I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

Original post by olechka1911

Jun 13, 2007 10:38 PM

Hi girls

I just need to vent. We just came back from our RH. We were paying our final balance today, and, as I predicted, our BM gave us horrible time about giving him ( BM) and others ( Maitre'D, waiters, attendant) tips TODAY, that is before the wedding. I knew we would have this problem with him, as he told us last time to BRING TIPS IN CASH when we pay our balance ( 10 days before the wedding), but I was thinking that we would be able to communicate to him that we want to tip them all AFTER. So, he told us (me, my FH and his parents) that he hopes we have tips today with us, and that all tips have to go through him. My FH started saying that they will get tips AFTER, BM got upset and told us 'WE CAN NOT DO IT'. The argument started.

Then his parents took over, I think they give him cash to shup him up, and he said that ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING AT EXACTLY 9PM (as his office closes at that time)HE WILL GO INTO THE HALL WHERE OUR PARTY WILL BE TO ASK FOR TIPS.

SO i guess we will give them tips before as I DO NOT WANT HIS FILTHY *** IN MY HALL WITH MY GUESTS ASKING FOR THIS F@@@@@@ TIPS

I do not know how to deal with this

Thanks for listening

milana Posted: Jun 13, 2007 10:55 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

Tell him you will give him his tip then at the end on the night. Why does he insist of getting tipped at 9pm? Is that when he goes home or something

thelastresort Posted: Jun 13, 2007 10:56 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

You know what? You tell him that you want a 'meeting', if you will, whenever time seems fit for you and you want him, the Maitre D, your bridal attendant, etc. at this 'meeting' and you want to personally hand the tips to each service person. It is none of his business what you are tipping anyone. And if he doesn't like that tell him nobody will be getting tipped. That is so crazy. Don't the same people own the Venetian Yacht Club? Have any other TOTP or VYC brides had this problem?

ETA: I hate that he has you by the 'balls' so to speak. Ew. Stand firm.

ggcopying Posted: Jun 13, 2007 10:58 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

why dont you tell him that you will put the tip in the envelopes yourself and give them to your maitre D and bridal attendents
or ask him to get the maitre D and other staff in the room then give them the tip.

ggcopying Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:00 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

Posted by thelastresort

You know what? You tell him that you want a 'meeting', if you will, whenever time seems fit for you and you want him, the Maitre D, your bridal attendant, etc. at this 'meeting' and you want to personally hand the tips to each service person. It is none of his business what you are tipping anyone. And if he doesn't like that tell him nobody will be getting tipped. That is so crazy. Don't the same people own the Venetian Yacht Club? Have any other TOTP or VYC brides had this problem?

ETA: I hate that he has you by the 'balls' so to speak. Ew. Stand firm.

I agree..

olechka1911 Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:01 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

I am not sure who owns the place you are talking about, I know Terrace is owned by 2 brothers. Yes, other birdes who went through the same BM had similar problems. IT IS OUT OF CONTROL

Dgirl had a very similar problem, she posted on here, I was stupid to hope that things will change

Mel329 Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:02 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

I am sorry, but that is ridiculous!! I would be livid!!! He has absolutely no right to do that to you!! Honestly, I wouldn't give him jack! I would give him a freaking penny. That would be his tip. You have every right to tip people after your reception is over. It ***** because ultimately he is in control over your wedding. I would tell him that you will give him the tip money but you want to personally go around with him and see him hand people their envelopes to make sure they are getting them.

olechka1911 Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:08 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

I think this is what will happen, I am just upset that I have to deal with this so close to my wedding. And honestly, with the amount of $$$$$$$ we are paying ( including 20% surcharge) I do not want to be dealing with it AT ALL

ggcopying Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:08 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

This is insane!!!!! I can't believe a big RH like this will do such thing.
Dont let the A**hole to ruin your big day.
one more q: Did he mention how much he wants?

Toots123 Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:10 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

I think the only thing that you can do at this point is report him to the State Attorney General or Consumer Affairs after your wedding . I mean, he is basically, extorting money from you that he is not entitled to in the contract. It is shameful but at this point, I think your FH's parents did the right thing. I cant imagine what would happen at the wedding and I would not want anyone to have their day ruined by this pig!

I do not know if the AG will be able to do anything because it is all in cash and he will deny it, but I think its worth a shot. Sometimes, it just feels good to report something.

