Brides Helping Brides ™ - i am an annoymous 08er

am i crazy Posted: Dec 23, 2006 11:31 PM

i am an annoymous 08er

okay girls i am an 08er that posts on here quite often and i have a serious problem that i dont want to admit to. i have been engaged for a few months now and have been with my fh for a lot of yrs( i dont want to give too much info to reveal myself) for half the amount of time that we have been engaged i have been cheating on my fh with a coworker---nothing more than kissing and a little touching--i talk to this guy for hours on the phone and for the past week we actually have been hanging out outside of work..i dont know what to do. honestly all i can think about is how i want to go all the way this guy and i actually really do have feelings for him and i feel that the more i am into this guy the more i find myself pulling away from my fh. there is no way i am going to lose my fh and there is no way that i could ever tell him what i have been doing. i just have this attraction and connection with this other guy and i dont know how to stop myself from talking to him. now i said that for half the amount of time we have been engaged i have been cheating on my fh but that is not all the time, there have been periods were two weeks will go by and i have not kissed this guy and i tell him that i cant do this anymore but then i go back to kissing him. help me what should i do??? does anybody ever feel like this. i am going to post a poll to get true answers if anybody has cheated on there fhs bc i know that nobody will admit to it

am i crazy Posted: Dec 23, 2006 11:34 PM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

i know this is a horrible thing to do and i am crying right now thinking what is wrong with me. i have cheated on fh in the past and i dont know if its bc its like we are getting married and i want to get this over with or bc i have a problem. in the time we have been together i have cheated about 5 times but then again all that except 1 was when we were very young.

LuvMyAlfonse Posted: Dec 23, 2006 11:34 PM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

Wow. You need to call off the engagement. NOW. How can you deliberately do this to the man you supposedly love? Disgusting.

Edited for spelling.

What the he!l is the matter with us 08ers?!?!?!?!?

cherish83 Posted: Dec 23, 2006 11:36 PM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

I have been cheated on (not by FH) and it is the worst feeling in the world. However, i respected and appreciated the fact that he told me. YES it hurts to hear it, but you may be able to work past it. I wasnt in the same place anymore which is why we broke up. But I think you should really be honest with him before you start your life together. You have to ask yourself how things will happen once you are married.

am i crazy Posted: Dec 23, 2006 11:38 PM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

for the girls that have thought about it would you forward me or tell me why you didnt go through with you and what stopped you

bettybcafe Posted: Dec 23, 2006 11:39 PM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

Wow. You need to call off the engagement. NOW. How can you deliberately do this to the man you supposedly love? Disgusting.

Edited for spelling.

What the he!l is the matter with us 08ers?!?!?!?!?

Yes. you need to let him know that this is going on and call this wedding off right now. Its obvious that you dont love him or else you wouldnt be cheating on him (and you say you have cheated onhim in the past) but truthful with him...I know its going to kill him, but you cant let this continue. Imagine you continue lying and you get married...the cheating is not going to end...

AMGBride2008 Posted: Dec 23, 2006 11:39 PM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

I don't want to make you feel bad.... but you're being very selfish.....

What would you do if you found out that your FH was doing the same thing to you?! The fact that you can't 'help yourself' means that your feelings for FH aren't real, because if they were, you'd be able to 'help yourself'.

I'm not here to judge you, but what you're doing is wrong on so many different levels. I think you need to own up to your FH and let him be the one to decide if you're worthy to be with him. And the fact that you've cheated on him in the past, that this isn't the first time.... how could you have said yes to his proposal to begin with????

Shell84 Posted: Dec 23, 2006 11:39 PM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know you said you love your FH, maybe you have been too comfortable in the relationship and he doesn't excite you anymore.
Anyways you need to think about your relationship with your FH. because the rest of your life can be affected by it.
you might just be interested in the other guy because you have cold feet and can't handle the thought of being with one guy for the rest of your life.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

And to answer your question, I have never cheat on FH. I do meet interesting characters every day, but then i think about how sweet and caring and loving that my FH is, the thought of cheating on him is just repulsing.

Good luck

Snowflake08 Posted: Dec 23, 2006 11:41 PM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

you cannot marry your fh if you have those feelings
JMO

blu6385 Posted: Dec 23, 2006 11:42 PM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

i am really sorry to say this .... i honestly believe if you can cheat on your fiance, boyfried, husabnd then you dont really love them the way you should ... though you may love him in one way you dont love him the way a GF wife, or fiance should ... you should break off the engament and really think very hard about what you really want ...

