girls that live with FH already

I have to admit I am very lucky but I know many woman who have husbands like this- the best thing I reccommend patience, compromise, stand your ground and just mention to him he can't be leaving little surprises like saws hanging
(tell him it is dangerous especially once you have kids) once you mention children they soften up I'm sure it is an adjustment for him also and some habits will stay the same and others will change for the better Much Luck!

compromise, compromise, compromise...
for exaample... i promised to decorate with his favorite color blue in the livingroom if he was willing to take down that woody allen poster holding a blow up doll...
also he loves to cook, so i said the kitchen was all his....

we share responsibilites but mostly help eachother like we do laundry together, if he cooks ill do the dishes, vice versa.... i think most of it works itself out, just remember that everyone still needs personal space once in awhile even when living together....

You guys will be fine. Everyone told me that FH and i would fight and have problems the first couple of months, but I think living with him has been super easy and we don't really fight- bicker yes, but no huge arguments. The hardest adjustment is sharing the bed (Im a bed hog) and making him realize Im not his mom and if he leaves a plate on the table, Im not going to pick it up. hehe. But everyone is different and has their own situations, so Im sure you and him will work it all out in the way thats best for you!

I have lived with FH for 5 years, and it's been so long I can't remember the beginning that clearly, but things have gotten better as time went on. The first year we lived together, he wanted everything to look 'modern' and non-girly. We argued about how to decorate, and because we were in college at the time and it didn't matter that much, I eventually just gave in. We had faux black leather couches, ugly framed posters of NYC, etc. Well a year later when we moved into our next apartment, he left the decorating to me because he said that the last place was boring and depressing looking. A few years later he insisted he needed a 'man room', so I told him that if he wanted to pay more rent than me for an extra bedroom, go right ahead. So since then he's always gotten an extra bedroom to do as he likes with it. Luckily, what used to be a room filled with sports memoribilia has now turned into a pretty nicely decorated office (he's matured a lot).

He's also a lot neater than me on a day to day basis about cleaning dishes right away, but doing a big clean is something he would argue with me about. I started to feel like I was nagging him to clean with me (because I will not do it alone), so I let it go until it bothered him. Well after 1 MONTH (!!!) he mentioned that the place looked dirty (it was disgusting). I pointed out that it would always be that way if cleaning were left to him. That was never a problem again after that. Since neither of us really like to spend a whole day cleaning, we now pay someone to do (we live in a house now). To us it's worth every penny, but again I'm not a fan of cleaning.

I read this book called 'What no one tells the bride' by Marg Stark (incase you are interested)

It kinda echos everything people have said, make sure you each have your own space, also accept the fact that when it comes to the household stuff you will probably end up caring more and no amount of nagging is going to change that.

Just be patient. I have been living with FH for about a year now....I do the laundry and he takes the garbage out (only after i put it next to the door so he trips on it when he walks in )
You find a way to make it work .

thanks girls - i didnt expect such great responses!!

all great advice and i am glad that i am not alone! it makes me feel so much better

Ugh.. this post makes me feel horrible... I'm the bad roommate but I've gotten a lot better. I'm the messier one, and the one who already had the place decorated my way.

FH and I are very lucky that we share a big 2 bedroom/2 bath apartment. I lived here with a roommate my first year of law school, and when she moved to FL and FH finished grad school it just worked out perfectly for him to move in with me. (This was planned before we were engaged, although we got engaged 2 weeks before he moved in).

I already had a substantial part of the apartment decorated (very nicely, I might add!) but FH was super accomodating and let me keep my dressers/closet and he uses the closet in the 2nd bedroom and added a bureau to our room. He also liked the decorations I had and let me leave things the way they were, with a few of his additions.

We also have 'our spaces' in the apartment. He uses the second bedroom a lot which we converted into a media room -- big tv, video games, his keyboard, etc. I spend a lot of time in our bedroom, which is where I like to do work, study, relax. I think it's really important to have your own space

With respect to cleaning.... nag gently? I have a tendency to get messy but I've been A LOT cleaner now that I share the whole apartment with FH. When I lived with a roommate I'd keep the common areas clean but let my room turn into a battle zone but for the most part I'm surprised by how clean I've been since FH moved in. Baby steps though...

