i have an issue and i need help!! (and hugs)

my friend (one of my bm's) just got engaged over the weekend. Prior to the 'official' engagement her and her FH were looking at wedding halls. she found one she loved and their next available date this year was 9/8/07 (my wedding is 8/19/07). so they booked it saturday and then officially got engaged sunday. don't get me wrong, i'm very happy for her, i just feel like shes stealing my thunder. i probably sound like a bridezilla, but between my sister havin a baby in june, and now my friend getting married just over 2 weeks after me, i feel like no one cares about my wedding. my friend who just got engaged is already talking about how she wants to have HER shower in may. I thought, um hello!! what about mine? u know the one ur supposed to be planning???? she even said to me, um what about ur shower? i'm like i don't know anything about it. shes like well MOH still hasn't contacted us about anything. i'm like ok well maybe u can get the ball rolling and contact her or something. she knows i want my shower to be a surprise so obvisously i don't know what my moh or any other member of BP is doing.
now the other problem i have is shes most likely going to ask me to be in her BP. the problem is i don't have the money since FH and I are paying for most our wedding ourselves. how can i say no to her when shes in mine? in my defense her parents are paying for her wedding start to finish so its not like her wedding is causing a financial strain. is there a nice way to tell her i can't be in her BP w/o upsetting her? i feel horrible that i can't be there for her in her BP like she is in mine, but i just can't do it financally. i really need ur help girls!!!

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Posted by JIFFY

When she asks you to be in her bridal party I would just be totally honest. But you know that you will have been married by then and will have some money. It's a tough situation. I would just be as honest as possible.

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thanks!! its not so much the wedding gift i'm worried about since it will be after my wedding and i'll have $ for that. its the money for the dress, shoes, shower, shower gift and b-party i'm worried about.

I agree with Nicole..be completely honest with her..Im sure she will understand. Also, am really sorry that you are feeling this way...I would feel the same way if I were in ur situation. But dont worry to much about that..by the time your wedding comes...eyes are going to be on you.

I agree, just be honest with her. I'm sure that once her planning gets underway, she'll be able to appreciate how much stress and money go into the process (even if it may not be coming out ofh er pocket). I'm sure she'll understand

and heres hugs for being in a tight spot....

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Posted by AlBaBride

maybe you should sit down and have a heart to heart with your friend about how you are feeling. Keep in mind that your family and friends are still just as excited about your wedding as they were before you found out your friend got engaged. Don't let someone else's engagement or baby news put a damper on how exciting your wedding is going to be. Maybe you can speak to your MOH about informing your friend about plans for your shower so that she can relay the news to whomever might be planning hers...All in all, this is still your time...and just think, by the time you go to her wedding you will be happily married!

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thanks and that is a very good point. at her wedding i will be happily married.

I'm sorry you feel this way I would try my hardest to make it finacially possible to be in her wedding, but that's just me. I have several friends getting married this year and next so I understand how expensive all of it can get. It stinks that her wedding is so close to yours but maybe this is actually a good thing. You can plan your weddings together! She is still on a high from just getting engaged over the weekend give it some time and things will clam down. HTH

Ok, so that is exactly 20 days after your wedding-- can you take an extra long honeymoon? just kidding. But seriously, it is sort of short notice on her part for springing this on you and I am not sure she would take the news of you declining to be in her BP. Its bad timing, so sorry you have to put up with this. If you cannot financially participate, then just be honest with her. A good friend should understand, but just dont be surprised if she is upset at first. Good luck

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Posted by futureMrsR

Ok, so that is exactly 20 days after your wedding-- can you take an extra long honeymoon? just kidding. But seriously, it is sort of short notice on her part for springing this on you and I am not sure she would take the news of you declining to be in her BP. Its bad timing, so sorry you have to put up with this. If you cannot financially participate, then just be honest with her. A good friend should understand, but just dont be surprised if she is upset at first. Good luck

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thanks for the laugh! i did contemplate that.

thats the other thing she knew when she booked her day that its only 20 days after mine. who knows maybe she does understand my financial situation and she won't ask me. i feel really bad for our other friend, who is a BM in both our BP's.

