LIW related

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Posted by oct.2004bride

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Posted by fashionhag

I just thought of this.

I think what causes the drama most is that let's say person a asks a question and person be answers in a way that is construed as rude. Then you have persons c, d, & e butting in saying that person b was rude. I think that it may be possible to avoid drama by allowing person a to fight her own battles. It's nice to stand up for people, but its also unnecessary.

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ok i hear ya BUT for an example Jenny2penny's post about that
chick that went MIA on her..I thought that was rude and wanted to say so!
I believe a lot of others did too! Some people are also offended
by comments made...
I think people back up what they believe..

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Oh, I don't know the post you're speaking of so I cannot comment on that one. but ya know what I mean.

Yeah i see somewhat BUT after reading that post that julz posted above..
I looked at it and wanted to comment back to her (the obnoxious poster)

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Posted by jozieb0925

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Posted by julz33

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Posted by oct.2004bride

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Posted by julz33

I agree with you...
BUT there are times when a person gives their opinion and is rude, or trys to force their opinion on everybody else, or make generalizations/assumptions.
Those are the opinions that annoy me.

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I am curious...can you give an example of this...
not trying to debate just interested in what is annoying

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I can't give a specific example because I don't want to hurt anyones feelings
Actually... I don't care...
here is the latest opinion that bothered me:
http://www.liweddings.com/chat/topic.aspx?ID=162042

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That is terrible!!!

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I was thinking about this topic, and I logged on to talk about this specific thread! This 'opinion' bothered me for days! Specifically because of the WAY she stated it. Extremely insensitive...and we are not talking about makeup here, this is someones mother! I am the first one to say that computer language does not always translate, but this person is just plain insensitive (and I'll tell her if need be!)

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Posted by fashionhag

I just thought of this.

I think what causes the drama most is that let's say person a asks a question and person be answers in a way that is construed as rude. Then you have persons c, d, & e butting in saying that person b was rude. I think that it may be possible to avoid drama by allowing person a to fight her own battles. It's nice to stand up for people, but its also unnecessary.

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This is a public forum...I don't think ANY response no matter how 'unnecessary'you may feel it to be is 'butting in'. If someone is being rude, I would expect that everyone call them out on it and no one should be fighting battles on here. That's not what this site is all about. People fighting battles is what starts the drama not someone letting a person know their comment was rude.

I think that there is a way to say things. It's obvious that everyone has their own opinions on things, but it's not right to badger someone with negative comments. There's just always a better way to express onself. Internet banter is SOOOOO impersonal to begin with, that you have to be extra careful sometimes, too.

Also, I don't mean to butt in or 'gang up', but I have to agree with Flaca's last post.

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Posted by FLaCaTaCa

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Posted by fashionhag

I just thought of this.

I think what causes the drama most is that let's say person a asks a question and person be answers in a way that is construed as rude. Then you have persons c, d, & e butting in saying that person b was rude. I think that it may be possible to avoid drama by allowing person a to fight her own battles. It's nice to stand up for people, but its also unnecessary.

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This is a public forum...I don't think ANY response no matter how 'unnecessary'you may feel it to be is 'butting in'. If someone is being rude, I would expect that everyone call them out on it and no one should be fighting battles on here. That's not what this site is all about. People fighting battles is what starts the drama not someone letting a person know their comment was rude.

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That may be the case, but if evberyone starts pointing out how rude someone is, then you lose the entire point of the post. Then its a complete thread hijacking and the original poster never gets his/her post answered. We have all seen that happen.

I definately think if people ask, honest opinions should be given. Otherwise, why ask? If I thought people were just sugar coding responses, I would not waiste my time posting. I want honest opinions, because I want to find out the truth. If something is not good or something, I want to know now, because I want to way the decision based on all opinions. I don't want to find out later, ON THE WEDDING DAY, how things truly were... if they were not nice.

I guess i just feel that if you ask for an opinion expect to get it...
and yes it should be done tactfully

interesting opinions

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Posted by fashionhag

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Posted by FLaCaTaCa

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Posted by fashionhag

I just thought of this.

I think what causes the drama most is that let's say person a asks a question and person be answers in a way that is construed as rude. Then you have persons c, d, & e butting in saying that person b was rude. I think that it may be possible to avoid drama by allowing person a to fight her own battles. It's nice to stand up for people, but its also unnecessary.

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This is a public forum...I don't think ANY response no matter how 'unnecessary'you may feel it to be is 'butting in'. If someone is being rude, I would expect that everyone call them out on it and no one should be fighting battles on here. That's not what this site is all about. People fighting battles is what starts the drama not someone letting a person know their comment was rude.

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That may be the case, but if evberyone starts pointing out how rude someone is, then you lose the entire point of the post. Then its a complete thread hijacking and the original poster never gets his/her post answered. We have all seen that happen.

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My solution for this is simple...Don't be rude to begin with. That will work, no?

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Posted by FLaCaTaCa

My solution for this is simple...Don't be rude to begin with. That will work, no?

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Not often enough

First of all, i checked out that comment made by Laur22 - OMG! That was plain NASTY, not an opinion, I honestly wanted to cry for the poor girl that posted about her moms dress, which i happen to think was a really nice idea -

Personally, I know that coming on here, and posting asking rfor opinions, is one of the only places that i can get an HONEST set of opinions!!

