My Mom is sick and in the hospital. My Dad has been by her side everyday for hours upon hours a day.. all the while trying to fit work in.. and other responsibilites.
My Dad planned a fishing trip 6 months ago. He doesn't want to go on Sunday because of this.. but I told him he had to. He needs a break from this. It's a total strain.
Well.. my FW had her B-Day on August 5th. For her B-Day, we went to the vineyards out on LI with her friends. Next day, her Mom had a BBQ for her.
Her parents are divorced.
So her Dad and Step-Mom want to clelebrate her B-Day on Sunday. I said I would go for a brief time.. but then I wanted to see my Mom.
Mind you... I'm an only child.
She is flipping out on me saying.. how are you going to celebrate my B-Day on Sunday? If you are only going to stay for a hlf hour.. then going to the hospital.'
My attitude is.. This is my MOTHER.
Who would want to be left alone for a whole day in the hospital?
She suggested visiting her 11am to 1.
I said, NO WAY!
No matter what I am going to see her in the afternoon and stay until evening.
She says she needs me to be there. Well.. My Mom has needs too!
Am I right.. or am I wrong? Be honest.
Jan05Bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Posted by BMD'sPeanut
are you leaving???
I'm home already baby - 1/2 day
Jenny5150
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
If my DH's mom was in the hospital, you can bet your butt I would be rearranging dinner with my parents for another time so I could go with my DH to see his mom!
AJsMommy122
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Posted by Jan05Bride
If I were your FW I'd be canceling the BBQ to spend the day with my FMIL so that my FFIL can finally have a much needed break.
A BBQ could always be rescheduled.
I agree 100% Esp. since you are an only child. As a mom I would be so sad if my only son spent the day with his FW on her birthday and left me all alone sick in a hospital! Birthday's come every year like clockwork lol Your mom needs you No offense but your FW needs to have a reality check and stop acting so selfish. What would she do if the situation were on the other foot??
OctGroom
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Posted by marymoon
I agree with julz. Go from 11-1, spend all day with FW and then go back for another 2 hours at night, maybe with FW. I agree that you need tobe there for your mom, but the wya you said 'no matter what I am going there fomr earlt afternnon...' etc. That's really unwavering, and it 's your WIFE. I understamnd where you're coming from, and nothing seems as important to you as your mom's illness, but I think you need to come up with a compromise. You can't be so stubborn!
i can compromise with the best of them, mary.
don424
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Posted by marymoon
I agree with julz. Go from 11-1, spend all day with FW and then go back for another 2 hours at night, maybe with FW. I agree that you need tobe there for your mom, but the wya you said 'no matter what I am going there fomr earlt afternnon...' etc. That's really unwavering, and it 's your WIFE. I understamnd where you're coming from, and nothing seems as important to you as your mom's illness, but I think you need to come up with a compromise. You can't be so stubborn!
he said, he would go for a brief time. That should be compromose enough. If his mom was home and alone on a Sunday, then I agree, but she's not and this is the THIRD birthday celebration.
OG: don't back down here. This is one battle worth fighting IMO and this may get me in trouble from those that believe that the WIFE comes first in ALL cases, but I think under the circumstances, you handled it the right way. Too bad your FW is behaving selfishly.
Jan05Bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Posted by Jenny5150
If my DH's mom was in the hospital, you can bet your butt I would be rearranging dinner with my parents for another time so I could go with my DH to see his mom!
THANK YOU Where's a clapping hands icon when I need it??!
palebride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
i think you're totally right!
Your mother needs you and you need to be with her. Yes, there are times when you have to put your FW above your parents.....butt here are times when your FW needs to be sensitive to your feelings, and i think this ins one of those times
hope your mother is doing better!
