There's no two ways about it, that sucks. But, your aunt loved it, and you loved it before you brought your mom so think about that. And, I would speak to her and let her know how badly she made you feel. I'm positive you looked beautiful, don't let her sway you.
David'sbride
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Re: Im really bummed...
I'm sorry.
My best friend's mom is like that. She doesn't think she's being mean. She'll say something like 'You look heavy in that' (yes, she has a weight problem and her mom is a stick figure) and then (really) not understand why her daughter is upset. Her mom isn't mean as much as clueless. She is pretty ditzy. When we say, 'what did you say?' she never gets it. Her response will be 'What, I thought you'd want to know, I'd want to know if I looked heavy in something. I just said it because I love you and don't want people to talk'
We just laugh. My best friend knows she has a weight problem (she's probably over 250). She doesn't need to hear it, especially from a mom who is 60 plus and has weighed the same since she was 17.
It took my friend a lot of years to just ignore 90% of the stuff that comes out of her mother's mouth. Yeah, she should be better because she'd your mom but some people never get it.
lillian771
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Re: Im really bummed...
Just wanted to follow up on this because I'm always amazed at how sh*tty our moms can make us feel with their disapproval.
It never fails that my mom can make me feel like an insecure 5-year-old girl when she wants to, and other times she can be my best friend. One thing I've realized since becoming an adult is that our parents aren't perfect, and its important to realize that when they make us feel like crap...they have just as many or more faults as we do!
divabride
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Re: Im really bummed...
Thanks guys for all the support. I have a lot of issues with my mom that I've seeked therapy in the past for it. It simply comes to the fact that I just cant please her. I am not my older sister and as much as I love my sis, I will always live in her shadow in my mothers eyes. I realize this and in 98% of the time, I really dont let it bother me. But it truly was stupid of me to even remotely think my mom would support me. Im just looking forward to after the wedding when my parents move to florida to be with my sister. Only then will I truly be able to live in peace. Its the best wedding present I can get!!!
capgrl26
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Re: Im really bummed...
I'm so sorry divabride. I hope you still get the dress you love so much!
My Mom is unfortunately the same way. We haven't started dress shopping yet (haven't seen here since July) but every time she calls it's a weight check in. How much have you lost? No matter what I say, she says that's not enough, you need to lose more so you can look beautiful...
Oh, I hate it. It hurts a lot, so I can only imagine how you feel after finding a dress you feel beautiful in...
Keep your head up and do what makes YOU happy!
lauren16
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Re: Im really bummed...
Divabride, I'm so sorry also. I really feel for you. It seems the issue goes deeper than just the dress, but I see how this would hurt more than normal every day issues. There's probably not much anyone can say to make it better, but try to hang in there and stay positive. YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED!!! It's wonderful and I'm sure your dress is gorgeous!!! So your mom doesn't love it, her loss. You can enjoy its beauty with those who DO have good taste:)))
ps-thanks for the save-the-date ideas!!!
Shorty McBride
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Re: Im really bummed...
I'm so sorry! I'm sure the dress you chose is gorgeous, and if it makes you feel great, you'll look great, no matter what anyone says. I'm VERY recently engaged, and i think I should be preparing myself right now for the exact same thing. My mom always tells me I'm fat (pls. note i'm a sz. 10. Not small, but not flat out 'fat'), so I can't wait to go dress shopping. She already passed a comment that I'll probably need a plus size gown because they run small. ugh- I think she just needs to feel better about herself! No worries, do you have any pics of the dress? I'd love to see it!
Sweetpea130000
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Re: Im really bummed...
That was not nice of your mom to say! I know the feeling, my mom can be like that sometimes too.
I would say to stay with the dress that you love, and work at making your mom like it, maybe your aunt can help since she liked it.
ckgmwedding
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Re: Im really bummed...
That just sucks! It is so hard when the people we love cannot accept us the way we are.
Not that is was the same situation at all but my mom and sister totally ruined my dress day by fighting and they didn't get all emotional when I found 'the one'. They were like, that one looks the best, get that one, like I was buying a sweater or something. To add to it, my brother's wife who went shopping for her dress with my mom(who's like a mom to her) said, 'did you have a great time, didn't she just cry all day over it? She was so excited when we went! 'GRRRRR.... she wasn't when it was her OWN daughter!
