I had to create another account because of the lurkers in his family. God help me -- I am really worried that I am making a big mistake marrying this man. He is not abusive but he is so damn immature and so unlike me that we are bound to have serious problems down the line. There are many areas where we have striking differences in opinions. Also, he can be unbeliveably lazy whereas I am more driven and task-oriented. For the past few months I have found him to be more annoying than not. Some days I hate his guts -- that's how mad he makes me. Some days I feel like I am really sick of him and I could do better. I can't sleep at night and I think that I might not be able to go through with this. I guess only I can decide what to do. I'm posting on here because absolutely no one in my life will understand why I feel this way -- after all, this is what I hoped for and dreamed of for years on end. I really pushed for this and look at how it turned out.
Toucan311
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Re: I am having serious doubts
Only you can come to terms with all of this. I hope you figure out whats best for you!
laurak102476
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Re: I am having serious doubts
From someone already divorced, believe me, if you are having doubts now, please please think long and hard while you can. Things worked out in the end for me, my ex and I are good friends and now we are both re-marrying. Only you can decide if you are truly meant to be, but you really have to do some sole searching. Please FM me if you want to talk...
Danielle623
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Member since
Re: I am having serious doubts
Wow.......Ya know....your gut is telling you something for a reason. Maybe you can put things on hold for now until you can decide for sure. Better to do this now then whe you ARE married and have to get involved with a messy ( and pricey) divorce?
lyss0908
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Member since
Re: I am having serious doubts
I am sooo sorry you are feeling this way. You have to seriously think about whether you would be able to live without him in your life. If you can see yourself thriving w/o him next to you day by day then you have answered your questions. take a step back and ask yourself if you are feeling this way because you are super stressed from wedding planning or other things going on in your life or if this is truly how you feel about him. Good luck!
MeaganAndJoeC
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Member since
Re: I am having serious doubts
go with what your gut is telling you to do.. you still have time to change your mind
AndRecKy
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Member since
Re: I am having serious doubts
follow your heart! does he have any idea you are feeling this way?
missexcited
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Re: I am having serious doubts
Are you sure its not just the stress of planning getting to you or cold feet? Marrriage should be forever IMO so just be sure I guess.
serious-doubts
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Re: I am having serious doubts
I constantly think that I can do better.
I think that maybe I was so wrapped up in trying to get him to propose that I let a lot of things slide -- things that are potential relationship killers.
davenjess
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Member since
Re: I am having serious doubts
you do have to think of how much this is affecting you. if you are not happy - you have to do something to make yourself happy.
you apparently are very upset about this - enough to create a screen name and confess to us how upset you are....that's a huge red flag.
what about counselling??
if you want to talk - please, fm me...i'm the least judgemental person you'll ever know.
Newsysuzy12
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Member since
Re: I am having serious doubts
Just consider whether the passive behavior is wedding planning related, or applies to all of live. I think many of us have had days when our groom's lack of enthusiasm for wedding planning has made us want to kill! But if your problems are with the big picture, it might not go away.
lizzie217
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Member since
Re: I am having serious doubts
Only you know for sure but if these feelings are this overwhelming maybe you should put the brakes on the wedding and focus on your relationship.
Have you spoken to him about these things that are bothering you? What is his reaction?
Please feel freeto FM if you need to vent,,,Im sorry your going through this
serious-doubts
Posted:
Member since
Re: I am having serious doubts
I feel like if I sit down and talk to him, I'll just call off the wedding right then and there. I have a lot of built up resentment and anger. He knows something is wrong but hasn't said a thing to me so far. I feel like I already have my answer in my heart. I don't know how to fix things and I'm so tired of trying. I look at the pics of all the recent brides and they all look so happy and they all describe the sheer happiness of the day and while I feel happy for them, I feel really freakin sad too.
Thank you for listening. No one in real life is going to understand.
lizzie217
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Member since
Re: I am having serious doubts
If you dont mind me asking how far away is the wedding? Is there a way you can postpone now? Im so sorry your going through is....
serious-doubts
Posted:
Member since
Re: I am having serious doubts
Posted by lizzie217
If you dont mind me asking how far away is the wedding? Is there a way you can postpone now? Im so sorry your going through is....
less than 5 months
it's not too late. I don't know how postponing works. Just the thought of the humilation I'm going to feel makes me sick. I pushed him to propose. I'm going to look crazy
AndRecKy
Posted:
Member since
Re: I am having serious doubts
i think you should talk to him before you decide to just call it off. he is your fiance, give him the benefit of the doubt and talk to him about what he is doing that is bothering you...there are certain things im sure you can not change about him-but then there are many things that if you talk to him about-really will work itself out...
good luck we are here for you
LB and DC
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Member since
Re: I am having serious doubts
i don't have any advice for you other than i suspect that the people in your life (IRL) will more than likely be sooo much more understanding than you think. they might even suspect more than you think! getting married is a lifetime commitment - it's better to get out now if you have serious doubts than to look back and think, i wish...
best of luck to you
Randilotus
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Re: I am having serious doubts
I wouldn't be worried about how people look at you. If that is the only reason you would go through with the wedding then don't do it.
bluegreen08
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Re: I am having serious doubts
LuvMyAlfonse
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Member since
Re: I am having serious doubts
People make mistakes and screw up all the time. Who cares if you 'pushed' him into proposing? You didn't put a gun to his head and make him so get that thought out of your head.
It sounds as if you know what's the right thing to do. Don't worry about what other people think. A few people tsk-tsking vs. an unhappy life? I'd take the tsk-tsking any day.
Divorce is a lot more expensive, involves a lot more time, a lot more emotion, and a lot more tongue-wagging than calling off your wedding.
