Honest opinions wanted...

OctGroom Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:38 PM

Honest opinions wanted...

Right now..

My Mom is sick and in the hospital.
My Dad has been by her side everyday for hours upon hours a day.. all the while trying to fit work in.. and other responsibilites.

My Dad planned a fishing trip 6 months ago.
He doesn't want to go on Sunday because of this.. but I told him he had to. He needs a break from this. It's a total strain.

Well.. my FW had her B-Day on August 5th. For her B-Day, we went to the vineyards out on LI with her friends. Next day, her Mom had a BBQ for her.

Her parents are divorced.

So her Dad and Step-Mom want to clelebrate her B-Day on Sunday. I said I would go for a brief time.. but then I wanted to see my Mom.

Mind you... I'm an only child.

She is flipping out on me saying.. how are you going to celebrate my B-Day on Sunday? If you are only going to stay for a hlf hour.. then going to the hospital.'

My attitude is.. This is my MOTHER.

Who would want to be left alone for a whole day in the hospital?

She suggested visiting her 11am to 1.

I said, NO WAY!

No matter what I am going to see her in the afternoon and stay until evening.

She says she needs me to be there.
Well.. My Mom has needs too!

Am I right.. or am I wrong?
Be honest.

sophie78 Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:40 PM

Re: Honest opinions wanted...

you are completely right

TwoBugs Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:41 PM

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No offense to your FW, but I think you are right. Your mother needs you right now.

sarahthegreat Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:41 PM

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i think your fw needs to be a little more sensitive to yr situation. i say you are in the right, how many times does she need to celebrate her b-day? JMHO

KarenB Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:41 PM

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I don't think you are wrong. I also think a man treats his Wife the way he treats his Mother. So your FW is one lucky woman to marry a man who values his Mom.

Niecey Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:43 PM

Re: Honest opinions wanted...

You are 100% right in my opinion. If my DH told me no - I would freak on him. You celebrated her b-day with her last week and you are asking one day for your mom.

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:43 PM

Re: Honest opinions wanted...

Posted by OctGroom

My attitude is.. This is my MOTHER.

As much as I can understand where you are coming from (being an only child myself who's very close to my mom) and as sweet as the gesture is, I have to say I think you have to get over this 'This is my MOTHER' attitude...

You're getting married...From that point on things should be only about you and your WIFE...

Is this how it's always going to be?

I'm not saying that your FW isn't being unreasonable (considering that her birthday was a week ago and you already celebrated and you offered to partake in the celebrations at least for a little while) but still...Maybe the issue is something else...

june262004 Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:44 PM

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You are right.

julz33 Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:47 PM

Re: Honest opinions wanted...

Can you go there from 11-1 and then go back for another 2 hours in the evening? Then you are there for the both of them

OctGroom Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:50 PM

Re: Honest opinions wanted...

Posted by BMD'sPeanut

Posted by OctGroom

My attitude is.. This is my MOTHER.

As much as I can understand where you are coming from (being an only child myself who's very close to my mom) and as sweet as the gesture is, I have to say I think you have to get over this 'This is my MOTHER' attitude...

You're getting married...From that point on things should be only about you and your WIFE...

Is this how it's always going to be?

I'm not saying that your FW isn't being unreasonable (considering that her birthday was a week ago and you already celebrated and you offered to partake in the celebrations at least for a little while) but still...Maybe the issue is something else...

Peanut .. if God forbid the roles were reversed.. my attitude would be..
This is my WIFE

It goes both ways.

One always has to do what is right.

don424 Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:51 PM

Re: Honest opinions wanted...

you are totally right -- I am an only child too so I know that I would have handled the situation the exact same way.

If Sunday was her actual birthday, then you might have to cut the hospital visit short, but since you already celebrated her birthday - -you are in the right.

Plus, it's not like she's home and OK, she's sick i the hospital. You're totally right.

OctGroom Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:52 PM

Re: Honest opinions wanted...

Posted by julz33

Can you go there from 11-1 and then go back for another 2 hours in the evening? Then you are there for the both of them

That's a thought, julz!
Damn.... never thought of that one!

I like your thinking there.

Hmmm..... Possibly.. maybe...

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:53 PM

Re: Honest opinions wanted...

Posted by OctGroom

Peanut .. if God forbid the roles were reversed.. my attitude would be..
This is my WIFE

It goes both ways.

One always has to do what is right.

Okay then...That's all I meant. But these kinds of things can get hairy...Hope all works out...

Jan05Bride Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:54 PM

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If I were your FW I'd be canceling the BBQ to spend the day with my FMIL so that my FFIL can finally have a much needed break.

A BBQ could always be rescheduled.

Sasha96 Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:55 PM

Re: Honest opinions wanted...

Having been through my father's illness, I think you are doing the right thing. You are not just ditching FW totally. I hope this is not the case, but you may not have that much time left with your mother. I'll keep her in my thoughts and prayers. I would hope your FW would respect that and would care to be there with her some as well. DH and I went through my father's passing just before our wedding and, for me, it showed me what kind of a man he was and could be.

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:57 PM

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Posted by Jan05Bride

If I were your FW I'd be canceling the BBQ to spend the day with my FMIL

aren't you special

FeliciaDA Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:58 PM

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OctG, without a doubt all I can say is that you are 100% right ..

I cannot come up with one thing to defend your FW in this scenario.

As you said (and somehow I know this about you without knowing you, per se) if the situation were reversed , and your FW was alone in the hospital but it was your Mom's third birthday celebration, you would most definitely tell your Mom that your WIFE needed you and to understand not attending her party

Sorry you are going thru this hope all works out!!!!

marymoon Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:59 PM

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I agree with julz. Go from 11-1, spend all day with FW and then go back for another 2 hours at night, maybe with FW. I agree that you need tobe there for your mom, but the wya you said 'no matter what I am going there fomr earlt afternnon...' etc. That's really unwavering, and it 's your WIFE. I understamnd where you're coming from, and nothing seems as important to you as your mom's illness, but I think you need to come up with a compromise. You can't be so stubborn!

Jan05Bride Posted: Aug 13, 2004 04:59 PM

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut
aren't you special

Ohh you could be rotten sometimes, you know that

Anyway, tell me you wouldn't do the same if Anthony's mother was in the hospital ... puh-leaz, your parents would understand the need to reschedule and so would you!

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Aug 13, 2004 05:00 PM

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Posted by Jan05Bride

Posted by BMD'sPeanut
aren't you special
Ohh you could be rotten sometimes, you know that

Anyway, tell me you wouldn't do the same if Anthony's mother was in the hospital ... puh-leaz, your parents would understand the need to reschedule and so would you!

are you leaving???