how often does your FH or DH gets drunk w/ the guys?

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Posted by KYBride09

He drinks 1 - 2 beers a day. Some days 3 beers (at home). Then he goes out with the guys twice a month. However, it gets me so upset when he gets home at 5am all drunk and spend the next day puking I HATE it. So I tried telling him not to get drunk (didn't work).
He says he doesn't see the big deal b/c it's only twice a month

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I see why you might be upset. I would definitely be upset if FH was coming home a few times a month sh!t-faced and it was actually affecting him the next day. Also, since you're not that big of a drinker and he's a 'regular' drinker, I could see how it might get to you.

This is a tough one. Here's a hug >>>
No one should be getting TRASHED to the point of being sick on a consistent basis.

That's not being judgemental, it's just good health. If he were younger, then this would sound like College binge drinking but he's well past this. You need to have a heart to heart with him. Going out with the fella's isn't the issue here, it's his ability to remain in control of himself and his tolerance that's troublesome.

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Posted by MrsCastanedain09

This is a tough one. Here's a hug >>>
No one should be getting TRASHED to the point of being sick on a consistent basis.

That's not being judgemental, it's just good health. If he were younger, then this would sound like College binge drinking but he's well past this. You need to have a heart to heart with him. Going out with the fella's isn't the issue here, it's his ability to remain in control of himself and his tolerance that's troublesome.

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Exacly!!

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Posted by KYBride09

he's 33

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At 33 I would think he should be over the whole, 'going out and getting wasted till 5 am' deal, but maybe he's a slow learner. In all seriousness though, I don't think drinking a couple of beers every day is an issue (unless it's like a physical need to have them), like many other posters have said, people think nothing of having wine with dinner every day. I also don't think going out with this buddies twice a month is a big deal either. It's not every weekend, it's 2 times out of a whole month. I guess my annoyance would be in him still feeling the need to stay out until 5 am those couple times he goes out and getting so f-ed up that he's puking his brains out the next day. This is not to say that my DH doesn't do this ever anymore. It happens occassionally, but not monthly....maybe a couple of times a year. He's 34, i'm 32. At this age, we're just past that. Hell I was past that at 25 but then again I'd been on my own and away from home at school since I was 18 and then moved across the country with my girlfriends for 3 years when I was 22. DH has been living on his own since he's been in college as well so we both got the whole partying thing out of our systems a long time ago.

Maybe he hasn't done this?? Only you would know. Has he lived at home for a long time, maybe he needs to still get it out of his system?? Also, not for nothing, what does he need to stay out until 5 am for? Does he really need to close down the bar still, at 33? These questions are not to insult you, but to ask him. As best you can in a non-confrontational manner. Ask in a completely curious 'i just want to know so I understand' type of manner. Tell him it has nothing to do with you not drinking and him drinking, but you just don't see why at 33 years old he still needs to party like a rockstar when he goes out. Why can't he just go out with his friends a couple times a month, get some beers, have a good time and then come home?? Which you would have no issue with. That's not to say he won't have his random nights of drinking debauchery every once and again, most guys still do this once in a while...actually, I think it helps remind them that they're not 20 anymore and can't hang like that.

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Posted by KYBride09

Espo: You're starting to sound like him lol....

He goes out at different times. Last night he left at 8pm to watch the game at a friend's house. Well, they ended up in forest hills at a bar and he did not get home until 5am this morning. Did he make it to work?? NO, because he's at home puking

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Missing work due to drinking is a sign of a problem. I dealt with this recently with a dear family member. I wont say more because I'm hesitant to 'diagnose' anything without full information...but it's something that raises a red flag and that you should really confront. Do research on the web, there's lots of information.

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Posted by KYBride09

Espo: You're starting to sound like him lol....

He goes out at different times. Last night he left at 8pm to watch the game at a friend's house. Well, they ended up in forest hills at a bar and he did not get home until 5am this morning. Did he make it to work?? NO, because he's at home puking

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i dont go out 2-3x a month though, infact i dont even go out 1x a month anymore. If theres a birthday celebration or something then yeah, i went last month for a friends birthday and the last time before that when i went out was september for a friends bday but DH came with me. So i am not doing this on a regular basis or often even. PLUS I dont usually drink and most times i go out i am the designated driver. So for me more so than other people that i am with, I do get home the latest. Even if we leave a bar/club when it closes or even a bit before that, i usually have to drive people home who live further away from me and many times the place we're at is closest to me and i am going in the opposite direction to drop everyone off and then come home, sometimes this is an hour of my time lol. Plus we just have a thing to eat after. So i do come home late on the rare occasions i go out anymore to bars/club but i am not drinking. I wish i was going out a little bit more than I do now but nothing crazy. DH and I do go out to eat alot and do that sort of stuff

and missing work bc someone is partying is a bit different

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Posted by missliss

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Posted by KYBride09

he's 33

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At 33 I would think he should be over the whole, 'going out and getting wasted till 5 am' deal, but maybe he's a slow learner. In all seriousness though, I don't think drinking a couple of beers every day is an issue (unless it's like a physical need to have them), like many other posters have said, people think nothing of having wine with dinner every day. I also don't think going out with this buddies twice a month is a big deal either. It's not every weekend, it's 2 times out of a whole month. I guess my annoyance would be in him still feeling the need to stay out until 5 am those couple times he goes out and getting so f-ed up that he's puking his brains out the next day. This is not to say that my DH doesn't do this ever anymore. It happens occassionally, but not monthly....maybe a couple of times a year. He's 34, i'm 32. At this age, we're just past that. Hell I was past that at 25 but then again I'd been on my own and away from home at school since I was 18 and then moved across the country with my girlfriends for 3 years when I was 22. DH has been living on his own since he's been in college as well so we both got the whole partying thing out of our systems a long time ago.

