interracial weddings

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Posted by Janice

so all he was ever around were white people. her family won't meet him or hear of it at all

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sad...i wish there is more that could be done with this sought of thing....

what makes it worse, people cant come up with one valid, good reason why a person cant see another person...

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Posted by MCDO15




For all the people that said yes, there would be a problem, im sadden by your choice but just like with my fw parents, its not my problem, its the person that see it as problem.

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I agree. For all the people that say, hey racism is bad, but I just don't want my child to take abuse from 'peopel' not accepting his/her marriage, if you don't raise your children to be strong enough to take what is thrown out them & be in an interacial couple if they want to, then THINGS WILL NEVER CHANGE.

Interfaith bothers me more than interracial, to be honest. Religion is about personal philosophy, how you conduct yourself on a daily basis. Skin color has no baring on a person's behavior.

That said, my Uncle married an Ethiopian (black) woman. She's awesome - the best thing to ever happen to our family. She had to convert to Judaism first (Uncle wouldn't marry a non-Jew), but she really Wanted to, and accepted it wholeheartedly.

They have a little girl together, and she's just the cutest thing ever. Even if she can be a little brat sometimes.

I would be concerned for her about what sort of discrimination/rejection she would get within society; sadly our country has not moved beyond prejudice as much as we would like to think. Wasn't their recently a case in the news about some idiots who burned a cross on the lawn of an interracial couple in Setauket or Ronkonkoma? That is really my own issue with it. Whether or not she (and her children) would face hardships or lack of acceptance in some social circles.

Honestly, as a mom of a white daughter, I'm going to have issues with WHOEVER she brings home; regardless of whether he's white, brown, yellow, green, etc. No one will be good enough for my baby girl! :) :) :)

MC - I have heard that, that black women take it personally when they see a black man with a white women? Why is that? At my girlfriend's wedding (they are black) one of her cousin's came in with his white fiance. They iced that poor girl out - they wouldn't even look at her. I felt so bad for her, she overheard a few of the single women there talking smack about her in the bathroom.

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

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Posted by JimmysBride

Well, first of all, if I have a daughter, she won't be white.

Isn't it funny the assumptions we make... as 'colorblind' as we all think we may be? (I know it's a hypothetical but I thought I'd point that out)

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I was thinking the same thing~~~and wondering if the question was solely directed at white couples or if it was just a hypothetical like you suggested...

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I think it was directed at white couples ( or, peopel with white daughters, to be technical), b/c this particalar case was abotu white peopel havigna problem with it, but as Thomas pointed out, other people have issues with it to.

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Posted by MCDO15

what makes it worse, people cant come up with one valid, good reason why a person cant see another person...

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People are afraid of things/people that are different than they are...I think it's just human nature.

Look at NYC for one...People come here from ALL over the world...And often times what happens is they end up congregating in certain areas...It's undeniable. If you live in NY, you know the areas that are: 'Black' or 'Chinese'
There is even division amongst those who are Caucasian. ('That area is all 'Polish' or 'Italian'...' )

It's just the way it is...And maybe in NY everyone is a bit more sophisticated and worldly than in other parts of the country...But interracial relationships (I think) in other parts would definitely raise eyebrows and attract attention.

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Posted by tourist

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Posted by MCDO15




For all the people that said yes, there would be a problem, im sadden by your choice but just like with my fw parents, its not my problem, its the person that see it as problem.

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but I just don't want my child to take abuse from 'peopel' not accepting his/her marriage, .

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Yes, very true.... I wouldnt want to see anybody deal with that. But then again, who are they are why do I care what they have to say? chances are, somone that says that i will never see them again nor having nothing to do with them in life. Its important to be in an eviroment that you would like to assicoate with.

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Posted by MCDO15

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Posted by don424

yeah i mean, nothing is worth losing your child over

i mean, i may have views and i may not see eye to eye with the situation, but i'd have to accept it, because it's my child

it would take me a while to come to terms with

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its sad how these types of things occur.
my fw parents forbid her to see me, so she left. so they havnt talked in 5 yrs.... we been having the time of our life and they will always wonder 'what if'

Religion is another thing that we are suppose to follow... What about being free to doing somthing postive with your life? Isnt this the message that should be conveyed.

Yes, we have gotten stare's and even people yelling at us. In particular black women. Some women see a nice black man (such as myself ) with a white girl and wonder why A. im not with a black girl, or B. how is he not 'a thug'. I know its a sterotype but i believe in it.... To answer the questions A, not many impressed me where i lived and B. i grew up in a good place.

