It looks like it might be over*UPDATE*

EDIT:
FH and I have not broken up. We live together and niether of us has left the apartment.
I am not wearing my ring right now because I want him to know i mean business and i'm not just throwing a hissy fit.

We had a loooong talk about his mother. He also had a long talk with his grandfather about her.

I am 99% sure that things will be okay. It's not going to be easy. And it won't be a quick fix.

But i love this man, and i do not want to lose him. I lost him for a year a while back...and it was the worst year of my life.

I honestly believe he is my soulmate. We are going to try our damndest to make it through the next few days. We are not going to call off the wedding or anything like that. No hot headed decisions. We're going to talk openly about our feelings. We're gonna see where we can go from here.

Hopefully the answer will be down the aisle.

Thank you so much for all of your support and advice. I have saved quite a few of the comments and the FM's to a file on my desktop to read when i'm feeling down or when i need a hug..

i would have been lost tonight if it werent for you. Thank you sooo much.

ok first of all

just breathe - however this turns out please have faith that it is for the best

now - how did FH react when you gave him back the ring?

I know it is hard but you have to fight for the man you love - even if it means putting up with horrible in laws. . .

are you okay? why do they treat you like that?

eta: your parents want you to be HAPPY i am sure they will get over the money aspect if you do decide to cancel.

Wait until you both cool down before telling parents, canceling hall, etc.

Hopefully you and him will be able to work it out. If you both love each other, you will be able to find a solution.

I'm sorry that you are going through this

Awww- I'm sorry you are going through this.

You shouldn't call it off though because of FMIL.

There would be like half the amount of marraiges if everyone w/ FMIL problems called it off...seriously.

It is about you and FH. I know you marry into the family and all, but it teally comes down to you two.

Call me if you need to talk, or FM me.

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Posted by ant n tilde

ok first of all

just breathe - however this turns out please have faith that it is for the best

now - how did FH react when you gave him back the ring?

I know it is hard but you have to fight for the man you love - even if it means putting up with horrible in laws. . .

are you okay? why do they treat you like that?

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breathing is the hardest thing to do right now...
i've already called off an engagement in the past, and i didnt care at all b/c i knew it was the right thing to do. i actually felt GOOD after calling that one off....
this time... i feel like i'm drowning.

he knows that my problems are not with him and that they are with his family. he doesnt seem to think i'm serious about calling it off. we live together, so even as i type this he's in the other room. it was a big family function today so he had to come along b/c i didnt want to be the center of attention. it wouldnt have been appropriate.

we live in a building owned by his grandfather, his grandfather and his mother are like ... i dont even know how to explain it. but i'm sure his grandfather has heard about the fact that i went off on her today, i'm sure he wasnt told why, and i'm possitive he hates me. we're actually waiting for the call telling us to move out.

his mother treats me this way b/c is crazy. she lost her long term lover who was basically my fiance's step father over 6 years ago to a sudden heartattack she has never moved on from this and acts as if FH is HER husband. he has been the man of the house for the past five years and now that she's not his number one priority all hell is breaking loose.

she hates me b/c i've taken him away from her. she even went so far as to call me a home wrecking wh0re.

i am not okay....

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Posted by ChristineAaron08

Awww- I'm sorry you are going through this.

You shouldn't call it off though because of FMIL.

There would be like half the amount of marraiges if everyone w/ FMIL problems called it off...seriously.

It is about you and FH. I know you marry into the family and all, but it teally comes down to you two.

Call me if you need to talk, or FM me.

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My brother felt the same way when he got married... it's stupid to call off a wedding b/c of the inlaws. well 10 years later he is divorced b/c she kicked him out b/c of her mother.
i don't want that to happen to me. i'd rather just end it now before we own a home, and have 2 kids.

wow wow . Please dont do somethingt because of the in-laws. I am going through the same thing only the other way around.

PLease your FH loves you and you love him. Dont let anyone stand in the way of you guys. I'm speaking from experience. My mother calls FH every name in the book. I'm going to be licving with him.

Dont give stupid *** FMIL the satisifcation. She's not worth it.


Be strong!!

I am soo sorry your going through this, and that his FMIL has impacted your relationship so much. Have you talked to your FH about how he feels about this? I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you, but I really think if you love eachother then his mother should not be the thing to tear you apart, and I really hope he realizes that!

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Posted by rahana316

wow wow . Please dont do somethingt because of the in-laws. I am going through the same thing only the other way around.

PLease your FH loves you and you love him. Dont let anyone stand in the way of you guys. I'm speaking from experience. My mother calls FH every name in the book. I'm going to be licving with him.

Dont give stupid *** FMIL the satisifcation. She's not worth it.


Be strong!!

