Had a breakdown last night...

Wow - this is a new record for me - first coming onto LIW for the day at 1:15pm! I am training a temp who will take over when I am off for the wedding and HM so I can't very well sit online with her right next to me LOL!

Anyway... so, FH had his bachelor party in AC all weekend as you all know. I had told him weeks ago to please be honest with me if they end up going to a strip club or whatever, and at the time he told me they would be doing so. Fine, no big deal. So last night I am talking to him, and he says they went to the strip club and the guys all bought him a few lap dances... WELL... I got SO upset I felt like I was gonna throw up! I actually had to hang up with him b/c I knew I was gonna loose it if I stayed on the phone.

Now, let me clarify... it has NOTHING to do w/ trust at ALL. What got to me more than anything else was the thought of him getting aroused by this gross woman shaking her you-knows in his face, and sitting on his lap, etc. I cannot even handle the thought of that... obviously, I don't have a choice, it happened and it's over and I need to get over it but WOW... I had a serious breakdown last night.

Eventually I called him back to talk to him about it b/c obviously I can't hold it all in. I think that with 17 days to go, the stress of everything has finally hit me (AND I am PMSing this week) so it's a BAD combo!!! Anyway... I look like a bullfrog today b/c my eyes are so puffy from crying before bed last night - it's very cute lemme tell you

I'm soooo sorry you are feeling like this hunny. UGHGHGHGH boys and their stupid strip clubs!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, it's not as big of a deal as you think it is, I know that it doesn't seem like that but guys are just amused by this stupid stuff. I highly doubt your FH is a pervert who was 'SO TURNED ON' by these women...he probably was just having fun and laughing with the boys. DONT WORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think it's great that he was honest with you and what you are envisioning is most likely far worse than it really was.

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Posted by anamaree77

I'm soooo sorry you are feeling like this hunny. UGHGHGHGH boys and their stupid strip clubs!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, it's not as big of a deal as you think it is, I know that it doesn't seem like that but guys are just amused by this stupid stuff. I highly doubt your FH is a pervert who was 'SO TURNED ON' by these women...he probably was just having fun and laughing with the boys. DONT WORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think it's great that he was honest with you and what you are envisioning is most likely far worse than it really was.

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I am sure you're right... unfortunately, once I get something in my head, it takes a Xanax and some serious work to get it out LOL. This may be TMI, but I have always felt very inadequate as a sexual partner for him (and he knows this b/c we've had this discussion) so that's more where my upsetness came from... thinking that I am so awful and this gross woman was able to do more for him than I can... I know I'm being stupid but that was how I was feeling.

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Posted by Bride908

i feel the same way as you. If FH wants to go to a strip club fine. I trust him and thats that. BUT the thought of some cheap thing throwing herself on him - or him touching her (YUCK) makes me sick. I dont want to know anything about this stuff when FH goes.

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I am with you... I probably would've been better off not knowing but knowing me, my mind would've gone off even worse!!! FH did clarify for me that the girls are not allowed to touch the men (other than their butts/vajayjays for the lap dance which is NOT ok) and the men are NOT allowed to touch the ladies at all. My bro was trying to make me feel better by saying that those things are never as erotic as we think they are, that its usually more funny and stupid than anything else. I hope thats true.

I understand how you feel, and it was a good thing that he was honest with you, but its a bad picture to put in your head. try to move past it and remeber all the good things!

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Posted by RisiLeigh

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Posted by anamaree77

I'm soooo sorry you are feeling like this hunny. UGHGHGHGH boys and their stupid strip clubs!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, it's not as big of a deal as you think it is, I know that it doesn't seem like that but guys are just amused by this stupid stuff. I highly doubt your FH is a pervert who was 'SO TURNED ON' by these women...he probably was just having fun and laughing with the boys. DONT WORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think it's great that he was honest with you and what you are envisioning is most likely far worse than it really was.

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I am sure you're right... unfortunately, once I get something in my head, it takes a Xanax and some serious work to get it out LOL. This may be TMI, but I have always felt very inadequate as a sexual partner for him (and he knows this b/c we've had this discussion) so that's more where my upsetness came from... thinking that I am so awful and this gross woman was able to do more for him than I can... I know I'm being stupid but that was how I was feeling.

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I don't think you're being stupid at all....as a matter of fact, I am exactly the same way. I get all worked up over stuff and replay it in my head as if it's so horrible. If the roles were reveresed I would be doing the SAME Thing......but from here looking in, it's really ok. Your FH would not be marrying you if you were 'inadequate' and what a horrible thing to say about yourself!