Trust me, you have my love and support on this one!
jonspenguin11552
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Re: Im really bummed...
I THINK ITS NICE IF PEOPLE TELL YOU HOW YOU LOOK, BUT NOT BE SO HARSH. I WOULD PROB BE HURT AND UPSET TOO.. MY MOTHER DEF BEATS IS HARSH... BUT I GUESS THATS WHAT MOMS DO... I WISH YOU THE EBST OF LUCK!
Bebalina
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Re: Im really bummed...
oh i'm sooo sorry.... maybe u and ur mom can start looking for another dress together??? i hate that she was sooo harsh though
Pookiesangel
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Re: Im really bummed...
Posted by divabride
Thanks guys. I know this sounds bad, but Im glad some of you girls feel my pain. I was under the assumption every girls mom gushes over her.
Oh girl, do I ever feel your pain, while my Mom has learned to not be as harsh with me as in the past, she def has had her moments in the past. I def think Latina mom's are the toughest on their daughters to look a certain way on their wedding day, not to say other mom's aren't but it just seems I keep hearing the same things over and over from my latina friends.
I highly recommend watching Real Woman Have Curves... you will totally love it, and at the same time it's kinda like looking in a mirror
eogara
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Re: Im really bummed...
Posted by Pookiesangel I highly recommend watching Real Woman Have Curves... you will totally love it, and at the same time it's kinda like looking in a mirror
OMG I was just coming back in here to say that!!!
Diva, please dont' let this sway you from your dress. If you are truly having doubts now, bring a trusted friend or family member back to see it and ask their opinion.
Ultimately, though, you will need to tell your mom how much it upset you because you DO NOT want her pulling this crap on your wedding day!!
divabride
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Re: Im really bummed...
Seen the movie and LOVED IT!!!!! I've actually cracked a smile reading all your wonderful responses. I really do appreciate them and well as all the hugs. I love my MOH, my cousin Claudia. She has been nothing but supportive which is why I took her to all my searches. She's honest with me, but isnt harsh. She just said no that's not the one, or that's not doing anything for you. But when she saw my dress, she gave me a big cheesey smile and said, that's my #1 pick. Now its all up to you. I thank God for everyone else around me, but mom just really bummed me. Anyway, Im babbling. Thanks guys!!
FLaCaTaCa
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Re: Im really bummed...
Awwww Jenn!!! I am so sorry! Don't feel bad...my sister saw a picture of my dress and said 'It looks cheap and trashy! I see you in something nicer'. THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT!!
You will make any dress look beautiful!!!!!!
hbradio
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Re: Im really bummed...
Posted by Pookiesangel
Posted by divabride
Thanks guys. I know this sounds bad, but Im glad some of you girls feel my pain. I was under the assumption every girls mom gushes over her.
Oh girl, do I ever feel your pain, while my Mom has learned to not be as harsh with me as in the past, she def has had her moments in the past. I def think Latina mom's are the toughest on their daughters to look a certain way on their wedding day, not to say other mom's aren't but it just seems I keep hearing the same things over and over from my latina friends.
I highly recommend watching Real Woman Have Curves... you will totally love it, and at the same time it's kinda like looking in a mirror
I LOVE THAT MOVIE!!!!! Its like the story of my life....they should have made her bigger though!
KimberlyBride
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Re: Im really bummed...
That is so terrible Jen. You are gorgeous and I am sure looked fabulous and divarific in that gown. Sending you love and hugs
GoingNutty
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Re: Im really bummed...
DMcK
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Re: Im really bummed...
Robinella
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Re: Im really bummed...
My mom is exactly the same way and i know it, so i went dress shopping by myself...it was a bit sad but it was great cause when i found the dress i looked great in and loved it didnt care what anyone else thought (and no one was there to give opinions or make faces) so i chose it for myself, not for what anyone else thought...so i suggest you ignore your moms comments and do that same, if you love it dont worry about what she says!
