I'm in a wedding party,,,and I am trying soooo hard to be there for my friend who is getting married,,,but now its a little out of control. Her and her fiance live together and have a 3 year old son. When they first got engaged,,my friend was under the assumption that they would have a combined bachelor/bachelorette party. So now the best man went ahead and planned a bachelor party to Scores(the strip club in manhattan),,and my friend is ready to call off the wedding because shes not comfortable with this. Her finace is all for it and thinks that she is being insecure. So her bridal party has planned to go out the same night and then meet up with the guys at a club later on. Personally, I have been to Scores and dont think that it is a big deal,, its not grimy there at all. All of her other bridesmaids are telling her to call of the wedding bc they think he is being selfish and inconsiderate of her feelings. I just would love to see others peoples opinions on whether or not you would call of the entire wedding bc of a bachelor party......I'm really confused and dont know how else to help her with this drama!!!
weddingbunny
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
Honestly? I think that's pretty silly.
Couples fight, and couples disagree. Sure, he should be more considerate about her discomfort - but on the other side, she should also be more understanding about the fact that this really is his only chance to have a bachelor party, which is something that a lot of guys look forward to - not just for the strippers, but for the whole male-bonding 'manly man time' thing.
So, yeah. Both are probably making mistakes. But that's what a relationship is about - making mistakes and having misunderstandings, and learning how to deal with that and how to work through them.
So, no, I personally wouldn't call off my wedding because of that. On the other hand, depending on how much time they have before the wedding, this couple may need to consider whether or not they need a little more time to maybe do some pre-marital counseling and learn how to work through their misunderstandings before they get married.
just my 2 cents - I hope it doesn't come off as harsh, as it's not meant that way... that's just how I see it.
smara
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
I could see why your friend would be upset and hurt. They agreed to do something and her FI is doing something else. However, i do not feel that she should call off her wedding just because of this.
I think she shoudl work this out with her FH and if she does let him go to Scores you can let her know the following:
My step sister works at scores, and I can honestly say its not like the grimy whole in the wall strip clubs. Its like one of those upper class gentlemans clubs, it cost alot of money to go there and also they have a criteria of what the girls need to look like to ven work there. I mean yes the girls are going to get naked and they do give lap dances.
You guys should take her to a strip club.
afrodyt2000
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
I agree with weddingbunny. Fh is most likely going to a strip club, do I love the idea, no. If I were into strip clubs I'd go to one for my bachelorette party, but it's not my thing. I think she is overreacting and the other BMs are egging her on. I think since he knows it matters to her so much that he should be more considerate but really throwing away a 4+ year relationship over that, is a bit melodramatic to me.
njordan414
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
No,,,its not harsh at all!!! I think that you are absolutely right!! I am the only one in her wedding party that feels that there is nothing wrong with the whole stripper thing! One of her best friends told her just last night that she should call the whole thing off!!! Now why would you say that!!! The bride should be excited about her wedding and should have the support of her friends. I feel really terrible for her!!
Boston&NY2006
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
Posted by afrodyt2000
I agree with weddingbunny. Fh is most likely going to a strip club, do I love the idea, no. If I were into strip clubs I'd go to one for my bachelorette party, but it's not my thing. I think she is overreacting and the other BMs anre egging her on. I think since he knows it matters to her so much that he should be more considerate but really throwing away a 4+ year relationship over that, is a bit melodramatic to me.
I totally agree.
regi
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
You might want to post this on the groom site and get a male opinion on this.
camposal
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
I think that is absolutely ridiculous.
Graciep0o
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
My FH is having 2 bachelor parties, one in vegas and one in montreal. I've gotten comments like aren't you worried or what not..but I'm not because I trust him. I'm not thrilled about the idea of him going to strip clubs but again..I trust him. I don't think its worth calling the wedding off over.
October Bliss
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
IMHO, if she is thinking about calling off the wedding over something as insignificant as a bachelor party, there are bigger troubles in the relationship.
You said she was under the assumption that they would do a combined thing. Did they discuss it? Did they actually agree? Or is this something just in her head? If they actually talked about it and both firmly agreed they would do a combined thing, then he is being inconsiderate in going back on his word. That of course is a red flag.
