I am having serious doubts

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

People make mistakes and screw up all the time. Who cares if you 'pushed' him into proposing? You didn't put a gun to his head and make him so get that thought out of your head.

It sounds as if you know what's the right thing to do. Don't worry about what other people think. A few people tsk-tsking vs. an unhappy life? I'd take the tsk-tsking any day.

Divorce is a lot more expensive, involves a lot more time, a lot more emotion, and a lot more tongue-wagging than calling off your wedding.

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very well said..

i think you need to listen to your heart on this one. s c r e w what other people say , if you feel like the marriage isn't going to work out, save yourself the heartache and $$$ later for a divorce .

I was engaged a LONG time ago , and backed out of it because we were SO young and he had a drinking problem . It was one of the smartest things I ever did.


My father still askes me if i am sure that i want to get married to FH and without a doubt my answer is yes. if you really feel this way, and it isn't wedding jitters ect, better now then later

Only you know what's best for you!!! You don't want to do something that you will regret for the rest of your life. Do what makes YOU happy!!!!!!! I wish you the best of luck!!!!

If you are feeling this way, you have to make sure that this is what you want! Marriage is forever, and if you aren't sure you want to make the committment with FH, you should stop and think things over.

People will be more understanding than you probably think.

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Posted by serious-doubts

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Posted by lizzie217

If you dont mind me asking how far away is the wedding? Is there a way you can postpone now? Im so sorry your going through is....

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less than 5 months

it's not too late. I don't know how postponing works. Just the thought of the humilation I'm going to feel makes me sick. I pushed him to propose. I'm going to look crazy

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I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Don't think about what others will think and say. You have to do what is right for you. You don't want to go into a marriage unhappy just to avoid embarrassment. Take some time away from wedding planning and think about what you want and what would make you feel the happiest. Think about your life and if you can see you and your FH in your future.

I wish you all the best and hope that you can come to a decision that will make you the happiest.

It sounds like you already know what you need to do. Don't worry about what others will say or think. It's not worth it to go through with a whole big wedding to please other people and then be unhappy with your choice later, or face a divorce. People might be more understanding than you think.

And it doesn't matter if you pushed him into proposing. You were probably dating for a while, I'm sure a lot of friends were getting engaged, and you caught wedding fever and just felt it was time to get married. Sometimes people get so wrapped up with getting engaged and planning a wedding, that they forget to realize that this is forever and is something that you better really think about before saying yes right away.

You'll probably be surprised by people's reactions. I bet you people come out telling you they're glad you didn't go through with it, they didn't like him but didn't want to say anything because he was your fiance, but now that it's over, they think it's a good choice.

Good luck!

You really need to call off your wedding. This isnt cold feet, trust me, your having serious doubts now, wait til you get married and things will get worst.
be strong and get out,

I am sorry you feel this way but you really should follow your heart!!!!! I give you credit for realizing something is not right now. Just think long and hard about an important decision like this. Maybe you and FH could sit down and talk over your differences before you make a commitment! Good Luck to you!!

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. Is it possible he doesn't realize how much certain things are bothering you? Have you tried to dicuss these issues with him? Maybe it is the stress of the wedding planning, especially with it coming so fast. Maybe you should have a really long talk with him first, then give yourself some time to really think this through. I know I'd be the same way, but try not to worry so much about what other people will think. You have to do what is best for you. In the long run, if things really are not right, your family will support you. If you go through with it and still have all of these things bothering you, it's not that easy to undo. I wish you luck with everything.

You really need to sit down and talk to him. Sounds like you want to call it off. Please dont marry him if you know it isn't meant to be. We are all always here to talk!!

