i am an annoymous 08er

I am not going to yell at u! Because you are not a child. I feel like this u need to talk to the guy because he is JUST as GUILTY as you are. You need to tell him that he needs to back off and respect your wishes. And u need to stop going back on your word. You said u havent gone all the way with him...and once u do thats where u find the biggest fault!

You may be ruining the best thing that every happened to you. YES what you've done may have hurt ur FH but u know what u may have a beautiful guy on ur hands. I am honest enough to say that I have cheated on my FH (w/in the first month of us being together) and he told me that we can work to make things better. And he NEVER once brought that up in my face. And I've been with this man for almost 4 years. You FH may now react the way u think he may. This in fact may make ur relationship stronger.

Do u WANT to be married? The better question is are you READY to be married?

Ppl can tell u that your wrong all you want...but you need to find out what it is that is causing you to do what ur doing. In my situation I was SCARED of committing to my FH because I was experiencing something I've never felt before and felt he was going to act like my EX's. But look at me 4 yrs later about to get married and start my life. And I have NEVER thought about cheating on him since that day.

Just think it out sweetie...something is eggin you to do that and I think ur scared of something....or something happened to you. Love urself ok??? I dunno

DO NOT get discouraged by anyone.

Edited to Add: IMO I feel that the only reason why you are feeling like u have feelings for the guy is because he is something u cant have and it's adventurous. And he is telling u everything u want to hear so he sounds attractive! Dont lose your FH over this. In fact I felt so deeply about this post I'm on the phone w/ my FH right now and he said to TALK to ur fh. And from there you make ur move. And you better see if the guy likes you or he's just trying to see if the panties you wear are victorias secret! We both said to ignore the guy and he'll start to show his REAL colors and intentions. Be wise hunny! Whatever be true to urself and love urself!

very well said Toni
You are a beautiful person

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Posted by am i crazy

for the few girls who didnt yell at me or talked down to me...thank you. the fact that i came on here and asked what i should do and not to get reprimanded for the wrong i know i have done is very hard for me to talk about. my fh and i have been together for a long time like i said before and we have had two big break ups each--one when i broke up with him which was 3 yrs ago and one when he broke up with me which was last yr and he broke up with me for another girl and when we got back together and i decided to take him back i dont think i totally forgave him for what he did to me. i love my fh and i always will and i always have. and for some ppl to say that i dont is very hurtful and wrong. i know that my actions are not reflective of my feelings even though i know nobody will believe that or prob dont understand where i am coming from but thank you for your opinions

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Wasn't there a previous post about people asking for opinions and getting honest answers? Don't ask a question w/o expecting people to be honest.

There is more to a marraige than just love. I love many people in my life. My friends and family. I share an intimacy with my FH that I don't share with anyone else. And to be able to share that intimacy we need to share trust, respect, and honor. Here's the bitter truth... You are not being trustworthy to your FI. You are not being respectful of your FH feelings. You are not being honorable by continuing to live a lie. And yes you are cheating. Your are cheating your FH of his dignity.

Can you imagine the embarrasment your FH is going to have to live with? He's going to have to live with breaking off an engagement, a proposal of his devotion to you, because you cheated on him. Or even worse years down the road learning of your behavior and his ignorance all along and going through a D-I-V-O-R-C-E. And cheating is not just going 'all the way!'

When you say yes to a proposal you are saying that you will be taking vows. And these vows are not for the forseeable future. These vows are not for until someone else comes along. These vows are not until you get bored at work.

I don't really care if you take this as yelling or a reprimand. You need to wake up! Words cannot even begin to describe how selfish you are!

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Posted by beeinsilly

very well said Toni
You are a beautiful person

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Aww...thank you very much

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Posted by AMGBride2008

I don't want to make you feel bad.... but you're being very selfish.....

What would you do if you found out that your FH was doing the same thing to you?! The fact that you can't 'help yourself' means that your feelings for FH aren't real, because if they were, you'd be able to 'help yourself'.

I'm not here to judge you, but what you're doing is wrong on so many different levels. I think you need to own up to your FH and let him be the one to decide if you're worthy to be with him. And the fact that you've cheated on him in the past, that this isn't the first time.... how could you have said yes to his proposal to begin with????

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I completely agree. If you truly loved him and he was THE one then you'd be able to help yourself.

I've been through bad relationships and all that ********. I know what i have now is amazing and great, i truly feel so blessed that I found someone like my FH...Not to sound corny but he was everything i had always wished for but honestly didn't think there were any guys out there like him left. He treats me beyond amazing and our relationship is also amazing. So i would NEVER do anything to jeopardize that. And to be honest i have never felt the desire to cheat, or even attracted to somebody to make me think about it.

