If DH ever cheated.......

Ugh - been there, done that.
We got a divorce. The marriage at that point was not worth saving, he had forced me to fall out of love with him long before - I just didn't want to admit it. Finding out he was cheating was actually kind of a relief because it gave me the excuse I needed to end the marriage.

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Posted by nferrandi

I'm surprised as well that so many people would divorce. But then again, I think my DH would divorce me if I cheated without even thinking twice.
I personally would have to take a lot of things into consideration. Was it just a kiss, did he have a one night stand, was he carrying on an affair? Also, what were his feelings about the whole thing? Did I catch him red-handed or did he come to me with the truth? Was he sincerely appologetic or did it seem like he just didn't care about the marriage anymore? All those things would play a big role in whether or not we tried to work things out. If I decided to try, it would definitely mean counciling and him being on total lock down.

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You definately make a good point. There is a LOT you have to take into consideration and I think that if it were to actually happen, sure the initial reaction is you get mad and want a divorce, but I think that most of the woman that said that, if they truly love their husband, wouldn't be so quick to divorce if it actually happened to them. Even I posted that it would be over, but I know that wouldn't be the case.

I would be so hurt and devastated and then when those feelings subsided...REVENGE!!

This was on Dr. Phil today.

they had cheating form the cheater's position, the cheatee's postion and the other woman.

I think the husband (or whomever the cheater is)is defintie;y the most at fault, but the mistress is alos at fault if she knows he's married. How could anyone decide to be a homewrecker?

To answer the original question. I don't know what I would do. My first reaction is to say I would divorce him, but it really depends. if it was justa kiss or something, then I definitely think I could forgive. We'd defintie; need counselling. I can't even IMAGINE my FH haiving sex with anyone else...so I don't know if that's something I'd ever get over even if I tried. I guess it would depend on the circumstance ad how I found out. If I found out from FH and he begged for forgveness and it was a one time thing, I think I'd go to counseling with him and try to fix it, but if ti was an ongoing thing and he kept it a secret, I'd really never be able to trust him.

FH and I have been down this road before, with kissing at least (we've been dating since we were YOUNG) and we've always had an honesty policy. Our first week together, when we weren't sure if we were a couple or not, we both actually hooked up with other people. I came home and told him right away, and only then did he admit what he had done. I guess neither of us had any real right to complain since we hadn't vocalized any commitment, but I felt kind of betrayed that his firneds knew before I did. but he was afraid to tell me, but then he did and he knew he could tell me anything frm then on. So all of the times in college when I was feeling restless or scared or I felt like I wanted to stray and go kiss other guys or whatever I totally told him about it and he listened and understood, most of the time I didn't act on it and we tried to figure out why I was feeling that way, but I did act on it a few times (kissing only) and FH forgave me because I always told him immediately. We've been dating since we were young and although we've always been in love and deeply committed ot each other, we knew we were young and that there were going to be times when we would feel we weren't ready for the cmmitment, or something would happen by mistake (who doesn't do something stupid on their 21st birthday?) but we've totally gotten through it and risen above it by being completely honest with each other, and so I really hope that if FH felt anything like he wanted to cheat on me that he'd tell me right away and we could talk about it and go to counseling before it turned into something big.

I told him if ever cheated on me...he'd regrett the day he met me...I'd take him for everything he had and make his life miserable