The heart and gut don't usually make a habit of leading us astray- they tend to be dead-on indicators of what's best for us! I definitely agree with what some others said though- make sure this isn't wedding planning/stress-related/cold feet talkg, which it sounds like it's not. Couple counseling is definitely a good thing to consider too. And I absolutely agree with everyone who said it is FAR better to get out now and risk losing a little money and facing the shame than it is to go through with something you are really unsure of, be unhappy, and end up with WAY more lost money, lost time, and broekn hearts in divorce. You mentioned how you have a lot of pent-up anger and resentment, which makes me think you haven't really spoken to him about specific things that are bothering you, even if he does suspect something is wrong. My best recommendation would be to talk to him about your feelings, put the wedding plans on hold, and look into couples counseling to focus on bettering your relationship. If that ends up working out well, then maybe take another look at the marriage idea. If not, you've got your answer. So sorry you're going through all this- it must be really hard!!

Sorry to hear you are going thru this..
I found this post on LIW from 2006.. I think its a good read, and it's very true. I hope everything works out for you. Dont worry about what other people think, do what's good for you....

Thoughtful Conclusions:
Deciding Whether To Marry
Though we may make many commitments throughout our time on earth, few have a lifelong impact on the path our lives will take. The decision to marry someone you love-to bond yourself to them completely-is unlike any other and can reshape your existence. When two people have similar goals, values, and needs, marriage can result in a lifetime partnership of love and respect, shared laughter and tears, friendship, and intimacy that is ultimately fulfilling. Love is often cited as the sole prerequisite of a strong and stable married life. However, the decision to get married should be made with the mind and the soul as well as with the heart. Carefully considering whether you truly want to get married, both individually and as a couple, can ensure that if you do choose to marry, your relationship can grow to unimaginable depths.

The decision-making process you employ to determine whether you should marry should be a thoughtful and honest one in which you appraise not only your partner but also yourself. Consider that love and attraction do not guarantee long-term compatibility. If your relationship is not secure, marriage will not make it so. Likewise, if your partner is not as attentive, loving, or kind as you would like, your becoming spouses will not change that. Marriage has no power to permanently fill any emotional or spiritual gaps in your life. Before you choose to marry, ask yourself whether you and your partner are adept at resolving conflict, can speak openly to one another, and fully respect one another. Your attitudes regarding the nature of marital commitment, children and child rearing, and marital roles may be the same or they may differ. It is your shared responsibility to discuss your similarities and come to agreements regarding your differences that will predict how successful your future marriage will be. Often times, younger couples rush into marriage just for the wedding dress, the ring, the party, and honeymoon. Would you still be willing to be married if you couldn't have these things?

Remember that planning a wedding is simple when compared to the intricacies of nurturing a marriage. The honeymoon and nesting period will eventually wear off, and what you are left with is a partner for life. When you work together with your partner, reassure and support one another, and are honest about your feelings regarding marriage, you'll come to the right decision.

im sorry you are feeling this way - i can see where you are coming from about feeling embarrased or humilated for calling off the wedding but like the other girls said its better to call it off than to regret the wedding and most of all to end up regretting your marriage....maybe there is someone IRL that you can talk to? maybe your mom? a best friend? maybe your grandma? im so sorry you feel so alone we are here for you - please dont feel ashamed - you shouldnt feel forced into doing something you arent sure of because of what other people might think or say - do the right thing and follow your heart....

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Posted by serious-doubts

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Posted by lizzie217

If you dont mind me asking how far away is the wedding? Is there a way you can postpone now? Im so sorry your going through is....

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less than 5 months

it's not too late. I don't know how postponing works. Just the thought of the humilation I'm going to feel makes me sick. I pushed him to propose. I'm going to look crazy

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I tihnk you have the problem right there. You already know what your heart is telling you. You just don't want to do it because you fear everyone will look at you different and you put all this work into having this nice wedding. We need to stop thinking about everyone else and start thinking about ourself. Do you rather be in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship than to just face the facts now and do the right thing? It's gonna be freaking hard but worth it in the long run.

it sounds like your Heart and Gut are leading to the door. I totally get the idea of being afraid of being embarrassed..
However did you ever think maybe just maybe someone close to you is HOPING you will see the light of day before you walk down the aisle. You most likely are not the only one who knows that the 2 of you are not the perfect match.
Also if he calls it off right then and there when you talk to him, then you have your answer and you are going to be fine.