Maybe he hasn't done this?? Only you would know. Has he lived at home for a long time, maybe he needs to still get it out of his system?? Also, not for nothing, what does he need to stay out until 5 am for? Does he really need to close down the bar still, at 33? These questions are not to insult you, but to ask him. As best you can in a non-confrontational manner. Ask in a completely curious 'i just want to know so I understand' type of manner. Tell him it has nothing to do with you not drinking and him drinking, but you just don't see why at 33 years old he still needs to party like a rockstar when he goes out. Why can't he just go out with his friends a couple times a month, get some beers, have a good time and then come home?? Which you would have no issue with. That's not to say he won't have his random nights of drinking debauchery every once and again, most guys still do this once in a while...actually, I think it helps remind them that they're not 20 anymore and can't hang like that.

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Thanks for the advice. I've tried talking to him. I've also gone with him a couple of times, but I can't seat at a bar for more than 2 hours..... it gets borring to me. I don't mind staying at home and him going out. I'm fine with that. It's just the time and how drunk he gets... Plus he gets all depressed, the happy then sad.... all while his drunk..... annoying!

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Posted by KYBride09

he's 33

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Not ok. Especially since he pukes the whole next day , he isn't in college anymore , not cute. And needing to drink everyday is not ok in my book, I don't care if its 1 beer, its the dependency he has on it, not the amount that would cause a concern , the NEED to drink it or else, KWIM?

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Posted by jessnstu08

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Posted by KYBride09

he's 33

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Not ok. Especially since he pukes the whole next day , he isn't in college anymore , not cute. And needing to drink everyday is not ok in my book, I don't care if its 1 beer, its the dependency he has on it, not the amount that would cause a concern , the NEED to drink it or else, KWIM?

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what's KWIM?

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Posted by KYBride09

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Posted by jessnstu08

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Posted by KYBride09

he's 33

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Not ok. Especially since he pukes the whole next day , he isn't in college anymore , not cute. And needing to drink everyday is not ok in my book, I don't care if its 1 beer, its the dependency he has on it, not the amount that would cause a concern , the NEED to drink it or else, KWIM?

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what's KWIM?

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KWIM- Know What I Mean

If I were you I would be concerned. It's called binge drinking what he is doing. I used to also like 10 years agi, he needs to grow up already IMO

ohh - I left some information out:

When I get on his case and I get super upset, he stops for a while (3 months). and as soon as we get into a disagreement, he goes back again to the same shiz....

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Posted by MrsCastanedain09

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Posted by KYBride09

Espo: You're starting to sound like him lol....

He goes out at different times. Last night he left at 8pm to watch the game at a friend's house. Well, they ended up in forest hills at a bar and he did not get home until 5am this morning. Did he make it to work?? NO, because he's at home puking

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Missing work due to drinking is a sign of a problem. I dealt with this recently with a dear family member. I wont say more because I'm hesitant to 'diagnose' anything without full information...but it's something that raises a red flag and that you should really confront. Do research on the web, there's lots of information.

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Do you think his an alcoholic??

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Posted by KYBride09

ohh - I left some information out:

When I get on his case and I get super upset, he stops for a while (3 months) and as soon I we get into a disagreement, he goes back again to the same shiz....

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well I would talk to him seriously then. To go out and watch a football game with your friends is perfectly fine. DH goes to his friends house and watches it there but on a sunday he goes early and usually home before 10pm bc he has work early the next day, he wouldn't get drunk and miss work bc of it, so there is the issue with responsibility. Nobody is saying he cant go out and watch a game with his friends at a local bar or anything but theres no reason to get that trashed that you cant make it to work the next day. That is when it becomes a problem. And theres nothing wrong with going out with friends either but depends on how often its done and how its done. I dont know how he handles it at this age bc its so much harder to deal with the next day. Even dh when he was younger was able to handle it but now if he goes out drinking, the next day he feels like crap and not in the mood to do anything. And on the rare occasions that i will drink now, oh god recovering from that is not the same at all, in our younger days we were able to go out again the next day and now forget it.

I would talk to him about cutting down, have him compromise and start the process. AND one big thing i would ask of him is NOT to get drunk on a sunday and come home late when he has work the next day.

That's not an easy question to answer and I'm definitely NOT in a postion to answer that. I'm not a therapist nor do I have any medical training.

It's not a question I think any of us can answer, it's something you should read about and take/read the questions that they ask and make the assessment.

I would never freely brand anyone and alcholic because as other ladies said- different cultures have different nuances and most importantly, it's a horrible disease that's incredibly difficult to cope with. So, I can say that I really hope this is not the case.

An answer I found when trying to figure out of whether a family member was going through the usual 'boys will be boys' or whether he had a problem was : A classic sign of alcoholism is that when the individual drinks, bad things happen.

Only you can ascertain whether this is the case.

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Posted by KYBride09

Espo: You're starting to sound like him lol....

He goes out at different times. Last night he left at 8pm to watch the game at a friend's house. Well, they ended up in forest hills at a bar and he did not get home until 5am this morning. Did he make it to work?? NO, because he's at home puking

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wow... hes pretty irresponsible for a 33 yr old... sry, that seems harsh but wow... im blown away.... think about your future together... what happens when you have a fam and hes doing this.... not being around... stumbling home drunk... and god forbid he loses his job bc the boss had about enough of him not coming into work unexpectedly....

If my FH went out to watch the sun 8pm game, i'd expect him to be home by 12... #1 cuz he knows he has work the next day and #2 bc the games are usually over 11-11:30 .... what kinda friends does he have that stay out until 5? dont they have jobs too????