How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

Original post by MirabellaNYC

Apr 03, 2009 07:20 AM

Seriously this is not a joke.

I'm sure this is the first 'tranny at a wedding' post of LIW...

But I'm torn and need advice.

I have a lot of gay guy friends. Way more than the average person, those of you that know who I work for, it's only natural.

One of my work friends is from Hawaii and has never been to a formal wedding-much less a black tie optional one. So of course I want to invite everyone with a guest. But this one guy's best friend (who used to work for us, I know 'her' for 5 years) is a tranny (a pretty hot tranny, but clearly a tranny) and I know if I invite him with a guest, she will be with him.

As open minded as our families are, I think a tranny in the ladies room would be too much.

So should I just not invite him with a guest? I don't want to say 'with guest' and then be like 'oh yeah just don't bring ______'. My friend from work said just not to invite him with a guest, I'm not his manager anymore so I don't owe him that. But then he'd be the only one invited without a guest.

What to do?? I know its sort of a hilarious situation, but nowehere in Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette does it mention trannies.

TIA!

MrsCastanedain09 Posted: Apr 03, 2009 03:10 PM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

Posted by MirabellaNYC

Thanks for all your advice!! So many great solutions!

I would love nothing more than him to bring HER...because she's one of my favorite people.

What's sticky is that FH's entire family (about 2/3 of the guests) are OFF THE BOAT ITALIANS!! So I'm really afraid of the reaction they might have.

I actually love the idea of her using the bridal suite bathroom. And it's true you would barely notice her among so many people. And I don't want him to feel singled out if he's the only one invited without a guest.

So I know what I'm going to do now. Crisis averted!

Ahh where would I be without the advice of my fellow LIW brides.

Glad to hear it- it will all work out

MirabellaNYC Posted: Apr 03, 2009 03:23 PM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

At the end of the day, we worked closely together for a year and a half, I was his manager. I'm going to do the (according to Emily Post) right thing and invite him with a guest as I will my other coworkers.

Unfortunately I can't say 'eff his family' because they are now MY family, so it isn't that simple.

I'm sure if another coworker asks him who he's planning on bringing and he tells them, they will probably steer him away from it anyway. So I won't say a word and somebody else will, without offending anybody.

Thanks!

lolalovesacroat Posted: Apr 03, 2009 03:30 PM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

No matter what people are going to talk! I think it bring the attention off the food and service(My family is off the boat italian and they talk about from A to Z) But you know what who cares! Also thanks for this interesting title. I have a gay cuz and he will bring his date.
People need to wake up and realize there are a lot worse things in the world than a tranny!

caligirl87 Posted: Apr 03, 2009 05:19 PM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

His family might freak out but techincally you didn't invite her, you invited him. You aren't responsbile for who your guests decide to bring as guests. You are only responsible for the people you actually invite. So if they are offended, they shouldn't be upset with you because it was out of your control. (Hope this makes sense.)

KerriJohnS Posted: Apr 03, 2009 05:30 PM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

I would totally invite the person with a guest. I don't think anyone should be discriminated against for that reason.
If people are paying that much attention to a well dressed Tranny then something is wrong! I doubt they will notice and those that do... may not even mind all the much and if they do it's their problem. What are they going to do about it anyway?

Just sit them with people that would appreciate the differences of people and all will be fine.

I understand your concern... but after much thought and consideration I think it will all work out fine.

You don't want to hurt anyone;s feelings over this either. THey are people too and deserve to be treated teh same way you would treat anyone else.

I also don't think the bathroom will be that big of a deal either. Womens rooms have stalls so it's not like anyone sees anything anyway!

little34 Posted: Apr 03, 2009 06:25 PM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

What if you just talked to him and said what you basically said in the post...that although your family is very open minded a tranny in the ladies room would be too much....I am sure he would understand. Just be honest.

Although I have to say that honestly...I think it would be fine...just give your family a heads up.... she will add some spice to the day!

FutureMrsM Posted: Apr 03, 2009 06:57 PM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

Posted by B2B 2009

IMO, I would invite him without a guest. I think it makes your life simple not having to worry about who he's bringing but you're still inviting him to the wedding obviously.

ITA! but How funny would it be for Grandma or Aunt so and so to run into a tranny in the restroom!

ttdiff11 Posted: Apr 03, 2009 08:38 PM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

Posted by MrsCastanedain09

LOL. Quite the pickle!

I would invite without a guest, yes...our generation is open minded (generally speaking) but with your family around things get sticky. Completely understand! Gay is one thing, a tranny is just...I don't even have the words. I can't imagine my Mom's, much less my Grandmother's face to seeing a tranny im the rest room.

No guest.

lol my nana would have a heart attack!

lolalovesacroat Posted: Apr 03, 2009 08:52 PM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

Posted by ttdiff11

Posted by MrsCastanedain09

LOL. Quite the pickle!

I would invite without a guest, yes...our generation is open minded (generally speaking) but with your family around things get sticky. Completely understand! Gay is one thing, a tranny is just...I don't even have the words. I can't imagine my Mom's, much less my Grandmother's face to seeing a tranny im the rest room.

No guest.

lol my nana would have a heart attack!

so funny!!! my grandma would prob be so confused!

Espo22 Posted: Apr 03, 2009 08:54 PM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

If you're inviting everyone else with a guest, then i think he should also be allowed to bring a guest. He might get offended if everyone else was invited with 'and guest' and not him.

I don't know, personally I wouldn't mind. You might also be surprised how others wont make a big deal about it, well hopefully not. Do you think any of your guests would be weird about it.

marriedinmontauk Posted: Apr 03, 2009 09:01 PM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

I don't know...somehow I think it's good karma to be inclusive....it will sure make it memorable.

egem523 Posted: Apr 03, 2009 09:04 PM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

I have no answer for this but this is funny!! Sorry Darling!!

tinadansr Posted: Apr 03, 2009 09:05 PM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

I'm no help sorry but I hope it works out for you

AugustBridein09 Posted: Apr 03, 2009 09:12 PM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

I would def invite him/her. I am a dancer and know A LOT of gay people. My family knows this and I think if FH's family had a problem with one of them because of how they dressed etc. , I would have to appeal to our families to look above it for our wedding day but i would not exclude my friend from being there.

Especially if you say you really like this person. I wouldn't want to know that the way I live my life would make someone I get along with, think twice about inviting me to their wedding.

JMO. I don't mean to offend anyone. HTHs and that it all works out for you.

MirabellaNYC Posted: Apr 04, 2009 07:49 AM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

Posted by egem523

I have no answer for this but this is funny!! Sorry Darling!!

Girl I'm with you the situation is actually hilarious!!

flairforfashion Posted: Apr 04, 2009 09:31 AM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

Jen, I am glad you figured this out. I am sure they know (Your FH's family) what you do for a living and I am sure that they know in the industry they are a lot of gay guys. And you're worried about Italians? They are pretty open minded TODAY. I don't know how old his relatives are but Italian's are pretty much cool with these things. Hello! Look at all their top designers!!!!! My Father is a very conservative Italian man and I had two gay friends that were very FLAMBOYANT and they would come over the house and he loved them. Honestly, I don't see this as a big deal.

NikkiR515 Posted: Apr 04, 2009 10:00 AM

Re: How to say 'Invited with Guest, Just Not a Tranny'

Posted by llupario14

My friend is having the same problem, except not with a Tranny, but with an Elvis impersonater! He's a good friend of one of her FH's relatives and she brings him to every family function. The problem is that he always comes to the affair (no matter how fancy) in complete Elvis attire right down to the hair and sunglasses! He even went to a wake like that once! She really doesn't want him at the wedding.