It's been a while since...

I dont know,
So many people get divorced and you know that the marriage was a bad decsion to start with. Or they did it because they were pregnant.
I think it is not a solution, untill you have exhausted all of the other options

---

Posted by yelley77

I guess I'll start.

There is really only one reason that I would consider divorce and that is if my husband ever laid a hand on me our children. I do not think it is EVER acceptable to lay your hands on another human being.

I also have to throw in cheating. But I don't know that I'd consider divorce... I wouldn't be able to answer that unless I was in the situation.

---

Danielle we really are the same person!

This is excactly how I feel. My mom always taught me that I am strong and should never have to deal with anyone that can hurt me, will hurt me, or has hurt me. That is why I feel I know I would be out the door in a hot minute if my husband ever laid a hand on me or my children!! But if I did love my husband I would seperate and then try to get him counsuling...I don't know if I would ever really go back to him so it would prob end in a divorce but I would want him to get the counsuling for himself and so maybe in the future he would be able to have someone joint custody wiht our children

And cheating- its hard to say. I think it depends on the situation like you said

---

Posted by ant n tilde

---

Posted by yelley77

---

Posted by ant n tilde

i dont believe in it and it would never happen! everyone brings up beatings, drug abuse, cheating etc. BUT those are grounds for ANNULMENT in the Catholic Church, not divorce and I know it doesnt make a difference legally but I am more concerned with my vows before God not my contract with NY state

---

good point! I agree with the vows, thing. The reason I am marrying FH is because i know he would NEVER hurt me, never raise a hand to me, and so on. I was just speaking in general... not would you consider your FH for any reason. am I making any sense?

---

ok i guess its hard for me to separate that in my mind ( meaning divorce involving US and just divorce in general ) but i will try

I DO believe in it bc I know two people right now in my life that I love dearly that I wish and pray that they would get a divorce. How can you decide at YOUNGER than 30 that okay, well this is my life, i give up and I will be miserable forever. People have to take control of their own lives and make their own happiness. I DO believe that people get divorced too quickly and without putting enough effort into their marriage B U T I also believe there is a time to 'cut your losses' and just go - find yout happiness!!!

---

agreed, I just said that in a post. I think that sometimes people aren't willing to put as much strength and energy into a marriage that is needed. I don't care if two people are soul mates... life isn't easy and love is always work. It's growing TOGETHER, changing TOGETHER. No one is the same person they were a year ago and that life pricess continues until we die. We are never the same. I am different than when I met FH and so is he, but we are growing together... I think that is where a lot of marriages go wrong. People grow, but in opposite directions and by the time they realize it, it's almost always too late to be fixed.

i think its hard to really know what we would do in situations...What about couples who try for 20 years or more to make it work and it doesn't, its like how much more do you keep trying?

then theres ppl who after a year get divorced, so obviously they didn't try that hard so not talking about these situations

---

Posted by cbcf

---

Posted by yelley77

I guess I'll start.

There is really only one reason that I would consider divorce and that is if my husband ever laid a hand on me our children. I do not think it is EVER acceptable to lay your hands on another human being.

I also have to throw in cheating. But I don't know that I'd consider divorce... I wouldn't be able to answer that unless I was in the situation.

---

Danielle we really are the same person!

This is excactly how I feel. My mom always taught me that I am strong and should never have to deal with anyone that can hurt me, will hurt me, or has hurt me. That is why I feel I know I would be out the door in a hot minute if my husband ever laid a hand on me or my children!! But if I did love my husband I would seperate and then try to get him counsuling...I don't know if I would ever really go back to him so it would prob end in a divorce but I would want him to get the counsuling for himself and so maybe in the future he would be able to have someone joint custody wiht our children

And cheating- its hard to say. I think it depends on the situation like you said

---

two peas in a pod, me and you

---

Posted by ant n tilde

i dont believe in it and it would never happen! everyone brings up beatings, drug abuse, cheating etc. BUT those are grounds for ANNULMENT in the Catholic Church, not divorce and I know it doesnt make a difference legally but I am more concerned with my vows before God not my contract with NY state

---

ooo i completely understand what you are saying!!! i didnt know the catholic church says that is a grounds for an annulment. But it definitely makes sense it isnt like we were just not liking each other anymore

but if i was in the situation where my children or myself was being abused i would get an annulment as well not a divorce!

---

Posted by Espo22

i think its hard to really know what we would do in situations...What about couples who try for 20 years or more to make it work and it doesn't, its like how much more do you keep trying?

then theres ppl who after a year get divorced, so obviously they didn't try that hard so not talking about these situations

---

Aggreed!
I dont believe in living life and hating it! If you cant do anymore.. then I think it is time

---

Posted by Espo22

i think its hard to really know what we would do in situations...What about couples who try for 20 years or more to make it work and it doesn't, its like how much more do you keep trying?

then theres ppl who after a year get divorced, so obviously they didn't try that hard so not talking about these situations

---

I would not try for 20 years to save my marriage... I would give it as much time as I could until i was exhausted.... the time frame, I don't know. But I DO know it wouldn't be 20 years... i don't even think it would be more than 2 years...

---

Posted by Kimbalina

---

Posted by Espo22

i think its hard to really know what we would do in situations...What about couples who try for 20 years or more to make it work and it doesn't, its like how much more do you keep trying?

then theres ppl who after a year get divorced, so obviously they didn't try that hard so not talking about these situations

---

Aggreed!
I dont believe in living life and hating it! If you cant do anymore.. then I think it is time

---

secondly agreed

---

Posted by Kimbalina

But what happens as you change and 'grow' apart. sometimes people just arent the same???