FeliciaDA
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Posted by OctGroom
Posted by marymoon
I agree with julz. Go from 11-1, spend all day with FW and then go back for another 2 hours at night, maybe with FW. I agree that you need tobe there for your mom, but the wya you said 'no matter what I am going there fomr earlt afternnon...' etc. That's really unwavering, and it 's your WIFE. I understamnd where you're coming from, and nothing seems as important to you as your mom's illness, but I think you need to come up with a compromise. You can't be so stubborn!
i can compromise with the best of them, mary.
In OctG's defense, I don't think he's being so stubborn at all. He is doing this for both his Dad and Mom and he has ALREADY celebarted his FW's birthday numerous times. As some others have said, I think if your FW really thought about this she'd realize that you not chosing your Mom over HER, rather just being a good son.
Quite the contrary, (and no offense to your FW, OctG) but I think the FW is the one being selfish and stubborn.
Just my 2 cents
SomedayBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
You already celebrated her birthday. I could see her getting upset if this was the one celebration of her day, but this is the third. Your mom is sick, that should be #1 in everyone's mind, and I think your FW is being VERY selfish. She's young, she'll have many more birthdays (god willing), who knows how much more time you'll have with your mom....sorry, jmo.
OctGroom
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Posted by FeliciaDA
Posted by OctGroom
Posted by marymoon
I agree with julz. Go from 11-1, spend all day with FW and then go back for another 2 hours at night, maybe with FW. I agree that you need tobe there for your mom, but the wya you said 'no matter what I am going there fomr earlt afternnon...' etc. That's really unwavering, and it 's your WIFE. I understamnd where you're coming from, and nothing seems as important to you as your mom's illness, but I think you need to come up with a compromise. You can't be so stubborn!
i can compromise with the best of them, mary.
Quite the contrary, (and no offense to your FW, OctG) but I think the FW is the one being selfish and stubborn.
Just my 2 cents
She is being that way. No offense taken at all. Heck.. it's the 100% truth!
Thanks Felicia!
FeliciaDA
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Posted by don424
he said, he would go for a brief time. That should be compromose enough. If his mom was home and alone on a Sunday, then I agree, but she's not and this is the THIRD birthday celebration.
OG: don't back down here. This is one battle worth fighting IMO and this may get me in trouble from those that believe that the WIFE comes first in ALL cases, but I think under the circumstances, you handled it the right way. Too bad your FW is behaving selfishly.
well I'm a WIFE now (LOL) and yet I totally agree with Don .(scary, huh Don
If either of my in laws were sick and I were celebrating my b'day for the 3rd time, I'd TELL my husband to make sure he was with his parents. Not that I've have to tell him, he's a wonderful son and would do the right thing.
OctGroom
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Posted by FeliciaDA
Posted by don424
he said, he would go for a brief time. That should be compromose enough. If his mom was home and alone on a Sunday, then I agree, but she's not and this is the THIRD birthday celebration.
OG: don't back down here. This is one battle worth fighting IMO and this may get me in trouble from those that believe that the WIFE comes first in ALL cases, but I think under the circumstances, you handled it the right way. Too bad your FW is behaving selfishly.
well I'm a WIFE now (LOL) and yet I totally agree with Don .(scary, huh Don
If either of my in laws were sick and I were celebrating my b'day for the 3rd time, I'd TELL my husband to make sure he was with his parents. Not that I've have to tell him, he's a wonderful son and would do the right thing.
thething that bothers me is.. why is she acting like this?
it scares me a bit.
Jan05Bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Posted by OctGroom thething that bothers me is.. why is she acting like this?
it scares me a bit.
Did you try to talk to her calmly about it? I mean explain your feelings and the reasons WHY you need to be there. Sometimes when we are in the 'thick of a fight' our emotions take over and we don't always say things they way we want them to be said.
Instead of 'It's my MOTHER and I'm her SON' try 'my dad really needs a break and I want him to be able to go on this trip without having to worry. As you know my mother is very ill and I really would like to spend some time with her. It's important ...'
don424
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Posted by OctGroom
Posted by FeliciaDA
Posted by don424
he said, he would go for a brief time. That should be compromose enough. If his mom was home and alone on a Sunday, then I agree, but she's not and this is the THIRD birthday celebration.
