Info about showers from Dear Abby

bridget&jimmy Posted: Feb 11, 2004 09:03 AM

Info about showers from Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I live in New York. Her mother sent my aunt, who lives in California, a bridal shower invitation.
My mother thinks it was a flagrant solicitation for a gift. My aunt can't afford multiple trips from coast-to-coast and will now most likely feel obligated to send a gift.

We say, it's only an invitation. We weren't looking for a gift, and we didn't want to leave anyone out.

Who's right? -- SOON-TO-BE-MARRIED GROOM

DEAR GROOM: Your mother. When a shower invitation is received by someone who realistically isn't expected to attend, the person usually feels he or she is being 'soaked' for a gift. (And they're usually right.)

halloweenbride04 Posted: Feb 11, 2004 09:05 AM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

Interesting. I just did my shower list to give my MOH and was wondering if I should include people who live in FL or other states who probably wouldn't make the trip up. I guess I'll think twice.

kathy2176 Posted: Feb 11, 2004 09:10 AM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

Thanks for posting that. I never thought of it that way. I just figured I would have them send invitations so they don't feel left out. I will have to think about it now.

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Feb 11, 2004 09:14 AM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

Posted by kathy2176

Thanks for posting that. I never thought of it that way. I just figured I would have them send invitations so they don't feel left out. I will have to think about it now.

That's how I felt!!!

Lisa Rose Posted: Feb 11, 2004 09:14 AM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

Personally, I would have felt offended if I was the Aunt and I DIDNT get an invitation. That has happened to me on 2 occations and I was upset.

treilly13 Posted: Feb 11, 2004 09:21 AM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

It just seems like one of those - you're damned if you do, damned if you don't situations. Why are invites so much stress

SeptemberBride03 Posted: Feb 11, 2004 09:35 AM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

I am now living in Chicago and I have been invited to some friend's showers in NY that I can not attend. I would have felt left out if I wasn't invited.

If you're close with that person, I'd invite them!

ikasse02 Posted: Feb 11, 2004 09:50 AM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

No wins here - pissed if they're not invited, pissed if they get invited. I give up.

SReidy Posted: Feb 11, 2004 10:03 AM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

Posted by Lisa Rose

Personally, I would have felt offended if I was the Aunt and I DIDNT get an invitation. That has happened to me on 2 occations and I was upset.

I agree w/ this. Actually my FMIL and I are planning my FSIL's baby shower and when I spoke about invitations and who shoud get one mailed she said that all of the ppl upstate that she knows won't come she wants to send a handwritten not to instead of an invitation just so they know that we're doing this but it doesn't look like they HAVE to send a gift.

no stress bride Posted: Feb 11, 2004 10:27 AM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

Send to everyone and if u do get something great and if not that is fine also!! At least then no one will be left out!!

luckylucy Posted: Feb 11, 2004 10:31 AM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

I am facing this same dilemma. Fortunately, I don't have any say over it.

It is all my FH's mom inviting people from Florida and Georgia!!

Jo Ann Posted: Feb 11, 2004 10:39 AM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

My family is the type of family that talks. IF one got invited in NY believe me FL would find out within a day or two and there will be hell to pay. Sometimes it is an excuse for them to come back and visit family that they havnt seen in a while. Honestly if they don't want to send anything they wont. Or in my sisters case most won't even respond b/c it means a long distance phone call.

eroxgirl Posted: Feb 11, 2004 10:43 AM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

That's interesting. When I put my list together I left off all the people who were out of state and my mother added them on. I guess she doesn't know proper etiquette as much as she thinks she does.

tourist Posted: Feb 11, 2004 12:15 PM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

I read once that while if you don't attend a wedding you should send a gift, for a shower, you don't have to send a gift if you don't attend. But I'm sure most peopel feel weird not sending a gift. I always have, but b/c they were for FWs of guy friends of mine. ( close enough friend to send a gift, but not close enough to attend a boring shower)

If it was a 'who are you?' shower invite, I probably wouldn't send a gift.

butterfly20 Posted: Feb 11, 2004 12:18 PM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

i think its ok to send, if you send a note along with it... saying something like' i know you probably can not attend, but i still wanted to share the invite with you'

bethsiar Posted: Feb 11, 2004 12:27 PM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

the person usually feels he or she is being 'soaked' for a gift.

BS. If my shower invitation got sent to someone and THEY THOUGHT THIS? I dont want them coming to ANYTHING! The shower invite doesn't say RETURN WITH PAYMENT or REQUEST GIFTS so if an invitee felt this way, Go F*** yourself. (Yes it does get me mad )

MarcellaBella Posted: Feb 11, 2004 12:29 PM

Re: Info about showers from Dear Abby

I disagree with Dear Abby.... b/c I know that if I didn't send an invite to a far-away aunt, or someone who wasn't able to make it, it would have insulted that person and it would made a big stink in the family...