Girls, I need your advice. Is my FH right or am I right?

Last nite we had a disagreement and both ended up crying. Heres the story: FH is guyanese, Iam ecuadorian/peruvian. Due to their custom his parents are throwing a party for us the day after our wedding in our new house since they live in Minnesota. Its a party to celebrate the union of 2 families. THerefore no honeymoon. His parents are coming the 24th and leavin july 1st. FH doesnt want to leave for honeymoon until they leave our house. I was upset but fine I went along with that. We are planning our HM for July 8 then, fine. Here's the prob: on our wedding nite we will be coming home to my in laws!!! I've been waitin for a year to move into our new house that we bought a year ago and the day of our wedding night, our first night of husband and wife in our home together, we will have company!!! I neva pictured my wedding nite like this. He feels stuck in the middle cuz he wants to give me everyting in the world but at the same time doesnt want to be rude to his parents and ask them to stay somewhere else for at least 1 day. We only see them 1 a yr and he misses them so much. He is the best man i eva met or had. He would do anything for me, my family and even my friends. He asked me to do this 1 thing for him. But it crushed my dreams that I have had since I was a little girl. I cant believe his parents havent thought that we might want to be alone for at least our wedding night!!!! Listen, his parents are great, love me to death and r so excited about our wedding. We are their only hope since the other 2 children they have ended up with losers. My FH is the only one that is doing this wedding thing right and they are so proud and happy for him/us. I love them but just wish and pray that they decide on their own to stay with other family members they have that live near us for at least one day, just one day!!!
So, what do u guys think? Is he right or should I insist that he say something?
Really upset about this. Am i being silly?

I don't blame you for being upset...but clearly this seems to be a cultural issue, so it's not my place to really say that it's inappropriate.

IF IT WERE NOT a cultural issue...I would definitely have your FH intervene. You would think his parents would be uncomfortable to be the next room over on your wedding night anyways.

I can't really give much advice...it seems like there's really nothing that can be done given the circumstances. I'm sorry that you're upset, and I don't blame you

the only cultural thing is the party after our wedding, which is fine with me now but its the face that they have to stay with us all week. Cant they just give me one day????
thanks for ur response

What about you and FH staying in a hotel near your RH the night of the wedding.
THis way you aren't kicking his parents out.

We thought about that but we thought it would be kind of a hassle since we're havin that party the next day of our wed and a lot of fam and friends will be coming early and I have to go back to work the follwing tues since im takin alot of days off before the wed and in july for the HM. I just want to come to our new home. Dont mind waiting a few days for HM just want to be alone with him for at least one night even if not wed nite.

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Posted by Dr Meg

What about you and FH staying in a hotel near your RH the night of the wedding.
THis way you aren't kicking his parents out.

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This is what I would say... rent a nice suite at a hotel near home...explain you want the first night alone as newlyweds ... may not be 'home' like you were always hoping, but at least you won't have more drama and fighting... I think...Lol

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Posted by Dani777

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Posted by Dr Meg

What about you and FH staying in a hotel near your RH the night of the wedding.
THis way you aren't kicking his parents out.

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This is what I would say... rent a nice suite at a hotel near home...explain you want the first night alone as newlyweds ... may not be 'home' like you were always hoping, but at least you won't have more drama and fighting... I think...Lol

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I agree. Let the parents stay if they must but def rent a suite to be ALONE!

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Posted by Dr Meg

What about you and FH staying in a hotel near your RH the night of the wedding.
THis way you aren't kicking his parents out.

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Completely agree! Even though our condo will not be housing any guests, we still want to go to a hotel....just to make it special. No making the bed or cleaning up after ourselves, hehe.

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Posted by Dr Meg

What about you and FH staying in a hotel near your RH the night of the wedding.
THis way you aren't kicking his parents out.

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That was going to be my suggestion

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Posted by Dr Meg

What about you and FH staying in a hotel near your RH the night of the wedding.
THis way you aren't kicking his parents out.

