Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?

Original post by wishlist

Mar 09, 2007 06:27 PM

I am just starting to plan my wedding and I am strongly inclined to just do it with my mom. I know there is no way in hell I want his mom there with me when I look for my wedding dress, finally find my wedding dress and have my fittings. His mom is just not my cup of tea-she is pushy, abrasive and wants to be way more involved in my life than I feel necessary and she doesn't respect boundaries. My mom, on the other hand, is polite, loving and respectful of boundaries. I just don't feel the need to involve her in my special day, because I know she will cause trouble and drama. She already told me she can't wait to be 'one of the girls' because she hasn't daughters and she has already said she would be hurt if she doesn't come to my bachelorette party. Uh, hell no. FMILs don't come to bachelorette parties. They go to wedding showers, but I am not having one, just cause it isn't my style. Has anyone else been in this pickle?

july06bride Posted: Mar 13, 2007 01:47 PM

Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?

Posted by wishlist

Why is the onus always on the FDILS? Don't the FMILS have to compromise as well?

yes, but it takes SOMEONE to make the first move- and sometimes it has to be the DIL,
it seems to me that a MIL wanting to be involved in some aspect of her son's wedding IS trying to become closer to the DIL... no?

rkl1130 Posted: Mar 13, 2007 01:59 PM

Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?

My FMIL are pretty close, but she has not really been involved in the wedding planning. I have tried to involve her because she only has 2 boys so this is different for her, but she isn't reallly all that interested.

You should at least try to involve her--ask her to go visit the florist or something--so that she doesn't feel as left out. When you stand firm and hold your ground, she won't try to take over.

wishlist Posted: Mar 13, 2007 03:25 PM

Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?

I see her wanting to be involved in the wedding as well, just wanting to be involved in the wedding. It has nothing to do with wanting to be closer to me.

FullersBride Posted: Mar 13, 2007 04:55 PM

Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?

I'm sorry did someone hit the 'REPEAT BUTTON' Didn't we just do this a few weeks ago??? Man.......Some people have NO LIFE

Menmybri52402 Posted: Mar 13, 2007 05:17 PM

Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?

I'm sorry to drag this post on for all of you who are tired of it already, but I have a question. I love my mother-in-law and am already able to call her mom. We have an awesome relationship and I was just wondering how much do you include mothers/MIL in planning? There are some things I think should be done with a mother only...please let me know if I'm wrong. As it stands now my FH and I have done all of our planning. We picked the place (but took both sets of parents the night we went to book) and we booked our DJ without taking anyone to the appt. Are we wrong here? I was thinking we would book our florist and photographer by ourselves too but judging by some of your posts now I feel as if I'm being rude to my mom and MIL for not including them in more...Now I'm confused

wishlist Posted: Mar 14, 2007 01:52 PM

Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?

I would place my mom before my MIL in terms of doing bonding, wedding stuff. After all, it is your mom, FMIL isn't. Ask your mom how she would like to help out

MrsD06 Posted: Mar 15, 2007 10:39 AM

Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?

If your FMIL flat out told you that she wants to be part of your planning, then I think you should include her. Like others have said, you don't have to include her in every little thing, but allow her to feel a part of this. Even if she doesn't come to stuff, show her pictures of flowers you're considering, dresses, etc. It will probably make her feel good just to be included and aware of everything.

I'm from upstate so my mom (and dad & step-mom) were not able to be as directly involved in our planning, but I kept them in the loop as much as possible and emailed them pictures, etc. I know it made them feel good to be able to be 'involved'.

My MIL was awesome..she offered to go look for dresses with me, she went to visit photographers with me (when DH couldn't)..she was there when I had my make-up/hair trial done...we have always gotten along but it was so wonderful to get even closer to her during this

DananTodd Posted: Mar 15, 2007 10:52 AM

Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?

This post is still here??!!

wishlist Posted: Mar 15, 2007 06:20 PM

Re: Is it wrong that I want to plan my wedding with my mom without any help/input from FMIL?

My FMIL has not told me flat out that she wants to be involved, but she has hinted a whole helluva a lot. I ignore it, because I think she should be forward enough to come out and say what she wants instead of being passive aggressive