Good Luck. Put it behind you until after the wedding.

olechka1911 Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:12 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

Yes, he did mention it. He said 'suggested ' tip for everybody EXCEPT him is $600-800. And I am having 100 guests. My a** he is getting that

CrisiDrue Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:12 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

Posted by olechka1911

On top of everything, he wants ALL the tips to go through him. Meaning that there is a big chance those $$$$ will never end up at Maitre'D's pocket in the first place

I would absolutely refuse, and tell him I would contact my lawyer, consumer affairs, and the better business bureau. That is ridiculous!!! If it's not in your contract, I wouldn't do it. And I would show him a copy of your contract and tell him to SHOW YOU exactly WHERE it states that tips are paid BEFORE the actual event, and that they have to go through the banquet manager.

thelastresort Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:15 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

You should really bust his balls and give him tips via check. That way, you can tell him, he gets his tips before the wedding and then you reserve your right to stop payment on the 'tip' if the service is not up to par.

beachbum05 Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:15 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

Posted by CrisiDrue

I would absolutely refuse, and tell him I would contact my lawyer, consumer affairs, and the better business bureau. That is ridiculous!!! If it's not in your contract, I wouldn't do it. And I would show him a copy of your contract and tell him to SHOW YOU exactly WHERE it states that tips are paid BEFORE the actual event, and that they have to go through the banquet manager.

I agree - that is ABSURD.

I'd put a dollar in an envelope and call it a day.

MrsQ-in2007 Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:15 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

OMG, I am so livid over here on your behalf!!!!

VERY CLEARLY tell him that tips are not required, but you DO plan to tip. However, YOU and YOUR HUSBAND will stay in complete control of the tips and will disburse them AT THE END OF THE NIGHT and that if he comes in at 9pm when his office closes, he will be wasting his time because you will NOT be giving him a dime. If he wants HIS tip, he can come at the END of your reception OR he can pick up HIS tip at 9pm from the Best Man and he is not to speak to anyone else nor ask for anyone else's tips. If he does, tell him that NO ONE WILL GET A TIP.

He does not tell you when and how to tip. He probably IS pocketing the money! His behavior is beyond disgusting and gives the hall a horrible rep. I'm sorry you're going through this!!!

olechka1911 Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:16 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

Thanks for making me smile I have not had a chance with all this sh@@@@

nocode Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:16 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

im confused i know that usually the 20% gratuity for the wait staff ect gets totalled into your price, but any tips for the matre 'd and the bar tenders, bridal attendants is seperate. i thought you were supposed to like put it in an envelope and give it to them that day after you see how they do. are they telling you how much to give them for tips also? thats not right you should decide that. what a jerk.

olechka1911 Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:18 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

He said those tips were 'suggested', meaning that you better give that amount or I will not like it

Who cares? I just want to be done with it

BunnyBride Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:18 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

Posted by thelastresort

You know what? You tell him that you want a 'meeting', if you will, whenever time seems fit for you and you want him, the Maitre D, your bridal attendant, etc. at this 'meeting' and you want to personally hand the tips to each service person. It is none of his business what you are tipping anyone. And if he doesn't like that tell him nobody will be getting tipped.

ETA: I hate that he has you by the 'balls' so to speak. Ew. Stand firm.

I agree...stand firm..don not let this a s s h o l e bully you.. I can't believe his bosses would stand for such behavior. What a nightmare ..

ETA: I also agree with the other ladies that you should contact a lawyer as well as the BBB. He has not right to demand tip before the wedding or at all for that matter. If it's not in your contract tell him to go s c r e w himself. And if anything goes wrong the day of your wedding you will be contacting a lawyer about a lawsuit. Make sure he as well as his bosses knows this

olechka1911 Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:20 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

The worst part about the whole situation is not about actual tips at this point, it is about me feeling trapped and completely dependent on them I am sure you understand what I mean, girls

beachbum05 Posted: Jun 13, 2007 11:31 PM

Re: I am so upset- do not want the wedding anymore,serously

Posted by olechka1911

The worst part about the whole situation is not about actual tips at this point, it is about me feeling trapped and completely dependent on them I am sure you understand what I mean, girls

ABSOLUTELY!

Ugh - I feel for you. This is the last thing you need to deal with. Do you have a DOC or someone who can be on BM patrol for the evening? Someone to be a buffer?

I wouldn't even want to SEE him on my day. I'd flip out on him.