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i just can't handle all the bullsh*t that comes along with her. she lies to all her friends about us. she stands on her front lawn screaming about the fact that we abandoned her b/c we moved out. she expected FH to live with her for the rest of her life.
She owns our car, so now she said she's taking it off the road. She told her father to kick us out of our place, i'm sure he will. She is going to make my life a living hell, which she's already done.

i love him, but i can only take so much

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Posted by Future_Mr_andMrs_Palomino

I am soo sorry your going through this, and that his FMIL has impacted your relationship so much. Have you talked to your FH about how he feels about this? I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you, but I really think if you love eachother then his mother should not be the thing to tear you apart, and I really hope he realizes that!

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I feel like I have to make him choose and I don't want to do that. She might be a f uckin biotch but she's still his mother.
i just cant have anything to do with her anymore.

if we do get married, she is not welcome there, she will have no contact with our future children... i will not attend her funeral.

she has had her friends threaten to kill me in the past. she's just so f'd up i cant even tell you all the stuff she's done.

it's not like FMIL and I got into a tiff and i want to call it off b/c of that.

she makes every day feel like I'm living a Springer Episode.

Another reply. Your FMIL is ******** lonely and miserable. MY mom is the same way. She is upset because FH and I are getting married. She said so many bad things about him to other people and this has been going on for 5 yrs now. I wanted to call of the wedding so many times but when I sit down and think about it : My mother has lived her life already and now it's my turn to live with FH.

If i do what she says, then I will never be happy in life and neither will she.

TAKKE THAT RING BACK!! AND make sure that FH stands by you all the way IF you know for a fact that he is with you through out this, dont give up on him because of them.

I told my FH, I could give a rats *** if my mother doesnt like you. You make me happy and we're gonna show them we DONT need them.

I KNOW excatly what you are going through. PLease dont do anything hasty. IF you need to talk more FM me.

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Posted by bemyyoko

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Posted by rahana316

wow wow . Please dont do somethingt because of the in-laws. I am going through the same thing only the other way around.

PLease your FH loves you and you love him. Dont let anyone stand in the way of you guys. I'm speaking from experience. My mother calls FH every name in the book. I'm going to be licving with him.

Dont give stupid *** FMIL the satisifcation. She's not worth it.


Be strong!!

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i just can't handle all the bullsh*t that comes along with her. she lies to all her friends about us. she stands on her front lawn screaming about the fact that we abandoned her b/c we moved out. she expected FH to live with her for the rest of her life.
She owns our car, so now she said she's taking it off the road. She told her father to kick us out of our place, i'm sure he will. She is going to make my life a living hell, which she's already done.

i love him, but i can only take so much

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My mother does the same thing. Says that FH is doing drugs and he's a piece of garbage, etc. She is making HIS life a living hell and he doesnt give a ****. And you should either.

IT's time to move on with your life miss. MY heart aches for you because I know how you feel.

Dont depend on her. Save up money and get your own place. That is what we are doing. Looking for a house 10 million miles away from my house.

*HUGS TO YOU*

Sending a hug to you.

i think that part of the problem is that you guys are living in his family's home and driving his family's car

i know how hard it is to start out with no help but can you distance yourself from that situation? get your own apartment, get your own car. . . start a new life alone together

it this possible?

THEN he can see his mom when he feels like it and you guys can move on with your lives.

please please dont call off your wedding! if im not mistaken, i believe i remember you saying you had huge issues with her, and you have every right to be as upset as you are and even more. but please consider that there are ways to still make your marriage work as long as fh works with you. it is true that when you marry fh you marry his family, but YOU become his #1 priority. if you have to, move out of the apartment now so this cannot be used against you.

if it comes down to it, you just may have to not have her in your lives at all, as hurtful as it is. i dont know if thats an option though because i dont know how your fh feels. i have personally seen similiar situations where a parent relationship had to be severed for the marriage to continue, and succeed, which worked. i hate to suggest this as an option, and forgive me if it sounds horrible, but it is unacceptable for your fh to allow your mother to treat you that way and a choice may have to be made. if he is ok with ending the engagement because of it, well, he clearly chose her over you. he shouldnot have to choose, but she is creating the situation and if she is mentally ill, it will never be fixed. JMO

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Posted by bemyyoko

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Posted by Future_Mr_andMrs_Palomino

I am soo sorry your going through this, and that his FMIL has impacted your relationship so much. Have you talked to your FH about how he feels about this? I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you, but I really think if you love eachother then his mother should not be the thing to tear you apart, and I really hope he realizes that!

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I feel like I have to make him choose and I don't want to do that. She might be a f uckin biotch but she's still his mother.
i just cant have anything to do with her anymore.

if we do get married, she is not welcome there, she will have no contact with our future children... i will not attend her funeral.

she has had her friends threaten to kill me in the past. she's just so f'd up i cant even tell you all the stuff she's done.

it's not like FMIL and I got into a tiff and i want to call it off b/c of that.

she makes every day feel like I'm living a Springer Episode.

