Brides Helping Brides ™ - If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

usuk2004 Posted: Apr 18, 2005 06:50 AM

If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

and it was still early enough to abort, what would you do?

DH and I have talked about this and we think we would choose to abort. But, we're not in taht situation and have agreed that our opinions might change should we actually be faced with such a decision.

I just read a really moving article about a couple who had a baby with Downs, and didn't know before he was born. The mother said if she had known, she would most likely have terminated the pregnancy, thus robbing herself and her husband of their wonderful little boy. We also know a couple who just had a Down's baby a few weeks ago - same thing, all early tests showed that all was normal.

It's such a difficult decision. What do you think you would do?

TracyInQueens Posted: Apr 18, 2005 07:33 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

I was just thinking about this. I don't know what I would do but I think I would lean towards terminating.

I am already 33- hopefully I will live much, much longer, but even so, a severely disabled child of ours would live out half of his/her life in an institution, in a worse case situation.

I am sure people who do raise disabled kids have no regrets and if I was ever in the situation I wonder if I'd even have the guts to terminate. I hope I never have to make that decision.

lolita4life Posted: Apr 18, 2005 08:04 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

i'm not sure. it really depends on what the disability/deformity was.

if they can tell it has one, then its probably already almost a 'baby' more than a fetus. i dont know. i def wouldnt abort if it was after 8 weeks.

newnybride2be Posted: Apr 18, 2005 08:54 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

thats a hard call. I would have originally said no I wouldnt abort it, but after reading the posts about the child living in an institution after the parent dying, I think it would really depend on how deformed.

I wouldnt abort a pregnancy because of the fact that I wouldnt want to be hassled with putting all my time into my child. But itf we are talking about the life quality after Im gone then I might. I dont want to have a child to create a burden on other people.

Jan05Bride Posted: Apr 18, 2005 09:03 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

I have a cousin who is metally challanged & physically disabled and I can tell you that while she is a lot of work - tons of work - I couldn't imagine a life without her. I don't think I could abort - whatever disabilities my cousin has, she's still one of the most special people in my life.

Jax430 Posted: Apr 18, 2005 09:10 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

I think that it would have to be an extremely severe disability in order for me to abort my child. It is so hard to say what falls into that category though.

june262004 Posted: Apr 18, 2005 09:23 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

I don't think I could. I actually know someone who was 5months pregnant and her baby (boy) had no skull and she needed to deliver (I know not the question but) That was the sadest thing ever!

MrsERod Posted: Apr 18, 2005 09:23 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

DH and I were faced with that possibility while I was pg with Sofia...dr said it was a 70 to 1 chance for downs, and suggested an amnio. We truly did not know, had the results been positive, what we would do. It was heartbreaking and I'd never wish that upon anyone. We thought about the what if's and what would be the 'right' thing to do. Knowing that your child would be disadvantaged, both physically and mentally really is heartbreaking. Do you bring this child into the world, only to have her/him struggle every single day of their lives? or do you terminate the pregnancy in the hopes of having a healthy child? very very tough decision. I did research on downs children, and educated myself. I realized that those children with downs, are just as much a gift from God as those without downs. Ultimately, we felt that God had a plan for us, and whatever that was, we'd live with it, regardless of the outcome.
Needless to say, the amnio came back normal and Sofia is our little angel.

jantany26 Posted: Apr 18, 2005 09:24 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

Posted by MrsERod

DH and I were faced with that possibility while I was pg with Sofia...dr said it was a 70 to 1 chance for downs, and suggested an amnio. We truly did not know, had the results been positive, what we would do. It was heartbreaking and I'd never wish that upon anyone. We thought about the what if's and what would be the 'right' thing to do. Knowing that your child would be disadvantaged, both physically and mentally really is heartbreaking. Do you bring this child into the world, only to have her/him struggle every single day of their lives? or do you terminate the pregnancy in the hopes of having a healthy child? very very tough decision. I did research on downs children, and educated myself. I realized that those children with downs, are just as much a gift from God as those without downs. Ultimately, we felt that God had a plan for us, and whatever that was, we'd live with it, regardless of the outcome.
Needless to say, the amnio came back normal and Sofia is our little angel.

JimmysBride Posted: Apr 18, 2005 09:31 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

DH and I discussed this as we went through the standard tests with this pregnancy. We both agreed that we would terminate if problems were found early enough (about 13 weeks, I think, for the nuchal fold test).

