J.O.P???

Hello all, I'm new to posting but I've read (ahem Stalked) along with you all for a while. Today I've hit my first problem. Although planning is going well, chugging along and saving along, My health has not.

Now nothing major, don't worry, but I really could use my FH's wonderful Insurance. Bad.

Do I dare Justice of the Peace it now just for the good Benefits? Again like I said no big major problem thank God, but it would save us a good chunk of money (Money we've been scrimping and saving for our dream wedding!)

Our Wedding Day is still over a year away, and I wouldn't want to move it up, the situation is for sure not that serious. But a sneaky secret j.o.p quicky marriage for Insurance? ehhhh I dunno.

FH is all for it, I think he just can't wait to tie the knot lol, and I am just dying to be his wife. But I wanted to become his wife on our Special Day, officially and in front of everyone. Not in a secret sneaky hide from everyone in our family kind of way.

Now if we don't do this, and pay out of pocket, it means scaling back somewhere in the Wedding. We have not been frivolous at all, so some kind of tough decision would have to be made (ie; cut back a lot on guests, or cut out limos, or buy a used dress, or some other big time cut back) but on the other had if we did do it, it would mean sneaking around, hiding it for over a year, and having 'the day' be slightly less special.



Oh decisions decisions...and did I mention I would have to decide and follow through with the decision in the next week at some point. Hey maybe it would take some of the count down stress off me?

Any help, encouragement, advice would be fantastical. Thanks Ladies

<3 Jax

J.O.P???

That's definitely a tough decision, and I'm sorry that you're having this situation, however serious or not.

I would personally rather have my wedding on a day that's meaningful for me and cut back in certain areas. There are tons of ways to save and still have a dream wedding! True, you may have to make certain sacrifices, but in the end, they're not going to make your day any less special or memorable. (I personally am not above the idea of buying a used dress.)

If it sounded like a more threatening situation, then I'd say you might need to consider the alternatives. But you're saying it's not a major issue, so I think you should just wait until your special day! It'll be worth it in the end!

J.O.P???

Do you live together? Maybe you could file as domestic partners and go on his insurance.
If not I agree with Lori. Scale back a little and have your special day.

Re: J.O.P???

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Posted by Lori0413


I would personally rather have my wedding on a day that's meaningful for me and cut back in certain areas.

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Thanks! My initial feelings are the same...such a tough decision!! ughhhhhh

J.O.P???

We do live together but his company requires marriage to be included on insurance. In fact it even specifies as a Male & Female marriage (craziness) lol...but that's a whole other topic of debate!

Sometimes I just think oh whats the biggie no one will know, I've even had friends who JOP'd it before the 'official' wedding and it didn't seem to effect their day at all.

In my heart I do want to just wait. FH just doesn't agree and I can see the good in the other side for sure.

J.O.P???

My FH and I have already said that if one of us gets a full time job with benefits before we get married, we will go to city hall and get married on paper. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I'm sorry you're going through a health problem. I'd definitely take advantage of his health insurance by gettig married on paper if I was you.

J.O.P???

Hi! FH and I have been secretly married since Dec for sort of the same reason. Only a handful of people know (my job since I work in Employee Benefits!) and my sister and cousin. It's been a well kept secret and everyone in the know has already forgotten LOL.

To be honest, i felt the same way as you, and struggled with taking away the 'specialness' of our wedding day. We hate having secrets and felt that maybe next April 26th wouldnt mean as much to us. But i have to tell you, it's been sort of fun having this little secret that no one else knows. It hasn't taken away the excitement of wedding planning and I do still think the day will mean just as much to us despite being married on paper. Uttering the vows in front of our family and friends, wearing the dress, having the big celebration - THAT'S what the special day is about. Not a piece of paper.

I completely respect the feelings of those that want to wait though. I would have waited too if we weren't saving money! Just speaking from experience that it really won't feel THAT different if you decide the city hall route. Sometimes i 'forget' too lol.

J.O.P???

I'm so glad to be getting feed back on both sides...makes me feel less crazy that I'm stuck picking one!

If I can't decide by the weekend me and FH are going to rock paper scissor for an answer...lol jussssst kidding. We'll flip a coin. lol

J.O.P???

If you do decided to JOP it, doesn't the insurance company usually require a certain amount of time before they'll start coverage? I believe it's usually three months, but some are longer. I would keep researching the pro's and cons.

Re: J.O.P???

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Posted by winnie52376

Hi! FH and I have been secretly married since Dec for sort of the same reason. Only a handful of people know (my job since I work in Employee Benefits!) and my sister and cousin. It's been a well kept secret and everyone in the know has already forgotten LOL.

To be honest, i felt the same way as you, and struggled with taking away the 'specialness' of our wedding day. We hate having secrets and felt that maybe next April 26th wouldnt mean as much to us. But i have to tell you, it's been sort of fun having this little secret that no one else knows. It hasn't taken away the excitement of wedding planning and I do still think the day will mean just as much to us despite being married on paper. Uttering the vows in front of our family and friends, wearing the dress, having the big celebration - THAT'S what the special day is about. Not a piece of paper.

I completely respect the feelings of those that want to wait though. I would have waited too if we weren't saving money! Just speaking from experience that it really won't feel THAT different if you decide the city hall route. Sometimes i 'forget' too lol.

