i just broke off the engagement w/updateNEW UPDATE(3/24)

Original post by ddnsp618

Mar 22, 2008 06:57 PM

hey girls thanks for the kind words...ill explain the story

FH dad is controlling and nasty so he was yelling at FH yesterday and putting ideas into his head. so FH calls me and tells me that we are rushing (and if you girls know me...you know im not the typical LIW bride...i dont have any desire to book much at this time) and hes just not sure what he wants to do...so i wen to his house and returned his ring..then i tried to talk with his dad, and his dad trashed me for 15 minutes, then told me to leave his house.

so FH has not yet stood up to his parents and tell them to back off (which is what needs to happen)...so as of now, im still not engaged and i dont know what to do.

update:: i spoke with stuart (ill refer to him by his real name, since he isnt FH anymore) last night in person and explained to him that i dont deserve to be treated the way his father treated me (he told me that i make stuart miserable and i am ruining their family...which is abs. ridiculous, stuart gets miserable when his parents are controlling and i always tried to be a part of his family) and that i deserve an FH that will stick up for me in that situation. he told me that he understands and that his father was uncalled for. he also told me that he would speak with him..so fast forward to this am. he called me to wish me luck on my student teaching interview and said he spoke with his dad and told him how he feels. im still reluctant to take him back and resume with the wedding, bc i cannot be guaranteed that he is compelely changed. and how will i ever be able to even look at his father let alone speak with him. so as of now, ex-FH ruined a 5 year relationship until he can prove otherwise.

to my wonderful LIW friends, you guys have been more caring and concerned then my (ex) MOH and bff.

Marissa09Bride Posted: Mar 24, 2008 06:12 PM

Re: i just broke off the engagement w/updateNEW UPDATE(3/24)

This seems like a difficult situation that's not going to have a quick fix. At least it seems like your FH is taking a step in the right direction. Give it some time and hopefully things will work out for you!

MaggieLuvsJoe Posted: Mar 24, 2008 06:22 PM

Re: i just broke off the engagement w/updateNEW UPDATE(3/24)

It's great that you guys got to speak and you told him exactly how you feel, youre definitely making progress, hopefully everything will work out, it's a shame to ruin such a long relationship on something that may be able to get resolved. let's hope his dad comes to his senses and can apologize

I wish you all the best of luck

Ivyqueenz Posted: Mar 24, 2008 06:24 PM

Re: i just broke off the engagement w/updateNEW UPDATE(3/24)

I hadn't replied cuase I never know what to say in these situations. But I just wanted to say that you are a strong woman and that I believe (like many of us do) that you are doing the right thing. Take some time and I think Stuart should have to earn you back. Hope all turns out well.

FutureMrsMacci Posted: Mar 24, 2008 06:26 PM

Re: i just broke off the engagement w/updateNEW UPDATE(3/24)

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Try to stay strong and it will all work out

Future Mulligan Posted: Mar 24, 2008 06:49 PM

Re: i just broke off the engagement w/updateNEW UPDATE(3/24)

Posted by ddnsp618

hey girls thanks for the kind words...ill explain the story

FH dad is controlling and nasty so he was yelling at FH yesterday and putting ideas into his head. so FH calls me and tells me that we are rushing (and if you girls know me...you know im not the typical LIW bride...i dont have any desire to book much at this time) and hes just not sure what he wants to do...so i wen to his house and returned his ring..then i tried to talk with his dad, and his dad trashed me for 15 minutes, then told me to leave his house.

so FH has not yet stood up to his parents and tell them to back off (which is what needs to happen)...so as of now, im still not engaged and i dont know what to do.

update:: i spoke with stuart (ill refer to him by his real name, since he isnt FH anymore) last night in person and explained to him that i dont deserve to be treated the way his father treated me (he told me that i make stuart miserable and i am ruining their family...which is abs. ridiculous, stuart gets miserable when his parents are controlling and i always tried to be a part of his family) and that i deserve an FH that will stick up for me in that situation. he told me that he understands and that his father was uncalled for. he also told me that he would speak with him..so fast forward to this am. he called me to wish me luck on my student teaching interview and said he spoke with his dad and told him how he feels. im still reluctant to take him back and resume with the wedding, bc i cannot be guaranteed that he is compelely changed. and how will i ever be able to even look at his father let alone speak with him. so as of now, ex-FH ruined a 5 year relationship until he can prove otherwise.

