Brides Helping Brides ™ - I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

CubanBride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 09:15 AM

I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

I am so angry and sad. I have finally had enough of the way FH speaks to me. It makes me feel like crap and I refuse to accept it anymore. I donn't know where he gets this crap from but the way he talks to me and his mother is totally unacceptable.

I don't know what to do. I have asked him to stop yelling and cursing at me in the past, but that hasn't worked. He seems to think it's no big deal. But its a big deal to me. This is the only problem I have with him. He is wonderful every other way, but I just cannot take this anymore.

There areonly 8 weeks left until our wedding and we have had a pretty easy time with it, but now I feel like throwing up.

JBKempf Posted: Feb 22, 2005 09:19 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

I am so sorry to hear about whats going on. I would say sit down and talk to him about it, but you said you have asked him before to stop and obviously he hasn't. The only thing I think you can really do is address the issue. If you don't address it now, it will never get better.

You need a hug

jeanla4c Posted: Feb 22, 2005 09:23 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

Posted by CubanBride

I am so angry and sad. I have finally had enough of the way FH speaks to me. It makes me feel like crap and I refuse to accept it anymore. I donn't know where he gets this crap from but the way he talks to me and his mother is totally unacceptable.

I don't know what to do. I have asked him to stop yelling and cursing at me in the past, but that hasn't worked. He seems to think it's no big deal. But its a big deal to me. This is the only problem I have with him. He is wonderful every other way, but I just cannot take this anymore.

There areonly 8 weeks left until our wedding and we have had a pretty easy time with it, but now I feel like throwing up.

Sounds like he has been talking to women close to him in that way for some time if he talks to his mother like that. Has he always been like this throughout your relationship or is the stress of wedding planning/closeness of the event making it come out now??? Try talking to him if you haven't already about how much it bothers you and what it does to you emotionally. Good Luck.

Princess047 Posted: Feb 22, 2005 09:24 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

I am so sorry to hear that you are having problems, hang in there. I am sure this will make him look at things in a different way. He will come around, don't worry. Things will be OK.

snowprincess805 Posted: Feb 22, 2005 09:26 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

i am so sorry he treats you that way - hopefully he will realize how important you are and give you the proper respect you deserve

eogara Posted: Feb 22, 2005 09:31 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

I'm really sorry to hear this

Maybe you two could enter into couple's counseling. Since he doesn't seem to think it's an issue, it's not like he'll agree to counseling on his own but maybe if the two of you go together, an objective third party can help you guys sort this out.

hbradio Posted: Feb 22, 2005 09:32 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

I am so sorry you are going through this.... Is it possible that the stress of the impending wedding is getting to you both? There must have been a reason why you got together and wanted to get married in the first place and you have to try to get back to that place. I am sure everything will be fine. Good luck!

divabride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 09:36 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

I kinda went through something similar with FH. He has a natural tendency to raise his voice at me. That gets me agitated and I start yelling. We would end up yelling at the top our lungs, it got so ridiculous. So after a very heated arguement, I told him I didnt want him yelling at me anymore, that we could easily discuss things at a normal volume. If he raised his voice at me, I would have no choice but to leave until he calmed down.
Well, so far its been working because the second he raises his voice, I simply leave the room. I go to my bedroom or the bathroom, and once I even left the apartment. When I came back - he was ready to talk. It took a few weeks, but it did work.
Im not saying this will work for you, but try to think of an alternative that will work best for the both of you. Good luck!!

May05Bride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 09:46 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

I don't think he would change in a heartbeat. Not within 8 weeks, not truly. It comes down to how much you love him, and how much you are willing to 'take'. I don't think you should marry him under the pretenses that he will change, because he may not...

Bebalina Posted: Feb 22, 2005 09:52 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

sweetheart def have a talk with him. What did he say when he saw you're not wearing your ring anymore?

sit down and talk to him about this.

FH and I will argue at times, whether its him or me that gets loud, and we'll kinda just take a time out, the other will leave the other for an hour to cool off. Its not too often but when it happens it happens.

Give it shot....try to work things out.

diamondgrlie Posted: Feb 22, 2005 09:56 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

I am so sorry to hear this.
It could be the stress of the wedding but from experience with men like this, they dont learn unless you force them to see the light so to speak. What do you do when he yells at you?

aok2000 Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:03 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

I wish there was something I could say to make this all better for you. Is your DH like that all the time or only when he's upset? The only thing I can share is what I do when FH gets like that. I explained to him that when he talks to me in a disrespectful manner or a way that makes me uncomfortable he will not be heard. I don't give him the satisfaction of giving him a response- instead I either leave the room, or if I think it will make more of a statement I will leave the house and go for a drive. After about 15 minutes I will call him and explain to him that when he is ready to discuss the situation in a civilized and adult manner, I will be more than happy to talk but if he thinks I am going to let him talk that way to me, it's going to be a very quiet household. Usually, after time is given for uss to calm down, we are more likely to be able to discuss things- DO NOT tolerate his bad behavior- it is unacceptable!!!! He may be able to talk to his mother that way- but he has to learn that you are not going to take it!!
I know all this is easier said than done, but we're all here if you need us!!

Borricuamorena0905 Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:15 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

Always address the issue when he does it, till he realizes that it's not ok... Give him the silent treatment...Weigh ur pro's and con's out! ....

thefourth Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:20 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

Have you gone to any sort of pre-marital counseling? If not, there's still plenty of time to do it. That way, if FH is resistant to going to 'couples' counseling, this is a good cover. Seriously though, it sounds like a communication/expression issue--perhaps have FH write downwhat he is upset about instead of verbalizing it.

Bunnymonkey Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:29 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

I'm so sorry! Hang in there...

You are doing the right thing by recognizing that the problem needs to be adressed.

All the girls have said great things, and I would say counseling is the best suggestion right now for you both. He may resist it though...

Keep pointing it out every time it happens, trying to keep your emotions under control. If you get worked up, and start yelling and crying, then he will see you as part of the problem as well. He should start to see your point and try to change if he wants the marriage to work.

Hang in there...

CubanBride Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:33 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

FH as gotten to acting like that all the time, not just when he is angry.

I should explain that I grew up in a very abusive household so when he yells at me I feel like a child sitting in the corner, hoping my mother won't beat me again. I know that's extreme, but it's how I feel.

I am going to have to talk to him tonight. I usually just stop talking to him when he acts like that, but then he gets even angrier. I have tried yelling back, but that doesn't work.

ckgmwedding Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:38 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

I wish his mom would have fixed this problem years ago so you wouldn't be handling it now!!!! You poor baby! You know that this will work out since you guys have managed to work out everything so far in your relationship. It takes a while for someone to accept that they need to change certain behaviors.

Hang in there!!!!! Just remember you can't change him, he has to want to change for himself. I am proud of you for looking out for what you need!

Darcy Posted: Feb 22, 2005 10:42 AM

Re: I havent worn my engagement ring in 2 days.

I am completely against this. It is the last thing I want to say when you guys are getting married in 8 weeks. One, why doesn't he think it is a big deal? I have watched way too many talk shows with women whos men never ever hit them, and years later end up dead. Many of them their men were great before they got marring. What I am saying is if he doesn't respect you now, what is to say he will later. I think some very serious action needs to be taken if he is seriously disrespecting you, especially if he is used to being that way with his mom. Also, it might not change when you have a little girl either. And you may not always be there to defend her.