Is it fair to ask BMs to chip in....?

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Posted by christina&mike07

honestly, i don't think that you should ask/expect them to chip in for the suite.. they don't have to stay there.. they can early in the morning. I am staying in a bridal suite the weekend of the wedding.. and most of my Bridal Party will be staying with me the night before.. and I don't want them to pay for that... and I really don't expect for them to pay for either..

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Christina,
Your puppy is so cute!

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Posted by Regal Beagle

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Posted by christina&mike07

honestly, i don't think that you should ask/expect them to chip in for the suite.. they don't have to stay there.. they can early in the morning. I am staying in a bridal suite the weekend of the wedding.. and most of my Bridal Party will be staying with me the night before.. and I don't want them to pay for that... and I really don't expect for them to pay for either..

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Christina,
Your puppy is so cute!

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awe thank you! girl he's a big boy now... he's close to 70lbs!... but still a big baby in my eyes...
he thinks he's 10lbs... when he's jumping or sitting on you.

Well FH & I were researching OOTGH & a place for us & BP to stay for the weekend, we were going to pay for the room as our attendent gift... Well we opted againist it, b/c we thought we could put the $$ to better use elsewhere...

SO my BP will stay at our home & FH will stay at his parents...

i dont think its fair .. my moh(bf ) offred as a gift to me ..

Well you know your bridesmaids, we don't...I guess try to figure out whether or not this would bother them. You have to remember that throughout this whole process they spend a decent amount of money. If you had an e-party to get you a gift or give money, don't know if you had one though. Bridal shower gift, bachelorette party expenses, bridesmaids dresses, don't know what the make up and hair situation is and if they have to pay. Plus a gift for your wedding day. Some girls might not have the money to do all this. You need to consider their financial situations.

If you think your bm's would have absolutely no problem with this, and i don't mean them just saying yes only because they feel they have been put on the spot then i guess it's ok. Otherwise, it's something that maybe you should pay for.

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Posted by Regal Beagle

Well it's partly because of that, but mostly because I thought it would be nice for all of us to hang out as single ladies for the last time.

I don't want them to have to pay for it, but I don't think I can swing it with everything else.


I feel guilty with this whole wedding. I feel like I put a financial burden on everyone, I know I shouldn't feel that way, but some of my BMs as well as my family members are making me feel bad.


On one hand I know that everyone is in a different financial postition and things are hard these days, but on the other hand, it is my special day. They should be happy for me, not complaining.

I never win!

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They are happy for you...but you have to remember that although this is your day, they also have alot of other things going on in their lives. They have bills to pay, maybe things they are saving up for, and other expenses...You can't tell them to put all that aside.

I don't think you should ask them to chip in. Although it is a wonderful idea, being in a BP, is expensive enough.

I don't know ur friends, only u can be the judge, but I'm sure if you bring it up to them ad they want to stay, some if not all of ur BM, , would offer to give u some $.

But also, consider this - depending on how many girls u have - it wouldn't be alot for them to chip in...maybe they can pair up or something? definitely all the girls cant fit in 1 rm, lol. if they can double up and go halves, i would DO IT if i was an [unmarried] bridesmaids. . . . lol!

:) HTH

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Posted by ronnysbride

I would say no its not ok.

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ditto

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Posted by Regal Beagle

Well it's partly because of that, but mostly because I thought it would be nice for all of us to hang out as single ladies for the last time.

I don't want them to have to pay for it, but I don't think I can swing it with everything else.


I feel guilty with this whole wedding. I feel like I put a financial burden on everyone, I know I shouldn't feel that way, but some of my BMs as well as my family members are making me feel bad.


On one hand I know that everyone is in a different financial postition and things are hard these days, but on the other hand, it is my special day. They should be happy for me, not complaining.

I never win!

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Yes, I think that it is wrong to ask them to pay. It is a convince for you. If they had suggested it, then it would be fair for all chip in, perhaps even if it were a less expensive hotel, that wold be fairer for you to ask them.

I'm sure you family and friends don't mean to make you feel bad about the money, it's just hard for a lot of people to just shell out cash for every little thing, especailly things that aren't completely necessary, like spending the night before in a hotel.

Yes they should be happy for you, and I'm sure they truly are because after all it IS your special day!! But being happy for you and spending money for a hotel isn't the same thing. Being happy for you shouldn't come with a price tag. And just because it is your special day dosen't mean that people should be put out in order to show they are happy for you. In this case I would either offer to pay for it on your own, or opt to not stay at a hotel.

I WOULD mention the idea to your freinds, maybe they will love the idea and will offer to pay without you asking, but don't ask them to.

Is it possible to have a sleep over at your parents, or your house, or one of your friends? You can still have a last single night with the girls at a cheaper location. Good luck.

I agree with pp...their happiness is not measured in the amount of money they spend...Also, dont get mad that they complain about money or dont chip in for certain things, it will just make them feel that them being there by your side is not good enough, only how much they spend.

You also can't ask them to do this because of the fact you think they might be late, this might insult them. I am late alot, but when we are going out and don't HAVE to be somewhere at a certain time, i would not be late for a friends wedding and would be upset if the person did not trust me to be on time.