Sometimes we're much more hard on ourselves than we would ever be to a friend or loved one, you need to love yourself and recognize that FH is in love with YOU and marrying YOU! They are not turned on my some sk@nky go-go dancer...cmonnnnnnnn....it's AMUSEMENT. Just like they get absorbed in football and cars, etc. They're just guys, that's how their brains work..easy entertainment.

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Posted by RisiLeigh

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Posted by Bride908

i feel the same way as you. If FH wants to go to a strip club fine. I trust him and thats that. BUT the thought of some cheap thing throwing herself on him - or him touching her (YUCK) makes me sick. I dont want to know anything about this stuff when FH goes.

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I am with you... I probably would've been better off not knowing but knowing me, my mind would've gone off even worse!!! FH did clarify for me that the girls are not allowed to touch the men (other than their butts/vajayjays for the lap dance which is NOT ok) and the men are NOT allowed to touch the ladies at all. My bro was trying to make me feel better by saying that those things are never as erotic as we think they are, that its usually more funny and stupid than anything else. I hope thats true.

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Your Bro is RIGHT ON THE MONEY!!! It's funny and stupid for them, they get to be @ssholes and hoot and holler and make @sses of themselves without being judged.

my FH told me this story about this strip club he went to in Canada before I met him - so he goes to the strip club with his friends, they all get lapdances - FH goes with the stripper which he admits he though was hot and she starts dancing/humping him whatever .....he he is there FOREVER with this chick and his friends are like w-t-f is he doing in there....he was in there for almost a half hour and he figured that she liked him - well, it turns out that in this canadian strip club you PAY for every song and my FH sat through at least like 5 songs - so yeah, he ended up spending all his money on the stripper such an idiot - but yeah, that story makes me want to when i think about him getting lapdances - b/c obviously he enjoyed his half hour lap dance in canada

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Posted by RisiLeigh

Wow - this is a new record for me - first coming onto LIW for the day at 1:15pm! I am training a temp who will take over when I am off for the wedding and HM so I can't very well sit online with her right next to me LOL!

Anyway... so, FH had his bachelor party in AC all weekend as you all know. I had told him weeks ago to please be honest with me if they end up going to a strip club or whatever, and at the time he told me they would be doing so. Fine, no big deal. So last night I am talking to him, and he says they went to the strip club and the guys all bought him a few lap dances... WELL... I got SO upset I felt like I was gonna throw up! I actually had to hang up with him b/c I knew I was gonna loose it if I stayed on the phone.


Now, let me clarify... it has NOTHING to do w/ trust at ALL. What got to me more than anything else was the thought of him getting aroused by this gross woman shaking her you-knows in his face, and sitting on his lap, etc. I cannot even handle the thought of that... obviously, I don't have a choice, it happened and it's over and I need to get over it but WOW... I had a serious breakdown last night.

Eventually I called him back to talk to him about it b/c obviously I can't hold it all in. I think that with 17 days to go, the stress of everything has finally hit me (AND I am PMSing this week) so it's a BAD combo!!! Anyway... I look like a bullfrog today b/c my eyes are so puffy from crying before bed last night - it's very cute lemme tell you

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I feel your pain. I told FH to be honest with me when he went to his brother in law's bachelore party...he came home and told me he got a lap dance, I was boiling inside..more so because I thought he wasn't into those from what he said. Butttttt I had to remember I asked him to be honest with me and he was so I couldn't crusify him for being honest! Although I threw out a few digs and comments, and the fact that I couldn't look at him without thinking of a woman's breasts rubbing all over him for a few days, I had to let it go!!! Not without first venting it out to my therapist!!! It stinks and boys are stupid but I was also trying ot think of it in reverse...if it was a girl's party and they had guys up there dancing i would probably be the first one after a few cocktails running up there and laughing my arse off thinking it was hysterical and dancing with them...

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Posted by emomma17

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Posted by RisiLeigh

Wow - this is a new record for me - first coming onto LIW for the day at 1:15pm! I am training a temp who will take over when I am off for the wedding and HM so I can't very well sit online with her right next to me LOL!

Anyway... so, FH had his bachelor party in AC all weekend as you all know. I had told him weeks ago to please be honest with me if they end up going to a strip club or whatever, and at the time he told me they would be doing so. Fine, no big deal. So last night I am talking to him, and he says they went to the strip club and the guys all bought him a few lap dances... WELL... I got SO upset I felt like I was gonna throw up! I actually had to hang up with him b/c I knew I was gonna loose it if I stayed on the phone.


Now, let me clarify... it has NOTHING to do w/ trust at ALL. What got to me more than anything else was the thought of him getting aroused by this gross woman shaking her you-knows in his face, and sitting on his lap, etc. I cannot even handle the thought of that... obviously, I don't have a choice, it happened and it's over and I need to get over it but WOW... I had a serious breakdown last night.

