It's just a wedding...

That’s right, I said it. Just.
Just a wedding.

Not the “most important day of our lives,” not our “big day,” not an extravagant party where we have to please everyone. It is just a wedding.

When it comes to planning our wedding I have asked for little advice from our friends and family. When I come up with an idea about a detail our of wedding I share it with my FH and he generally has one of two responses “sure, great!” or “yeah, I don’t think so.” It is a pretty simple system. This method works for us, because I get to be swept up in all the little details that I think are great fun and my FH, Brian doesn’t get overwhelmed with 10,000 typefaces.

Before we make any wedding related choice you can bet I have googled the heck out it first. I check LIWeddings, chat boards and browse Martha and the knot galleries. I tear pages from magazines and bookmark dozens of blogs.
Whenever I imagined planning our wedding someday I always pictured lots of friends and family involved. The more we have gotten into the thick of things the more I prefer just going at it with internet and print resources. I don’t want my near and dear to feel that the only thing I ever talk about with them is the wedding, so I often only bring it up when asked.

This has backfired on a few occasions. A couple people have felt left out of the planning process, assuming I think their opinions don’t matter. They do matter, and I would love to hear ideas, but I don’t know where to draw the line with wedding talk. In the end I am confident that Brian and I won't make any “bad” choices, so we don’t get approval before booking vendors. It’s just a bouquet, just a cake and just a wedding.

This type of drama threw me completely off guard. I would have never imagined, in a million years, that someone would want to make a scene at our wedding. Or that someone would get angry about the design of our invites. It is just one evening, it is just stationery, it is just a wedding.

I wish I could issue a blanket statement to everyone that says:

“Brian and I are going to become a family. Our wedding day is the day that it will become official.

We would like you to come because we care about you and thought you would like to 1) see me in a poofy dress and 2) see Brian cry.

So sorry if you don’t like our invitations and think our food is gross, we love it and had hoped you would too.

Thanks for coming.

Love,
T & B

The wedding is not our big day. The wedding not the most important day of our lives. The wedding is not what is really happening on November 21st, 2009

November 21st, 2009 is the day Brian and I become a family. It is the day he becomes a husband and I become a wife. It is the day our family doubles in size with additional moms and dads, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews. It is a happy day for us, because it is the first official day of the rest of our days together.

Has anyone else had a hard time describing to friends and family that the wedding doesn’t really matter?

First of all, you are entirely correct. It is by no means the biggest day of your life, nor the most important. It's a big party to celebrate a life moment. But bigger life moments are to come.

Thankfully, being older, I'm not dealing with too many friends or family who have unrealistic views or overbearing opinions about how this day should go . . . . nor do I have them. It will be as perfect and as imperfect as any other day, with more flowers, music and fancy hair and clothes as the day before.

We'll probably remember and laugh about the things that go 'wrong' more and longer than the things that go right . . . . so think about, if in 40 years, you'll even remember why you worried for a year about what color your flowers were!!! But you'll remember the guest who passes out or moons the videographer!!! And if your cake hits the floor, it will be the best wedding story anyone has to tell for the rest of their lives!!

We can only hope that our dresses split down the middle, so that no one forgets what we spent that 3000 dollars on!!!

Take it all in stride, put in perspective, and know that it's just the beginning of everything bigger to come.

I understand what you're going through! often times i feel like everyone's dismissive to my wedding talk since they've been there done that....i get ppl that tell me....don't get married, you're making a big mistake..but they themselves are married. Or why spend all that money....elope....but they had a lavish wedding.

Look at the end, other ppl's opinion does not matter and do not plan your event around that. Make it personal and your own and if someone doesn't like any of the details.....tough noggies

Its your day (you and fh) don't worry about what others say or do and do what's best for you.

FH and I are planning the wedding. Although my friends and family have great ideas, its ultimately up to us what were going to do that day.

No worries

I would just like to say that you wrote that sooo beautifully and soo straightforward and I truely appreciate you coming on here and saying that!

I think you are completely right in your thinking. Wayy too many times either the bride or fam and friends get so wrapped up in the planning that they forget the true meaning of the wedding. We argue over pointless things that none of the guests will even remember a month after the wedding.

It is the coming together of 2 lives, a 'team' (something me n FH realized recently with our move)... you do what is best for the 2 of you and make decisions together, not with the help of 1000 other people (who in all actuality may not even be in your lives forever)

Thanks again for posting this! I think everyone needs this type of wakeup call once in a while

Very nicely said. You can't please everyone..it's impossible. It's also pretty impossible to have the 'perfect' wedding day. There is no 1 best vendor or reception hall. Just be happy with what you have: friends, family and your new life!

Thank you so much for posting this. I think it is so important for us to remember this. It is so important for us to remember that the MARRIAGE is what it is most important not the WEDDING. The wedding will be a moment in our lifetime. Our marriage will be our lifetime. I thank you for bringing this to our attention.

Great post and definately the truth! A lot of people get wrapped up and forget that the end of all this is the beginning of a very special relationship- something I am looking forward to. I am guilty of getting wrapped up in the planning process and because of it, I have decided to take a break and focus on my FH- if it weren't for him, this wouldn't be happening. Thanks again for posting this and opening everyone eyes!

This is why, for a long time I did not plan anything, didnt really put too much into my wedding because its not the actual day, its the marriage.

Good post!