So my little sister and I used to have a great relationship. Since she has been dating this guy, she has done a complete 180. She has been doing drugs, disrespecting my parents... and she has said some truely hurtful things to me and about me to people that I work with. It has hurt me so bad that I have pretty much been acting like she doesn't exist. I am so fed up with her drama and the fact that she makes up lies about me and my other familiy members to get attention from her boyfriend and his 'wonderful' parents (who are TOTAL enablers of their drug habits). I am scared something will happen to her one day but at the same time I don't like or respect the person she has become. She has not apologized to me and does not show any interest in my life or my wedding. The point of all this is, I don't want her to be a bridesmaid... I don't even want her at my wedding. Do you think I'm crossing the line by not inviting her? If a friend said those things to me... I would just write them off completely. I'm really sad about everything and really need advice...
dazey
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
wow i am in the same situation, same exact.. except that i am inviting her and she is a bridesmaid, and my problem is that i'm afraid she won't show up and my family keeps telling me that she isn't gonna show up! i'd say if you've already made the decision not to speak to her and haven't been, than there's no point in going out of your way to invite her and add stress to your wedding. as long as your family agrees with you than there's no question. i'd say really talk to your parents and see what they would do, they're not gonna lead you the wrong way.
Camroy
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
I wouldn't say you are crossing a line. I would really think about the situation. I can understand how you would treat it if she was a friend but she's not. She's family. Blood is thicker than water. My parents always taught my brother and I that we have to be there for each other. I know it must be hard for you. How will you feel if 3 years after the wedding you and your sister have a great relationship? Won't you wish she was at your wedding?
People get side tracked and do things that they regret. It doesn't mean your sister is a bad person and that she won't ever change back to the little sister that you used to have. It seems like you need to get her professional help.
It's a really tough decision...take your time.
Jaime321
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
I am a strong believer in the whole blood is thicker than water thing. That's why I'm so bothered by the things she has said about me behind my back to people I work with, and even my close friends. She has put this guy and his family ahead of her own family. I have tried to get her to go to counceling for years... but she refuses. I really think she is depressed and needs to be on meds or at least needs to see a therapist on a regular basis. I do think about years from now if things are better and that's what makes it so hard...
Camroy
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
How does the rest of your family feel? How long as she been on this path?
Jaime321
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
Everyone is pretty much exhausted by all the fights and problems she causes. My parents agree but they feel bad for her. No matter how much she abuses them, they just keep thinking of her as the baby. When she goes to them sweet as pie because she wants something they give it to her. Then when she betrays them again, they are fed up with her again. It's like a cycle that has been going on for well over a year.
Camroy
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
Perhaps suggest that you and your parents seek help first. It's gotta be hard for parents to be stern with a child and not melt and give in. You want whats best for your child but don't always act in a manner that will help them in the best way. If your parents and you are on the same page and have a plan of attack maybe you can break the cycle and get your sister help.
Jaime321
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
It's so complicated. She won't listen to us or let us help her. She keeps calling us crazy and liars and saying we don't want her to be happy. It's a really bad situation. I feel like my sister is gone forever
vmystique33
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
Im in a similiar position except Im having a baby and I dont want her to come to the hospital b/c she is a drama queen and needs the attention and she caused drama at the hospital when my other sis had her baby !! Im sorry you have to go through this !! Good luck and I hope things work out for you !!
stinenandy2010
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
Me too, I am in a similar situation w/ FH's mother. She's mentally unstable. But we kind of both realized that either way she is family and has to be there on our special day. If she misbehaves, she will be asked to leave.
As for your sister being a bridesmaid, it really depends on you. I don't know what she said or what has happened but remember years from now she will still be your sister and you may regret it down the road.
Ms.LatinBride
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
My suggestion would be to invite her as your guest. It's going to be hard because you're so hurt but she would probably take it much harder to know that she's not invited to her own sister's wedding. If she decides not to show up then at least you did your part in inviting her to your special day. She might not realize what/who she is hurting if she's into drugs. Be the better person in this situation.
Cruelty571
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
Why not ask her to be a bridesmaid but keep her as an *extra*. I've seen at several weddings that two bridesmaids walk in with one groomsman and it doesn't look bad at all. Just warn the other girls that they might need to pair up with a guy last minute. So if she flakes out on you, you still have an even party. And if she does come, she'll be in the bridal party and none the wiser. Good luck with your sister. I hope she snaps out of it before any real damage occurs. Also, maybe warn your bridal attendant that she might need to be escorted out if she starts causing any serious drama.
jtgarsik
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
Posted by Jaime321
So my little sister and I used to have a great relationship. Since she has been dating this guy, she has done a complete 180. She has been doing drugs, disrespecting my parents... and she has said some truely hurtful things to me and about me to people that I work with. It has hurt me so bad that I have pretty much been acting like she doesn't exist. I am so fed up with her drama and the fact that she makes up lies about me and my other familiy members to get attention from her boyfriend and his 'wonderful' parents (who are TOTAL enablers of their drug habits). I am scared something will happen to her one day but at the same time I don't like or respect the person she has become. She has not apologized to me and does not show any interest in my life or my wedding. The point of all this is, I don't want her to be a bridesmaid... I don't even want her at my wedding. Do you think I'm crossing the line by not inviting her? If a friend said those things to me... I would just write them off completely. I'm really sad about everything and really need advice...
