How much would you give?

Our friend was married over the summer in Italy and is now having a small party to celebrate in NY. It's not a full reception, it will be at a restaurant. He gave us $350 for our wedding, but I think that's too much to give for their party. Am I being cheap, or would $200 be sufficient? I'm not saying this is my opinion, but many people have said that the only reason they're even having a party here in NY is because his mom wanted to make sure they got gifts. Not sure if that should make a difference, but that is the general consensus. They also had a shower for this girl (who lived in Italy up until the marriage) and many people who were invited didn't even know her.

Re: How much would you give?

If they are good friends - I'd prob give $200 - I'd go more by how you feel about the couple over where the party is going to be.

Re: How much would you give?

Go with what you can afford and what you think is appropriate.

Re: How much would you give?

I think they were generous at your wedding so you can reciprocate your generosity as well. I think it depends how close you are to them. I think it would not matter to me personally where they are having the reception but rather I'd see it as a gift for them to start their new life. JMO

Re: How much would you give?

go with what you feel is right.. but if it were me i'd probably say around $200 or so

Re: How much would you give?

I would give whatever I would have given them as a gift if the wedding/reception was here and I was invited.

Re: How much would you give?

$350, is a little high for me personally, so if they were close I'd give $300. Most ouf our friends gave us $250, but I'd still give $300 to a close frined, because I want to.

I wouldn't change the amount beacuse of the type of wedding they are having, unless you agree that it is a scam run by the mom.

If they didn't have a US reception, would you still give them a gift?

Re: How much would you give?

I know most people have a problem with this on the boards, but amongst our friends, we really do kind of give gifts based on 'covering our plates.' I know for a fact that many of the generous gifts we recieved would have been much less $$ if we didn't have the type of wedding we had. Is this the wrong way of thinking, probably, but it doesn't change the fact that this is the way it is. DH thinks $200 is more than enough because in his mind, their gift didn't cover their plates and ours would more than cover our plates. That's just the mentality.

Re: How much would you give?

doesnt matter, if they gave u 350, u should return it....

i know many wont agree with me, but thats how i feel.

ETS: I'm sure they gave you 350 cuz thats what they wanted to give you....not based on location...do the same...
give them a gift cuz thats what you want to give, not based on location

Re: How much would you give?

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Posted by tourist
If they didn't have a US reception, would you still give them a gift?

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I did attend her shower and gave a generous gift for that. We may have bought a little something extra from their registry if they didn't have a US wedding, but probably not. Our shower gift and $200 at their weddng would be the equivalent of what they gave us. I didn't invite her to my shower because #1 she's not really a friend of mine and I felt funny asking her for a gift (which is truely what I think when I'm invited to shower's of people I barely even know) and #2 she was still living in Italy.

Re: How much would you give?

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Posted by nferrandi

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Posted by tourist
If they didn't have a US reception, would you still give them a gift?

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I did attend her shower and gave a generous gift for that. We may have bought a little something extra from their registry if they didn't have a US wedding, but probably not. Our shower gift and $200 at their weddng would be the equivalent of what they gave us. I didn't invite her to my shower because #1 she's not really a friend of mine and I felt funny asking her for a gift (which is truely what I think when I'm invited to shower's of people I barely even know) and #2 she was still living in Italy.

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That makes sense. So you are friend juts with the groom?

If you are comfortable with $200, then that's fine. Do you have other friends to discuss this with? I think my freinds did that, because all the ones in a certain circle gave $250.

I don't use the 'covering my plate' mentality, just because if someone I know got married at someplace crazy, I'd feel awful if I couldn't afford a location based gift, and you never REALLY know how much somwone spent.

And a lot of my friends ha s help apyignfor their weddings, so the gift truly is jsut a gift.

But I understand, if that's how your friends give, that's just the way it is.

Re: How much would you give?

We're only friends with the groom. I think we probably will 'discuss' with our friends how much they are giving and give the same, probably around $200-250. They are not paying for this reception and we did pay for some of ours, not to mention, he is more well off than we are.

Re: How much would you give?

Seeing everything you wrote and how you gave a shower gift and they didnt and as long as you would be covering your plates .. I think $200 is generous.

Re: How much would you give?

I think that if your shower gift and wedding gift equal what they gave you that is prefectly fine. And generous of you!

Re: How much would you give?

$200 seems like a good amount. I always say, give what you can afford.

Re: How much would you give?

Personally, unless the person was in your wedding party and you're not in theirs, I see no reason to give any less than whatever it was that they gave you. Sorry, I think it's just tacky to give them less than you got simply because their venue doesn't cost as much. What do people do, call up the place to find out how much it is a plate?

Re: How much would you give?

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Posted by leighdvm

$200 seems like a good amount. I always say, give what you can afford.

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I agree.

Re: How much would you give?

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Posted by eogara

Personally, unless the person was in your wedding party and you're not in theirs, I see no reason to give any less than whatever it was that they gave you. Sorry, I think it's just tacky to give them less than you got simply because their venue doesn't cost as much. What do people do, call up the place to find out how much it is a plate?

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Well their place happens to be a restaurant, not a hall and it is not nearly as formal as a wedding. I happen to know what they charge because I looked into it for my RD, not to mention we all know the owner and I'm sure they got a discount.

Re: How much would you give?

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Posted by lanikai

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Posted by leighdvm

$200 seems like a good amount. I always say, give what you can afford.

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I agree.

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Me too.

Re: How much would you give?

Give the 200, cuz that's more than covers you plate and don't even worry about it!