When FH and I started planning for our wedding from the start I stated that we should have no kids at the wedding because our guest list was too big and we did not want any kids running around our wedding. The only exception was FSIL’s 3 kids because the youngest will be the flower girl, but she will be nine by then. Well FH stated that he’s nephew and cousin who live in the house should be there too and I stated they are too young (they are two and three) and these kids are a TERROR!
Well my point was proven the day of our surprise engagement party when FSIL brought her three kids, his aunt who came over an hour and a half late brought two out of her four kids AND the two year old and 3 year old were there too. Mind you his aunts older kids who are in the bridal party didn’t show up. I didn’t make a big deal, but everyone was told this would be a small engagement and please no kids. WELLL the kids ran around all night and caused a raucous all nite. That nite FH realized this was not going to work. VICTORY right? UMMMMM NO!
SO remember the aunt who came late, well I guess she didn’t like our no kids allowed rule and FH told me all the kids had to come. We argued and fought but no dice! I lost that one.
Now last nite FH tells me his sister whose kids are already invited stated that how dare we say the little ones can not come, they are not just kids they are family. When he explained that the only kid on my side in the wedding out of the 30 something kids in my family was my nephew and that we had an agreement to be fair, she proceeded to say there is a difference between cousins and nephews and since my family is bigger they have a right to invite their kids. ***!!!!! I was livid. So to make a long story short all SEVEN of these kids will be there and I can’t do anything about! They basically made their desicison and put FH in the middle of it and since he doesn’t like confrontation is reasoning was ‘We argued for over an hour and I realized this is a battle I can’t win with my family.’ I can’t even be mad at him cause his family knew this from the beginning but plotted the whole time to have these kids at the wedding. If I didn’t already spend so much money I would have called it off last nite! I’m sick and tired of people thinking this is a show!
And the best part is that her reasoning is that when the kids grow up and see pics of the wedding they are going to wonder why they aren’t there! Oh and it gets better how about ‘this may be the only chance they get to go to a big wedding’ since his other siblings will most likely not get married or have a big wedding! ***!! Since when did this turn into a production?! Ahhhh I can’t take it ladies, this is only the beginning Pandora’s box is officially opened!
MrsLarrea2B
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Re: Kids coming to the wedding!!!!!!!!
Posted by MrsLarrea2B UNLESS his family is paying for the wedding, there is no reason why they should have any say in this matter.
That's my motto....'If you don't pay then you have no say!'
Imagine how popular it's made me.
I really dont understand where these people get off opening their trap!
My mother is ready to disown me b.c of this, she even threatened NOT to come to my wedding. I looked at her and said, 'who said you are invited?' LOL. Lucky for us my dad broke up the argument.
JenBill61210
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Re: Kids coming to the wedding!!!!!!!!
Posted by jtgarsik
STICK TO YOUR GUNS. first: know (and assure ur fh even if he doesn't wanna listen) that any sort of drama will be forgotten about & the people who caused it will be over it the day the weddings over..
dh & i both have huge HUGE families with a million children..but we stuck to our guns with the kids...we made an age limit and stuck to it. the ONLY children that were there were the fg & rb's... their brothers & sisters weren't even invited...
we did get rsvp's back with kids included on the card when they weren't invited, and we called them right up very nicely and said 'i'm really sorry but due to the size of the hall & the amount of people we have to accomadate there's will not be any children at the wedding' ...we even had some people call US asking if there was a mistake on the invite(even though the rsvp card stated 'adult reception to follow )....
stick to your guns..and i will say - don't make any exceptions because THATS when people are hurt/offended...because they go thinking no kids were invited & then there's kids around...plus people are nervy with their 'well so -n- so is bringing her kids so can i bring mine??' - so once u make exceptions isn't going to open a whole new can of worms...
i wish u the best of luck with ur situation! and i'll keep my fingers crossed in hope this aunt doesn't just show up with her terror children...! i've seen that done before too!
TALK TO UR FH about everything & the way you feel....but don't fight! get a decision settled and everything will work out
argh this happened to my sister too. She is currently in the process of getting back her RSVPs for her wedding.. They invited her FH's friend and a guest... well for his 'guest' he puts down his young son! My sister was really pissed off bc she doesn't want any kids there, but now feels bad and feels she can't say anything.
JennyAPH
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Re: Kids coming to the wedding!!!!!!!!
I am only having my IMMEDIATE family (3 kids, one is the flower girl) at the wedding.. other than that its a No Kids zone. I feel really bad for you its seems like a horrible situation. If i were you I would put my foot down and say No Kids, end of story... but I guess its only fair to compromise with FH if he wants it... if not then you both should stand strong, the family will eventually get over it. Why should you have to first of all PAY for kids at this wedding and also be bothered by them running around like lunatics on your special night.
debzy
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Re: Kids coming to the wedding!!!!!!!!
I'd be upset, too.
First, you and FH have to be on the same side. He can't pin you against his family. You are his new family, so you two need to agree on a kids/no kids rule.
Maybe a good solution would be to hire a baby-sitter to watch all the kids in a nother room? At least during the ceremony, so they aren't running around or being loud during that part. Most likely you reception will be loud and nobody will notice a few extra children.
Hope this helps. Sorry you're having to go through all this!
jtgarsik
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Re: Kids coming to the wedding!!!!!!!!
Posted by JenBill61210
argh this happened to my sister too. She is currently in the process of getting back her RSVPs for her wedding.. They invited her FH's friend and a guest... well for his 'guest' he puts down his young son! My sister was really pissed off bc she doesn't want any kids there, but now feels bad and feels she can't say anything.
she shouldn't feel bad...especially if it was a guy who rsvp'd - he probably just didn't know she should just call him & talk to him..there are nice ways to go about things without hurting people's feelings & i really think esp. that he's a guy that he'll understand
peanutgal1
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Re: Kids coming to the wedding!!!!!!!!
