It's been a while since...

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Posted by yelley77

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Kimbalina

But what happens as you change and 'grow' apart. sometimes people just arent the same???

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great point. I mean the person you are at 20 will be completely different from the person you will be when you're like 50 years old, or even if you stay the same your husband can be the one who changes. Its hard no matter what

i mean with over 50% divorce rate then obviously people dont expect divorce when they're getting married or they wouldn't do it. A small percentage yes dont care and its like a sport to them but thats a small percentage.

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As I said in an earlier post... EVERYONE changes... it's human nature. I think that it's so important to constantly be communicating with one another so that when you do grow and gain more interests, or start a new job, or take on a new hobby, your husband/wife can be involved in it...

I know someone very close to me who is seperated and she never saw it coming, but we all did... in a year he was a completely different person and she didn't grow with him...

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FH and I got together when we were FIFTEEN we have grown and changed so much and it was NOT easy bc we had such different paths

At first we were exactly the same - same family life, we even went to single sex catholic high schools. . . then he dropped out of college his first semester and started working full time while I went on to graduate top of my college AND get my masters. It was SO hard bc our heads were in different places and we didnt ALWAYS change at the same time, sometimes i had to catch up to him and sometimes he had to catch up to me - but in the end we worked through it. . . . i hope that we can always be like that!

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Posted by teenigrrl

i also think there are people who get married for all the wrong reasons, and that's why the divorce rate is so high. for example, one of our GMs, he got married in Sept 06, and got divorced less than 6 months later. him and his ex wife were together on and off for over 5 years, and had an extremely tumultuous time of it. they had been engaged 2x before, and were having serious problems before the wedding, but still went through with. who does that?? they were obsessed with each other, and it took them getting married to realize just how damaging their relationship was.

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I think that is also a reason why the divorce rate is so high. People shouldn't be getting married in the first place because it won't last!

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Posted by zoe282

Well i believe that life is too short to be completely miserable...so yes i believe in certain circumstances divorce is necessary. do i think I will get a divorce? no...no one goes into marraige thinking it will end....BUT that being said if i were ever cheated on, or we totally grew apart and hated eachother it could be considered. especially if there are children! Kids know what's going on and I can't imagine hurting their lives like that...so yes...in the long winded response if all other things fail....BUT i do believe that people give up way too easily. now a days it's too easy to quit....marraige won't be easy and if you go in knowing that it will help...you can't just give up at the first sign of trouble....

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well said, i agree with a lot of your thoughts!

Divorce is the last possible answer. I will do everything i can to work on the relationship b/4 i would resort to divorce.

When it comes to abuse, there is no second chances there and it is out the door in a second!

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by yelley77

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Kimbalina

But what happens as you change and 'grow' apart. sometimes people just arent the same???

---

great point. I mean the person you are at 20 will be completely different from the person you will be when you're like 50 years old, or even if you stay the same your husband can be the one who changes. Its hard no matter what

i mean with over 50% divorce rate then obviously people dont expect divorce when they're getting married or they wouldn't do it. A small percentage yes dont care and its like a sport to them but thats a small percentage.

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As I said in an earlier post... EVERYONE changes... it's human nature. I think that it's so important to constantly be communicating with one another so that when you do grow and gain more interests, or start a new job, or take on a new hobby, your husband/wife can be involved in it...

I know someone very close to me who is seperated and she never saw it coming, but we all did... in a year he was a completely different person and she didn't grow with him...

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FH and I got together when we were FIFTEEN we have grown and changed so much and it was NOT easy bc we had such different paths

At first we were exactly the same - same family life, we even went to single sex catholic high schools. . . then he dropped out of college his first semester and started working full time while I went on to graduate top of my college AND get my masters. It was SO hard bc our heads were in different places and we didnt ALWAYS change at the same time, sometimes i had to catch up to him and sometimes he had to catch up to me - but in the end we worked through it. . . . i hope that we can always be like that!

