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girls that live with FH already

ant n tilde Posted:

girls that live with FH already

please please please
give me some tips
how did you get through the first couple of months?

FH and I don't live together yet but our apartment is done and we have been 'pretending' LOL i guess you could say because we hang out all day and then 11 or whatever i just go downstairs to my bedroom and he goes home or hangs out for a bit. . .

but seriously - i am miserable and i HATE it

he wants to decorate with all this stupid stuff from our vacations that are NOT elegant at all and he is a PIG

i knew i would have to clean up after him, i accept that but what i DIDN'T expect was that WHEN i cleaned up after him ( without saying a word ) he would get annoyed and say that i was being like my mother!!!!!! its one thing if you are a pig but you cant be a pig AND not let me clean up

i just hate that my 'routine' is messed up and i cant do what i want when i want it ( can you tell i am the baby )

anyway - any tips/hints/help??

oh yeah and he does random things like he hung a SAW from a COAT HOOK and then when i opened the closet door it swung in my face - like why put it there?

or he was hanging a picture and he marked up teh whole wall with pencil - like not just a mark but practically DRAWING on the wall and it wouldnt come out and i freaked out and he is like 'duh it is pencil' yeah its pencil but i still have to clean it now for no reason!
futuremrsfab Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

we dont yet but just wanted to say hang in there
jteach711 Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

Always try and give each other some alone time. Even if you go in the bedroom and watch a show and he stays in the living room for an hour. It really helps, because it was hard for us to adjust to being together ALL THE TIME. We really just needed some ME time and it really helped.
Good luck and you guys will be fine it just taked some time
futuremrsmultari Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

just try and enjoy it....FHs maybe be our FHs but they're still roommates, and roommates can be pains in the @ss....accept him for who he is...mold him into who he should be...gradually he'll start cleaning, cooking, etc. if you ask him to/reward him...

treat our men like toddlers and the will grow into who they should be...

and, don't ever yell at them...that'll just make it worse....i make comments like 'i would love to watch tv w/ you but i have to clean....'...then ask if maybe you can do it together...

just enjoy it....I love living with FH...we have so much fun...it's like playing house!

just enjoy it...let his faults slide....work together and you'll be a-okay!
Butterfly123 Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

Dont get overwhelmed. It gets easier. We've lived together for 4 years now and FH still hardly lets me have any say in how I decorate the house. He wants everything plain. All of his old furniture. Our living room looks like its straight out of the 70's. We have this ugly wall unit that he insists is a collectible cause 'No one makes them like this anymore' He picked out a GRAY carpet so we have drab floors. Im gonna say it, youre gonna have to do a lot of compromising cause men are stubborn. As far as the cleaning goes, we STILL fight about this til this day. Ask him if he wants to do it himself so you dont feel like his mother. He's gonna have to get used to it. Just be patient and try to bite your tongue. Unfortunately its what I do. but I swear it will get easier!!!

Browneyesncute Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO I live with FH now for a year!!! and it gets better I promise you it gets better!! did u try to sit down with him and talk?? FH filled my linen closet with all his tools!!! lol we fought about it for about 5 months lol

KK Holiday Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

OMG it took about a month for me to adjust living with FH!

I SO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!!!!!!!!!!!

i feel like I AM HIS MOTHER!!!

but I laid out the 'rules' right away!

I told him what chores he is in charge of and how i like to do things: like make the bed after getting up (he doesnt believe in making the bed) and putting the remotes away before we go to bed (instead of leaving them on the floor or around the house)

i still get mad because the agreement is that i cook and he does dishes...and he waits like 4 days to do the dishes and its GROSS!!!

SIGH!!!

men are so weird

oh and btw....he has the Kramer and George SEINFELD posters that he LOVES and they are hanging in the spare room--because i refused to have them in the liiving room...they are hideous!!!
bonch20 Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

you learn so much more about yourself and each other....just remember to compromise!

kimNanthony Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

Haha i wish I could help but FH and I have been living together for three and a half years and we STILL fight about the cleaning situation!

skinny237 Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

Trust me...it does take getting used to....
FH and I lived w/ 2 of his friends for 2 years and we just moved in to an apt together over the summer.