to my wonderful LIW friends, you guys have been more caring and concerned then my (ex) MOH and bff.

i had an ex bf who had a controlling father who was a big a-hole (pervert, pig, jerk, mean abusive - you name it that was him).....his family wasnt the only reason things didnt work out BUT if we stayed together i have a feeling things would have only gotten worse over time and to be honest i thank my lucky stars that my FH has such a wonderful family because my ex had the family from hell and it affected him and our relationship.....i dont mean this in a bad way but his parents will be in your life until they pass on which can be another 20-30-40 years from now - so what im trying to say is that it really helps if you can learn to love your inlaws because you never know - you might be the one taking care of them one day - and one day they may be the grandparents of your children - im just trying to say that they will be a big part of your life and probably a big part of your life for a long time - and no matter what they are the people who raised your FH and he will always have a bond with them b/c they are his parents...so if you and him are serious about having a life together you really should try and work things out.....i hope that you all can resolve this because if you really love eachother nobody should stand in your way but ive been there and i know it can be hard when others are meddling in your relatioship - i wish you the best of luck and really hope it all works out for you

JnA823 Posted: Mar 24, 2008 07:49 PM

Re: i just broke off the engagement w/updateNEW UPDATE(3/24)

I hope you and his family can work this out. I guess some parents don't realize when they are stepping over the lines. But I think having a relationship with his family is important for the future. I'm sure if you plan on having kids it would be nice to have his family involved and just to know they support the both of you is nice. Hopefully he will be able to do what he needs to do with his dad to make things work. Try to keep your head up.

Summertimegal424 Posted: Mar 24, 2008 08:05 PM

Re: i just broke off the engagement w/updateNEW UPDATE(3/24)

i hope you guys can work things out and everything will be okay! keep us updated...we are here for you!

fabulousmady Posted: Mar 24, 2008 09:08 PM

Re: i just broke off the engagement w/updateNEW UPDATE(3/24)

Hang in there

egem523 Posted: Mar 24, 2008 09:13 PM

Re: i just broke off the engagement w/updateNEW UPDATE(3/24)

Sorry about everything that happen. You do not need to take that nonsense. Be strong

stephlovesseyi Posted: Mar 24, 2008 09:23 PM

Re: i just broke off the engagement w/updateNEW UPDATE(3/24)

So sorry this is happening to you!! Stay strong sweetie!!

longislandlibrarian Posted: Mar 24, 2008 10:04 PM

Re: i just broke off the engagement w/updateNEW UPDATE(3/24)

stay sooo strong.. you are making AMAZING PROGRESS.. by being able to tell him all of those things.. you are doing sooo wonderfully but you are right.. you need to see MORE FROM HIM..... he needs to PROVE TO YOU that a. you are the most important thing and b. he isn't going to let his dad run his life
you may not LOOOVE YOUR INLAWS.. but it does help to at least like them... and to know that you are the always going to have your DH on your side...

Good luck.. stay strong..

Christine N Ralph Posted: Mar 24, 2008 10:11 PM

Re: i just broke off the engagement w/updateNEW UPDATE(3/24)

Stay strong...I hope everything works out for you!

LiLMich Posted: Mar 24, 2008 10:48 PM

Re: i just broke off the engagement w/updateNEW UPDATE(3/24)

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I 100% agree with you that your FH should stick up for you even if it means standing up to his father. At the end of the day, the two of you are starting your lives together and are creating a family of your own. I hope everything works out for you. P.S. Hope everything went well with the student teaching interview!!!

GinaBambina08 Posted: Mar 24, 2008 11:26 PM

Re: i just broke off the engagement w/updateNEW UPDATE(3/24)

i'm so sorry that this happened to you If I were you, i'd still consider taking hiim back...depending on how much I feel he's actually willing to stand up to his parents in the future...if you guys truly love each other, you shouldn't let his father get in the way of that..I already know you aren't, but if he's really trying to learn how to stand up to his father, maybe you should be a little patient with him....but for now I agree that you have a lot of thinking to do...and he has a lot of convincing to do to prove what he's willing to do to keep you in his life...I hope everything works out!