girls that live with FH already

I've lived with FH for 3 years... Here's what I've learned...

1) Choose your battles. You can't fight over everything. It's not worth it. If him putting down the toilet seat is that important to you, than let that be your battle. But respect his wishes and his battles as well. There is however a way to work the system.
EX. I prefer the toilet seat down. I'm a night pee-er with poor vision who rarely turns on a light. I prefer a dry tush. FH likes his jeans and pants hung on a specific type of hanger we have (I on the other hand, don't care). Sometimes when I'm being nice enough to put his clothes away, I'll forget to hang them on his hanger. So, here is where I work the system...
FH: Kim, can you PLEASE start putting my pants on the better hangers. I really hate the other ones, and I hate when you forget.
Me: Ok.... put the toilet seat down.

Get it?

2) You gotta bend. Find a way to gel your decorating style. FH is a HUGE Yankees fan and found it necessary when we moved into our apartment to hang pictures of Roger Maris hitting his 61st homerun everywhere. Well, I let him do that... for 1 year. And then I said they had to come down and put in a safe place for when we have an office or an extra room to put them in. We're not in college, this isn't our bedroom in our parents home... time for Rogde to go away. We went out and found stuff that he really liked. We also hung up a lot of pictures and art from his hometown that I really loved.

3) STOP CLEANING UP AFTER HIM. You aren't his mother. He needs to respect that this is your space just as much as it is his and while you understand that he's not going to run to the sink to wash a dish as soon as he's done eating, you cannot stand to have him just leave it there. Explain to him that you live in such a small space and that the smallest mess will look ginormous in a space that small.

Bottom line is, you both need to compromise the way you are used to living. It will work, but you both need to work at it. And I hate to bring up that book that you were reading, but from what it sounds like, if you follow that to a tee, you're only going to get more frustrated.

Good luck Matilde! You can do it... just be prepared for a tough transition... but it will totally work out.

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Posted by Mizzdimple

P.S. if he insists on keeping things.like my FH...like for example he wanted to keep a nasty old sweat shirt from 1978 I threw it out when he wasnt home one day..he never noticed..

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yes FH walked in ( remember we dont live there yet ) took off his sweatshirt and hung it on the railing

then he took all of the change out of his pocket and put it on top of the fridge

then he took his keys and threw them on top of the TV

then took off his shoes and threw them in the living room

i just stood there like this and when i tried to pick everything up that was when he started calling me 'mom'

OH YEAH and in his room at home he thinks things are 'neat' if everything on his recliner is all folded - NO neat is having the stuff in the drawers NEXT to the recliner not the weeks worth of clothes ON the recliner!

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Posted by AMGBride2008

I've lived with FH for 3 years... Here's what I've learned...

1) Choose your battles. You can't fight over everything. It's not worth it. If him putting down the toilet seat is that important to you, than let that be your battle. But respect his wishes and his battles as well. There is however a way to work the system.
EX. I prefer the toilet seat down. I'm a night pee-er with poor vision who rarely turns on a light. I prefer a dry tush. FH likes his jeans and pants hung on a specific type of hanger we have (I on the other hand, don't care). Sometimes when I'm being nice enough to put his clothes away, I'll forget to hang them on his hanger. So, here is where I work the system...
FH: Kim, can you PLEASE start putting my pants on the better hangers. I really hate the other ones, and I hate when you forget.
Me: Ok.... put the toilet seat down.

Get it?

2) You gotta bend. Find a way to gel your decorating style. FH is a HUGE Yankees fan and found it necessary when we moved into our apartment to hang pictures of Roger Maris hitting his 61st homerun everywhere. Well, I let him do that... for 1 year. And then I said they had to come down and put in a safe place for when we have an office or an extra room to put them in. We're not in college, this isn't our bedroom in our parents home... time for Rogde to go away. We went out and found stuff that he really liked. We also hung up a lot of pictures and art from his hometown that I really loved.