If however, she just thought they would do it that way because they're living together and have a child together, then she is being childish, and I would agree with her FI that she is insecure, and in all likelihood doesn't trust him. Which of course leads to the question - why doesn't she trust him? Is there a legit reason, or is it born out of her insecurity??
It just seems to be that there is so much more going on here that just not wanting him to go to a strip club. After all, is there any bride on this site that actually wants their FH at a strip club a few weeks/days before the wedding? NO, but we all deal with it/handle it, without considering calling off the wedding over it.
kittythestray
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
I think calling off the wedding over the bachelor party is a bit extreme. It almost sounds more like an ultimatum to get her way. I don't agree with the whole bachelor party means having strippers thing, it's just my personal opinion, but there are adult ways to deal with disagreements. I can see her being hurt, that he is not considering her feelings, but they should find a way to learn to communicate better and compromise. Will she ask for a divorce when they have a big disagreement after the wedding? Learning how to fight and compromise so that both people feel comfortble with the situation needs to be learned before the big day.
DjPiLL
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
I think *HE* should call off the wedding because this woman is just a nutcase.
Call off a wedding because of a bachelor party? Give me a break. Talk about being ultra insecure. And they have to 'meet up with the guys' afterwards?
Where is the ball and chain when I need it.
prncssrachel
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
I don't think anyone should be getting married if they cannot even effectively communicate over a bachelor party. If your friend is so insecure that she does not want her FH looking at strippers in a stupid strip club, then maybe she needs to take a long, hard look at HERSELF and her insecurities because in the grand scheme of things, a bachelor party is small potatoes in terms of a marriage. Even questioning whether or not to get married over something like that usually leads me to think that there are more problems than just what is being presented. JMHO.
babybug631
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
I can understand if she is upset, but to go as far as calling off the wedding, that's too far. If it bothers her that much, he should respect her wishes though. Good luck.
rlgirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
if your friend is silly enough to call off the wedding for this reason, maybe her fiance should reconsider getting married. i think women who have a problem with bachelor parties are those that are insecure and dont trust their man. if that is the case, then why get married?
werock0709
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
Give me a break already. Call off her wedding because a bachelor party is at a strip joint. Unbelievable and immature
Mrs_C_in_'07
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
I'm sorry, but I think your friend is being a little immature. It's kind of 'tradition' for the guys (and now even for girls) to go to a strip club.
I have friends like this as well though. I have a friend who said she 'wouldn't let her boyfriend go to a strip club'. First off I said to her 'let him!??!?!' Anyway, if she's marrying him, she should trust him. If she doesn't trust him not to do anything at a strip club them maybe she should reconsider.
VadersBride2006
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
Well, let me give you a mother's point of view...
I think this is RIDICULOUS! I have 2 kids with my FH and we have been living together for over 2 years and I would NEVER think of calling off our wedding b/c of something so insignificant. I agree with the other posters that say there MUST be larger issues going on here!
She needs to think long and hard about this. Not only is her decision going to affect her and her FH, but she needs to think about how it will affect their son, especially since they have been living together since he was born. It's not like she's a single mom and the dad hasn't been around much, ya know? The consequences of this decision will have many repercussions.
Also, if she had felt this way from the beginning, why didn't she say something before now? My FH and I have discussed it already, it's one of the first things we talked about after getting engaged. Remember what they say about those who assume.
sarahthegreat
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
Posted by prncssrachel
I don't think anyone should be getting married if they cannot even effectively communicate over a bachelor party. If your friend is so insecure that she does not want her FH looking at strippers in a stupid strip club, then maybe she needs to take a long, hard look at HERSELF and her insecurities because in the grand scheme of things, a bachelor party is small potatoes in terms of a marriage. Even questioning whether or not to get married over something like that usually leads me to think that there are more problems than just what is being presented. JMHO.
i agree.
mrsh2b
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELPHELPHELP!!! Bachelor party drama!
Posted by Boston&NY2006
Posted by afrodyt2000
I agree with weddingbunny. Fh is most likely going to a strip club, do I love the idea, no. If I were into strip clubs I'd go to one for my bachelorette party, but it's not my thing. I think she is overreacting and the other BMs anre egging her on. I think since he knows it matters to her so much that he should be more considerate but really throwing away a 4+ year relationship over that, is a bit melodramatic to me.
I totally agree.
Me too! I don't think Scores is worth throwing away your family's future over. Boys will be boys (IMO)
