me and my MOH haven't really been getting along lately. she has been very spiteful, i've caught her in a few lies and i feel like she's faking the funk and pretending to like FH. when me and FH first started dating, she told me that she doesn't like him b/c i spend too much time with him. now, she tells me that i am spending too much time doing wedding stuff with another friend of mine who is also getting married. she is very jealous and very vindictive. she does things in spite, not just to me but to other people when things don't go her way.
i have heard many ppl regret who they chose as their MOH. and i know that i made a mistake by picking her. i have a sister who i am extremely close with and i should've made her my MOH in the first place. 20 years from now i don't wanna look back and see that my MOH was someone i am not even friends with anymore.
the situation is, everyone thinks it's mean if i kick out my MOH and replace her with my sister. everyone 'feels bad'. am i being mean? is it wrong? if so, why should i suffer with a MOH i don't like just b/c ppl 'feel bad'?? it's my wedding, in the end, shouldn't it be what i want most??
my second issue is, how do i tell her my current MOH that she's not my MOH? also, i know the type of person she is, she won't even wanna be my friend after i tell her this.
i hope you all know me by now, and know that i'm not a mean person. i'm not doing this b/c i'm being a b!tch. i wanna do what's right and what's best for me. i know that my sister will be there forever and that she will support me like no one else can.
support and advice please...
Aug06
Posted:
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Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
Sorry things aren't working out with your maid of honor! In my opinion, your wedding is almost a year away and I would not want to suffer through that period of time with a MOH who isn't happy and who isn't making me happy! Personally, I would try talking to her about it and if it doesn't go well I would switch. JMO.
milana
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Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
im sorry youre in this situation and this is exactly why i made my MOH my sister because we are extremely close and i knew by picking my sister no ones feelings would be hurt because shes family. And like you said 20 years from now i dont want to be looking at pictures of someone in my bridal party and were not friends anymore.
I think if you were to approach her you should tell her that you dont feel close to her anymore and that its as if your friendship is falling apart. Ask her if she feels the same way? I know it will be hard but i wouldnt feel bad asking her to step down as your MOH because this is your wedding you shouldnt do anything you dont want to.
lilangel
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Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
I would talk to her about it. Let her know how you feel. It could be that she feels your friendship is fading or she is afraid of loosing you as a friend.
If you still feel like she is being spiteful for vindictive change your MOH to your sister. You want your wedding to be dramaless
vmystique33
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Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
Im so sorry you have to go through this some people really s***k I dont know what i would do in this situation im sorry i cant help but i hope it works out for you and dont forget its your day and your not a mean person if you decide to ask her to step down shes the mean one for putting you in this position keep us updated
aprlflwr
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Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
It sounds like your current MOH has some jealousy issues, is not happy with her own life and requires a lot of attention. It is unfortunate that you no longer want her to represent you as your MOH, and I don't blame you. If I were you, I would sit her down and have a talk with her and let her how she is making you feel. Maybe tell her that you feel like she is putting too much negative emotion into this and you have enough of your own emotions to deal with. You need someone to help with the planning and not drag you down. She sounds like she has a lot of issues that she internalizes and in turn, she brings everyone down with her. That is totally not fair to you!!!!!!!! This should be a happy time. You need to be worrying about the font on your invitations and table linen colors........not this kind of stuff. MOHs are supposed to help, not hinder.
HTH
Ericab1980
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Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
I encountered a similar issue, when I was engaged last year I asked my best friend since 8th grade to be my MOH (naturally right?) I kinda felt bad at first because I was only with my FH 4 months when he proposed, she has been arguing with her boyfriend because they have been together 6 years at the time and he had not even mentioned marriage..I thought she’d be able to put that aside and be happy for me. But that wasn’t the case, she became distant and to the point where she didn’t even show up to my engagement party (I called her the day before to confirm) no show no call..I ended up calling her 3 weeks later to find out what happened she said her BF had to work that night so she couldn’t go. (it was total BS) so I decided to let it go, few months ago she emails me..yep emails me..that she wont be able to be my MOH because of financial reasons..(I know not true) well best decision she made for me cause I made my other close friend my MOH and couldn’t be happier..
You have a better situation, you can say after much deliberation you would really like your sister to be the MOH, she’s your sister I cant imagine her causing drama over a family member..