From someone who had/and has drug/alchohol abusers in their family to another, i COMPLETELY understand where u're coming from....
BUT - understand that all these things she's doing, all these hurts that she's causing, are her addictions, not her heart. I had this issue with my father when i was deciding whether or not to have him walk me down the isle. I ended up having him walk me down and my mom give me away....and i have to tell you - i WISH i still would've had him involved in giving me away....because even though he's a different person now(drug addict/acholic and more), it doesn't change who he once was, and what we once had...and while he hurts myself & my family everyday, part of me wishes i would've shown him a little more love that day & had him involved a little bit more. I know it's hard, but the best thing you can do for your sister is just love her unconditionally....even if it's tough love. Regardless of her attitude now, down the road when she hopefully cleans herself up one day, she will most likely be entirely grateful and say 'wow - i cant believe that with all i was puting you through, you still found it in ur heart to include me in ur wedding..' like i said, i completely know what u're going through - and i do understand if u want to exclude her...it's called tough love - and it may just teach her something....BUT - just make SURE that you're SURE from the bottom of ur heart that u want to do this...because u don't want to regret it later.
Also, with all this being said - have u thought about having an intense sitdown with her & the rest of ur family and try talking to her??? If u ever need someone to talk to or vent to anyone that's been through all this crap feel free to fm me! it's hard watching someone u love go through all of this - especially when they dont see any of the consequences of their choices!!
Madorie
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
You are definitely in a quandary. Take some time to think it over and talk to your parents about the situation and share your thought and concerns.
if you think she can make it though your wedding day then maybe you can invite her to the wedding. She doesn't necessarily have to be a BM, does she?
Whether or not she's just a guest or a BM, talk to your parents and DH and make an agreement with your sister than bad behaviour will not be tolerated and that she will be asked to leave.
Good luck.
Camroy
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
I don't have any first hand experience (thankfully) with a person who has an addiction. I'm not sure how those interventions work but that might want to be something you look into. I strongly believe that you and your parents need to believe in the same course of action.
I agree with a lot of what the other girls have said. It's not your sister but the drugs that are causing her to be this way. It doesn't mean her behavior is acceptable but hopefully easier for others to excuse when she gets her head on straight. Believe in your sister and her ability to get through this. Seek professional help if possible.
I would try to include her as much as possible. If she doesn't show, becomes rowdy, those are always situations you can deal with at the time. Either way, you will be thinking about her that day. If she isn't there you may wish she was. If she shows and is disrespectful, you can designate some people (perhaps your bridal party) to keep an eye on her and ask her to leave if necessary.
You can ask her to be in your bridal party knowing that you won't be able to lean on her and that she might not pull through but that will be her decision to make. At least you will feel like you did the right thing by her.
jtgarsik
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
ps: i also know of a hardcore inpatient rehab facility that my cousin went through - feel free to fm me if u'd like the info. I know it's hard to think about, but u have to realize that it usually takes an addict to hit rock bottom before they want or even realize they need help...and them themselves wanting help is key to their recovery. Have u ever thought about making an anonymous call to the cops/narcotics about her drug possession???? i also know a pastor of a church out in westbury that specializes in interventions & getting addicts help... i wish u all the best with the situation
flairforfashion
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
First off, I don't think you are out of line to think of this. However, can you look into the future and say that you won't regret it? Also, how old is she? I mean, I have a lot of experience with this situation- please FM me. I may be able to help. It could be a phase. I hope your parents do whatever they can do to keep her away from drugs and this person she is with who gets her tied up into this.
jessnstu08
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
I know exactly what you are going through and I wouldn't make her a bridesmaid, nor would I feel guilty about it later. My cousin who I don't even speak to anymore was like a sister to me for 21 years untill she became an addict . I kept forgiving her for all of the terrible things she did to me and my family until she STOLE MY IDENTITY and i almost went to JAIL because of her. thats how low an addict will go ... despite all of what she did to me , I did not press charges because of the whole blood is thicker then water theory but i sure as hell won't have her in my wedding or at my wedding for that matter!!!!!
I understand it is the drugs and not her that are making her behave this way , but I wouldn't reward terrible behavior with making her a bridesmaid, which is an honor. You do have to suck it up and invite her since she is your sister and she hasn't pushed you that far yet , but no need to make a person , sister or not, part of your bridal party since she is creating so much drama for you
tough love is the way to go, the more a person enables an addict , the more they do not have a reason to get clean.
MrsInglima
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
I wouldn't have her in your BP. Considering how she has been acting, it is supposed to be an honor to invite her and she doesn't seem as if she would appreciate it. As far as inviting her to the wedding, I would still do it. Boyfriends come and go, but family is forever. One day (albeit, it could be a long time from now) you sister will probably clean up her act. When that day comes and she attempts to rebuild your relationship, you will regret not having her there. And in the case that she doesn't clean up her act, you don't want to have one more thing adding fuel to fire that you will never hear the end of for the rest of your life.
donegal419
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Re: LONG Serious Family Drama - I REALLY need advice
i am sorry you're going through this. i wouldn't make her a bridesmaid... no way! you'll just end up feeling hurt and sad in the probable event she doesn't follow though on things like your shower and what not.
I would have to say you'd be crossing the line if you didn't invite her to your wedding. that would be a bit harsh, IMO. it's your wedding and you would probably regret it later if she wasn't even there.
maybe you can try to carve out some alone time with just the two of you and see where that goes.