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thats what i would do. I am sure the party the next day wont be in the morning so you definitely have time to go to a hotel the night of your wedding and check out the next day. Check out is at noon, so im sure you still have time to get home a little after noon and get ready for the party.

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Posted by Djenki2

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Posted by Dani777

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Posted by Dr Meg

What about you and FH staying in a hotel near your RH the night of the wedding.
THis way you aren't kicking his parents out.

---

This is what I would say... rent a nice suite at a hotel near home...explain you want the first night alone as newlyweds ... may not be 'home' like you were always hoping, but at least you won't have more drama and fighting... I think...Lol

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I agree. Let the parents stay if they must but def rent a suite to be ALONE!

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I agree with this. You should get a hotel. You never know, maybe after you tell them you're getting a hotel for the night, they'll get the idea and go somewhere else themselves.

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Posted by Dani777

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Posted by Dr Meg

What about you and FH staying in a hotel near your RH the night of the wedding.
THis way you aren't kicking his parents out.

---

This is what I would say... rent a nice suite at a hotel near home...explain you want the first night alone as newlyweds ... may not be 'home' like you were always hoping, but at least you won't have more drama and fighting... I think...Lol

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ITA!

It sounds to me like the future in-laws haven't even thought about the 'burden' they are going to be. You sound like you love them a lot and your FH is a wonderful and very sweet man for wanting to please everybody so he had to have been raised right by them.

I think that you should talk to him again about this when your both calmer and less emotional so that you find a solution.

If you ask me, I think honesty is the best policy. I think your FH should just talk to them (alone) and let them know that this will be your first night as husband and wife and that he wants to spend it alone with you. He should also very nicely explain that your sacrificing a honeymoon because you 2 WANT to be with them and WANT them to be with you, but just not the actual wedding night.

It's all about compromise in this situation because it sounds like you 2 are soooo nice that you want to do everything possible to not bring them any discomfort since FH's siblings haven't had proper weddings.
I don't think this is an unreasonable request and it sounds like they will be understanding if you tell them your perspective. Do you live with FH? If you do, it sounds like they think it's not going to be anything new for you 2 to pend the night together.

I know where your coming from with cultural influences but- they have to understand it's your wedding night. It's worth a try to at least propose this to your FH and see what he says. He knows them better than anyone.

He can offer them to stay in a nice hotel that you and FH can pay for and then in the morning you would be together with the whole family. It's just one night- don't worry things will work themselves out.

Good Luck!

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

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Posted by Dani777

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Posted by Dr Meg

What about you and FH staying in a hotel near your RH the night of the wedding.
THis way you aren't kicking his parents out.

---

This is what I would say... rent a nice suite at a hotel near home...explain you want the first night alone as newlyweds ... may not be 'home' like you were always hoping, but at least you won't have more drama and fighting... I think...Lol

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ITA!

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ITA, but I think I would put everything out for them (towels etc), and get bagels or something for the morning, bc if I were them I would feel really werid going through your cabinets looking for that stuff while you're at the hotel. JMO.

I agree with the girls....see about staying in a hotel close to your house. That way, FH doesn't have to ask his parents to leave for the night, and the newlyweds get to have their first night alone together.

And if you stay at a hotel, you can still get up early and make it home to help set up for the party and meet all the guests.

Random thoughts -

See about putting them up in a hotel. If FH can talk to them and explain you guys want to be alone. Or...is there another family member who can intervene? Suggest that your FIL's stay with them the night of the wedding or make the suggestion to stay in the hotel this way FH doesn't have to bring up the conversation? If they want to stay at your house to do the prep work, can they do it at another family members house? If not and they have to stay at your house and you don't want to stay annother place the night of then you have to figure out what you want to compromise- what you want or what they want.

i agree with the girls..i would go to a hotel ..just the 2 of u..u should be alone on ur wedding night