how often does your FH or DH gets drunk w/ the guys?

Regardless of anyone's opinion on the subject, the bottom line is how YOU feel. i dont care who's okay with it, who's not...if it bothers YOU then he needs to respect that if he's going to be your husband.

my husband very VERY rarely goes out...and when he does, he knows not to stroll in at 3am wasted. do i trust my husband?? ABSOLUTELY. do i have him on a ball & chain?? absolutely NOT. the bottom line is: when ur out getting wasted, it puts u in a sea of temptation..i don't care if u're prince charming. When u're drunk, u're drunk..& certain scenarios can easily present themselves to you and u may just not have the inhibition to control it. all this to say, there's nothing wrong with him going out with the guys & having a boys night... but imo, there IS something wrong with him leaving at 8oclock, and not strolling home untill 5am...that's almost 10hours of drinking..it's unnessecary.

TALK to him. don't fight. communication is key if u want to talk feel free to fm me remember, this is how YOU feel. not what others think is okay and whats not okay.

My DH works in construction and has a few beers after work every day. Some days more than others. That really doesn't bother me. I guess every1 is different.

When he does go out w/ his Butt Buddy (my knickname for his BFF), sometimes he stays out too late and drinks too much. I always say, 'Work hard, play hard.' U want to come home at 1am on a work night, personally I think that's crazy, but u better be getting your a$$ up and going to work the next day. Oh, u better believe I still have a conversation w/ him the next day even if he does go to work.

My only advice...Try to talk 2 him in a way where u don't come across as nagging him.

My FH doesn't drink but it's a great question. Considering our society, one drink a day is not much.

On a physiological level, one drink a day is considered a possible addiction in the medical field. I'm an RN and frequently we receive patients post-surgery who's routine include a drink or two a day usually to unwind. Pre-op we inform them that they might experience withdrawl symptoms while recovering. Most people blow if off and are able to manage because they use pain meds. Every once in a while we get someone who goes into the DTs.

Regardless of one or twelve drinks every day, if it bothers you you need to speak up and discuss it with him.

DH doesn't go out with his friends. We tend to go out with mutual friends. When we were engaged he went out a few times and got drunk on those occasions. I then made it completely clear that I do not tolerate that...sorry that's just me, so the end result is he now knows his limits.

I wouldn't except or be fine with DH 1) getting home late (there are reasonable times) and 2) to getting home drunk. I find that so disrespectful, but that's just me. I guess I grew up seeing my father always with my mom and never drunk (maybe they hid that from us kids-but I doubt it has happened) so I am not okay with my husband getting drunk. I also feel that a man shouldn't get drunk when he is out with his wife as he is the man and he has to care for her well being. Getting 'nice' and getting 'drunk' are two different things, and its the getting 'drunk' I can't tolerate. If we were to go out and he were to get drunk, of course I would take him home, make sure he is okay, but he will most certainly get a huge speech from me the next day.

I am fine with him drinking a beer a few days out of the week, but not everyday, the same way that I would have wine. I just didn't grow up in an environment where people would have a beer everyday so I am thrown back a bit if it were to be everyday.

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Posted by JoanneAndJustin

I am probably the bigger drinker in the couple. I enjoy a beer or drink with my meal on weekends, sometimes two or three when we're out with a group. I don't get drunk often neither does FH... (I'm 34, FH is 28).

HOWEVER, you brought up some red flags:

- drinking and missing work? Not cool. That's an issue.

- mood swings? Not cool either...

- when you talk to him about it he gets irritable? He probably recognizes it could be an issue, and doesn't want to face it.

There could be something else going on here, when he's sober and isn't stressed out try to talk to him... see what he says, but you have every right to be annoyed and you're not overreacting.

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My thoughts exactly..

hmmm I feel bad and dont want you to think that just bc you are married means you could never go out or anything like that. Every relationship is different and there is a huge difference between going out sometimes with friends and having a good time and doing it excessively.

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with going out with friends, and if you go out and come home late then thats not a big deal to me either to tell you the truth. It depends on how it is done. I am sorry but when I do go out with friends and we go to a bar or club, i am going to get home late and that is my business and doesnt mean I am horrible for it either. Not like I am doing anything crazy or anything to harm our relationship. I don't really drink so not like i am not in control of myself, i go out with friends and we dance and hang out and have fun, and yeah after we either go somewhere to eat or we have a habit of going to a friends house after and she cooks breakfast and we all eat there, and i dont see any harm in that. If I was going out every weekend or even every other weekend then yes that would be a different story, but going out 1x every month or even every 2-3 months is not alot at all and definitely not living the party lifestyle. If we go to a club then we get there late bc before midnight most places are dead inside, and theres no way i am getting home lets say at 2am if i get to a place at midnight, and then since i am the designated driver to usually drive people home after too and then get back home, would mean i go out for an hour, bc i would have to leave by 1am to drop everybody off and be home by 2am and then whats the point of even going.