Had i not been raised by good ppl in a good town, i wouldnt of turned out the way i was. I thank my parents for being the best for that.

For all the people that said yes, there would be a problem, im sadden by your choice but just like with my fw parents, its not my problem, its the person that see it as problem. Let them be free and dont hold prejudice anginst a group just cause they dont look like you. Had FW parents meet me, im sure they would of loved me like fw loves me but i was never given a chance. As much as i dont respect that decsion, its there lost at the end.


Sorry if i talked alot or got ppl upset but i wanted to share...after all, this is why we are here.


Don: to some extent, if i read your mind, i understand how you feel. heck i just might feel the same why but it all depends who the person is, where they live and what kind of people are they.

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that is the bottom line thomas. Like I said, I would just worry as a parent. I would voice my concern to my child -- let he or she know what's out there, what he or she may be in for. Then, I will let the chips fall where they may.

And in the end, I would accept the sitation and would grow to treat the SO as my own. I would never have a problem with that person, as a PERSON, i would just be worried about the situation.

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Posted by don424

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Posted by MCDO15

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Posted by don424

yeah i mean, nothing is worth losing your child over

i mean, i may have views and i may not see eye to eye with the situation, but i'd have to accept it, because it's my child

it would take me a while to come to terms with

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its sad how these types of things occur.
my fw parents forbid her to see me, so she left. so they havnt talked in 5 yrs.... we been having the time of our life and they will always wonder 'what if'

.....

Sorry if i talked alot or got ppl upset but i wanted to share...after all, this is why we are here.


Don: to some extent, if i read your mind, i understand how you feel. heck i just might feel the same why but it all depends who the person is, where they live and what kind of people are they.

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that is the bottom line thomas. Like I said, I would just worry as a parent. I would voice my concern to my child -- let he or she know what's out there, what he or she may be in for. Then, I will let the chips fall where they may.

And in the end, I would accept the sitation and would grow to treat the SO as my own. I would never have a problem with that person, as a PERSON, i would just be worried about the situation.

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the situation meaning the fact that your child would have to deal with problems? thats what i took out of it... i can understand and relate

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Posted by MCDO15

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Posted by don424

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Posted by MCDO15

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Posted by don424

yeah i mean, nothing is worth losing your child over

i mean, i may have views and i may not see eye to eye with the situation, but i'd have to accept it, because it's my child

it would take me a while to come to terms with

---

its sad how these types of things occur.
my fw parents forbid her to see me, so she left. so they havnt talked in 5 yrs.... we been having the time of our life and they will always wonder 'what if'

.....

Sorry if i talked alot or got ppl upset but i wanted to share...after all, this is why we are here.


Don: to some extent, if i read your mind, i understand how you feel. heck i just might feel the same why but it all depends who the person is, where they live and what kind of people are they.

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that is the bottom line thomas. Like I said, I would just worry as a parent. I would voice my concern to my child -- let he or she know what's out there, what he or she may be in for. Then, I will let the chips fall where they may.

And in the end, I would accept the sitation and would grow to treat the SO as my own. I would never have a problem with that person, as a PERSON, i would just be worried about the situation.

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the situation meaning the fact that your child would have to deal with problems? thats what i took out of it...

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exactly

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Posted by don424

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Posted by MCDO15

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Posted by don424

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Posted by MCDO15

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Posted by don424

yeah i mean, nothing is worth losing your child over

i mean, i may have views and i may not see eye to eye with the situation, but i'd have to accept it, because it's my child

it would take me a while to come to terms with

---

its sad how these types of things occur.
my fw parents forbid her to see me, so she left. so they havnt talked in 5 yrs.... we been having the time of our life and they will always wonder 'what if'

.....

Sorry if i talked alot or got ppl upset but i wanted to share...after all, this is why we are here.


Don: to some extent, if i read your mind, i understand how you feel. heck i just might feel the same why but it all depends who the person is, where they live and what kind of people are they.

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that is the bottom line thomas. Like I said, I would just worry as a parent. I would voice my concern to my child -- let he or she know what's out there, what he or she may be in for. Then, I will let the chips fall where they may.

And in the end, I would accept the sitation and would grow to treat the SO as my own. I would never have a problem with that person, as a PERSON, i would just be worried about the situation.

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the situation meaning the fact that your child would have to deal with problems? thats what i took out of it...

