DH is puerto rican and I am Irish, we are from different races, but not to my knowledge do we ever get any stares. Just came back from vacation with our friends, he is black and she is white, they did get a few stares, and she confided in me that her family is very upset that she is in a serious relationship with him. They are concerned for their future kids and so on....to me it is crazy that this still goes on....but with the gay weddings question, I thought I would ask, would you have issues if your white daughter was to marry a black man? thanks
casey31
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Re: interracial weddings
If my child wanted to marry outside of his/her race I don't think I would have a problem at all. Sure, they might face more hardships and discrimination- but in life you never know what hardships will come your way. I mean, a same-race couple could face illness, accidents, etc and have a difficult time too- even more difficult than a bi-racial couple that gets occasional stare or hostility. You just never know what cards life will deal you down the line. I say, if you love someone, go for it and hope that fate smiles on you- that's all you can do.
don424
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Member since
Re: interracial weddings
Posted by june262004
Here goes, My dad grew up in the 40's and 50's There wasn't racial mixing back then. He is still thinking this way just like a lot of his generation does. I have Mixed cousins. My dad stopped talking to my Aunt and my Cousin because they had mixed children. He is starting to come around. He invited my cousin and her black boyfriend (the father of her 3 children) to the wedding. He also invited my Aunt to the wedding with her boyfriend. She didn't come cause my dad said she couldn't bring her African American Foster Daughter to the wedding cause of the room and we have never met her. She has older White Children and they weren't invited. And she didn't want them to come only her foster child. My dad couldn't understand why she was throwing a fit over her and none of her other kids. He felt like she wanted to bring her to say look at me I have a black child. My dad is just from the old school. {{{Shrug]}}
Now having said that I will admit the other day we got lost. Drove through Roosevelt and I started freaking out. We were in a Bad neighborhood. My DH looked at me (he also has a father like mine) and said Kris we are fine. I looked at him and said 'my god listen to me I have said my whole life that I would never be like this' We then made a promise to each other that if any of our children brought home a different race Black Green Blue It wouldn't matter to us. Its just a color. There is no difference in the person. Wake up people. This isn't 1950 anymore. Why don't you want your children to be happy. And as far as the stares go.... Love conquers all.
Thomas... I am standing up and Clapping to you. You are an amazing man and your FW is an amazing woman. Good Luck to you Both.
ETA: I grew up in Levittown. Went to Island Trees. I graduated with 0 Black kids. There was a black Girl in my school she was adopted by a white family she had many friends and NEVER was put down. My DH grew up in Bethpage he graduated with 1 black boy.
i respect that , but it's just not as clear cut as that
june262004
Posted:
Member since
Re: interracial weddings
Posted by don424
Posted by june262004
Here goes, My dad grew up in the 40's and 50's There wasn't racial mixing back then. He is still thinking this way just like a lot of his generation does. I have Mixed cousins. My dad stopped talking to my Aunt and my Cousin because they had mixed children. He is starting to come around. He invited my cousin and her black boyfriend (the father of her 3 children) to the wedding. He also invited my Aunt to the wedding with her boyfriend. She didn't come cause my dad said she couldn't bring her African American Foster Daughter to the wedding cause of the room and we have never met her. She has older White Children and they weren't invited. And she didn't want them to come only her foster child. My dad couldn't understand why she was throwing a fit over her and none of her other kids. He felt like she wanted to bring her to say look at me I have a black child. My dad is just from the old school. {{{Shrug]}}
Now having said that I will admit the other day we got lost. Drove through Roosevelt and I started freaking out. We were in a Bad neighborhood. My DH looked at me (he also has a father like mine) and said Kris we are fine. I looked at him and said 'my god listen to me I have said my whole life that I would never be like this' We then made a promise to each other that if any of our children brought home a different race Black Green Blue It wouldn't matter to us. Its just a color. There is no difference in the person. Wake up people. This isn't 1950 anymore. Why don't you want your children to be happy. And as far as the stares go.... Love conquers all.
Thomas... I am standing up and Clapping to you. You are an amazing man and your FW is an amazing woman. Good Luck to you Both.
ETA: I grew up in Levittown. Went to Island Trees. I graduated with 0 Black kids. There was a black Girl in my school she was adopted by a white family she had many friends and NEVER was put down. My DH grew up in Bethpage he graduated with 1 black boy.
i respect that , but it's just not as clear cut as that
Don Why not? And what isnt?
BTW I just want to also Clap to all of us... cause this is one of the first threads where we arent ripping peoples eyes out.
myasmom
Posted:
Member since
Re: interracial weddings
I have had interacial relationships and I would never stop anyone who wants to or does not for that matter..as long as rhetoric is not directed towards those who may or may not agree. I dont equate this issue to being the same as homosexuality as many people do becasue for me the morality of the issue is totally different for ME.
