I'm going out of my mind....

I know its been tried and true on this board... but my FMIL is driving me crazy in a diffferent way. She totally babies my 27 year old FI. He is going to the doctor today because he is sick and she is coming with him to the office- like a four year old.
It drove me crazy that he went to his mothers house this morning to lie down and bed and get waited on and tended to by his mother. I'm like a little jealous, but I think that might be a little weird.
If anyone should be in the doctors office, it's me!

She calls him everyday at least twice and asks him how work went or what he had for dinner and stuff. She does shopping for him for food and clothing and it makes me crazy! How am I supposed to be a wife to someone when she is to him?

She means well and is actually a very nice person and I know that she is not malicious, but I just feel like, ENOUGH! OMG- Am I a bxxxch??

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Oh my, he needs to really cut the apron strings, I assume you 2 live apart??? The only thing I can say is to tell your FI that it bothers you. communication is the key sweetie

Re: I'm going out of my mind....

Welcome to the Marie Barone Club! I am a proud member myself...there are others on this board as well.

Sweetie, I totally empathize...I know it's rough.

Oops hit send too fast. As I was saying, I totally empathize and I promise, as long as you are strong, after the wedding, things can change. She's losing her 'baby' right now, and empty nest syndrome is taking over. It will be like this for a while, but she'll start to see how you are capable of taking care of him and things will get better!

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Holy Moly!! I can TOTALLY sympathesize...My FMIL is in love with her son.. he is the golden boy.. it's sickening.. it feels good to know that I'm not the only one here...

Once FH and I moved in together things got better, but she still gets the best of me sometimes with her lady macbeth routine.. good luck hun! it's gotten alot better now with the wedding and stuff but still..

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I agree with what Misty said - although FMIL LOVES me dearly and would defend me in a heartbeat!! (I don't think Marie Barone would lol!) FH is not a young'n by any sense of the word and FMIL still calls him everyday and makes sure he is eating well! I am lucky she lives in Florida!

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You are very lucky, April.... It was so funny--- we went on a trip to California and he would call his mother when he got up and before bed- to first, give her a run down of the day.... at night, the call would be to tell her what happened in the day! During the day, like at the San Diego Zoo, he would be like... That is so cool. Could I call my mother for a second and tell her about it?...
After each time he would get off the phone during the trip, he would hand his cell to me and be like, '
Don't you want to call your mother? You didn't speak to her all day....' I would be like, 'What are you talking about? I just spoke to my mom like last week?... I don't want to OVERDO it!!!!!' That's a lot and ENOUGH for me!

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WOW! OK - that's really extreme! I mean REALLY extreme! I do have to bug FH to call his mom....she calls him constantly, but not always does he call her.

Looks like you'll be venting a lot! Hopefully this will help! Be patient - communicate with FH and comes here for support and hugs !!

Good luck!

Re: I'm going out of my mind....

it sounds like the relationship he has with his mother is similar to the one I have with me. I speak with my mother at least two times of day. When I am sick, I call her, when I need advise, she gives it to me, when I'm doing something stupid, she calls me out.

Just because he is close to his Mother doesn't mean he cannot be close with you. Nor does it mean that just because you are getting married doesn't mean that you will replace his mother or she will replace you.

It sounds to me that you may be slightly jealous of your FMIL. It drives me crazy when women marry men and then try to change their relationship with their mothers.

Look at it this way, she raised the man you love enough to marry and spend the rest of your life with- she obviously did something right- so why rock the boat now.

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I can sympathize, well, kind of. My FH is seriously, the world's biggest hypochondriac. I mean, he gets a small cut, and he's done. Seriously, every little ache and pain seems like the hugest deal to him. He's all 'should I go to the doctor?' and I'm like 'NO!' Unless it seems serious, I'm like, calm down, and he does. Every time we go to his parent's house, it's a different story. First of all, his mom thinks she knows everything about medicine (she doesn't) So, she 'feels his pain', comes up with about twenty different ailments the aches might be attributed to, and completely babies him! It drives me bananas! I swear, if he had to live one month as a woman, I doubt he'd ever complain about a small ache again. Ugh!

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Just wanted to add, I love that he's close with his mother, I just wish he's get over this 'I'm sick' thing he does. That drives me a lot more crazy than how his mother deals with it. In no way do I want their relationship to change, nor am I jealous of FMIL.