I would talk to your fh and ask if the both of you should pay for a hotel. Maybe its a gift that one of your parents would be willing to pay for, but it is also something that is not necessary and if they can't do it either they shouldn't be asked.

I in no way equate their care for me by how much they spend. They have been complaining about everything. I cannot even get my BMs all together to get measured for their dress.

Their lack of care and effort has offended me. Call it selfish , but I do not think it is right for the people in BP or my family to complain about everything. From buying a dress, shoes to having to take the day off of work etc. My brother is complaining about renting a tux. He is walking me down the aisle. I thought he would be honored! The complaining has made me sad and feel like they don't care.

One said 'you are bothering me too much about this dress'. Then I am called a Bridezilla!
The dress takes 6-8 months to come in. I don't think I am being unfair.

The least they can do is not make ME feel bad about it. Can't they not talk about it in front of me?

Yes, that hotel is over priced, but I only went there based on their suggestions for a good location for everyone (they are complaining about that too). I wouldn't have expected them to pay for the whole thing. Just whatever they thought they could chip in since they suggested that place..

I am going to look at other places that I can afford on my own even if they get mad about the location.


Thanks for the advice,

Honestly, I don't think anyone is attacking you honey. I think ou're having a bridezilla moment which we have all ahd and will continue to ahve.

I understand what you're saying about the complaints because god knows I have had MAJOR issues with my MOH (Ive posted them before) BUT one thing you need to remember both when you speak to them and when you try to convince you'reself you are in the right...

It is your wedding. Period. That means if YOU want puce green BM dresses, thats what you get and they need to button it. HOWEVER with that frame of mind comes consequences-mainly, if YOU want an expensive room, you need to pay for it.

If they had suggested it, then it would be fair for all chip in, perhaps even if it were a less expensive hotel, that wold be fairer for you to ask them. I am sure you family and friends don't mean to make you feel bad about the money, but you have to understand you are asking them to shell out ALOT of moola that frankly they would rather spend elsewhere. They agree to be BM out of love, but honestly, think about it.

We as brides are basically playing with barbie dolls on our wedding days; making them all dress the same, look the same, stripping of individuality. They do do it, so obviously they love us. Just learn to ignore the gripes. Weddings really seem to bring out the worst in everyone. It's just hard for a lot of people to just shell out cash for every little thing, especailly things that aren't completely necessary, like spending the night before in a hotel.

I'm sure they are happy for you because again, they love you. I think you're just a little sensitive about the issue at this point but just take a breath and you will be fine.

I feel guilty with this whole wedding. I feel like I put a financial burden on everyone, I know I shouldn't feel that way, but some of my BMs as well as my family members are making me feel bad.

That is a bit harsh. People should know that being an attendant means spending a bit of money, if they didn't couldn't afford it, then they shouldn't have agreed. On the other hand, are you asking too much? Are your dresses really expensive? That's the issue I'm having--I hate asking for people to spend on expensive dresses that, let's face it, they're probably not going to wear again. I tried to find dresses that we could buy from one of the online sites for less than $100, and I don't care what shoes or other accessories they wear. Doesn't matter to me.

That said, I do think it's a bit much to ask them to spend for a hotel too on top of everything else. Obviously some of your attendants are feeling the pinch, so, as you said, try to find a hotel you can afford on your own. Or can you do it at someone's house? Anyone have a place big enough? It doesn't matter where you are, just that you're together, right, and that you're fairly close to the ceremony location.

And if people are complaining, and you're upset: talk to them. Bad feelings aren't good for anyone, and they can ruin your wedding. Fuming about it alone doesn't do anyone any good.

Good luck.

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Posted by Regal Beagle

I in no way equate their care for me by how much they spend. They have been complaining about everything. I cannot even get my BMs all together to get measured for their dress.

Their lack of care and effort has offended me. Call it selfish , but I do not think it is right for the people in BP or my family to complain about everything. From buying a dress, shoes to having to take the day off of work etc. My brother is complaining about renting a tux. He is walking me down the aisle. I thought he would be honored! The complaining has made me sad and feel like they don't care.

One said 'you are bothering me too much about this dress'. Then I am called a Bridezilla!
The dress takes 6-8 months to come in. I don't think I am being unfair.

The least they can do is not make ME feel bad about it. Can't they not talk about it in front of me?

Yes, that hotel is over priced, but I only went there based on their suggestions for a good location for everyone (they are complaining about that too). I wouldn't have expected them to pay for the whole thing. Just whatever they thought they could chip in since they suggested that place..

I am going to look at other places that I can afford on my own even if they get mad about the location.


Thanks for the advice,

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There is no need to get upset...I mean you ask a question like that and we are just giving you honest answers...Don't ask for opinions if you only want to hear what you want to hear. You only told us about the hotel, we don't know all the background information, we don't know how they've been acting, things that have been said and so on, we are only going on what you said.

Sorry that your bp is giving you trouble. But honestly this happens to ALOT of people. That is why they say to wait a little while after you are engaged to ask people in your bp, just to see how they react to your engagement and their attitude towards you. Peoples closest friends whom they never thought would act a certain way do so during the wedding planning. You can never predict these things.