3) STOP CLEANING UP AFTER HIM. You aren't his mother. He needs to respect that this is your space just as much as it is his and while you understand that he's not going to run to the sink to wash a dish as soon as he's done eating, you cannot stand to have him just leave it there. Explain to him that you live in such a small space and that the smallest mess will look ginormous in a space that small.

Bottom line is, you both need to compromise the way you are used to living. It will work, but you both need to work at it. And I hate to bring up that book that you were reading, but from what it sounds like, if you follow that to a tee, you're only going to get more frustrated.

Good luck Matilde! You can do it... just be prepared for a tough transition... but it will totally work out.

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thanks for all the tips!

i am bookmarking this thread it will come in handy in two months when i am on my way back from my HM!

btw - all you ladies who live with FH and i swore up and down i wouldnt have a hard transition to

you can totally say 'i told you so' i deserve it!

we've been living together probably a year and 1/2 now, i was like this at the beginning. it takes awhile to fall into your routine. trust me it will definitely get better. but definitely try to get some alone time, it will help

good luck!

I agree with Kim about 'stop cleaning up after him' trust me when you stop doing it is when he'll start. Just have to deal with it for a few days or something...if he comes from a clean house and his mom kept things nice then hes used to it and doesn't know it. If things get bad he'll hate it and do it himself.

Trust me i am your FH in this situation lol and thats how it works. When im alone and nobody will do it, ill start going into cleaning overload and do too much lol.

matilde. don't worry, yes it's going to take some getting used to but like i said before i don't think it's anything that you can't work through together.

and you know i'm always here for you to vent to

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Posted by irishsweetheart

matilde. don't worry, yes it's going to take some getting used to but like i said before i don't think it's anything that you can't work through together.

and you know i'm always here for you to vent to

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thanks!!

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Mizzdimple

P.S. if he insists on keeping things.like my FH...like for example he wanted to keep a nasty old sweat shirt from 1978 I threw it out when he wasnt home one day..he never noticed..

---

yes FH walked in ( remember we dont live there yet ) took off his sweatshirt and hung it on the railing

then he took all of the change out of his pocket and put it on top of the fridge

then he took his keys and threw them on top of the TV

then took off his shoes and threw them in the living room

i just stood there like this and when i tried to pick everything up that was when he started calling me 'mom'

OH YEAH and in his room at home he thinks things are 'neat' if everything on his recliner is all folded - NO neat is having the stuff in the drawers NEXT to the recliner not the weeks worth of clothes ON the recliner!

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OMG lol...yes he does this too..he folds his clothes very well..he used to own a cleaners and he knows how to 'fold' only problem is there are a gazillion piles of neatly folded clothes, lolol....

I dont live with FH but when FH and I go on vaca we spend over a month 'living' together and its great but Im afraid being on vaca and back to reality is a bit different

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Posted by skinny237

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by skinny237

Trust me...it does take getting used to....
FH and I lived w/ 2 of his friends for 2 years and we just moved in to an apt together over the summer.

I try not to let him see me cleaning too much---because then he just tells me I have OCD.

When we picked out furniture, we picked out neutral things that I can use accent pieces with (example---change pillows on the couches for the different seasons/ holidays or change placemats for different seasons/ holidays).

My FH has the worst taste ever. I told him that engaged/ newly married couples should have mostly wedding/ couple related pictures on the wall (as opposed to the deer head, NY Rangers poster, NY Yankees poster, and other horrible things he wanted to put up). My FH wanted to get all involed in decorating at first----then I made him go w/ me to Home Goods for like 3 hours----now he'll never go back and just let's me decorate how I want. I promised him he would get his Man Room when we buy a house and at least he's looking forward to that.

Fh tells me that I act like his mom all the time. Somebody needs to! I just pick my battles now.

FH used to be a slob in the kitchen. Pulling out every pot and pan we own each time he cooked and then I would have to clean them all up. I made him do the dishes for a few weeks and now he cares a lot more about the mess he makes.