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I think that's great! FH and I have been together since I was 20 and he was 19...since then I was older so we made it through him being in college while i worked, 3 years of him going through law school...and it's funny to look back and see how much we've grown and changed. We certainly aren't the college kids that we were...(although I did like them) but it's nice to know we were able to grow together so far....

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Posted by AS

If I had gotten married it would have ended in divorce, thank goddddddd i didnt

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good for you, tiki! you stopped it before it got out of control! that takes a strong, intelliganet woman!

Obviously, it wouldn't be the optimal choice, but I do believe that there are many circumstances that warrant it.

My dad was married before, so if divorce wasn't available I wouldn't be here!

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Posted by yelley77

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Kimbalina

But what happens as you change and 'grow' apart. sometimes people just arent the same???

---

great point. I mean the person you are at 20 will be completely different from the person you will be when you're like 50 years old, or even if you stay the same your husband can be the one who changes. Its hard no matter what

i mean with over 50% divorce rate then obviously people dont expect divorce when they're getting married or they wouldn't do it. A small percentage yes dont care and its like a sport to them but thats a small percentage.

---

As I said in an earlier post... EVERYONE changes... it's human nature. I think that it's so important to constantly be communicating with one another so that when you do grow and gain more interests, or start a new job, or take on a new hobby, your husband/wife can be involved in it...

I know someone very close to me who is seperated and she never saw it coming, but we all did... in a year he was a completely different person and she didn't grow with him...

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this is what i am a little worried about...i am not scared that fh and i are going to get divorced we both have the same views about it. but we have such a strong communication connection since we never see eachother lol i just think when he comes home for good it is going to be alot of readjustments with living together and not leaving each other after 2 weeks (which i am very excited about ) but also fh is going to be growing and changing after getting out of the military. i know it is going to be hard for him to come back to 'civilian life' he always says it. but i know i will be there for him no matter what. but it might be hard our first couple months! especially since we will be trying to get used to what each other are like to live with haha

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by yelley77

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Kimbalina

But what happens as you change and 'grow' apart. sometimes people just arent the same???

---

great point. I mean the person you are at 20 will be completely different from the person you will be when you're like 50 years old, or even if you stay the same your husband can be the one who changes. Its hard no matter what

i mean with over 50% divorce rate then obviously people dont expect divorce when they're getting married or they wouldn't do it. A small percentage yes dont care and its like a sport to them but thats a small percentage.

---

As I said in an earlier post... EVERYONE changes... it's human nature. I think that it's so important to constantly be communicating with one another so that when you do grow and gain more interests, or start a new job, or take on a new hobby, your husband/wife can be involved in it...

I know someone very close to me who is seperated and she never saw it coming, but we all did... in a year he was a completely different person and she didn't grow with him...

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FH and I got together when we were FIFTEEN we have grown and changed so much and it was NOT easy bc we had such different paths

At first we were exactly the same - same family life, we even went to single sex catholic high schools. . . then he dropped out of college his first semester and started working full time while I went on to graduate top of my college AND get my masters. It was SO hard bc our heads were in different places and we didnt ALWAYS change at the same time, sometimes i had to catch up to him and sometimes he had to catch up to me - but in the end we worked through it. . . . i hope that we can always be like that!

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good for you and that is exactly what i meant. you are not always going to be on the same page, or wanting the same things, so it's important to be understanding and CONSTANTLY communicating. you put out the perfect example... he dropped out of school and you went in a totally different direction... had you not been good communicators, it might not have worked out!

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Posted by ant n tilde

FH and I got together when we were FIFTEEN we have grown and changed so much and it was NOT easy bc we had such different paths

At first we were exactly the same - same family life, we even went to single sex catholic high schools. . . then he dropped out of college his first semester and started working full time while I went on to graduate top of my college AND get my masters. It was SO hard bc our heads were in different places and we didnt ALWAYS change at the same time, sometimes i had to catch up to him and sometimes he had to catch up to me - but in the end we worked through it. . . . i hope that we can always be like that!