Jennifer

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Posted by divabride

When I first started posting here, there was a WHOLE bunch of drama going on. It basically escalated from opinions that a few brides shared that were not so nice. They were blunt and harsh in their statements, and it eventually caused a lot of beef between many brides. Eventually though, a few of these brides were banned from this site just because they stated their honest opinion.

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I remember this drama.....it was BAD

That escalated to a whole new level of drama....I think, in the end, honesty was not to be found, only a 'dirt clod' war of negative comments that were unfounded...JMHO

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Posted by HearzBellz

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Posted by divabride

When I first started posting here, there was a WHOLE bunch of drama going on. It basically escalated from opinions that a few brides shared that were not so nice. They were blunt and harsh in their statements, and it eventually caused a lot of beef between many brides. Eventually though, a few of these brides were banned from this site just because they stated their honest opinion.

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I remember this drama.....it was BAD

That escalated to a whole new level of drama....I think, in the end, honesty was not to be found, only a 'dirt clod' war of negative comments that were unfounded...JMHO

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The drama back then, IMO, wasn't about what i am talking about here..(ex. girls posting 'give me opinions about these shoes'). It was all about opinions that were not asked for!

But i agree it was a war of negative comments

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Posted by oct.2004bride

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Posted by HearzBellz

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Posted by divabride

When I first started posting here, there was a WHOLE bunch of drama going on. It basically escalated from opinions that a few brides shared that were not so nice. They were blunt and harsh in their statements, and it eventually caused a lot of beef between many brides. Eventually though, a few of these brides were banned from this site just because they stated their honest opinion.

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I remember this drama.....it was BAD

That escalated to a whole new level of drama....I think, in the end, honesty was not to be found, only a 'dirt clod' war of negative comments that were unfounded...JMHO

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The drama back then, IMO, wasn't about what i am talking about here..(ex. girls posting 'give me opinions about these shoes'). It was all about opinions that were not asked for!

But i agree it was a war of negative comments

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I agree... it is not the same as what you are talking about at all...... I think maybe (and I might get dlamed for this) some girls choose not to 'see' an honest opinion for what it is...an honest opinion...some girls (and guys) take it as a personal attack.

There are, of course, those who can not give advice or opinions tactfully.....

I would rather not post a reply than to lie.

If it's something liek 'do you like my dress' (and btw every dress I've seen on here I've loved) or 'what do you think of my centerpiece' and I'm not lovin' it, I don't post.

If someone says 'do you tink I should add sleeves to my dress' or 'do you think there should be more roses in my CP' and I think yes, I'll say so. After all, they are asking. If they wanted to hear something they liked, they could have said 'I think there are enough roses in my CP, who else agrees?'

But when someone is seeking advice on something and you can tell they feel a certain way yet ask 'do you think I should...' and I don't, I'll say it but I will try (sometimes I might fail) to be tactful about it.

Here's the thing - what if you were to pose the same questions to friends? Are they all going to agree? Or say 'well no, I think...'? It's the same here. If someone doesn't want to hear criticism, then don't ask for feedback. Simple enough. Sorry to be blunt, but we're all big kids here and should be able to handle it.

However I do draw the line at HOW criticism should be given. I think telling someone they are stupid or wrong or what they like are ugly is over the top. If you don't like something and you can't post it without being rude or thinking what you might say is hurtful, move on. I'm sure that person will get enough replies to help them out.

With that said, I hope this all doesn't tick anyone off!

Hmmm. I have this issue w/ 'computer language' - I'm typing, you can't see my face, you can't hear my voice. - And you don't KNOW me ......when you're posting, you're being yourself, you may be shy, you may be animated - or sarcastic or romantic or WHATEVER - but that can be taken SO many different ways by someone reading a typed note !
There is a lot of drama here and personally I think it's b/c there is just TOO much estrogen ! we're all planning, we're all stressed out on different levels, and we are all completely different people
I think you have to take this for what it is, a chat room. - It's supposed to fun, it's supposed to help - If someone says (types) something that offends you, skip the post, don't respond, - why do you need extra stress and aggravation from a stranger ?? (I get enough from my family !!)
But I really think it's a matter of how people interpret these posts. - if you don't want an honest answer, don't ask the question. - But really, if I see a gown or hairstyle I think is god awful, I don't respond to the post. - She's not asking b/c she wants us to tell her she has horrible taste, she's asking b/c she wants reassurance she made the right decision. - Maybe it's wrong of me, but I just can't bring myself to TELL someone I don't particularly like their gown, hair, makeup etc. - and really, who CARES what I THINK ??

I think that if I dont ask for an opinion , then dont give it...But most posts, probably 99% are asking for one in one way or another for an opinion...
For example...If a post says' heres a pic of me in my dress'...If I didnt like it, I would say nothing..If the topic said,'here's my dress..what do you think?'...thats different and I would probably be more open to giving an opinion that might not be what the person wanted..

I have a BIG problem with complainers...I can take what others say...If you cant..then dont post...you are not going to always be happy..simple as that..

I am getting tired of the sad ' why cant I vent' posts....because if you vent, and I think your being childish, I'm gonna tell ya so...so dont vent...and the same can be said about myself...If I vent and someone thinks Im a complete idiot for it, go ahead tell me...

If people take what's said on this site too much to heart then they need to get out of the house and get some more fresh air, because there is a problem...