I try not to let him see me cleaning too much---because then he just tells me I have OCD.

When we picked out furniture, we picked out neutral things that I can use accent pieces with (example---change pillows on the couches for the different seasons/ holidays or change placemats for different seasons/ holidays).

My FH has the worst taste ever. I told him that engaged/ newly married couples should have mostly wedding/ couple related pictures on the wall (as opposed to the deer head, NY Rangers poster, NY Yankees poster, and other horrible things he wanted to put up). My FH wanted to get all involed in decorating at first----then I made him go w/ me to Home Goods for like 3 hours----now he'll never go back and just let's me decorate how I want. I promised him he would get his Man Room when we buy a house and at least he's looking forward to that.

Fh tells me that I act like his mom all the time. Somebody needs to! I just pick my battles now.

FH used to be a slob in the kitchen. Pulling out every pot and pan we own each time he cooked and then I would have to clean them all up. I made him do the dishes for a few weeks and now he cares a lot more about the mess he makes.

It takes some getting used to----you'll definitely appreciate your alone time more after you live together!
ant n tilde Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

LOL thanks girls
your posts made me laugh

i havent talked to him about it yet bc we arent even technically living together so i dont want to start off 'nagging' him

i knew it would be a big adjustment - but after TEN years together I thought I was more prepared.

I just thought we were more alike - like when we go to someone's house and it is messy he will point it out to ME how gross it is. . . but then he leaves stuff everywhere - like he doesnt SEE it in our own place. . .

and i HONESTLY thought he would let me do all the decorating - he let me pick out colors and stuff like that but when he started bringing his stuff over i wanted to be like YOU ARE RUINING EVERYTHING!

Future Mulligan Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

i dont remember having that hard of an adjustment period with FH.....i love to cook and clean so i dont really mind cleaning up after him - our biggest argument is that i spend to much time cleaning up when i should be spending time with him relaxing and he really doesnt make much of a mess - he is really neat so its not like he is a slob......we had alot of fun in the beginning - it was like a never ending sleepover.....i think you will be fine......we didnt/dont really have any arguments that were/are a direct cause of moving in together.....that is how we knew we were a perfect match! we actually loved living together. it will be fine tilde!!
JulyBride728 Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

This is also my biggest fear. I dont live with FH, but I know i'm in for some trouble. He's a slob and i know 95% of the time it'll probably piss me off. I might be needing you ladies 8 months from now for advice as well!!
ant n tilde Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

Posted by skinny237

Trust me...it does take getting used to....
FH and I lived w/ 2 of his friends for 2 years and we just moved in to an apt together over the summer.

I try not to let him see me cleaning too much---because then he just tells me I have OCD.

When we picked out furniture, we picked out neutral things that I can use accent pieces with (example---change pillows on the couches for the different seasons/ holidays or change placemats for different seasons/ holidays).

My FH has the worst taste ever. I told him that engaged/ newly married couples should have mostly wedding/ couple related pictures on the wall (as opposed to the deer head, NY Rangers poster, NY Yankees poster, and other horrible things he wanted to put up). My FH wanted to get all involed in decorating at first----then I made him go w/ me to Home Goods for like 3 hours----now he'll never go back and just let's me decorate how I want. I promised him he would get his Man Room when we buy a house and at least he's looking forward to that.

Fh tells me that I act like his mom all the time. Somebody needs to! I just pick my battles now.

FH used to be a slob in the kitchen. Pulling out every pot and pan we own each time he cooked and then I would have to clean them all up. I made him do the dishes for a few weeks and now he cares a lot more about the mess he makes.

It takes some getting used to----you'll definitely appreciate your alone time more after you live together!


OMG I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS!
we have all this beautiful stuff from ITALY like pure crystal - i have a portrait in silver of the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus in a Mahogany frame, GORGEOUS picture frames - etc.

he put up HORNS, as in ANIMAL HORNS ( not that he shot himself he just bought them ) and he wants to put up NY RANGER stuff. . . and ALL of his DVDs, CDs and games MUST be on display we cant have a closed case

i think the major problem is the apartment is so small there is no room for him to have his own 'room' like i told him when we have a house he can have an entire room but the real living room will be MINE and formal etc.

bemyyoko Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

first, take some time out, and breathe.

