LIWeddings.com
Post New Topic

I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

Original post by ourwedding9510

WARNING: This might be a long one! I apologize in advanced and I appreciate everyone's time to just even read this novel.

DH is Roman Catholic and I am Jewish (mom's Jewish, dad's Roman Catholic, but I was Bat Mitzvah-ed). DH's family hasn't really held it against me. Actually the first time going to dinner with the IL's my MIL told me 'we have no problem with Jewish people'. HAHA! Yeah, she's kinda a nut job. ANYWAY, MIL's family is as dysfuncational as they come. I'm not going to get into all her dirty laundry but it's definitely a family that you have to stay on your toes.

Well during our wedding week MIL's sister (DH's aunt) decided that she wasn't coming to the wedding because her husband had to have rotator cuff surgery that he put off 3 times already. Ok, you need surgery, understandable and I'm not a cold person BUT you don't know until the week of the wedding? DH's aunt doesn't call us or contact us AT ALL! She calls MIL to tell her that the husband isn't coming due to surgery and she MIGHT come, she isn't sure. We have FB, phones, emails, all access for her to contact us and yet she calls MIL. And these people are supposed to be grown up? (BTW MIL and her sister DO NOT GET ALONG IN ANYWAY! They pretty much hate each other and I don't mean in a sisterly way). ANYWAY, 2 days before the wedding the aunt calls MIL back and says 'ok I'm coming and I'm not sure about (husband).' Now it's a FREAKING family BBQ! Turns out she was only coming because Grandma and Grandpa yelled at her that she has to come.

Her daughter didn't show up at my bridal shower (after RSVPing yes) because she 'wasn't feeling well' and then the aunt proceeded to ask how much the plate was so she could pay for it.

He daughters didn't come to SIL's wedding because they had to work.

Now, I couldn't come to her daughter's baby shower because my closest cousin from Philly's bachelorette party was that weekend in the city and I planned the whole thing, on top of being a bridesmaid. That is the ONLY thing I have ever missed! PLUS, I didn't get an invite because she forgot about me, so I didn't get one until a week before the shower. Can we say B-List? So apparently MIL's sister had a HUGE problem with that and flipped out!

BTW, I need to add that for EVERY gift they gave DH and I for engagement, shower, wedding were all regifts from the daughter who didn't come to my shower/the one with the baby shower. EVERY SINGLE one was a re-gift! They NEVER bought ANYTHING new!!!

AND I have to say while she helped DH with my e-ring she fudged it up so much that I lost 2 diamonds, 1 within a day of wearing it and my jeweler said I was about to loose my center stone! According to him the diamonds are flawless but the setting was a half a** job! AND she talked DH into getting platinum because my wedding band was platinum (she looked at the wedding band). This woman is supposed to be in the jewelry field and anyone can tell my wedding band is white gold not platinum.

Now to present day. The other daugther just got engaged. I planned on going with DH to his cousins engagement party since she and him were close when they were younger and she tends to s*ck less then her mom and sister. THEN last week I found out that there is a list at his uncles house (MIL's brother who is pretty much butt buddies with MIL's sister) of everyone's names and excuses on why they won't be coming to the engagement party. I even made the list but instead of my name they put 'The Jew'. I would think it's a joke except for things that they say all the time before they knew I was Jewish. Grandma and Grandpa didn't come to our engagement party before they got to know me because their grandson was marrying a Jewish girl.

I am so sorry this is long and TRUST me I can go on and on about how many more bad things they have done to me as an individual or to DH's family. I thank you for reading the LONG vent and applaude those who read the whole thing! I'm not even proof reading it since it's too long HAHA!

So my question is...should I go to the engagement party? MIL isn't going because of many different reason, the list being one of them being that her sister helped their brother make it. The excuse next to 'The Jew' says 'sinus infection'. I'm insulted that they would even make this list but then to be called 'The Jew' is uncalled for. What would you do?

Thanks again!

IrinaBNY Posted:

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

I'm sorry.. but as someone who is Jewish.. I am insulted for you!!!! HOW DARE THEY!!!!!!!!!!! If I were you, I definately would NOT go.. and not only that, but I would call them up and tell them off!!! UGHHH!!!