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Well I hate this lady and I haven't even met her! I can't believe she would be soo mean to you, you seem so sweet! some people are just so miserable that they can't help but make everyone else miserable too.. FMIL is the same exact way, shes been divorced twice and tells us all the time that we're gonna end up divorced too, but I just let her say what she wants and try to not let it bother me, I know its really hard to do, but I really think your FH needs to stand up to her and tell her to stop treating you this bad. He doesn't need to choose between you, but he does need to set boundaries for that evil lady!

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Posted by ant n tilde

i think that part of the problem is that you guys are living in his family's home and driving his family's car

i know how hard it is to start out with no help but can you distance yourself from that situation? get your own apartment, get your own car. . . start a new life alone together

it this possible?

THEN he can see his mom when he feels like it and you guys can move on with your lives.

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we're not living in his family's home... we are living in an apartment building that is owned by his grandfather. his grandfather does not live here. (he lives in a house down the road)
the car, well he's the only one who's driven it for 6 years. we just found out last week that it's still registered to her and insured under her name.

we cannot afford rent on long island... we looked for months, that's why his grandfather gave us this place b/c he knew we couldnt afford to move out on our own but we had to get out of his mother's house.

we are looking into buying a new car but FH needs a very large car for work, and if we buy a used car it has to have very low mileadge. everything that works for us, is too expensive.
FH would also have to insure the car on his own and since he's under 25 that will be so much more a year we can't afford that either.

we're not paying for our wedding, my parents are. so i cant even say we'll put the wedding on hold and put the money towards other stuff.. its not our money to use like that and my mother is ill so pushing the weddng back isnt an option.


your advice is perfect... we just cant afford to do it.

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Posted by bemyyoko
we're not living in his family's home... we are living in an apartment building that is owned by his grandfather. his grandfather does not live here. (he lives in a house down the road)
the car, well he's the only one who's driven it for 6 years. we just found out last week that it's still registered to her and insured under her name.

we cannot afford rent on long island... we looked for months, that's why his grandfather gave us this place b/c he knew we couldnt afford to move out on our own but we had to get out of his mother's house.

we are looking into buying a new car but FH needs a very large car for work, and if we buy a used car it has to have very low mileadge. everything that works for us, is too expensive.
FH would also have to insure the car on his own and since he's under 25 that will be so much more a year we can't afford that either.

we're not paying for our wedding, my parents are. so i cant even say we'll put the wedding on hold and put the money towards other stuff.. its not our money to use like that and my mother is ill so pushing the weddng back isnt an option.


your advice is perfect... we just cant afford to do it.

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yeah i meant to just leave the property that his family owns. . .etc.

but anyway that doesnt matter now - i understand that you cant afford it - FH and I will be living in my parents' ATTIC basically so we can get a head start

okay so if you two really DO get kicked out - what are your options? Can your parents help the two of you?

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Posted by Future_Mr_andMrs_Palomino

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Posted by bemyyoko

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Posted by Future_Mr_andMrs_Palomino

I am soo sorry your going through this, and that his FMIL has impacted your relationship so much. Have you talked to your FH about how he feels about this? I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you, but I really think if you love eachother then his mother should not be the thing to tear you apart, and I really hope he realizes that!

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I feel like I have to make him choose and I don't want to do that. She might be a f uckin biotch but she's still his mother.
i just cant have anything to do with her anymore.

if we do get married, she is not welcome there, she will have no contact with our future children... i will not attend her funeral.

she has had her friends threaten to kill me in the past. she's just so f'd up i cant even tell you all the stuff she's done.

it's not like FMIL and I got into a tiff and i want to call it off b/c of that.

she makes every day feel like I'm living a Springer Episode.

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Well I hate this lady and I haven't even met her! I can't believe she would be soo mean to you, you seem so sweet! some people are just so miserable that they can't help but make everyone else miserable too.. FMIL is the same exact way, shes been divorced twice and tells us all the time that we're gonna end up divorced too, but I just let her say what she wants and try to not let it bother me, I know its really hard to do, but I really think your FH needs to stand up to her and tell her to stop treating you this bad. He doesn't need to choose between you, but he does need to set boundaries for that evil lady!

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She was divorced as well. she was married to my FH's biological father when she was very young.he was abusive and they divorced early enough that FH doesnt even know him. She got engaged to her boyfriend after that and he moved in and raised FH and FBIL... they never married.

there is so much bitterness and jealousy in that woman b/c of this situation.... ugh.

honestly, the lady has no idea what boundries are.