If your FH/DH told you that he isn't physically attracted to you ever since you put on a few pounds?
One of my good friends is going through this with her FH. They hadn't been intimate in 3 weeks so she confronted him. At first he didn't want to say what was wrong, but then he confessed that it's because she put on some weight and he wants her to lose it. Now, this isn't the first time he's told her this. She's never been thin (except for maybe once one summer when she exercised like a madwoman) but she is by no means overweight. He's just a shallow jerk and everyone knows it. Even my friend knows it but she still thinks that he's 'the one'. They've been together for 5 and a half years and engaged for 7 months. She wants to break up with him because she's tired of feeling like she's not good enough for him. My FH doesn't think she should. He says that just because this guy isn't attracted to her right now doesn't mean that he doesn't love her, and since she asked the question, he was just giving her an honest answer.
So, how would you feel if this happened to you? Would it be acceptable to you that your FH/DH wasn't physically attracted to you, but still loved you? And just to give you a little background on this couple, they've had a very tumultuous relationship. When she and I were roomates, she broke up with him like 12 times in 3 years! He always comes crawling back to her and promises her that he'll be better, and she always caves...
Anniegrl
Posted:
Member since
Re: How would you feel? (kinda long)
You don't even know how stressful it is being her friend. I have to keep hearing these stories, seeing her break up with him, then two weeks later they're back together! All because he's a weasel and knows just what to say to her to win her back. It's an abusive relationship if you ask me. She really needs help, but I can't force her to go to counseling. She has to go on her own accord. It's so hard for me to watch her go through this.
Oh, and here's another good one - she broke up with him 'for good' last year when he told her that he hates kids and doesn't want any with her. But then of course after she dumped him, he changed his mind!!! And she took him back!!! I was like, YOU DID WHAT?!!! Now they've been engaged for 7 months and they haven't even set a date, even though they're going to have a very small ceremony. A couple of weeks ago I had them over for dinner and I asked him on the side 'so when is the big day?' He quickly changed the subject
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: How would you feel? (kinda long)
There are MAJOR problems in this relationship. If your friend is DONE dealing with this jerk then no one should offer her an opinion. She is the one who has to say the marriage vows to them and mean it, no one else should matter.
Marriage is NOT just friendship. Without $exual contact most marriages become just that- like living with a sibling. You grow apart, grow distant, feel awful about yourself. Why should she subject herself to a life like that? Who does that make happy?
My husband did not marry a scale, he married a person who will gain and lose weight I am sure, often during our lifetime together. He loves me and thinks I am beautiful regardless of what a scale says. When you say your vows there are no lines 'And I promise to stay a certain weight for you' it is about a lifetime, not a scale. Health is one thing- I make Scott eat veggies and take a vitamin everyday but I do not tell him 'lose a few or I am leaving'
Good for your friend. Support her as this is going to be a difficult time for her. Moving on is not that easy.