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Posted by ksl268

I'm sorry you feel this way I would try my hardest to make it finacially possible to be in her wedding, but that's just me. I have several friends getting married this year and next so I understand how expensive all of it can get. It stinks that her wedding is so close to yours but maybe this is actually a good thing. You can plan your weddings together! She is still on a high from just getting engaged over the weekend give it some time and things will clam down. HTH

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mine is actually the 3rd one since my 2 other friends got married in aug and nov. i wish my friend who just got engaged could have pick a date in nov, although since she is planning on such short notice thats the only date this year they had left.

sorry! that is a sticky situation, but if shes your good friend i would just spill my heart out and be honest as possible that your honored and you would LOVE to be in her bridal party but you really cant find the means to financially...

hopefully all goes well...

I am having a hard time with this one...it isn't like she is getting married before you, she is getting married after you, granted it is 2 weeks, but she is a friend, not a sister or relative...you can't have THAT many of the same people going to both weddings. IMO if you say you aren't going to be in her bridal party it will most likely severely hurt your friendship, if not ruin it all together.

I got engaged 2 weeks after my best friend, and I am having my wedding 2 months BEFORE her! I had to get married in the summer b/c I am a teacher, she is getting married in October, there was NO WAY I was going to wait, it wouldn't be fair to me, and she cmpletely understands. My point it, I think that instead of being upset, embrace the fact the two of you are GETTING MARRIED! Plan together, share ideas, that is what my friend and I do! Please also be in her bridal party, I think if you don't, you will regret it. Hope I wasn't too abrupt but it is just my opinion. GOOD LUCK

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Posted by daniebc16

I am having a hard time with this one...it isn't like she is getting married before you, she is getting married after you, granted it is 2 weeks, but she is a friend, not a sister or relative...you can't have THAT many of the same people going to both weddings. IMO if you say you aren't going to be in her bridal party it will most likely severely hurt your friendship, if not ruin it all together.

I got engaged 2 weeks after my best friend, and I am having my wedding 2 months BEFORE her! I had to get married in the summer b/c I am a teacher, she is getting married in October, there was NO WAY I was going to wait, it wouldn't be fair to me, and she cmpletely understands. My point it, I think that instead of being upset, embrace the fact the two of you are GETTING MARRIED! Plan together, share ideas, that is what my friend and I do! Please also be in her bridal party, I think if you don't, you will regret it. Hope I wasn't too abrupt but it is just my opinion. GOOD LUCK

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i appreciate the honest opinion, i really do. thats what i'm most afraid, losing or hurting our friendship if i say no to being in her bp. but at the same time FH and i have been brown bagging our lunches everyday and not exchanging b-day gifts just so we can afford our own wedding, we just dont have any extra funds. believe me if we did i would do it.

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Posted by bettybcafe

I agree with Nicole..be completely honest with her..Im sure she will understand. Also, am really sorry that you are feeling this way...I would feel the same way if I were in ur situation. But dont worry to much about that..by the time your wedding comes...eyes are going to be on you.

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thanks for not making me feel like a bridezilla.

If you tell her you don't want to be in her bridal party she may decide to drop out of yours. It'll definitely be tough to be in hers financially but if I were in the situation I'd probably remain a BM in my friends wedding & deal with the expenses & bills later on. She'll only get married once & I'd want to be a part of that. Good luck with your decision & I don't think you're a bridezilla....

thanks girls!!

a good friend of mine is getting married a month before me and it's worked out so well because we can vent to each other b/c we both how stressful this planning is, we went to a bunch of vendors together and got better deals b/c there was two of us, and we've just been helping each other out~it's kind of fun actually

That said, we are not in each other's bp because we both thought it would be too crazy for us. See if the two of you can work something out since she's supposed to be shelling out $$ money as your bmaid and you would have to do it for her...

maybe the two of you can talk it out so you don't have to exchange shower/wedding gifts since your weddings are so close. Depending on her color scheme maybe you wont have to buy new shoes either. That way you'll just be responsible for the dress which is what she'll be doing for yours too so i think it's fair.

and your definitley not a bridezilla~it's just a sticky situation