It takes some getting used to----you'll definitely appreciate your alone time more after you live together!

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OMG I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS!
we have all this beautiful stuff from ITALY like pure crystal - i have a portrait in silver of the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus in a Mahogany frame, GORGEOUS picture frames - etc.

he put up HORNS, as in ANIMAL HORNS ( not that he shot himself he just bought them ) and he wants to put up NY RANGER stuff. . . and ALL of his DVDs, CDs and games MUST be on display we cant have a closed case

i think the major problem is the apartment is so small there is no room for him to have his own 'room' like i told him when we have a house he can have an entire room but the real living room will be MINE and formal etc.

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Just keep promising him a MAN ROOM when u buy a house. That will buy u some time!

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that is what I do. My BIL has one so my FH is always 'in my man room I am going to ......' Little does he know his man room is his office (he works from home).

It takes time but you will find your nack. it is an ajustment for both of you so keep that in mind too. It took FH and I a few months to find 'our way' and when we moved we had to start all over again.

We are now staying with my parents in one bedroom -- now that is not easy because we really don't fit in that room but we manage. And when we get our next place we will have to find our groove again.

Keep in mind there are certain things that will never change and those are the things we deal with because we love them!

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Mizzdimple

P.S. if he insists on keeping things.like my FH...like for example he wanted to keep a nasty old sweat shirt from 1978 I threw it out when he wasnt home one day..he never noticed..

---

yes FH walked in ( remember we dont live there yet ) took off his sweatshirt and hung it on the railing

then he took all of the change out of his pocket and put it on top of the fridge

then he took his keys and threw them on top of the TV

then took off his shoes and threw them in the living room

i just stood there like this and when i tried to pick everything up that was when he started calling me 'mom'

OH YEAH and in his room at home he thinks things are 'neat' if everything on his recliner is all folded - NO neat is having the stuff in the drawers NEXT to the recliner not the weeks worth of clothes ON the recliner!

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I had that same problem w/ FH leaving keys and change all over and everything he got in his pocket so I got him a organizer personalize and everything now as soon as he gets home he put
his stuff there...

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Posted by ant n tilde

please please please
give me some tips
how did you get through the first couple of months?

FH and I don't live together yet but our apartment is done and we have been 'pretending' LOL i guess you could say because we hang out all day and then 11 or whatever i just go downstairs to my bedroom and he goes home or hangs out for a bit. . .

but seriously - i am miserable and i HATE it

he wants to decorate with all this stupid stuff from our vacations that are NOT elegant at all and he is a PIG

i knew i would have to clean up after him, i accept that but what i DIDN'T expect was that WHEN i cleaned up after him ( without saying a word ) he would get annoyed and say that i was being like my mother!!!!!! its one thing if you are a pig but you cant be a pig AND not let me clean up

i just hate that my 'routine' is messed up and i cant do what i want when i want it ( can you tell i am the baby )

anyway - any tips/hints/help??

oh yeah and he does random things like he hung a SAW from a COAT HOOK and then when i opened the closet door it swung in my face - like why put it there?

or he was hanging a picture and he marked up teh whole wall with pencil - like not just a mark but practically DRAWING on the wall and it wouldnt come out and i freaked out and he is like 'duh it is pencil' yeah its pencil but i still have to clean it now for no reason!

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alone time works because you will being each other ALOT more then before, and need to get used to seeing each other so much,
as for the messy and habits thing, i would just keep on top of him like i do with my FH, now hes better, but when we first moved together i had to always stay on top of him and reminding him to clean up....or whatever he would leave lying around i would just throw on top of his dresser & he would hate it, and that would make him clean it up

maybe give eachother a little space?? Or sit down one night and go over every little thing, it does get better.

When we first moved in together it was crazy with who would do what, but no after about a year, we have a little system that works perfect for us. I do the dishes, he does laundry, i clean certain rooms, he cleans certain rooms. It works out in the end just give it some time. ANd in the mean time