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That's what being in a relationship is all about. Growing with the person. FH and I started dating when I was still in college. He never went to college. I went on to get my Masters and now I'm back in school for a second Masters. He's been supportive of me from the start. Communication has always been important for us especially the first few years since we were long distance.

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by yelley77

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Kimbalina

But what happens as you change and 'grow' apart. sometimes people just arent the same???

---

great point. I mean the person you are at 20 will be completely different from the person you will be when you're like 50 years old, or even if you stay the same your husband can be the one who changes. Its hard no matter what

i mean with over 50% divorce rate then obviously people dont expect divorce when they're getting married or they wouldn't do it. A small percentage yes dont care and its like a sport to them but thats a small percentage.

---

As I said in an earlier post... EVERYONE changes... it's human nature. I think that it's so important to constantly be communicating with one another so that when you do grow and gain more interests, or start a new job, or take on a new hobby, your husband/wife can be involved in it...

I know someone very close to me who is seperated and she never saw it coming, but we all did... in a year he was a completely different person and she didn't grow with him...

---

FH and I got together when we were FIFTEEN we have grown and changed so much and it was NOT easy bc we had such different paths

At first we were exactly the same - same family life, we even went to single sex catholic high schools. . . then he dropped out of college his first semester and started working full time while I went on to graduate top of my college AND get my masters. It was SO hard bc our heads were in different places and we didnt ALWAYS change at the same time, sometimes i had to catch up to him and sometimes he had to catch up to me - but in the end we worked through it. . . . i hope that we can always be like that!

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you have a strong relationship and went through the growing pains so know it will work out. Unfortunately some people are just different. They dont accept somebody when they start changing and start saying 'you werent like that when we met' but part of it is growing together and adjusting to new changes all the time like you said.

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Posted by cbcf

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Posted by yelley77

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Kimbalina

But what happens as you change and 'grow' apart. sometimes people just arent the same???

---

great point. I mean the person you are at 20 will be completely different from the person you will be when you're like 50 years old, or even if you stay the same your husband can be the one who changes. Its hard no matter what

i mean with over 50% divorce rate then obviously people dont expect divorce when they're getting married or they wouldn't do it. A small percentage yes dont care and its like a sport to them but thats a small percentage.

---

As I said in an earlier post... EVERYONE changes... it's human nature. I think that it's so important to constantly be communicating with one another so that when you do grow and gain more interests, or start a new job, or take on a new hobby, your husband/wife can be involved in it...

I know someone very close to me who is seperated and she never saw it coming, but we all did... in a year he was a completely different person and she didn't grow with him...

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this is what i am a little worried about...i am not scared that fh and i are going to get divorced we both have the same views about it. but we have such a strong communication connection since we never see eachother lol i just think when he comes home for good it is going to be alot of readjustments with living together and not leaving each other after 2 weeks (which i am very excited about ) but also fh is going to be growing and changing after getting out of the military. i know it is going to be hard for him to come back to 'civilian life' he always says it. but i know i will be there for him no matter what. but it might be hard our first couple months! especially since we will be trying to get used to what each other are like to live with haha

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In my opinion, you'll have to work harder than most newlyweds, but if anyone can do it, you and Chris certainly can!

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by yelley77

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Kimbalina

But what happens as you change and 'grow' apart. sometimes people just arent the same???

---

great point. I mean the person you are at 20 will be completely different from the person you will be when you're like 50 years old, or even if you stay the same your husband can be the one who changes. Its hard no matter what

i mean with over 50% divorce rate then obviously people dont expect divorce when they're getting married or they wouldn't do it. A small percentage yes dont care and its like a sport to them but thats a small percentage.

---

As I said in an earlier post... EVERYONE changes... it's human nature. I think that it's so important to constantly be communicating with one another so that when you do grow and gain more interests, or start a new job, or take on a new hobby, your husband/wife can be involved in it...