Listen my parents used to go out together all the time, while my mom was in her early 40's and dad late 40's, and they would go to these restaurants that europeans do and its having a table, eating and also dancing and they all stay until 4-5am, they are all adults and there is no problem with it. Neither of my parents drink, my mom never ever drinks anything, and my dad rarely does. But hey if they wanted to enjoy their weekends and go out with friends having dinner and dancing until late then that is their problem. I dont think that just bc you are married that means OMG you could NEVER go out anymore. Nobody is saying to go crazy and live that lifestyle but once in a while wont hurt anybody. Why should I stop going out dancing if its something I LOVE to do and hanging out with my friends and doing this like 1x every 2 months.

When it interferes with anything else thats when its a problem and thats the only concern you should have. You can go out and have fun but doesnt mean you miss work bc of it. Tell him to go out on a friday or saturday instead, and stop doing it on sundays when he knows very well he cant wake up the next day. Also there are limits, feeling a nice buzz is different than getting trashed. I worry bc i see guys all the time out who are trashed and thats when they get into fights, thats when bad things happen so its best if he is in control of himself.

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Posted by Espo22

I dont think that just bc you are married that means OMG you could NEVER go out anymore. Nobody is saying to go crazy and live that lifestyle but once in a while wont hurt anybody. Why should I stop going out dancing if its something I LOVE to do and hanging out with my friends and doing this like 1x every 2 months.

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absolutely!

i also don't think one drink a night is a big deal, or hanging out with friends. it's him doing it and knowing that it bothers you that much - only because he takes it to extreme - that you should talk about.

DH and I both go out on the weekends with friends...he goes out with his friends,I go out with mine, we all go out together whatever. We drink when we go out. We love going out on the weekends. Were young, no children etc...

However I think missing work as a result of being hungover is a problem. DH has never done this and it would really bother me if he did. We dont go out on work nights, dinner or something but no partying.

I also think that if it is something that bothers you it is a problem. For us we both like to go and have a few drinks so there is no issue,if he was coming home stumbling drunk OFTEN while I sat home I would have a problem and can see why you are upset.

I think you need to talk to him when he is sober. You say he gets irratable but this is a real issue and as your FH he needs to talk about it with you

i would say about once a month out to a bar, if that. but on some sundays when its football they will go to a sports bar to watch it, sometimes hell drink in the house (beer) by himself when he plays his xbox live thingy lol....or some of the guys will come over on a weekend night and theyll drink to save $ and not go out to a bar...so it really depends on him and the guys hes hanging out with.

my FH comes home around 4-5, when he goes out to a bar because they close around 3-4 in manhattan,.....but on a sunday going to watch the game and coming home at 5 is different in my opinion. but i would be more upset that he didnt make it to work, thats shows a lack of responsibility.

even me myself, ive gone to work straight from clubbing and made it to the office at 7am, dont ask how, i was drunk and other stuff lol...but still made it.
i think it shows he lacks responsibility, and i would hope he isnt making that a habit.

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Posted by Espo22

hmmm I feel bad and dont want you to think that just bc you are married means you could never go out or anything like that. Every relationship is different and there is a huge difference between going out sometimes with friends and having a good time and doing it excessively.

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i agree i dont see a problem with coming home late, i see the problem when he says hes going to watch the game and gets home at 5am, and then doesnt go to work.
as for myself, FH can come home late because i understand the bars/clubs close at around 3-4....just because they get home that late doesnt mean theyre doing anything bad
when i go out i leave the house at 11-12, get where im going at like 12-1......so i def. wont leave until around closing if its good, and sometimes even after that we go to 24/7 diners and eat cause were hungry. im not a big drinker at all, so im not out there going crazy, and im a mother, so i know my daughter is good at home with FH, so im fine when i go out


eta: i know a married couple that doesnt like bars because they think its for 'single people only'...i dont really agree with this because i go with a group of girls and i honestly enjoy dancing more then the drinking, sometimes its nice to just get out the house and hang out with girlfriends, dance and stuff....it doesnt necessarily mean youre out there looking for someone