Eventually I called him back to talk to him about it b/c obviously I can't hold it all in. I think that with 17 days to go, the stress of everything has finally hit me (AND I am PMSing this week) so it's a BAD combo!!! Anyway... I look like a bullfrog today b/c my eyes are so puffy from crying before bed last night - it's very cute lemme tell you

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I feel your pain. I told FH to be honest with me when he went to his brother in law's bachelore party...he came home and told me he got a lap dance, I was boiling inside..more so because I thought he wasn't into those from what he said. Butttttt I had to remember I asked him to be honest with me and he was so I couldn't crusify him for being honest! Although I threw out a few digs and comments, and the fact that I couldn't look at him without thinking of a woman's breasts rubbing all over him for a few days, I had to let it go!!! Not without first venting it out to my therapist!!! It stinks and boys are stupid but I was also trying ot think of it in reverse...if it was a girl's party and they had guys up there dancing i would probably be the first one after a few cocktails running up there and laughing my arse off thinking it was hysterical and dancing with them...

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EXACTLY...that's a perfect point...you'd be running up there dancing with them and thinking it's hysterical. I don't think it's really a sexual thing..it's just fun and funny....

Don't feel like you're being ridiculous; I know countless girls who feel the same way, and it's understandable. That's YOUR fiance; you don't like the idea of the typical stripper prototype giving him a lap dance.

However, the idea of lap dances don't really bother me, and maybe if I share why it'll make you feel a little better .

For one thing, I think of everyone's real motivation. The women are doing it for money; they're likely not getting a thing out of it except a ton of singles in their underwear. The men are doing it for laughs and testosterone induced fun time; I know lots of guys who have gone and, like someone said earlier up, it's just a good time for them. According to the ones I've asked about it, it's more about the male bonding and comradery than it is about getting turned on or anything.

For another, I just lay a comparison in front of me - in the process of getting married, a guy who has a wild bachelor party gets two things - a lap dance from some random girl who's getting nothing out of it for a few minutes for the amusement of his friends, and, then, a lifetime of happiness (and, incidentally, FAR more than a SINGLE lap dance ) from a woman that he LOVES and has specifically chosen to spend the rest of his life with. Any old girl could go to the gym and work out enough to make a ton of singles at this place, but a man picks ONE WOMAN to be his wife, and he sees something in her that he doesn't see in anyone else...INCLUDING those women!!!

I know it's more the principle than anything else, but, if I just have to say, judging from your B-pics, your future hubby's a lucky man, and I don't think those strippers could hold a candle to you! You've got NOTHING to worry about!!

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Posted by Michelleypie

Don't feel like you're being ridiculous; I know countless girls who feel the same way, and it's understandable. That's YOUR fiance; you don't like the idea of the typical stripper prototype giving him a lap dance.

However, the idea of lap dances don't really bother me, and maybe if I share why it'll make you feel a little better .

For one thing, I think of everyone's real motivation. The women are doing it for money; they're likely not getting a thing out of it except a ton of singles in their underwear. The men are doing it for laughs and testosterone induced fun time; I know lots of guys who have gone and, like someone said earlier up, it's just a good time for them; according to the ones I've asked about it, it's more about the male bonding and comradery than it is about getting turned on or anything.

For another, I just lay a comparison in front of me - in the process of getting married, a guy who has a wild bachelor party gets two things - a lap dance from some random girl who's getting nothing out of it for a few minutes for the amusement of his friends, and, then, a lifetime of happiness (and, incidentally, FAR more than a SINGLE lap dance ) from a woman that he LOVES and has specifically chosen to spend the rest of his life with. Any old girl could go to the gym and work out enough to make a ton of singles at this place, but a man picks ONE WOMAN to be his wife, and he sees something in her that he doesn't see in anyone else...INCLUDING those women!!!

I know it's more the principle than anything else, but, if I just have to say, judging from your B-pics, your future hubby's a lucky man, and I don't think those strippers could hold a candle to you! You've got NOTHING to worry about!!

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THAT was awesome. You have just made me feel a ton better about my FH possibly getting lap dances on his bach party. And I am sure you've made Marisa feel a ton better too.

THANK YOU.

You, my dear, need to post more!

I would be upset also especially for the lap dance part. I am glad at least fh was upfront with you. I am sure he doesnt think much of this lap dance as much as us women do. In time these thoughts will fade and you will forget about it.

Put some cucumbers on those eyes and try to feel better. Your health and sanity is way more important especially since things have been rocky for you in general. Many hugs!

my fh went to AC too this weekend-maybe they were at the same strip club i got into a huge fight with him because like you, i find it gross and like hey-you are NOT ALLOWED TO SEE ANY OTHER GIRLS tatas or thing...for me, it takes some time to get over it....