Snowflake08 Posted: Dec 23, 2006 11:49 PM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

Posted by blu6385

i am really sorry to say this .... i honestly believe if you can cheat on your fiance, boyfried, husabnd then you dont really love them the way you should ... though you may love him in one way you dont love him the way a GF wife, or fiance should ... you should break off the engament and really think very hard about what you really want ...

i agree 100%
being cheated on is the WORST feeling in the world
Giving someone your all and having them betray your trust and betray YOU is HORRIBLE
Have I ever cheated? Yes, but obviously it was obviously not 'the one' if i could be tempted like that

eddies girl Posted: Dec 23, 2006 11:51 PM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

Posted by beeinsilly

you cannot marry your fh if you have those feelings
JMO

i agree!! good luck and we are here for you if you ever need to talk

AMGBride2008 Posted: Dec 23, 2006 11:54 PM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

OK, you said this guy was someone that you work with.... although you've already dug yourself quite a hole, is there anyway to leave this job as a means to get as much distance in between you and this guy???

You seem to want to put it in the past and work on it...

SoontobeMrsH Posted: Dec 23, 2006 11:59 PM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

IMHO, you should not marry your fiance... Relationships take work yes but, if you don;t , honor respect, cherich & devote yourdelf to this man before your married, what makes you think that you will after you say I do.

I think you need to come clean w/ him and own up to your actions

DNicholes Posted: Dec 24, 2006 12:02 AM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

Wow. You need to call off the engagement. NOW. How can you deliberately do this to the man you supposedly love? Disgusting.

Crashing board.....

100% agree

You need to end it, you clearly don't love him. I never understand how people can do this to someone 'they love'

curiousgeorge Posted: Dec 24, 2006 12:06 AM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

Please dont think im being harsh...you asked for our opinion so here it goes!!! First thing you need to do is come to terms with your own self...You obviously do NOT know what you want or who you want. Second you need to take in consideration that your FH most likely Loves you with all of his heart and soul, otherwise he wouldnt of proposed to you!! In other words SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH YOU! Marriage is serious, this is SERIOUS. What you do to yourself is one thing...but you are majorly hurting your fh. I agree you are being terribly selfish, most importantly because (im sorry to say) you are wasting your Fh's time,energy and devotion. He could be with someone who truely loves him or with someone who would treat him with the kind of respect he treats you with!! I could never ever see myself being in your position, which makes me feel that you are NOT in a position to marry this man or anyone as of yet. Because when you are in LOVE ( real LOVE) you dont want anyone else and alls you want to do is get married and plan the most perfect day ever! Good luck and please take time to realize what you want. Regrets are one of the Hardest things to get over!!! And being cheated on is soooooo painful! And its so preventable!

bettybcafe Posted: Dec 24, 2006 12:24 AM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

Posted by curiousgeorge

Please dont think im being harsh...you asked for our opinion so here it goes!!! First thing you need to do is come to terms with your own self...You obviously do NOT know what you want or who you want. Second you need to take in consideration that your FH most likely Loves you with all of his heart and soul, otherwise he wouldnt of proposed to you!! In other words SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH YOU! Marriage is serious, this is SERIOUS. What you do to yourself is one thing...but you are majorly hurting your fh. I agree you are being terribly selfish, most importantly because (im sorry to say) you are wasting your Fh's time,energy and devotion. He could be with someone who truely loves him or with someone who would treat him with the kind of respect he treats you with!! I could never ever see myself being in your position, which makes me feel that you are NOT in a position to marry this man or anyone as of yet. Because when you are in LOVE ( real LOVE) you dont want anyone else and alls you want to do is get married and plan the most perfect day ever! Good luck and please take time to realize what you want. Regrets are one of the Hardest things to get over!!! And being cheated on is soooooo painful! And its so preventable!

jgl Posted: Dec 24, 2006 12:57 AM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

This is something that really PISSES me off.

If you feel the need to cheat or kiss or whatever on your bf/fiance then you don't belong with him. End it and let the poor guy move on.

You are wasting his time and he is going to be completely devistated.

I don't understand people who have these obvious signs that it is just not right and go through with the wedding. Apparently they think a divorce is all fun. This happened to my cousin and its just completely screwed up!

you said... 'there is no way i am going to lose my fh and there is no way that i could ever tell him what i have been doing. ' YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE!!!!

I truly hope that it was worth it.

am i crazy Posted: Dec 24, 2006 01:32 AM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

for the few girls who didnt yell at me or talked down to me...thank you. the fact that i came on here and asked what i should do and not to get reprimanded for the wrong i know i have done is very hard for me to talk about. my fh and i have been together for a long time like i said before and we have had two big break ups each--one when i broke up with him which was 3 yrs ago and one when he broke up with me which was last yr and he broke up with me for another girl and when we got back together and i decided to take him back i dont think i totally forgave him for what he did to me. i love my fh and i always will and i always have. and for some ppl to say that i dont is very hurtful and wrong. i know that my actions are not reflective of my feelings even though i know nobody will believe that or prob dont understand where i am coming from but thank you for your opinions

DavaDay Posted: Dec 24, 2006 01:43 AM

Re: i am an annoymous 08er

OMG, I just sat here and wrote you the longest FM in the history of FMs, and hit 'send' and the computer then told me to Log In again. So I did, and my FM was gone.

Hold on a sec, I'll write an abridged version and FM it to you...