MnM52607
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Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
I think you should make your sister your MOH. I could never even imagine picking anyone else but my sister.
leafgirl
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Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
STICKY SITUATION. I DEF THINK THAT YOUR MOH SHOULD BE SOMEONE THAT IS NOT SELFISH AND THAT IS OVER THE MOON HAPPY FOR YOU. IN THIS CASE IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE YOUR FRIEND. SISTERS ARE STUCK W US AND THEY HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO BE HAPPY AND BARE W US
I TOO HAD A SIMILAR THING... BUT I AVOIDED IT. APPARENTLY I TOLD ONE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS ONCE WHILE LAYING ON THE BEACH SHE WOULD BE MY MOH ONE DAY... THIS WAS SOOO BEFORE I WAS EVEN ENGAGED AND I DONT EVEN THINK I WAS DATING MY FIANCE YET. WELL SHE HELD ME TO IT, AND WAS PRETTY PISSED WHEN SHE KNEW I WAS MAKING BOTH OF MY SISTERS IT...BUT SHE IS IN THE BRIDAL PARTY TOO AND SEEMS HAPPY FOR ME. ITS STICKY BUT IN THE LONG RUN YOU WILL BE MUCH MORE HAPPIER IF YOU HAVE THE AWKWARD CONVO NOW AND GET IT OVER W, AND MAKE YOUR SIS IT. YOU DESERVE PURE HAPPINESS ON THAT DAY AND BEFORE, NO STRESS NEEDED.
EverlovingEv
Posted:
Member since
Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
Very sticky situation. Before you do anything, realize that your current MOH will be upset and your friendship will probably be ruined if you as her to step down. On the other hand, think about yourself and figure out what's more important to you - your happiness or hers. Feelings are definitely going to get hurt so be prepared for that.
Also, if you have a conversation with her about how she's acting - she's either going to get defensive and you'll get even more angrier or she'll admit to it and you'll become the best of friends again. You know her as a person. Figure out what will happen and go from there.
Good Luck!
acsm
Posted:
Member since
Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
i think you should talk to her... and not say you are like this and that but explain to her that during this whole wedding process you've realized that you want your sister to be your MOH. she should be understanding being it is family and not another one of your friends... and let her know that you still want her to be a part of the wedding party and be a bridesmaid?? theres also no set rule either.. you can have two MOH if you wanted to... my cousin is doing that because she has two sisters!! so how do you pick one over the other when they are all close to each other!
hth
Bailey07
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Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
If she is acting this way that does not sound too much like a friend so you might be better off. Why did you not pick your sister in the 1st place? My daughter will be mine for this very reason. Even though people are your friends they can be fickle.
heatherandrichie
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Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
I had some days when I wanted to replace one of my BM (in FL) b/c she didn't seem interested at all. She too had been w/ her BF for 10+ yrs. and they were'nt engaged. I thought she was jealous. I mentioned to her a few times, that I noticed she was down and depressed. She knew what i meant and told me that she was sad it wasn't her that was getting married, but quickly apoligized and told me how happy she was for me. If it is going to ruin your relationship w/ this girl maybe you could ask you sis to be another MOH, then if the girls flakes you have a back up. #1 rule, do NOT listen to others that say you are being mean. It's your wedding. Do it your way (like Burger King )
TnOiOnL
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Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
Im so sorry youre going through that jess.. thats the WORST.. but i think u need to just be honest to her. If youre willing to let her go as a friend- go for it. otherwise u might want to concider keeping her as a 'moh' and making your sister the REAL MOH and her as the 2nd????
neener1211
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Member since
Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
ouch....well, to tell you the truth...I think I would demote her...I would feel bad, but you need someone up there that believes in your marriage and supports BOTH of you...
jessandjimiswedding
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Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
thanks girls. i really appreciate your positive feedback.
i know that i want my sister to be my MOH. even if i try to work things out with my current MOH, either way, i still want my sister to be it. but you're right, if i'm having doubts about our friendship, then maybe she's not a friend at all.
i'm just so confused. i hate having to do this to someone.
faithandkevin
Posted:
Member since
Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
I had a very similar issue. The girl I originally asked to be my MOH (my BFF for 10 years!) suddenly 'disapeared' when I needed her. She has always been very jealous and is in a relationship that is not healthy, with a BF who basically is stringing her along, cheating, and making a fool of her. So I just emailed her, asking her if it was too much for her to be in th wedding, etc. Well she read it but NEVER replied to it, and I had the answer right there. So I asked another BM to step up, who I should have asked in the first place. And the 1st girl never called me since. But you know what, my life is a lot less dramatic now!
JazzyT
Posted:
Member since
Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
One thing my mom told was pick you sister as your maid of honor I did not understand why but now I do its situations like these friends pretend to be happy for you
eunicsd006
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Member since
Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
i kno exactly wat ur going through i was friends with someone and we vowed wed be each others maid of honors when we got married and as time goes on people change and when she changed it wasnt for the better...even though i had already told her to be my moh..i decided that i wanted someone that was special to me so i asked my lil sister..shes my only sister and i never looked back ....i told her exactly wat it meant to have my sister as my moh .....well were no longer friends and with that load of my shoulder i feel so much better...i say go for it who have ur sis as ur moh...its ur wedding and u should e the one whos happy..im sure people will understand....gl
snydl40
Posted:
Member since
Re: i have an issue...(long - sorry)
Definetly have your sister as your MOH. She will always be your sister and will always be there for you. Your MOH will probably end up giving you headaches-not worth the pain.