---

great point. I mean the person you are at 20 will be completely different from the person you will be when you're like 50 years old, or even if you stay the same your husband can be the one who changes. Its hard no matter what

i mean with over 50% divorce rate then obviously people dont expect divorce when they're getting married or they wouldn't do it. A small percentage yes dont care and its like a sport to them but thats a small percentage.

---

Posted by yelley77

---

Posted by Espo22

i think its hard to really know what we would do in situations...What about couples who try for 20 years or more to make it work and it doesn't, its like how much more do you keep trying?

then theres ppl who after a year get divorced, so obviously they didn't try that hard so not talking about these situations

---

I would not try for 20 years to save my marriage... I would give it as much time as I could until i was exhausted.... the time frame, I don't know. But I DO know it wouldn't be 20 years... i don't even think it would be more than 2 years...

---

I know FFIL and FMIL tried for almost 5. and then it ended-

its hard bc i automatically think of me and FH and I think 'NEVER! NO MATTER WHAT!'

but i know one friend in a terrible relationship where he is never happy and has actually had suicidal thoughts. . . he is only 27! and has been this way for over five years - and we have to sit and listen to him complain and cry for hours on end and its not that we mind listening its just that if you arent going to do anything about it - why even talk about it?

And I have another friend in a relationship with someone who does not work and is basically high 24/7 ( we have no idea on what but its OBVIOUS ) and this is a successful BEAUTIFUL intelligent woman and i have ZERO idea why she would even put up with it . . . it is not like she hasnt tried - she has been struggling with getting him into rehab for over a year but he makes NO effort

both of these situations (IMO) i think it would be better for the people to separate and move on!

---

Posted by Espo22

---

Posted by Kimbalina

But what happens as you change and 'grow' apart. sometimes people just arent the same???

---

great point. I mean the person you are at 20 will be completely different from the person you will be when you're like 50 years old, or even if you stay the same your husband can be the one who changes. Its hard no matter what

i mean with over 50% divorce rate then obviously people dont expect divorce when they're getting married or they wouldn't do it. A small percentage yes dont care and its like a sport to them but thats a small percentage.

---

As I said in an earlier post... EVERYONE changes... it's human nature. I think that it's so important to constantly be communicating with one another so that when you do grow and gain more interests, or start a new job, or take on a new hobby, your husband/wife can be involved in it...

I know someone very close to me who is seperated and she never saw it coming, but we all did... in a year he was a completely different person and she didn't grow with him...

---

Posted by Kimbalina

---

Posted by Espo22

i think its hard to really know what we would do in situations...What about couples who try for 20 years or more to make it work and it doesn't, its like how much more do you keep trying?

then theres ppl who after a year get divorced, so obviously they didn't try that hard so not talking about these situations

---

Aggreed!
I dont believe in living life and hating it! If you cant do anymore.. then I think it is time

---

sadly though some people do that...i see all these women now in their 40's, 50's and even 60's getting divorced. They say they tried for such a long time but stayed just because and then finally realized ok this is going nowhere

---

Posted by yelley77

---

Posted by ant n tilde

---

Posted by yelley77

---

Posted by ant n tilde

i dont believe in it and it would never happen! everyone brings up beatings, drug abuse, cheating etc. BUT those are grounds for ANNULMENT in the Catholic Church, not divorce and I know it doesnt make a difference legally but I am more concerned with my vows before God not my contract with NY state

---

good point! I agree with the vows, thing. The reason I am marrying FH is because i know he would NEVER hurt me, never raise a hand to me, and so on. I was just speaking in general... not would you consider your FH for any reason. am I making any sense?

---

ok i guess its hard for me to separate that in my mind ( meaning divorce involving US and just divorce in general ) but i will try

I DO believe in it bc I know two people right now in my life that I love dearly that I wish and pray that they would get a divorce. How can you decide at YOUNGER than 30 that okay, well this is my life, i give up and I will be miserable forever. People have to take control of their own lives and make their own happiness. I DO believe that people get divorced too quickly and without putting enough effort into their marriage B U T I also believe there is a time to 'cut your losses' and just go - find yout happiness!!!

---

agreed, I just said that in a post. I think that sometimes people aren't willing to put as much strength and energy into a marriage that is needed. I don't care if two people are soul mates... life isn't easy and love is always work. It's growing TOGETHER, changing TOGETHER. No one is the same person they were a year ago and that life pricess continues until we die. We are never the same. I am different than when I met FH and so is he, but we are growing together... I think that is where a lot of marriages go wrong. People grow, but in opposite directions and by the time they realize it, it's almost always too late to be fixed.

---

danielle you said it perfectly!!!!

i think sometimes people jump into it to easily like hey we got into a big fight i want a divorce. No it shouldnt work that way. I will do all that i can i will put in 110% and more into trying. Marriage is work, loving someone at times is work .

but i also feel if you have exahusted yourself with trying and trying and hte other person is not giving. you should not have to be miserable your whole life and maybe a divorce is best. plus you will know later on that you tried your best and you wanted it to work and you cant be mad at yourself!

If I had gotten married it would have ended in divorce, thank goddddddd i didnt

I dont believe in it....
I think the only reason that I could ever agree to divorce.. Is hitting me or my children.... While yes I would leave him if he hit me, if he EVER laid his hand our kid abusively, I would be a widow cause I would KILL him!

Not sure about cheating, thats a situation I would need to be in....