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Now we all know too! Congrats!!!

J.O.P???

LadyReeRee, I didn't even think about that! Good point, since if there is a long waiting period JOPing it may not even be that useful since I need the coverage soon.

And yes, congrats Winnie52376 lol you've outed yourself! lol

Re: J.O.P???

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Posted by LadyReeRee

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Posted by winnie52376

Hi! FH and I have been secretly married since Dec for sort of the same reason. Only a handful of people know (my job since I work in Employee Benefits!) and my sister and cousin. It's been a well kept secret and everyone in the know has already forgotten LOL.

To be honest, i felt the same way as you, and struggled with taking away the 'specialness' of our wedding day. We hate having secrets and felt that maybe next April 26th wouldnt mean as much to us. But i have to tell you, it's been sort of fun having this little secret that no one else knows. It hasn't taken away the excitement of wedding planning and I do still think the day will mean just as much to us despite being married on paper. Uttering the vows in front of our family and friends, wearing the dress, having the big celebration - THAT'S what the special day is about. Not a piece of paper.

I completely respect the feelings of those that want to wait though. I would have waited too if we weren't saving money! Just speaking from experience that it really won't feel THAT different if you decide the city hall route. Sometimes i 'forget' too lol.

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Now we all know too! Congrats!!!

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I agree!! Congrats!!!

Re: J.O.P???

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Posted by sgf2

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Posted by LadyReeRee

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Posted by winnie52376

Hi! FH and I have been secretly married since Dec for sort of the same reason. Only a handful of people know (my job since I work in Employee Benefits!) and my sister and cousin. It's been a well kept secret and everyone in the know has already forgotten LOL.

To be honest, i felt the same way as you, and struggled with taking away the 'specialness' of our wedding day. We hate having secrets and felt that maybe next April 26th wouldnt mean as much to us. But i have to tell you, it's been sort of fun having this little secret that no one else knows. It hasn't taken away the excitement of wedding planning and I do still think the day will mean just as much to us despite being married on paper. Uttering the vows in front of our family and friends, wearing the dress, having the big celebration - THAT'S what the special day is about. Not a piece of paper.

I completely respect the feelings of those that want to wait though. I would have waited too if we weren't saving money! Just speaking from experience that it really won't feel THAT different if you decide the city hall route. Sometimes i 'forget' too lol.

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Now we all know too! Congrats!!!

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I agree!! Congrats!!!

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haha I LOVE this! Good for you guys and congratulations!

J.O.P???

LOL - thanks girls! And i better pray that no one i know is on these boards :) We all know how scary the internet can be!

And btw - coverage varies from plan to plan. My company issues coverage the date of the qualified event. Have your FH check w/his HR dept.

J.O.P???

Congrats Winnie!! LOL funny how you were all nonchalant about it, too

J.O.P???

Thanks Ladies!

FH just got home from work, he is all puppy dog eyed 'You don't want to hurry up and get married?' lol

so I'm sure we have a long night of debate ahead of us.

Re: J.O.P???

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Posted by Lori0413

Congrats Winnie!! LOL funny how you were all nonchalant about it, too

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LOL, thanks. Yes, i guess i was rather non-chalant right? I swear, it was a little weird for about a couple of weeks (and every time I have to fill out a form that requires me to check off married or spouse lol) But honestly, we still feel and act engaged and still have a big day to plan and look forward to. It really hasn't made a huge impact on the engagement processed and we have peace of mind now and saving some money to boot :)

J.O.P???

My brother and SIL did this last year. They actually weren't planning the wedding when they went to city hall and got married, but my SIL didn't have benefits and needed them. They didn't keep it a secret, my parents and I wet with my FH and one of my SIL friends but they didn't make it public to all the guests they invited to their real wedding. They still had a beautiful wedding day and I don't think any of the specialness was taken from it because they were legally married already. If I was in your situation I would JOP it, I wouldn't want to give up my dream wedding day because of medical bills that could have been avoided.

Good luck making your decision!

Congrats Winnie!

J.O.P???

My honey and I secretly got married too! We did it Jan 10 this year since our wedding is Jan 10 next year! With the baby coming his insurance was wayyyyy better and there was all sorts of taxes and fees to pay if we did a domestic partnership! Very few people know and we made it so low key we dont feel it'll take away from our day! We went alone, just us two and our officiant actually supplied witnesses. We wanted it to be about just us and it is kinda fun to have the secret! We are glad we did it the same month and day as our wedding the following year! Good luck whichever you choose! :)

J.O.P???

Just do it! FH and I were contemplating it even before we 'officially' got engaged because at the time I was unemployed and didn't have insurance. I got a job shortly after that offered benefits so it was a moot point.

Long story short: We looked into me getting on to his insurance since we live together and are engaged and now I'm on his insurance. His company is based out of CA so we have CA insurance and I guess there rules are different.


My thoughts are this: Thats just the piece of paper. Its just the legalities. I don't think it'll take away from your day at all!

My only thing is to really look into his insurance and get it DOCUMENTED that you'd be able to be added on BEFORE the open enrollment!!

Maybe you guys could do the JOP on your set date, but just one year before?

No one has to know!!

Good luck and keep us posted <3