Now i think that you should put an end to this and take time to really think about what you want, and if your FI is really somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with. I don't know how long you have been with him, but sometimes when people are in very long relationships they think hey marriage is the next step. They do so even if some of those feelings have gone away and even if it is not the greatest of relationships. It's just a matter of feeling comfortable with somebody and just getting stuck in a relationship that you should not be in. Don't know if this is your situation but just in case.

It is very unfair what you are doing to him, like so many others have said, do you know what it feels like to be cheated on? you shouldn't put him through that. And is this something you will end up doing throughout your whole marriage?

Situations like this can get very complicated. You said that you want to go all the way with the guy you are cheating with, well what if god forbid you get pregnant, these things happen ALOT. You also never know if you'll get caught, theres just so many bad scenarios that can come from this.

I just want to add something that my FH woke me up to say this morning after we talked about your post.

He said ' Mami (my nickname lol) the reason why you did what you did is because you didnt know what you had...but as soon as you did you've never stepped nowhere outside of our relationship again. And even though it hurt me I knew I loved you and erase the slate thats what we learned in church right??' Then he laughed and told me he was happy I cheated because then he was able to learn how to forgive and how to make a situation that could've been horrible into a beautiful relationship.

My FH is not only my FH someone I am intimate with, and use to snuggle, and take care of me, but he's my best friend and I tell him everything. My decision to cheat was selfish indeed I was doing something because I didnt want to be made stupid if he did cheat! SO I dunno I hope my experience, and thoughts helped.

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Posted by am i crazy

for the few girls who didnt yell at me or talked down to me...thank you. the fact that i came on here and asked what i should do and not to get reprimanded for the wrong i know i have done is very hard for me to talk about. my fh and i have been together for a long time like i said before and we have had two big break ups each--one when i broke up with him which was 3 yrs ago and one when he broke up with me which was last yr and he broke up with me for another girl and when we got back together and i decided to take him back i dont think i totally forgave him for what he did to me. i love my fh and i always will and i always have. and for some ppl to say that i dont is very hurtful and wrong. i know that my actions are not reflective of my feelings even though i know nobody will believe that or prob dont understand where i am coming from but thank you for your opinions

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sorry you feel people are yelling at you .. yes some might have been a little harsh ... i didnt think iw as that harsh it was an honest a opinion of mine which i feel very strong about ... i dont belive in cheatinge period sorry !!!!

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Posted by Bride 2 Be

You definately need to tell him this, I don't think your ready for marriage..if you really love someone, you wouldn't stray...

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Yup, and once you get married and if the person still gets the same feelings and does the same things, and then children are involved it gets so much more complicated. People also never realize that kids know alot more than you think, sometimes they know whats going on when the persons husband or wife doesn't know

Shell84 said it the right way.

Please read FM.

ok, I know I'm not an 08-er (although I was, at one point... we decided to get married a little earlier than planned) but I just couldn't NOT respond to this. I apologize if anybody is bothered by my 'crashing' your board.

I'm sorry, but as somebody who has been on the other end of cheating - somebody who has been cheated on by the man she plans to marry - if you're even THINKING about marrying your fiance without even telling him what you've done, you need to d*mn well stop in your tracks and think again.

You have no right to have your fiance marry into a lie - and that's what he'd do if he married you without knowing. He has a right to know who and what he is marrying - and he has a right to call off the wedding if he so chooses.

I'll be straight up and honest - my fiance cheated on me this summer with a friend of his who I thought I could trust with him. Apparently I couldn't. I was heartbroken - I cried for days. There is still a part of me that knows that I will never be able to completely forget it and get over it. However, because he TOLD me only a few days later, we were able to talk about it, and work towards fixing what was wrong with our relationship. I'm happy to say that now, 4 months later, while our relationship is far from perfect, it's a h*ll of a lot better than it was at that time, because his telling me gave us a chance to fix it - and gave me a chance to DECIDE.

Honestly, as a cheater, you don't have the right to decide what happens now. You have to tell him, or you have to call off the wedding. You may not want to hear that, but he has a right to know. Sooner or later, he will find out. Even if he doesn't, it will always be a black hole in your relationship, something that stands between you. A marriage needs to be founded on trust and honesty. A marriage that begins in lies and deceit will only end badly.

Everybody has doubts at some point before they get married - but what you are doing goes beyond that, and you need to come clean. Either end the affair and tell your fiance what happened and that you've ended it and are completely devoted to him - or call off the wedding and tell your fiance why. Those are the ONLY two options here.

