I'm HERE!!!

Aww hun you're dealing with sooo much! I know things are tough right now but I hope they get easier and I'm sure you'll have smooth sailing soon. I'm so glad to see you're back and OK!

im just getting on for once! I am going through the same thing..we had to postpone our wedding b/c there was just too much going on right now. I'm soo upset by it, but it's an extra year to really save up, and extra year to pay things off, an extra year to really have the wedding i want. Again, it's heartbreaking to postpone it-i'm sure you know this. Maybe your fh feels like he'll be this huge failure and can't live up to your expectations. Thats what my fh is going through-like him feeling he won't be able to give me the life i want. A wedding is a lot of pressure, and i'm sure on top of everything you are going through right now, your stress level is probably through the roof. Give him a few days to think about what he wants to do. Are you set on a summer wedding? Maybe you can have it early in 2010 so it wouldnt be a full year. Im just throwing out options here. BUT i really feel for you right now

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Posted by CNC4eva3402

We're still really debating what we should do. It goes back and forth like crazy!! Right now my countdown says 273 days ..that number should be making me happy right now!! Its about 9 months away..so postponing it a year will make it 21 months away...honestly..I'm not sure i can plan for that much longer!!! I was originally suppose to get married in 08..i've been engaged since 06!!!! I didn't seriously start planning til late though..but when we did start seriously planning we figured out a budget to work for summer of 09..but now it just doesn't seem to be coming together as smoothly as we wanted.

Basically my paycheck alone can pay for the entire wedding if we saved all of it from now until July..which is fine. If we were just paying for the wedding things would be peachy. But we need to renovate the two apts..and we have no idea where we are finding the money for that. FH's pay is paying off our debt (we want to be OUT of debt by the wedding), rent, food, and other bills..at the end of the month we hardly have anything to put into savings and thats SCARY!!

Honestly though, right now my biggest concern is FH. He's feeling like all of this is his fault because of his lack of ambition. He feels he should be better off in life right now. The thing is..FH is honestly one of the smartest people I know..actually he went for special testing in school because he was way above average..but he has NO ambition..and I know its hard to build and it takes time..and he feels like he has to find it somewhere and he feels like he has a time frame now and I know thats a ton of pressure. I'm trying so hard to be supportive but since I am so weak right now I'm finding it hard. Everything is just taking its toll right now. I know we'll find a way..it's just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now...

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I am really sorry to hear about whats going on! Is there anything you could cut back on? could you cut your guest list down? could you do some projects yourself instead of getting things made? could you go on a shorter honeymoon? i just feel like if i were in your shoes i would not want to pospone the wedding either ... i would try to cut back on things, people, whatever ... because the truth is (like the other girls have been saying) its not about the wedding ... its about the life you are starting together. its about the love you two share.

This is going to be a little long:
I understand the FH situation. My FH works for his father and has been trying to become a policeman for a while now. He took the police test a few years back and nothing ever happened with that. I pushed him to go back to school and he has been going to college at night (which makes me really happy ... at least its something to fall back on) and he took the Police test again last summer and scored well and got called! (now we just to wait it out and make sure everything goes thru and im praying that it does!)

BUTTTTT in the past, i have had problems being supportive. I totally understand how you feel... even tho i am all for the woman working ... i want to know that my husband can support our family if we decide i should stay home for a few years. I always wanted that choice. I would get upset and mad and we would fight about it ... finally i realized that he was upset about his current work situation too. (he is 30 and always thought he would take over his family business but because it hasnt been doing that great decided that it would be a good idea to do something else) it was hard for him to realize that and to than have to make a decision with what to do with his life. Even tho we still dont know where he is going to end up ...
I have learned to relax and not give him such a hard time ... but to support him. As long as I know he is trying to change the current situation, i cant complain. Is it hard getting married and having to pay for a wedding ... o yea! but we are trying to save every penny we can! Keep reminding yourself that he is not happy in his current situation and he is trying to change that situation by becoming a court officer. With my situation ... i was not truly ok and supportive UNTIL we came up with a plan! our plan was ... 'ok you obviously cant take over the family business ... now what?' he said 'umm i want to be a cop' I said 'I understand buttt we need a backup plan. What about going back to school for graphic design (since you already do that at work and are awesome at it)' and he said 'ok' and we looked into schools and now we are just waiting ... either getting onto nassau police OR becoming a graphic designer. Do i still get scared ... O YEA! if he doesnt become a cop, will he find a good job being a graphic designer? I mean those things run thru my head BUTTTT i love him and i know he is trying and all i can do is give him my support and trust and know that he loves me and wont let me down ... because he never has!!!

Ok wow a mouth full. hope that helped. if you want to FM we can chat! feel better!!!

Hey you...

Missed you on here...
Here is something that a wise girl once told me, and I think that taking it to heart really made a difference. Take things one day at a time. If you start to look at everything all together it turns into a huge mess.

'Imagine this, you have a pizza pie, and you have a choice of unlimited toppings. You decide what the heck lets put them all on, and you do. What happens? It weighs down the pizza and the grease from the meats and cheese starts to flow all over and before you know it, its up in flames....Thats your life. You start to use all the 'what ifs' which is all the toppings and sooner or later you explode...'

It made sense to me when i read it hope it makes sense to you..

And listen, if you have to delay the wedding instead of putting your lives in debt, so be it! Its better to go into a marriage secure and happy then regretting the day you were wed. And, were always here to support you in everything you do!

My frinds husband is a court officer and it took him a while but now, they are doing so well financially and their coverage is just unreal. They waited to have another kid till he got the job and they are glad they did.

What you have to do, is read your post as if its comming from someone else and say 'what would i tell this person'...

And, if you ever need anything you know where to find me<3

Wow when it rains it pours for you! Keep your chin up! You two will make it through this difficult time.

just take one day at a time. try to make a plan and stuck with it if you cant stick with it try a new plan keep trying until you suceed, you will get there... just one day at a time

I'm so sorry you are going through so much right now, but everything qill work itself out, it always does. Stay strong and good luck to the both of you.