Im really bummed...

divabride Posted: Dec 02, 2004 09:48 AM

Im really bummed...

I was so excited that I found my dress. Well, I took my mom to see it last night. Not only did she not like it, she hated it. She said I looked fat in it. Instead of being forthright with me, why couldnt she just lie to me once? I showed her a picture before we went and she saw how excited I was about it. Why hurt me like that? After all that, she finally said 'But its what you want, not me. Its not my taste.' I thought mom's were supposed to be excited for their daughters when it comes to things like this. She just stood there expressionless. Even the saleslady said something to me. Thank God my aunt was there, because she was gushing over the dress. Were it not for her, I would have probably started to cry. Guys I cant begin to tell you how upset I am. Now I hate the dress!

hbradio Posted: Dec 02, 2004 09:51 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

I know what you are going through!!!! My mom didnt hate my dress, but she didnt love it. She did tell me in not so many words how I MUST lose weight. And a lot of it.

I was upset for a while but FH says - if your mom cant say that to you who can? Its only cause she loves us and wants us to look our very best on the most important day of our lives.

randella Posted: Dec 02, 2004 09:52 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

that totally sucks-- I am so sorry... I def experienced some stuff like that whenI was shopping with my mom.. Maybe the two of you should go back again and look at it together.

I found when I was trying on dresses- there would be some stuff I liked, my mom did not like- and vice versa... In the end it is YOUR dress.. but, if it make you feel differently about the dress- that maybe it is not the ONE.

I intially ordered a dress that I felt my mom talked me into- I went home and cried all day and then cancelled the order.. In the end I found a dress that both my mom and I loved- and it surpassed the first dress..

lauren16 Posted: Dec 02, 2004 09:53 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

oh i'm SO SORRY...i can imagine how that must have hurt you. Is it possible that your mom wanted to be there with you to actually find the dress and pick it out? I know that was a big thing to my mom...and she may have acted similarly upon seeing one that I chose without her. Maybe your mom doesn't actually hate the dress as much as she let on.
Anyway you seem to really love it, and that is definitely what matters. Not everyone will like every dress, but yes your mom should have acted like she loved it despite her taste or opinion. It definitely stinks but you know what is right for you! Maybe bring your mom around to look at a few other dresses, and it will probably just confirm for you how much you love and want this one. Then maybe she'll be more supportive when she sees how much you really love it - and she was able to share in it. Best of luck!!

divabride Posted: Dec 02, 2004 10:00 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

I know what it is. She hates that Im fat. We go to the gym together 4-5 times a week. If I cant go, she gets mad at me. We go to one of those 30 minute workouts, but now we stay there for 45 minutes because I havent been losing as much weight as she wants me to. I told her this dress was THE ONE. If she knew this was my final choice, why tell me that she doesnt like it? I dont know, that's just the way she is. She's never been really supportive of anything that I do. I've gotten used to it, but this incident really hurt.

randella Posted: Dec 02, 2004 10:02 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel.. and tell her this is one time that she cannot pull this bullshite!

lillian771 Posted: Dec 02, 2004 10:02 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

Oh, I'm so sorry Diva! I'm sure you look gorgeous in your dress...please try to feel better about things.

If your mom is anything like mine, maybe she's just pissed you picked the dress out without her help? My mom wants to be a part of every step of this wedding planning and sometimes she oversteps her boundaries.

Don't change your mind about your dress...you loved it and your mom shouldn't change that!

AJsMommy122 Posted: Dec 02, 2004 10:04 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

Omg im so sorry!!!!
I know how you feel!! My mom told me she loved my dress to my face and told my sister behind my back that it ' looks OK at best' on me. I cried for days.

hbradio Posted: Dec 02, 2004 10:07 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

You know it seems that a lot of our moms are the same way. I wonder what that is all about?

Diva - at least your FH loves you no matter what you look like, and thats what your wedding day is all about. Thats at least what I keep telling myself.

diamondgrlie Posted: Dec 02, 2004 10:08 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

I am so sorry sweetie That was probably a shock too because I know I would have in my mind that your aunt AND mom would gush over it. You will look beautiful and you know it is the one, thats what counts.

divabride Posted: Dec 02, 2004 10:09 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

Thanks guys. I know this sounds bad, but Im glad some of you girls feel my pain. I was under the assumption every girls mom gushes over her.

lauren16 Posted: Dec 02, 2004 10:11 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

Yeah it's really strange. I've had so many issues with my mom since this wedding process began. They seriously think it's their wedding and pull the 'you'll understand one day when you have a daughter' line. They act like they'll never see you again once the wedding comes...it's not like we're dying! Suddenly everyone in my life has this need to spend ultra amounts of time with me and gets annoyed if they can't. It's difficult being pulled in every direction...unforgivingly. Okay vent session there - sorry!! I think our mom's just need to be supportive and let us make certain decisions for ourselves.

azoodie Posted: Dec 02, 2004 10:14 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

awwe i'm so sorry

you have to do what you feel is right, and if you love the dress don't listen to anyone else (even your mom!!!)

brooklynbridezilla Posted: Dec 02, 2004 10:14 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

LuvMyMichael Posted: Dec 02, 2004 10:15 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

Oh Jenn.....I'm so sorry.

I am sure if you love it, it must be beautiful, cause you have some good taste!

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

-Paige

OctBride05 Posted: Dec 02, 2004 10:34 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

aw, i'm sorry, i went through the same with my mom. she doesnt like my dress, but you know what I LOVE IT and thats all that matters. i think your dress is beautiful, and if you love it and you feel it's the one, get it. you have to love your dress, your wearing it, not your mom.

gtsgirl Posted: Dec 02, 2004 10:39 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

Hey girl..i don't know what to say but i'm here to give

pickles16 Posted: Dec 02, 2004 11:02 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

I'm sorry, my mom hasn't been as involved in the wedding planning as I'd hope she would be....It really hurts, but I can't imagine how hurt you mus be! I'm sorry..and if you love the dress thats all that matters!!!!

Borricuamorena0905 Posted: Dec 02, 2004 11:05 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

Yea, moms will definitely do us in when they want too!!!

Hope things work out ....

Bunnymonkey Posted: Dec 02, 2004 11:12 AM

Re: Im really bummed...

Thats really hard...I'm so sorry.

You sound like you have alot of it in perspective and just need alot of and support.

Your mothers issues are with herself, not you. Your weight makes her feel insecure. In the end, it has nothing to do with you directly.

I have family members like this, and all you have to do is really appreciate the ones who love you unconditionally and support you endlessly (sounds like your aunt!) and feel blessed to have some people in your life who actually have what LIFE is REALLY about in perspective.