It's hard to move in together... we spent so much time at eachother's apartments that we already knew eachothers bad habits so it wasnt so much of an adjustment for us, but having any kind of roommate is hard. Give it time.... it will work out :)

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Posted by Mizzdimple

P.S. if he insists on keeping things.like my FH...like for example he wanted to keep a nasty old sweat shirt from 1978 I threw it out when he wasnt home one day..he never noticed..

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i plan to do that A LOT...
fh is a pack rat

keep the advice coming girls.. i need to hear this all too!

My privacy was the thing I missed most and it took awhile to get used to but you will get used to it. My advice is to try to talk to him NOW about the stuff you expect him to do or not do and come to a compromise on things. If he is not cleaning up after himself now you can be sure he wont after you are married...lol.

It was said in another post too but having your own space and time is very important or you will quickly feel suffocated. Things will work themselves out just make sure to communicate as much as possible.

Good Luck. its not easy but its worth it.

Give him some space to put up his stuff that you don't like. Dedicate a room to it or something. Try not to go overly girly with the stuff that you pick out. Make compromises. Be understanding, but voice your feelings too! Don't yell during arguments no matter how much you want to. Don't be catty or say things in a way that sounds vicious.

Cliche as it is, communication is the key!

FH and I bought our condo almost 2years ago and i dont regret one thing. We never had that problem with being in each others space at all. However we get alot of 'alone time'...hes a city fireman so hes gone a couple nights a week and those nights i made into my friend nights or just me, myself and i nights. At first i hated to be by myself but now i love it and it makes me miss him all the time.

As far as him putting things that you hate everywhere...i gave FH a small wall to hang his things on...(you can barely see them, its in a corner of the room next to a cabinet, above our computer!) You will figure something out, and i also told him you cant hang everything, he got mad but got over it....its all comprimising.

We've lived together for over 4 years now...

Alone time is key!

Figure out who does what chores.
FH usually takes out trash and recycled stuff.
FH vacuums
I do laundry, clean bathroom, do all linen changing and basically everything else in the apartment. Ha ha.

He cooks.
I food shop.

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Posted by kasolan

Since neither of us really like to spend a whole day cleaning, we now pay someone to do (we live in a house now). To us it's worth every penny, but again I'm not a fan of cleaning.

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I agree with this 100%, its worth it to us to hire people to do the cleaning so we never waste our time doing it. and no one gets 'nagged' to clean.

Also alone time is key, i read some posts talking about that. My FH works alot, late nights and weekends he is always doing stuff, so i make sure i see my friends, go shopping and go to brunch pretty much every weekend i can.

I don't know if this has been said because I didn't read all the responses but here's my 2 cents..
Communication and compromise are key. If something bothers you, you need to tell him in a non-accusing way and let him know what he can do to make it better without blaming him. No two people see things the exact same way, so you've got to let him know what you need him to do to make you more comfortable. Otherwise it's gonna keep bothering you and you're gonna end up having a huge fight over it.
Also be willing to compromise and realize he's never going to do 100% of the things you'd like (although we always wish they would!) so you have to pick your battles wisely and figure out what you can put up with & let it go. Living with someone else is always a challenge in this way.
Hopefully this advice is helpful. And don't worry in a short time you'll adjust to it all!

You really do need to compromise. Annoyingly, FH is much more laid back than me. He doesn't mind our Sanrio themed bathroom with Chococat shower curtain though I hate his framed huge photo of Yankee Stadium (I HATE SPORTS). He had this horrible movie poster from Pulp Fiction which he GLUED into a GOLDEN frame! It was awful. So I found the poster on eBay and ordered it for him and framed it nice in a black frame to match our decor. He was so happy we got to keep it

i have been living with my FH for over a year. To be very honest it was very touch especially since we have opposite schedules. We still fight alot. i never lived with anybody besides my parents. he does not pick up after himself & i refuse to do it. when the a cup is left on the coffee table for a few hours & realizes that i am not putting it in the sink, he gets the hint. I refuse to turn into a nag & caught myself doing just that. I try to explain it takes 2 to make a relationship work AND that both of us live here.

I am very happy that we got the through the growing pains of living together than going through it as a newleywed.