I'm soooo not looking forward to this
FH says that he doesn't want to go to a strip club but, I know that his friends will take him there. I'm ok with that but, I don't want to hear about the details of the time spent there. It's just going to get me upset and I'll end up nagging him about it and I would rather avoid that. I trust him and I know that I have nothing to be concerned about.

First as all the other girls have pointed out you are not ridiculous. This is how you feel and you have a right to your feelings. But on a good note he was honest with you. In the long run it will make you feel better that you knew and that your imagination isn't able to run wild. FH had his bachelor party two weekends ago and there was a strip club involved. The stripper even offered to take him home later and he told me all about her offer. At first I wanted to kill him for telling me all of this but then in the end I laughed it off b/c I knew he was being honest and the funny thing is in the end the two of them had a long talk about me and how excited he was to be getting married to me!
On another note I totally understand your feelings of inadequacy b/c I feel the same way, but try to remember he clearly loves you b/c he is marrying you and defintiely finds you much more than adequate Once when I told FH that I felt this way he looked at me and said I was crazy and that did I really think he would spend the rest of his life with a woman who he felt he couldn't connect to in that area? He did have a point But at the same time it is important that the men in our lives understand and respect our feelings. Luckily bachelor parties only happen once. Granted they may go to other men's parties in the future but they can avoid the limelight in those situations. I hope you feel better soon about this. Try not to dwell too too much and instead just focus on all the good stuff coming!

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Posted by Michelleypie

Don't feel like you're being ridiculous; I know countless girls who feel the same way, and it's understandable. That's YOUR fiance; you don't like the idea of the typical stripper prototype giving him a lap dance.

However, the idea of lap dances don't really bother me, and maybe if I share why it'll make you feel a little better .

For one thing, I think of everyone's real motivation. The women are doing it for money; they're likely not getting a thing out of it except a ton of singles in their underwear. The men are doing it for laughs and testosterone induced fun time; I know lots of guys who have gone and, like someone said earlier up, it's just a good time for them. According to the ones I've asked about it, it's more about the male bonding and comradery than it is about getting turned on or anything.

For another, I just lay a comparison in front of me - in the process of getting married, a guy who has a wild bachelor party gets two things - a lap dance from some random girl who's getting nothing out of it for a few minutes for the amusement of his friends, and, then, a lifetime of happiness (and, incidentally, FAR more than a SINGLE lap dance ) from a woman that he LOVES and has specifically chosen to spend the rest of his life with. Any old girl could go to the gym and work out enough to make a ton of singles at this place, but a man picks ONE WOMAN to be his wife, and he sees something in her that he doesn't see in anyone else...INCLUDING those women!!!

I know it's more the principle than anything else, but, if I just have to say, judging from your B-pics, your future hubby's a lucky man, and I don't think those strippers could hold a candle to you! You've got NOTHING to worry about!!

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How awesome are you right now??? And what a sweetheart you are for saying what you did about me I agree with Jen - you def need to post more LOL! Thank you!!!

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Posted by chrissybean77

First as all the other girls have pointed out you are not ridiculous. This is how you feel and you have a right to your feelings. But on a good note he was honest with you. In the long run it will make you feel better that you knew and that your imagination isn't able to run wild. FH had his bachelor party two weekends ago and there was a strip club involved. The stripper even offered to take him home later and he told me all about her offer. At first I wanted to kill him for telling me all of this but then in the end I laughed it off b/c I knew he was being honest and the funny thing is in the end the two of them had a long talk about me and how excited he was to be getting married to me!
On another note I totally understand your feelings of inadequacy b/c I feel the same way, but try to remember he clearly loves you b/c he is marrying you and defintiely finds you much more than adequate Once when I told FH that I felt this way he looked at me and said I was crazy and that did I really think he would spend the rest of his life with a woman who he felt he couldn't connect to in that area? He did have a point But at the same time it is important that the men in our lives understand and respect our feelings. Luckily bachelor parties only happen once. Granted they may go to other men's parties in the future but they can avoid the limelight in those situations. I hope you feel better soon about this. Try not to dwell too too much and instead just focus on all the good stuff coming!

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Thanks, Chrissy!!! I actually just went to our house on my lunch today b/c FH was awake and doing some sanding around the house. I told him to take his shirt off so he didn't get me all sandy and just hold me for a few mins b/c that is seriously all I have been needing and wanting. I am barely seeing him very much before our RD and it *****! That is definitely not helping the stress factor in my life LOL! But at least him holding me for a little definitely made a difference in my mood.