Re: Guilt over cost??

don't feel one bit guilty...

my parents paid for our Reception...and my dad wanted Oheka...and for one day we thought thats where it would be...until we went to Land's End...not as expensive...but still not inexpensive...


I think I felt more guilty about spending my own money on music, flowers etc...

and in the end...my parents enjoyed themselves...our whole family did...my mother all of a sudden took on the attitude that she was going to enjoy her money before she died...


you can have FH pay for RD...HM...rings...things not related to the reception...



its normal to have some guilt...but tell yourself to stop. think of how proud that your parents are of you. you are getting your PhD...you have found the love of your life...you have given them joy


everyones financial situation is very different...

Re: Guilt over cost??

Maybe you and your fi can pay for all the vendors. This way, all of you are contributing to the special day.

Re: Guilt over cost??

I can understand your feelings. I went through the same thing with the finances surrounding my education. My parents took out loans, but I paid them off within one year of completing my degree. However, this is not the story my mother tells. I made up my mind long ago that I wouldn't ask her for one cent towards my wedding and I haven't - nor has she offered.

I'm sure your parents are quite different. They sound like they are very generous. Relax and be happy that they want to take care of this for you. You are quite fortunate to have such wonderful parents.

Re: Guilt over cost??

We are newly engaged and we will soon be in the process of planning our wedding. I must tell you that I'm fairly new to NY (originally from TX) and lets just say in TX you can have a GRAND wedding for 15k-20K. I feel guilty because my parents and family live in TX, but I really want a NY wedding! If we were having the wedding in TX, my parents would of payed for the whole wedding. Since we are not, my fh's family will be paying half. MY FH's family is very well to do and won't have a problem paying their half. Bottom line, I feel guilty because my parents don't really have 20k to throw around. But, they want to because they love me. My parent's planned on giving me their half so that I could plan our wedding. However, my fh's father wants to talk to my father about who pays for what. I told my fh that I disapprove. I told my fh that his family could contribute what they want and we would deal with the contracts on so forth. I forgot to mention that our parents have only met once before and to start the off with our families talking about money! I don't think so! I would prefer our families to go through us. I'm trying to plan on an off season and keeping the number of invites to 125. Any advice is welcomed.

Re: Guilt over cost??

My mother is paying for the entire reception BY HERSELF!! With all the extras and NO HELP!!! I don't feel guilty cuz I know she wants me to have a beautiful wedding and reception. and honestly we couldn't do it without her (we're paying for everything else).

Re: Guilt over cost??

I am with Susans we wanted to just go to an island and do it considering the cost in NYC for a wedding. My parents were completely against it. They paid the majority of our wedding and we paid some. The wedding day is really special to the families as well.

I am sure if your dad had a problem paying it he would say something. Enjoy it. My parents and their friends still talk about the wedding to this day. I don't know who enjoyed it more.

Re: Guilt over cost??

My fiancee and I are paying for everything but my dress and flowers. My parents wanted to pay for the whole thing, but I felt that being an adult I should pay for my own wedding. We are looking at expensive places - Russo's and Oheka. My parents keep telling me to pick whatever I want and they will pay. They are thrilled being that I am the first child to marry and would pay for everything claiming they could afford it. Parents never want you to worry or to want for anything. I don't know your parents financial situation, but my dad is a detective and my mom is a secretary. They cannot afford it no matter how they say they can. I also have younger siblings. Being adults sometimes we need to decifer the fact from fiction. If your parents can afford it then go for it and be thrilled! I'm sure than your smile teh day of your wedding will be the perfect repayment for your dad!

Re: Guilt over cost??

Am470 - I COMPLETELY understand how you feel. We are paying for 90% of our wedding (my father is giving us a small gift that we are using for the wedding fund) but the rest of the money is coming from my FIANCE'S SAVINGS!!!!! I have nothing (except debt)! So I felt doubly guilty when my father fell in love with Oheka and offerred to take a loan off the house to pay for me to have my wedding there!!!!! Read my past posts on that one if you want to hear how torn up I was about it. Terrible. I still second guess myself. Carlyle is over our budget too!

Re: Guilt over cost??

What do you mean by out of control. Do you feel like youget charged more because its Oheka??

Re: Guilt over cost??

hey i wish my dad could pay for our wedding. were doing it ourselves and believe me it is ridicuolus how much we are spending and we are not having a lavish wedding. i just wrote out a $3000 check to the Watermill about 2 min ago. my dad is giving me some $ as a gift and I will be buying him a thank you gift.. if dads paying and he wants oheka thats awesome.. i went to a wedding there it is gorgeous...