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exactly

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more of an issue for me is people forbid ppl to see one another over color(or any other invalid reason) with out even meeting someone

Thomas, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but I was wondering what type of neighborhoods you & Traci grew up in? Was your more mixed?
Just trying to get an idea of the mind set of people who would not even meet the person their child was dating.

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Posted by tourist

Thomas, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but I was wondering what type of neighborhoods you & Traci grew up in? Was your more mixed?
Just trying to get an idea of the mind set of people who would not even meet the person their child was dating.

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Its ok for me to answer...i like to share my knowledge since i have first hand experience.
Other then sharing, there is no work for me to day here today (im bored)

To answer your question, I grew up in babylon and she grew up in West Islip.... both prodamitly (sp) white. Put it this way, she graduated with 1 black student, and i graduted with 5 or so, of which im still good friends with 2 of them. Even in the good neighoods in babylon, parents were worried. I just found it odd when i was in high school dating this one girl, the girls parents wouldnt let me see her but they can come to a my basketball game and cheer for me and personally say great game ( i remember this game cause it was my highest output...) i said sure..great game.

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Posted by Janice

I also feel like if my kid is in an interracial relationship I want them to know that I am not an obstacle in their life

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Because they will have enough obstacles already , right? That's what I was thinking.

My problem would be that the other obstacles would probably be my extended family, but I like to think I would be able to defend my child's choice to them, or else ignore them if neccessary.

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Posted by tourist

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Posted by Janice

I also feel like if my kid is in an interracial relationship I want them to know that I am not an obstacle in their life

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Because they will have enough obstacles already , right? That's what I was thinking.

My problem would be that the other obstacles would probably be my extended family, but I like to think I would be able to defend my child's choice to them, or else ignore them if neccessary.

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exactly...I also think my siblings won't have a problem with what my kids do, and my aunts and uncles will be sooo old by then.. I would want my kid to know with me and her father, she does not have to convince us of anything, as long as he respects her

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Posted by MCDO15

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Posted by tourist

Thomas, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but I was wondering what type of neighborhoods you & Traci grew up in? Was your more mixed?
Just trying to get an idea of the mind set of people who would not even meet the person their child was dating.

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Its ok for me to answer...i like to share my knowledge since i have first hand experience.
Other then sharing, there is no work for me to day here today (im bored)

To answer your question, I grew up in babylon and she grew up in West Islip.... both prodamitly (sp) white. Put it this way, she graduated with 1 black student, and i graduted with 5 or so, of which im still good friends with 2 of them. Even in the good neighoods in babylon, parents were worried. I just found it odd when i was in high school dating this one girl, the girls parents wouldnt let me see her but they can come to a my basketball game and cheer for me and personally say great game ( i remember this game cause it was my highest output...) i said sure..great game.

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Thank you for sharing That is similar to where I grew up ( Bethpage), I graduated with 1 black student & a handful of Asian & Indian students. The town is still very white, which is surprising.

Here goes, My dad grew up in the 40's and 50's There wasn't racial mixing back then. He is still thinking this way just like a lot of his generation does. I have Mixed cousins. My dad stopped talking to my Aunt and my Cousin because they had mixed children. He is starting to come around. He invited my cousin and her black boyfriend (the father of her 3 children) to the wedding. He also invited my Aunt to the wedding with her boyfriend. She didn't come cause my dad said she couldn't bring her African American Foster Daughter to the wedding cause of the room and we have never met her. She has older White Children and they weren't invited. And she didn't want them to come only her foster child. My dad couldn't understand why she was throwing a fit over her and none of her other kids. He felt like she wanted to bring her to say look at me I have a black child. My dad is just from the old school. {{{Shrug]}}


Now having said that I will admit the other day we got lost. Drove through Roosevelt and I started freaking out. We were in a Bad neighborhood. My DH looked at me (he also has a father like mine) and said Kris we are fine. I looked at him and said 'my god listen to me I have said my whole life that I would never be like this' We then made a promise to each other that if any of our children brought home a different race Black Green Blue It wouldn't matter to us. Its just a color. There is no difference in the person. Wake up people. This isn't 1950 anymore. Why don't you want your children to be happy. And as far as the stares go.... Love conquers all.

Thomas... I am standing up and Clapping to you. You are an amazing man and your FW is an amazing woman. Good Luck to you Both.


ETA: I grew up in Levittown. Went to Island Trees. I graduated with 0 Black kids. There was a black Girl in my school she was adopted by a white family she had many friends and NEVER was put down.
My DH grew up in Bethpage he graduated with 1 black boy.