I know someone very close to me who is seperated and she never saw it coming, but we all did... in a year he was a completely different person and she didn't grow with him...

---

FH and I got together when we were FIFTEEN we have grown and changed so much and it was NOT easy bc we had such different paths

At first we were exactly the same - same family life, we even went to single sex catholic high schools. . . then he dropped out of college his first semester and started working full time while I went on to graduate top of my college AND get my masters. It was SO hard bc our heads were in different places and we didnt ALWAYS change at the same time, sometimes i had to catch up to him and sometimes he had to catch up to me - but in the end we worked through it. . . . i hope that we can always be like that!

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you have a strong relationship and went through the growing pains so know it will work out. Unfortunately some people are just different. They dont accept somebody when they start changing and start saying 'you werent like that when we met' but part of it is growing together and adjusting to new changes all the time like you said.

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Well said Denise. That is what I was trying to say. if you (again, not you, just a general statement) expect your husband to be the same person you married 10 years ago, you'll be in for a rude awakening (JMO).

Def dont want it thats all I can say...
Cant really count my chickens before they hatch but i would do eveerything i can do to prevent it...


You never know...people can totally turn on you and change........Ive seen this happen before and fool an entire family...

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Posted by Mici n KC

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Posted by ant n tilde

FH and I got together when we were FIFTEEN we have grown and changed so much and it was NOT easy bc we had such different paths

At first we were exactly the same - same family life, we even went to single sex catholic high schools. . . then he dropped out of college his first semester and started working full time while I went on to graduate top of my college AND get my masters. It was SO hard bc our heads were in different places and we didnt ALWAYS change at the same time, sometimes i had to catch up to him and sometimes he had to catch up to me - but in the end we worked through it. . . . i hope that we can always be like that!

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That's what being in a relationship is all about. Growing with the person. FH and I started dating when I was still in college. He never went to college. I went on to get my Masters and now I'm back in school for a second Masters. He's been supportive of me from the start. Communication has always been important for us especially the first few years since we were long distance.

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Posted by cbcf

this is what i am a little worried about...i am not scared that fh and i are going to get divorced we both have the same views about it. but we have such a strong communication connection since we never see eachother lol i just think when he comes home for good it is going to be alot of readjustments with living together and not leaving each other after 2 weeks (which i am very excited about ) but also fh is going to be growing and changing after getting out of the military. i know it is going to be hard for him to come back to 'civilian life' he always says it. but i know i will be there for him no matter what. but it might be hard our first couple months! especially since we will be trying to get used to what each other are like to live with haha

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When your FH gets back into civilian life it will be difficult because he's so used to structure. I'm sure you know but he'll probably have quite a few jobs before he settles on something he likes. Just be patient and things will be okay

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Posted by zoe282

I think no matter what everyone will change. It's hard to know in your 20's how you will feel about things in your 30's and 40's....I guess all anyone can do is hope that the relationship is strong enough to handle people changing. Who knows down the line if you will live where you want to live, or when children come into the picture how that will affect things....I guess if you think about it too much it will drive you nuts!

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even just a few years makes a big difference. Now at 27 almost 28 i am so different than i was in my early 20's. I mean if we change we have to expect that so will our husbands.

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Posted by Mici n KC

I do believe in it and if I was cheated on that is grounds for divorce in my book. I just could not continue our marriage wondering if it will ever happen again.

And if I ever had a hand raised to me. Then again we wouldn't need divorce because he'd be dead lol

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I do believe you took the words right out of my mouth!

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Posted by zoe282

I think no matter what everyone will change. It's hard to know in your 20's how you will feel about things in your 30's and 40's....I guess all anyone can do is hope that the relationship is strong enough to handle people changing. Who knows down the line if you will live where you want to live, or when children come into the picture how that will affect things....I guess if you think about it too much it will drive you nuts!

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So true! There are a lot of big things that will be happening to all of us in the next few years alone - buying a house, children, new jobs, moving to another state, etc.