OG: don't back down here. This is one battle worth fighting IMO and this may get me in trouble from those that believe that the WIFE comes first in ALL cases, but I think under the circumstances, you handled it the right way. Too bad your FW is behaving selfishly.
well I'm a WIFE now (LOL) and yet I totally agree with Don .(scary, huh Don
If either of my in laws were sick and I were celebrating my b'day for the 3rd time, I'd TELL my husband to make sure he was with his parents. Not that I've have to tell him, he's a wonderful son and would do the right thing.
thething that bothers me is.. why is she acting like this?
it scares me a bit.
beats me -- but this is one time you need to fight the good fight
marymoon
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Just the wya you said it, OctGroomm made it seem like you would not compromise...and seriously, everytime my FH says 'but she's my MOTHER' I want ot ake my ring off and shove it down his throat. It may be wrong, but it's the way some people react. I think you can both reach a compromise. And yes, FW needs to compromise too, obviouly.
FeliciaDA
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Posted by OctGroom
thething that bothers me is.. why is she acting like this?
it scares me a bit.
I totally cannot blame you for being a little scared off and freaked out by her reation to this situation, but try not to take this one incident and make it a symbol for your entire relationship or your future in general.
OctG, you are only a few months away from the wedding and the stress levels are high .. even if you don't feel outwardly stressed, its there. Trust me my DH and I fought over everything and learned things about each other we never knew before, sometimes feelings and emotions were CRAZY and we hurt each other inadvertently..but we got thru it and so will you !!
Your FW obviously loves you very much or else she wouldn't be this upset about you not spending the day with her .. Its easy to get caught up in hurt feelings that aren't rational, and obviously she feels as though you are choosing Mom over her and is forcing you to make a decision isn't fair to you.
I know you don't have much time but try to both cool down and talk to her again and calmly explain to her that this is not a contest .. and that you are just doing what is right
Good luck, my friend!!
don424
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Felicia, we agree?
It IS getting rather cold in here
kdelace
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Posted by BMD'sPeanut
Posted by OctGroom
My attitude is.. This is my MOTHER.
As much as I can understand where you are coming from (being an only child myself who's very close to my mom) and as sweet as the gesture is, I have to say I think you have to get over this 'This is my MOTHER' attitude...
You're getting married...From that point on things should be only about you and your WIFE...
Is this how it's always going to be?
I'm not saying that your FW isn't being unreasonable (considering that her birthday was a week ago and you already celebrated and you offered to partake in the celebrations at least for a little while) but still...Maybe the issue is something else...
kdelace
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
Posted by BMD'sPeanut
Posted by OctGroom
My attitude is.. This is my MOTHER.
As much as I can understand where you are coming from (being an only child myself who's very close to my mom) and as sweet as the gesture is, I have to say I think you have to get over this 'This is my MOTHER' attitude...
You're getting married...From that point on things should be only about you and your WIFE...
Is this how it's always going to be?
I'm not saying that your FW isn't being unreasonable (considering that her birthday was a week ago and you already celebrated and you offered to partake in the celebrations at least for a little while) but still...Maybe the issue is something else...
Wow! I think your comment is a little off base You are taking his question to a much different level. You asked him if this was an issue of something else and Is this how it is always going to be? His mother is in the hospital...this is not an every day issue. He's giving his Dad a break and he is going to the barbeque- its not like hes not going. His FW should step up to the plate and go with him..its not like she didnt celebrate her birthday. There are sacrafices to be made and this is the time. The FW should not be giving him grief about going to sit with his mother. he was asking a simple question, not to analyze his relationships with mother and FW.
Sunny
Posted:
Member since
Re: Honest opinions wanted...
I think you are right, and should be with your mom.
Also, if you are not with her all day, your dad will be upset that he went fishing and left her alone.
Your dad needs a break, and I am sure he feels better about going is because he knows you will be there for her.