People who want their kids to come to the wedding should be duly punished. At my wedding, certain children HAD to be invited. I put them to sit with their parents rather than at a kids' table. If they had been at a kids table, all hell would have broken loose and I would have been pissed. Instead, by making the parents sit with their kids, they had less fun and I didn't have to worry about baby sitting.
If anyone hassles you about their kids, just make sure that they know they'll be sitting with the little mosters during the reception.
Deeglasser
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Re: Kids coming to the wedding!!!!!!!!
i think a couple of things... first, it's all or nothing with children(and co-workers LOL)...
and if you include children in your BP, then i think they should be invited to the wedding- no questions asked (i know you didn't do this- but i have witnessed brides who did) i personally think it's just rude... especially if the bride picks out a dress for the child and expects the mother to pay and then they can't come to the reception- it's just not right. also, from another point of view, i can see that certain family members would be upset... it may seem to others like you picked who you liked better, or who was well behaved. kids are excitable and it's really not their fault... often times it's the parent's who lack disciplining their children at large functions! their the ones that need to be told to watch their kids and remind them of how their children should behave!!! (but i know often this isn't the case) also, i don't see how people can force you to invite anyone... especially if you are paying for your own reception. my parents are paying for mine, and if they told me certain people would be invited that i were opposed to, i really have no right to object!!! i would tell them to buck up for the extra kids!!! good luck! i'm sure it will work out in the end!
Deeglasser
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Re: Kids coming to the wedding!!!!!!!!
Posted by pa56
We had to have kids at our wedding because most of my cousins have children and since I live very near my family and see them alot, it would just create unnecessary drama not to invite them. But I didn't give any child under 3 a seat. The parent had to deal with the kid on the lap. No way was I going to give up space for someone that would be asleep an hour into the reception.
good idea! i'm having kids under 3... nice one!
meli722
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Re: Kids coming to the wedding!!!!!!!!
i had the EXACT same problem when i said 'no kids' to the wedding, my family said ok no prob well get a babysitter. FHs family RAISED HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL, that there was one point that i said u know what let your family win, they can bring their kids! but then i thought about it said said u know what im paying for this, my father paying for HALF of the wedding, and i never wanted a wedding with kids in it! when i envision my wedding, i def. dont see kids there, thats just me....so to you guys who are saying, let them win, and let them have kids when youre TOTALLY aganist it. i say dont let them win, its YOUR wedding, not THEIRS, do what YOU want, youll regret it in the end that youre not having the type of wedding you wanted.
eta: to also say some of FHs family members are now really cold to me when they see me and dont even do the small talk with me just hi how are you ok bye.....and guess what? i dont care lol, why? becuse its my day and i cant be a biotch all i want if they think iam, but i think its pety and stupid to not talk to me over something as small as kids to a reception that only lasts a few hours
meli722
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Re: Kids coming to the wedding!!!!!!!!
And also remember if you invite one persons kids, you gotta invite the others, because thatll raise eyebrows and questions as to 'why is my kid with a babysitter tonight and not theirs??'
the funniest thing for me is if i did that i would have 20+ kids there from ages 1-10,
FMIL said to FH ok we want kids so ill pay for them, then FH goes okay youll pay for melissa's families kids too, and she goes oh no no no only the kids on our side ill pay for!!!! FH is like well thats funny since her father is paying for EVERYONE at this wedding, not picking or choosing people!!!!...some people have ballsssss to say things, so i see it as i have balls to say things back, i always respect my MIL but i really cant stand the things that come out her mouth sometimes lmao.....as you can see im really ughhhh about this topic because ive gone through this for the past year
soontoobemrsk
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Re: Kids coming to the wedding!!!!!!!!
Are you paying for the wedding? If so, tell fhs family to f off and that the choice is up to you and fh and not up to his family. If the kids come, there will be no food or seats for them.
Sorry that was harsh, but I hate people who think they can run your wedding. It pisses me off sooo much
azailia
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Re: Kids coming to the wedding!!!!!!!!
i am so upset, i was forced into inviting kids...
i dont even want to talk about it..
mf2009
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Re: Kids coming to the wedding!!!!!!!!
Thank you for all your help ladies!!! I will keep you posted. I will be speaking to FH about this again, but calmly. Update to come soon!
meli722
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Re: Kids coming to the wedding!!!!!!!!
Posted by azailia
i am so upset, i was forced into inviting kids...
i dont even want to talk about it..
you should have done what i did when people tried to FORCE me, i said ok you can stay home with your kid then if you dont want to come......and guess what a few of them are still pissseddd but found babysitters all of a sudden and theyre coming and the rest ar4e still pissy and staying home with their kids, which is fine with me ...dont let people force you into anything you dont want on YOUR wedding day
GraceAndAdam
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Re: Kids coming to the wedding!!!!!!!!
although we were happy to have kids at our wedding, I can understand why you wouldn't want them. I don't know why people assume that they can dictate what should and should not be allowed at YOUR wedding. My own sister got married when my brother and I were little (around 10 and 7 I think) and she didn't even have us at her wedding. But you know what, my family didn't make a big deal about it. And as a child that missed a wedding, all I have to say is, big deal, I probably wouldn't have remembered it anyway. I can understand if your FH feels very close to particular children in his family and if it really means something to him to have them there. But if he's just allowing them because he's afraid of confrontation with his family members, then he should side with you and your wishes for YOUR day.