I can understand if someone is racist and trust me..all races have racism..infact many of us have some sort of prejudice rather many want to admit it or not..but some actions are worse than others. Feeling uncomfortable when surrounded predominately by another race can be formed from the stereotypical behavior that we either were taught or expereice ourselves but its a whole lot diffeent from lynching, hurting or discriminating against another race...Then you are trying to force your views on others.
Being in the military I cam into contact with some of the most racist SOB you could ever find. Men and women who had culture shock seeing a black person for the 1st time but guess what..we had to work together and some of their views changed..some did not but guess what..they had to 'respect me' or get kicked the heck out of the military.
don424
Posted:
Member since
Re: interracial weddings
yes i do need to clarify
for me, like i said, if my daughter brought home a black man, i would not forbid her to see him, i would not disrespect him as a person, and i would not look down on him or make myself superior
agreed, when a man loves a woman, physical appearance does not matter, it's just a color.
My problem with interracial dating and marriage is that prejudice will always exist. You can't turn your cheek and say, it doesn't matter, it's only a color, because we as a society have sterotypes burned so deep into us, they'll never come out.
Case in point, you're walking down the street on and a black man is coming toward you. Don't we tend to tuck our wallets in a little tighter? We don't mean to do it, it just happens.
So, we can accept our children's decisions, but we need to be realistic that prejudice does exist. You'll see on the news a white guy will be attacked buy a group of black guys because the white guy was with a black girl, or vice versa. If that was my son, what am I supposed to say, don't worry, it's only a color?
You can love and accept, but at the same time, the children will need to be educated about their surroundings
LoriH
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Re: interracial weddings
I would not have a problem with my child marrying outside their race. I think it is sad that our society is still so close minded that race is an issue.
Funny story: When I was about four my best friend at the time and I used to play at the park for hours. One day a little boy came up to me and said you know that you shouldn't be playing with her she's black. I got so mad at him and screamed she's not black, you're black. I had no clue what he meant just that it was said with a negative connotation. I went to my mom crying and she explained it to me.
june262004
Posted:
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Re: interracial weddings
When I was younger I might have done that because it was put into my head. But now. I don't. My mom had her pocketbook ripped off her arm by a WHITE man.
I really hope and Pray that the next few generations start to get better. And don't think this way anymore. Its not getting better but then again I don't think its as bad as it was in 1950.
I actually went to a ricki lake show about this. My DH started this job and in all honestly he is one out of three white people in his office. He hangs out with the black guys from his office all the time. They go to the clubs in the city. They goto Bars. He realized they are the same us (or maybe even a little bit more fun hehe)
Has everyone ever seen American History X. Great MOVIE... Opens a lot of peoples eyes I think.
LoriH
Posted:
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Re: interracial weddings
Posted by june262004 Has everyone ever seen American History X. Great MOVIE... Opens a lot of peoples eyes I think.
That's a great movie. I have recommended it to so many people. Plus Edward Norton is so hot..
myasmom
Posted:
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Re: interracial weddings
I think alo of people who have stereotypes get them shattered when they interact with members of another race. The media is a big hyprocracy in itself. They are subjective in what they report and I do beleive its true..for example when I went to Texas my drill instructor said that becasue I was from NY I was a pick pocket and the girls from the south were drama queens, the boys from thefarms were animal 'fu**ers' etc.. it was done in jest to psychological break down the stereotypes but in reality some people beleive this because its what they hear..so all I can tell my daughter is surround yourself with people who respect you and steer clear of those who dont.
june262004
Posted:
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Re: interracial weddings
Posted by LoriH
I would not have a problem with my child marrying outside their race. I think it is sad that our society is still so close minded that race is an issue.
Funny story: When I was about four my best friend at the time and I used to play at the park for hours. One day a little boy came up to me and said you know that you shouldn't be playing with her she's black. I got so mad at him and screamed she's not black, you're black. I had no clue what he meant just that it was said with a negative connotation. I went to my mom crying and she explained it to me.
That is a great story. I have a similar story. And I AM REALLY opening myself up to this cause I AM REALLY embarrassed that I did this. In fact I woke up the other day and I must have been dreaming about it or something cause I started thinking about it and I was depressed all day.
I went to Summer Camp when I was younger (it wasn't like sleep away camp but anyway) I was probably about 6 or 7. I had this friend April there We were together all day. When we would walk to the pool we would walk together singing everything. One day we had a fight (couldn't even tell you what it was about but I remember what I said) I looked at her and I said 'that's why White people are better then Black people' I am so ashamed of myself for saying that.. She went and told the camp counselors and he put a shirt around my neck and pushed me up against a fence and said who told you that? Boy was he pissed. And if someone did that to a child today (the shirt around my neck) people would be all ready to sue but u know what I am so happy Morgan (camp counselors who was really hot btw) did that. I never thought that way again. I was young naive and dumb... Thank God April Forgave me. I haven't seen her in a really REALLY long time. If April White is out there I miss you.
ambersmom
Posted:
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Re: interracial weddings
I think it's so great that we are discussing it without having fur flying all over the place (like other topics). It's so great to see people's honesty coming out without anyone being personally attacked.