I can only hope that you will get through this with strength. There is a reason why you are doing this and as I have put in FM I think that you know who you are at best. If you know in your heart that you love your FH and that you dont want to lose him then you will stop.
Tell they guy that you have to stop.
Try not to see him.
Make an effort for your relationship.
Be the best person you can be. People do thing sfor different reasons, get to know your inner self figure out why you are really putting yourself in this position.
And if you love your FH and maybe the spark has died find something to make it spark again...try to do things as a team. So that you are both building a greater relationship.

I wish you the best.

Veronica

I hold absolutely no judgement....it's not my place to judge you. I don't know you at all...

But before you marry him, please ask yourself if you are ready for marriage. If you come to the conclusion that you are, then I think you should tell your FH.

- so that your situation works out in the best possible way for all of the parties that are involved....

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Posted by weddingbunny

ok, I know I'm not an 08-er (although I was, at one point... we decided to get married a little earlier than planned) but I just couldn't NOT respond to this. I apologize if anybody is bothered by my 'crashing' your board.

I'm sorry, but as somebody who has been on the other end of cheating - somebody who has been cheated on by the man she plans to marry - if you're even THINKING about marrying your fiance without even telling him what you've done, you need to d*mn well stop in your tracks and think again.

You have no right to have your fiance marry into a lie - and that's what he'd do if he married you without knowing. He has a right to know who and what he is marrying - and he has a right to call off the wedding if he so chooses.

I'll be straight up and honest - my fiance cheated on me this summer with a friend of his who I thought I could trust with him. Apparently I couldn't. I was heartbroken - I cried for days. There is still a part of me that knows that I will never be able to completely forget it and get over it. However, because he TOLD me only a few days later, we were able to talk about it, and work towards fixing what was wrong with our relationship. I'm happy to say that now, 4 months later, while our relationship is far from perfect, it's a h*ll of a lot better than it was at that time, because his telling me gave us a chance to fix it - and gave me a chance to DECIDE.

Honestly, as a cheater, you don't have the right to decide what happens now. You have to tell him, or you have to call off the wedding. You may not want to hear that, but he has a right to know. Sooner or later, he will find out. Even if he doesn't, it will always be a black hole in your relationship, something that stands between you. A marriage needs to be founded on trust and honesty. A marriage that begins in lies and deceit will only end badly.

Everybody has doubts at some point before they get married - but what you are doing goes beyond that, and you need to come clean. Either end the affair and tell your fiance what happened and that you've ended it and are completely devoted to him - or call off the wedding and tell your fiance why. Those are the ONLY two options here.

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I actually think that people have been pretty fair in their responses.

I feel exceptionally bothered by the fact that you mention WANTING to continue cheating. It would be one thing (and still morally rephrensible) if it had been a one time thing, but the fact that you've been consistently cheating on your FIANCE with another man for some time, and admit to wanting to continue makes me feel that you should NOT be marrying this man.

You've openly admitted to having feelings for this other guy. You are cheating on your fiance both physically and emotionally.

You say that you don't want to lose him; yet, to me, it sounds like you're TRYING to lose him.

Stop cheating.
Rethink this marriage.
Get your priorities in order.

Marriage is SACRED, and is not something to be taken lightly.

I wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do, but I honestly feel that you have a LOT of thinking to do.

I don't think we are yelling at you I think we are being totally and brutally honest with you. You screwed up, and the fact that this has been going on for a very long time and wasnt just a laps of judgement (which I still don't believe in) means that you probably arent ready for marriage. I agree witht he person that said something like..

stop cheating
tell your FH
get your priorities in order.

You need to figure out what is causing you to do this. If you truly love your FH i don't believe you would have been letting this go on like it has. You need to figure this all out before you get married and GOD FORBID have kids and get divorced!

good luck!

I think most of what i would have said has already been said.

really sit down and think long and hard why you are in the situation you are in.

just to throw my two cents in...i think successful loving relationships are based on trust. i think once that trust has been broken, it's dificult (not impossible) for trust to be re-built. Once you do tell him and if you continue with the relationship, please be prepared to have him be doubtful and second guessing everything and be willing to do whatever it takes to prove your love to him, if you really do believe this is the man you love and want to marry. i dont believe a marriage can be successful without that deep rooted trust. If you continue and don't tell him...get married...it will lead to divorce.

i personally am soooo against cheating...regardless of if this is the man you love or just someone you are dating. For me, if you have any thoughts of other men...then you should end it before you proceed with another person...it's not fair to anyone. of course their is the emotional side of things...but also health risks and even the possibility of getting pregnant!

and finally...put yourself in his shoes. how would you feel if he were the one saying all this and you had no idea. how would u feel? what would you want to do? and how would u want him to handle the situation?