Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
wishlist
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Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
I am just starting to plan my wedding and I am strongly inclined to just do it with my mom. I know there is no way in hell I want his mom there with me when I look for my wedding dress, finally find my wedding dress and have my fittings. His mom is just not my cup of tea-she is pushy, abrasive and wants to be way more involved in my life than I feel necessary and she doesn't respect boundaries. My mom, on the other hand, is polite, loving and respectful of boundaries. I just don't feel the need to involve her in my special day, because I know she will cause trouble and drama. She already told me she can't wait to be 'one of the girls' because she hasn't daughters and she has already said she would be hurt if she doesn't come to my bachelorette party. Uh, hell no. FMILs don't come to bachelorette parties. They go to wedding showers, but I am not having one, just cause it isn't my style. Has anyone else been in this pickle?
stephanielyse
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LBride
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
I did everything with my mom, sister and friends. I asked his mom to my final fitting (we happened to be getting alterations on the same day. Other than giving me addresses and grief, it was just me and my mama!
wishlist
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
His mom wants to help not because she likes me-she doesn't and I know that-but because she has a phobia about being left out of things. Not showing her my dress. In my family, it's a tradition that only the bridal party and the bride's mom see it. I am sticking to that. I am getting rid of the tradition in my family about cake smashing. I will not be doing that.
SReidy
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
As someone who has already had their wedding- the best advice I can give you is- although this is your special day- it's his too- and it's a special for both sets of parents also. Without her- he woudln't be here for you to marry. I think sometimes we get caught up in planning OUR wedding and always know when other people hurt our feelings but may not see when we hurt others. I'm not saying include her in every single thing but include her in some things- and maybe keep her informed- even if it's after you've booked something- just so she feels included. JMO! Happy planning!
Luvbsb4eva
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
See I don't really have to worry about that since my FMIL lives in Pittsburgh, and won't even be in NY until the wedding so she won't see any of the planning... however, she is so sweet and she tries to be involved so if she were here I would involve her!
In your situation I think it would be best to maybe just tell her about what you are doing, but don't necessarily bring her to everything like your fittings and such... try to just keep her updated so she feels like you are involving her but still keep her distant enough that she doesn't annoy you!
lol Does that make sense? It does in my head, but reading it back I'm not sure...
ant n tilde
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
Well, I think it is important to include my FMIL. I know when my brother got married, my mother and I felt very left out - basically we were just guests at the wedding with no information given before the event, and it was very sad. I don't blame my SIL for this, I blame my brother.
I went with my mom when I bought my dress because I thought she should see it first, but I am planning a whole day with FMIL. She raised FH to be a wonderful husband so I feel that I should include her. A wedding is not only about a bride and groom but the union of two families, and that is what makes it so beautiful!
In the end, it is up to you of course. But I think it is very important to include her. She will be a part of your life now and you it would be nice to start it off on a happy note!
Becks526
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
I think it's understandable that you want to go dress shopping with just your mom. That being said, there are other wedding-related things you could (and should) do with FMIL--while it's your wedding, she deserves to have some involvement. This could include going to the florist, helping with the menu, etc. Even if she's not your cup of tea, you are marrying her son and should make an effort to make her feel included.
snydl40
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
I understand you wanting to plan with your mom. I can also understand how your FMIL would like to be included because she doesn't have any daughters. I guess now would be the time for you really decide how you want your relationship with your FMIL to be.
I am not saying include her in everything, maybe just the fitting of your dress, invites, favors. She will probably appreciate it more than you know. If she gives you any grief, set your boundaries, and tell her how you feel.
luvabul
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
FANGIRL, used to post practically the same exact thing you wrote, and than eventually she got kicked outta the site, did you makeup a new user name??
wishlist
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
I have offered to go to a bridal show with her and to show her the menus, but she isn't interested in that.
babygirl71777
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
NOPE! i am doing that. i hate my FMIL and everything me and my FH want she doesnt like so i finally put my foot down and shes not helping or having any imput or say to my wedding what so ever.
AeroJenn
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
Posted by luvabul
FANGIRL, used to post practically the same exact thing you wrote, and than eventually she got kicked outta the site, did you makeup a new user name??
OMG I was thinking the SAME thing when I read the title of this post!!!
kat74
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
Posted by luvabul
FANGIRL, used to post practically the same exact thing you wrote, and than eventually she got kicked outta the site, did you makeup a new user name??
I think it is the same person-- I couldn't remember her name.
luvabul
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
yeah my point exactly ladies
Becks526
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
Posted by kat74
Posted by luvabul
FANGIRL, used to post practically the same exact thing you wrote, and than eventually she got kicked outta the site, did you makeup a new user name??
I think it is the same person-- I couldn't remember her name.
I thought it might have been the same person too.
portjeffbride
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
Posted by stephanielyse
And on a positive note, at least she likes you and wants to be a part of your wedding! So many women have MILs from hell who want nothing to do with the wedding planning.
heh, that is closer to my situation. My FMIL is just like yours... she would like to be included, but also is rather judgemental and difficult at times.....
No one other than FH really participated in bridal stuff, other than my mom and bridal party giving thumbs up or down on items online.
FMIL received our invitation (that I was really proud of, and was a bit of a budget splurge for us), and all she could do is critique the font used for our names.... it's all fine.
Do what you think is best. FH and I really enjoyed doing everything by ourselves!
anitsirk46
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
Not at all!!! Whether you love your FMIL or not, I think the planning is for you and whoever you want to help out, especially your mom. Its all about personal preference but maybe you can include her in the smaller things like any DIY projects that you can tolerate her for. That way, she involved to keep the peace but not in anything major. Hope that helps. Good luck.
korndoggie
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
Posted by kat74
Posted by luvabul
FANGIRL, used to post practically the same exact thing you wrote, and than eventually she got kicked outta the site, did you makeup a new user name??
I think it is the same person-- I couldn't remember her name.
I was thinking the same thing. If you aren't her, I am sorry for assuming.
Your mind is made up about not including your FMIL in any planning, so don't. You aren't asking a question, you are stating that you aren't involving your FMIL in your dress shopping and that's that. It feels like you are trying to stir up emotions in people for the sake of staring drama. FMILs are a touchy situation with lots of bride to be's as well as newlyweds. There is no need to try and anger people.
We are here to enjoy our wedding planning, FMILs or not. So please have a good time and let us have a good time without causing more drama than necessary.
Have a wonderful life with your FH and his mother. Lots of luck to you.
jny4eva
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Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?
I think it depends on the situation and relationship you have with your FMIL. I'm sort of in the same boat. She hasn't tried to be involved yet but we just started planning our wedding. I don't want her involved in ANY of our wedding plans. I'm going to do everything if not with him then my mom and bridesmaids. She's not helping us pay for it and she never once encouraged him to marry me (even though we've been together for over 6 years). He made the decision all on his own, if it was up to her he would probably stay with her forever. Ok enough venting on my end but like I said it depends on the situation. But in my opinion I don't think your wrong, it's your wedding and you do what you want to do.