Thomas, I think it sucks that FW's family won't even speak to you...they'll be the one's missing out on your future children, etc. I didn't meet you personally at the WOTY but from what I could see/tell, you seemed like a great person; genuine and friendly!
BMD'sPeanut
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Re: interracial weddings
Posted by june262004
he put a shirt around my neck and pushed me up against a fence and said who told you that? Boy was he pissed. And if someone did that to a child today (the shirt around my neck) people would be all ready to sue but u know what I am so happy Morgan (camp counselors who was really hot btw) did that.
BMD'sPeanut
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Re: interracial weddings
You know..I just want to add--> children are not born to hate...It sounds cliché, but it's so true...I swear, I didn't know anything about diversity until I was like in 7th grade...It just wasn't an issue in my home...My parents NEVER used derogatory words about other groups...I grew up in an incredibly ethnically diverse place...I never 'saw' any differences though!
tracyg
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Re: interracial weddings
i think that's true. I grew up being the minority (I had 7 best friends, and they were all different nationalities) , and I knew my parent's friend was gay when I was 7, and it was no big deal. That's why stuff like homosexuality and racial diversity is not an issue to me. And my stepmom is Philipino. But people who aren't brought up around it, and are told by their parents that it is wrong, will end up thinking the same way. Unless something in their future changes them.
Janice
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Re: interracial weddings
mine were the opposite, interracial dating is irish and italian to them. but me and all of my 6 brothers and sisters have no racial hang ups at all
tracyg
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Re: interracial weddings
DH's grandmother once told him that if he ever married a non-Jewish girl she would disown him. She's come around since then. I think a near death experience helped her realize what's important in life... peoples happiness. She loves me!
Sassyz75
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Re: interracial weddings
I only want my child to marry a good person.. who treats them well and they love and respect each other- that's all....
As for religion- I really have no problem with religion... but I do have a problem with converting. Like if my kid fell in love but their partner wouldn't marry them for religion I would flip my lid.
nferrandi
Posted:
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Re: interracial weddings
Just for the record, I grew up in a very 'white' area and me and the only black kid in our senior class were voted 'Class Flirt' together. lol! DH grew up a few towns over in an extremely diverse town. His high school was not predominantly anything. And by the way, I'm Jewish and DH is Catholic and there was no converting before we got married. In fact, my dad is off the boat Italian, raised Roman Catholic, and my mother was born and raised in a Jewish section of the Bronx. That being said, I would have the same valid concerns that many of you have already voiced, but other than that, I would be ok with my child marrying outside of my race. I think as long as their SO respected them and was good to them I would have no problem. I know that if their SO's family didn't accept my child for being of a different race, I would feel terrible for my child. I would never intentionally put someone else through that rejection.
Mushpot
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Re: interracial weddings
Posted by ambersmom
MC - I have heard that, that black women take it personally when they see a black man with a white women? Why is that? At my girlfriend's wedding (they are black) one of her cousin's came in with his white fiance. They iced that poor girl out - they wouldn't even look at her. I felt so bad for her, she overheard a few of the single women there talking smack about her in the bathroom.
I can answer that. I'm MCDO's FW, I had to deal with many comments, stares, etc.... Trut of it is that he's a great catch. Some people don't like to see other people happy if they are miserable or not doing the right thing for themselves. It's all about jealousy. Race is apparently an issue for them, but what it comes down to is ... If you're a miserable person, then you try to spread your misery around. What's the saying? 'MISERY LOVES COMPANY'
We all fell in love with our partners for a reason. It had nothing to do with race, religion, or any physical traits. It had to do with the whole package. Love is blind, I truly believe that. We can't control who we fall in love with, nor would I want to. If I controlled it, then I couldn't have made things work out better for myself. We can't wait to start our family. Regardless of what others say, etc.. We will raise our kids to be open-minded like we are, and to be good people.
maiahsdad
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Member since
Re: interracial weddings
Posted by Janice
I am a lover of love, hehe...if my daughter was in love I would support her through society's struggles.. My daughter should not marry her love because of society's ignorance. You only have 1 life to live, and I would never want my daughter living with what ifs, as long as there is respect for each other in relationships I will stand behind them 100%
i think that is the best answer yet..........just because of the way our parents or us are brought up, times change and i would think that over time this will seem like nothing then.......