FH and I were living together in his bedroom at his mother's house for a little over a year. That was AWFUL because I had NO SPACE at all. no space to get away from him to, no space for my stuff, nothing.

So when we got our apartment we made some rules.
There are certain parts of the apartment that are MINE.
I have a section (doggy dormer window area) that is mine and he cann't throw his crap over there. It's my vanity with my jewelry boxes and hair stuff and makeup. He has to keep his stuff (like his gross hair brush thing) on his dresser.

I collect penguins, and he collects toys. Star Wars and Batman toys to be exact. I have a display cabinet for my penguins. He has one for his toys as well as a few shelves. Those things do not go anywhere else.
(except the penguins b/c he likes penguins too and he buys me most of them and they don't fit in the cabinet) but we make sure to okay where that stuff goes.

He got to decorate our stairway hall with all his posters and movie stuff that i did not want in my 'grown up' apartment

Talk to him... tell him that you don't expect him to clean up after himself b/c you know him well enough, and that it doesnt bother you, but in order for that to work he has to let you clean up. Or... let it go for a few days, if you can handle the mess just to show him how bad things will get if he doesn't let you pick up after him.

Make sure you each have a 'safe spot' in the apartment.
If FH and I get into a tiff or if we just don't wanna be around eachother for a little while we have enough room to get away. It's a tiny apartment, but i can go to the bedroom and close the door while he watches tv or is on the computer. Or i'll sit here on the computer while he's in the living room watching tv or in the bedroom or whatever.
It's very important to have 'neutral corners'

and remember... he's your fiance sure, but he's also a roommate. and roommates kind of s uck. Just take it day by day and things will get easier.

Don't hold it in if something makes you crazy. If you let several days go by dealing with some little thing he does, one day you might just flip out on him when you could have just spoken about it calmly.

Nagging doesn't work.
Trading favors does... 'hey hon, while i'm doing the dishes do you think you could run the garbage out so that we can watch tv when i'm done with this?'
'it would really help me out if you put the dishes away for us while i vacuumed the living room so we have more time to spend together'

stuff like that.
of course trading OTHER favors can work too.
skinny237 Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

Posted by ant n tilde

Posted by skinny237

Trust me...it does take getting used to....
FH and I lived w/ 2 of his friends for 2 years and we just moved in to an apt together over the summer.

I try not to let him see me cleaning too much---because then he just tells me I have OCD.

When we picked out furniture, we picked out neutral things that I can use accent pieces with (example---change pillows on the couches for the different seasons/ holidays or change placemats for different seasons/ holidays).

My FH has the worst taste ever. I told him that engaged/ newly married couples should have mostly wedding/ couple related pictures on the wall (as opposed to the deer head, NY Rangers poster, NY Yankees poster, and other horrible things he wanted to put up). My FH wanted to get all involed in decorating at first----then I made him go w/ me to Home Goods for like 3 hours----now he'll never go back and just let's me decorate how I want. I promised him he would get his Man Room when we buy a house and at least he's looking forward to that.

Fh tells me that I act like his mom all the time. Somebody needs to! I just pick my battles now.

FH used to be a slob in the kitchen. Pulling out every pot and pan we own each time he cooked and then I would have to clean them all up. I made him do the dishes for a few weeks and now he cares a lot more about the mess he makes.

It takes some getting used to----you'll definitely appreciate your alone time more after you live together!


OMG I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS!
we have all this beautiful stuff from ITALY like pure crystal - i have a portrait in silver of the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus in a Mahogany frame, GORGEOUS picture frames - etc.

he put up HORNS, as in ANIMAL HORNS ( not that he shot himself he just bought them ) and he wants to put up NY RANGER stuff. . . and ALL of his DVDs, CDs and games MUST be on display we cant have a closed case

i think the major problem is the apartment is so small there is no room for him to have his own 'room' like i told him when we have a house he can have an entire room but the real living room will be MINE and formal etc.