MrsInglima Posted:

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

If your DH is still close with his cousin I would go and purposely ignore her mother and the rest of the offending parties the whole time because they are not worth your time and energy. Should they come up and talk to you I would address it directly and with a big smile say, 'Aren't you surprised I'm here? I don't have a sinus infection and despite being Jewish I managed to come!'

If your DH is not still close with his cousin I would not go and never talk to them ever again. Ever. They don't need an RSVP. They don't need a phone call. Just ignore forever.
JessNicole7EM Posted:

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

don't rsvp, don't show up.

JessNicole7EM Posted:

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

Posted by JessNicole7EM

don't rsvp, don't show up.


Oh and give them a card, no gift.

Sorry I'm spiteful and this is f-d up.
flibbertigibbet Posted:

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

... I still can't believe this. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
CaseyCase Posted:

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

OMG this is crazyy that is so mean! Unless it really means a lot to DH to go I wouldn't go and in all honesty I would separate myself from these people. You dont need them, they will only be a nuisance to you and DH a nd think would you want to raise your children around these people? Do you want to spend time/money on them? I wouldn't but thats me! Unless they are reall important to DH they would be so cut.

ourwedding9510 Posted:

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

Thank you so much girls! I really appreciate all the help and support you guys have given throughout all of this. It's literally all I could think about. I spoke to DH last night and he is going to contact his cousin and tell her we are not coming to the engagement party. As for his aunt and uncle we are going to wait until MIL gets back to talk to her. I have told him though that if someone does not take care of it from his family, I will be taking care of it and he probably won't like how I take care of it.

Thank you again girls. It was nice to have people to talk to about this, besides DH and my parents. I've put up with a lot of 'Jewish' comments growing up but I have never experienced it from family until DH. It's heartbreaking to think that people still think this way. My grandparents didn't go to my parents wedding because my mom married a Catholic man but that was in 1974, you would think people wouldn't be as ignorant today. My grandparents later apologized to my father and said they were wrong. There have been other instances that have happened that I know of on my mom's side with my Jewish family not excepting my Catholic family but never the other way around. It really it's pathetic and I don't associate with the family that has put down my dad so I don't intend on ever associating with people who put down my religion.

Thank you again girls.! I just can't seem to thank you enough!
fdnybride163 Posted:

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

Posted by ourwedding9510

Thank you so much girls! I really appreciate all the help and support you guys have given throughout all of this. It's literally all I could think about. I spoke to DH last night and he is going to contact his cousin and tell her we are not coming to the engagement party. As for his aunt and uncle we are going to wait until MIL gets back to talk to her. I have told him though that if someone does not take care of it from his family, I will be taking care of it and he probably won't like how I take care of it.

Thank you again girls. It was nice to have people to talk to about this, besides DH and my parents. I've put up with a lot of 'Jewish' comments growing up but I have never experienced it from family until DH. It's heartbreaking to think that people still think this way. My grandparents didn't go to my parents wedding because my mom married a Catholic man but that was in 1974, you would think people wouldn't be as ignorant today. My grandparents later apologized to my father and said they were wrong. There have been other instances that have happened that I know of on my mom's side with my Jewish family not excepting my Catholic family but never the other way around. It really it's pathetic and I don't associate with the family that has put down my dad so I don't intend on ever associating with people who put down my religion.

Thank you again girls.! I just can't seem to thank you enough!


its so funny that you point this out. I agree that in this day and age we should be a helll of a lot more tolerant of other people and just accept them for who they are not what they are.

*my dad isnt exactly the most PC person in the whole world and he said one time I would never let you marry a _(fill in anything)__ man. My step mom turned around and said screw you, i would rather her marry a __(fill in anything)__ man who treats her like gold and worships her and provides for her then a white, catholic, ignorant redneck man who beats her and treats her like crap.

I never understood why one race, creed, or sex thinks that they are better than any other. We are all created from the same mold, the only time I judge people is when they piss me off and live up to the standards of the steroetype.

Reply to this topic

Log in to reply or quote a post.