MrsERod Posted: Apr 18, 2005 09:31 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

what's a nuchal fold test?

usuk2004 Posted: Apr 18, 2005 09:40 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

Posted by MrsERod

Knowing that your child would be disadvantaged, both physically and mentally really is heartbreaking. Do you bring this child into the world, only to have her/him struggle every single day of their lives?

This is exactly why we think we would choose to abort. The scary thing is, DH says he just has a feeling that he will have a disabled child.

BUT, when we heard about our friends' baby DH asked me what do we do, what do we say to them? I said we should send them a card congratulating them on their beautiful new arrival...a baby is a blessing no matter what.

JimmysBride Posted: Apr 18, 2005 09:41 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

Posted by MrsERod

what's a nuchal fold test?

If I'm remembering correctly:

It's a non invasive test they do at about 13 wks. With a an ultrasound they measure a fold of skin in the back of the fetus' neck, something about that measurement can tell them if the fetus is at a higer risk for Trisomy 18 (one of the most common forms of Down's I think). If there is an increased risk, the dr will recommend further testing or an amnio. If it is determined at this point that the child will almost definitely have down's, the mother is given the option to terminate. I don't remember the accuracy rate of the test though. And, I think it gets combined with a blood test that checks for levels of certain things but that might be a later test.

MrsERod Posted: Apr 18, 2005 09:49 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

Posted by JimmysBride

Posted by MrsERod

what's a nuchal fold test?

If I'm remembering correctly:

It's a non invasive test they do at about 13 wks. With a an ultrasound they measure a fold of skin in the back of the fetus' neck, something about that measurement can tell them if the fetus is at a higer risk for Trisomy 18 (one of the most common forms of Down's I think). If there is an increased risk, the dr will recommend further testing or an amnio. If it is determined at this point that the child will almost definitely have down's, the mother is given the option to terminate. I don't remember the accuracy rate of the test though. And, I think it gets combined with a blood test that checks for levels of certain things but that might be a later test.

ohhh..I was already passed that 13 week mark, which is probably why my dr recommended the amnio...thanks for the info

RedHead Posted: Apr 18, 2005 10:37 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

Hmmm.....I think it really depends on the disablilty and how severe it is.

If i knew that my child was going to be profoundly retarded or seriously mentally ill..yes i think i would abort....

But like i said...it really depends on the nature and severity of the disablility..

You have to be a little more specific with the word disabled

Blu-ize Posted: Apr 18, 2005 10:56 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

This is a heartwrenching decision that I don't think I could make unless I was faced with the situation. I can't think of anything more heartbreaking.

Shorty McBride Posted: Apr 18, 2005 11:20 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

I was just thinking about that this morning - I was watching CNN and saw a story about a surrogate Mom for a family that has been TTC for 9 years - through IVF, they implanted 5 fertilized eggs - and THEY ALL WORKED!!!

This surrogate is now carrying 5 babies for a very deserving couple, and they already know that one of the 5 has a serious heart condition. They discussed aborting that baby, but they just couldn't do it.

The surrogate and her DH have decided to forego the $15,000 fee she charges because they know the new family will be up to their necks in medical bills, and it will cost them a fortune to support their new family.

I don't know what I'd do in that situation - but it would take a horrible, horrible disability/deformity for me and FH to consider abortion.

ambersmom Posted: Apr 18, 2005 11:26 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

I guess it seriously depends on the degree but there was a very good chance Amber was going to be born with Cystic Fibrosis. For two agonizing weeks, we waited for the test results to come back on whether or not she had it. Hubby was all set in his mind that we were going to abort the baby but there was no way I would ever give her up, epecially at 18 so odd weeks and I had felt life.

Johnny&Maur Posted: Apr 18, 2005 11:45 AM

Re: If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...

Before i answer, yes i am pro-life so my answer obviously is no, i would never abort knowing my child would be disabled.

I think that is a heartbreaking statement. Why should a child that is perceived to be healthy put ahead that of a child who is disabled? Because maybe it would be too much work to raise him or her?

That is your child you've created. Who is to say that something won't happen to this child after birth? Thing happen EVERY DAY...accidents, illnesses, etc. Every one of us could have a perfectly healthy baby only to have something out of our hands happen to it. What happens then? You can't just get rid of the child because it has something wrong.

I know MANY people will disagree with my statement. And thats fine. But i wanted to share my opinion. I have known many disabled children/people and there life certainly has a significant value.