Just keep promising him a MAN ROOM when u buy a house. That will buy u some time!
ant n tilde Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

Posted by bemyyoko

first, take some time out, and breathe.

FH and I were living together in his bedroom at his mother's house for a little over a year. That was AWFUL because I had NO SPACE at all. no space to get away from him to, no space for my stuff, nothing.

So when we got our apartment we made some rules.
There are certain parts of the apartment that are MINE.
I have a section (doggy dormer window area) that is mine and he cann't throw his crap over there. It's my vanity with my jewelry boxes and hair stuff and makeup. He has to keep his stuff (like his gross hair brush thing) on his dresser.

I collect penguins, and he collects toys. Star Wars and Batman toys to be exact. I have a display cabinet for my penguins. He has one for his toys as well as a few shelves. Those things do not go anywhere else.
(except the penguins b/c he likes penguins too and he buys me most of them and they don't fit in the cabinet) but we make sure to okay where that stuff goes.

He got to decorate our stairway hall with all his posters and movie stuff that i did not want in my 'grown up' apartment

Talk to him... tell him that you don't expect him to clean up after himself b/c you know him well enough, and that it doesnt bother you, but in order for that to work he has to let you clean up. Or... let it go for a few days, if you can handle the mess just to show him how bad things will get if he doesn't let you pick up after him.

Make sure you each have a 'safe spot' in the apartment.
If FH and I get into a tiff or if we just don't wanna be around eachother for a little while we have enough room to get away. It's a tiny apartment, but i can go to the bedroom and close the door while he watches tv or is on the computer. Or i'll sit here on the computer while he's in the living room watching tv or in the bedroom or whatever.
It's very important to have 'neutral corners'

and remember... he's your fiance sure, but he's also a roommate. and roommates kind of s uck. Just take it day by day and things will get easier.

Don't hold it in if something makes you crazy. If you let several days go by dealing with some little thing he does, one day you might just flip out on him when you could have just spoken about it calmly.

Nagging doesn't work.
Trading favors does... 'hey hon, while i'm doing the dishes do you think you could run the garbage out so that we can watch tv when i'm done with this?'
'it would really help me out if you put the dishes away for us while i vacuumed the living room so we have more time to spend together'

stuff like that.
of course trading OTHER favors can work too.


thanks for taking the time out to write all this - some great tips!!!!

bemyyoko Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

Posted by ant n tilde

Posted by skinny237
. . . and ALL of his DVDs, CDs and games MUST be on display we cant have a closed case

i think the major problem is the apartment is so small there is no room for him to have his own 'room' like i told him when we have a house he can have an entire room but the real living room will be MINE and formal etc.



UGH. That is a battle that i only one half of.
All of our dvds are on display. The video games got put on an open rack in a closet in our living room. The closet doesn't have a door so it's basically just a little 'nook' in our living room so i still look at them every day.
It bothered me at first but then i realized that men do that for bragging rights lol.
Whenever we go to someone's house who has a lot of dvds or video games out it starts a HUGE conversation, so now I sort of home people will say something when they come to our place b/c i knwo that secretly that's what FH is looking for.
bemyyoko Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

Posted by ant n tilde


thanks for taking the time out to write all this - some great tips!!!!



LoL Sorry it got long winded. I just wish i'd had someone tell me some of these things before we moved in.
I mean, it really wasn't that big of an adjustment for us... people joke that we're more like college buddies than fiances a lot of the time... but still... the personal space thing is a HUGE life saver.
Mizzdimple Posted:

Re: girls that live with FH already

i feel your pain. my FH leaves his socks everywhere and never makes the bed. I just clean A LOT and move things around..make sure he knows where things go., he leaves his jacket everywhere., he LOVES to hang his pants over any chair in reach its very BADDDDD....but i just move them without giving him hell or else it will turn into a fight.

If he decorates i change it quickly. I wake up later than him purposely so that he is out of my way.

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