Posted by quirkybride
Yeah, it's lame. Unless they CANNOT afford it, there's no reason you should be paying for their seat. I know it's harsh, but it's true. If everyone did that you'd be f***d.
agreed!
I know it's criticized a lot, but in my family I was taught to cover your plate if you can afford it. If someone has their wedding at the Plaza, I don't feel I should take out a loan, but I feel like in NYC/LI if you give a certain minimum to anyone you at least know you're not totally cheaping out. FH's family and our friends are like totally going the other way. So far the largest gifts we've gotten from couples have been $240, $170 and $120. All are less than I would give for just about any wedding I'd go to.
I'm so confused! Why are you getting wedding gifts before the wedding?
People are sending me gifts off the registry.
I was surprised by this too!
I would assume those are shower gifts. Wait till the wedding and then if you don't get other gifts then you can be upset. Don't count your chickens before they hatch.
Wedding gifts, definitely. My shower was ages ago and many of these people were not invited to the shower, or sent a shower gift.
HSsweethearts
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
Posted by quirkybride
are these people attending your wedding?
YES!
I've gotten some nice gifts, mostly in the $40 range from people not attending, and some more generous ones in the $100 range, and all are more than generous for people not attending!
SoonToBeMrsFox
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
this thread is very reminiscent of the thread from last week.
HSsweethearts
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
Posted by SoonToBeMrsFox
this thread is very reminiscent of the thread from last week.
2010BTB
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
Posted by quirkybride
Posted by 2010BTB
I had a family of 5 give us a cake cutting set at the wedding that was valued at Macy's for $40.
Just curious what state are they from? That's harsh.
Massachusetts...but this isn't their first wedding in NY.
quirkybride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
Posted by 2010BTB
Posted by quirkybride
Posted by 2010BTB
I had a family of 5 give us a cake cutting set at the wedding that was valued at Macy's for $40.
Just curious what state are they from? That's harsh.
Massachusetts...but this isn't their first wedding in NY.
40 for a family of 5 is ridiculous no matter what state they're from. It's not a backyard bbq it's a wedding. Even if they've been to other ny weddings, probably no one told them afterwards, that wasn't enough of a gift, ya know?
ourwedding9510
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
Crashing...
I def feel your pain. I do have to say just wait until the wedding day. You'll be surprised on what people give or don't give! I had out best man who's son was also a ring bearer, not give a gift at all, not even a card. Then we had DH's best friend who was a groomsmen, give $500 for him and his FW. Start practicing now for your 'so generous' face because a lot of DH's family I had to pretend 'OMG that's so nice of them' when it was $100 for a family of 4.
Joyful1016
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
This is really interesting to me. I have a bit of a different perspective. My family is very different from FI's family. They are out of state and small. His friends are mostly out of state Marines and their families, so there won't be large gifts from any of them either (which I totally understand). I have a large Greek family from NY. So gifts are completely different. My family will give $ for the wedding and FI has already told me that his will give gifts off the registry. The irony of that is our registries are almost gone b/c my family/friends bought almost all of it for the shower!
I get annoyed sometimes b/c I feel like his family/friends should step up like mine, but really there's nothing I can do. We are fortunate to get anything and I really try to remember that.
We've had some problems with FI's father and stepmother and it's really stressed me out. So now I'm trying to be like whatever and not let things bother me so much. I've learned to be very generous with gifts and I've been frank with FI that in the future, I will give the courtesy and consideration we've been shown. It's one thing if people can't afford something, but stinginess is unacceptable.
smilesjc81
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
DH uncle gave us 200 for four people and 3 of them no showed
a close friend and her husband gave ZERO DOLLARS just a card... not by mistake
another friend NO SHOWED and gave NOTHING
one more friend said 'check in the mail' two months later NOTHING
imthing1
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
They could be bringing an envelope to the wedding too. My FH's brother had a family of 4 come to his wedding and gave him a basket of crap! It was filled with cheap notepads pencils etc! Well 2 of them are invited to our wedding and I don't expect anything worthwhile from them!
Cataverri
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
We have $0 for a family of 5. Another friend didnt show and said to check the mail and nothing. Another couple didnt make it and said I will get a card soon and nothing.
Tomsbride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
I feel like this thread just goes to show that you can't except anything from anyone. Yea, I'd be annoyed if someone showed up without a gift but I guess I'd just have to deal.
I have an Unclde who doesn't give gifts at weddings (not because he doesn't have $$). I think its rude not to give SOME form of a gift but it would be just as rude not to invite him because I expect a gift.
LKatz1029
Posted:
Member since
Re: Gift vent : I'm about to sound spoiled
Posted by Tomsbride
I feel like this thread just goes to show that you can't except anything from anyone. Yea, I'd be annoyed if someone showed up without a gift but I guess I'd just have to deal.
I have an Unclde who doesn't give gifts at weddings (not because he doesn't have $$). I think its rude not to give SOME form of a gift but it would be just as rude not to invite him because I expect a gift.
wowwwww that's insane!!!!!!!!!! he just 'doesnt feel like it??' that's sooo rude! You u are right, there's always gonna be people out there... I am also never sure if I give enough to people (esp before I got engaged!!) ... I've always given what I could afford (and more if I could!) but who knows, maybe someone was on here talking smack abt my gifts once???? lol (I hope not though)