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you are right... in some respects.though.. To go over there once a week for the rest of my life and sleepover like she likes us to... That's going to be tough and I don't want to let FI down... It makes him happy but that is one seventh of my life!

Also, it is different. You have the relationship with your mother. The man you are marrying probably wouldn't say- I know mine wouldn't... 'I should be sitting there in the office'. It can be very emasculating for a 27 old male to be sitting in a phsycians office with his mother.

Look, I'm not trying to change the relationship he has with his mother.... but I shouldn't have to beat to everyone's drum.... The way it was seven years ago between he and mom CAN'T be the way it is going to be going forward. When he is sick, you are supposed to tell me first. I'm NOT supposed to get the call from his mother that Todd had a bad asthma attack today- he will see you tomorrow.... That's not fair- especially in light of the fact that I don't have that type of relationship with my mother.

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OMG, Someday- That is so funny. My FI does the same thing... He is a hypochon. We call him Pachka- yiddish word for complainer bc he wants to see the doctor all the time.... He is SO CUTE, though....

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I didn't realize that when you get sick there is some type of protocol. When I get sick i speak to the person who would know symptoms and consequent illnesses- my Grandmother.

A lot of my friends battle with their husbands about their MIL and I have to tell you- they very often do not win.

Everyone has very different relationships with their mothers, but just because he has a super close one, and you don't, doesn't mean he has to pull back out of fairness to you! That isn't fair to him!

Maybe that's just my opinion, but I would never demand any changes of my FH regarding his interaction with his own family...

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OH MY, that would not sit well with me. Shamma said it best, tell him to cut those apron strings! You need to set him straight and he needs to explain to mommy, that he is a big boy now!

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I totally agree- Cut the apron strings.

Sassy, I do not think that she is jealous of FMIL at all. She is right in the sense that his mother needs to back off a bit.

There is being close and then there is being overbearing. That is what FMIL and that needs to change. He is an adult man.

When you say your wedding vows if I am not mistaken there is a line 'forsaking all others' or something to that effect. What I am basically trying to say is Sep comes first and his mother is going to have to accept that. She needs to stop babying her son.

I can somewhat relate to you ladies, but not totally, my FH is somewhat of a mommas boy and it annoys me sometimes. I spoke to him about it and it embarasses him to know I think that way and now he is very conscious of his mom's actions and puts a stop to anything which is what I consider abnormal.

My advice- nip this in the bud now you do not want to start your marriage this way.

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I'm not trying to insinuate that the FMIL should come first before Sep. I doubt that is the case. I'm just trying to play Devil's advocate here- whatever the FMIL does, she does out of love.

A lot of my friends have been and still are in the same situation- it's tough and I sympathize.

however, I find that it's a double edged sword.. a girl can be close to her mother (like i am) and that's fine... but I guy is close to his Mother, and there's a problem. Why is that.

I would resent it if my Fh told me that I had to 'cut the ties' with my mother, or change my relationship in some way, that's just me.

As I said, these are the women that raised your future husbands- they've done something right... why is it now wrong?

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To me it is not a double-edged sword. One of my close friends is very close to her mom, however I feel that relationship borders on overbearing as well. When her marriage ended, the first thing her ex-husband said was ' I could not take her overbearing family' My friend would have her mom tag along all the time with her and DH, at the mall, at costco etc. As I said there is a fine line between being close and overbearing.

Yes, a woman did raise FH but her job is done. He is an adult now, and while they should maintain a loving close relationship, there are certain boundaries that should not be crossed.

I usually am very low key on these boards, but when a topic comes across that I can relate to, I can go on and on.

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Thanks, nrvbrd.... Maybe I have to get used to this... when you marry a man I guess you marry his family...But we wre creating a family of our own here and there has to be some relization of that somewhere along the line. Like I said she is a nice lady... but now there are two of us to do a job for our leading man now and I request respectfully that she allow me to do some of those duties... but, again, there has to be an allowance on her part. If she continues... she's going to deny me the opportunity to perform the duties of a loving wife. This is what I signed up for....

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I hea ya!!!!!!!!! My FMIL is also a nice lady but FH needs to get away!!!! He is an only child..never left home (30 yrs old) and his dad passed away 2 years ago....he is just about all she has and the transition is going to be VERY hard I'm sure....should be interesting!!!!

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As I said you are going to have to put your foot down now, or else this is going to continue during your marriage.

This subject is so close to my heart, as I had to ween my FH off the breast.

If you need to vent I am here.